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February, present day…

“Pizza’s here!”

Ronan called out, when the doorbell rang. He hurried toward the front door, where Everly stood gawking up at the pizza delivery driver and the six boxes he held in his arms.

Taking the boxes from the driver, Ronan handed the man cash. “Thanks for coming out, Kyle!”

“You got it, Mr. O’Mara! See you next week!”

Kyle headed down the stairs toward his running car with a Greek Life sign on the roof.

“Who wants what?”

Ronan asked, weaving his way through the kids and into the kitchen.

“Pepperoni!”

Little voices shouted at him.

Ronan set the pizza’s on the island and started opening the boxes. Pepperoni was on the top. He grabbed plates and started dishing out hot slices.

Ten and Cope set the food at the kids’ spots at the table, while everyone got settled in. Jace grabbed juice pouches from the fridge and helped Aurora stick the straw into hers.

Ten chaotic minutes later, everyone was munching happily on their slices. “What’s this big announcement you want to tell us about?”

Ten asked, his eyes on Jace.

“Well,”

Jace began, reaching for a napkin and dabbing at the pepperoni grease on his lips, “my team has finalized our plans for the winter charity gala.”

“Ohh,”

Everly cooed. “Last year we got to wear beautiful dresses for the Snow Ball! Remember?”

Aurora nodded. “My dress was so sparkly.”

Ronan remembered the day well. The light shining off Aurora’s beaded dress had nearly blinded him. He’d shot video of Aurora standing on Fitzgibbon and Jace’s feet while she danced with them. Everly’s gown had been equally impressive. Bubble gum pink, it would have given Glinda a run for her money.

“Are we gonna have another ball, Daddy?”

Aurora asked.

“Yeah,”

Ronan muttered, “we’ll call it Blue Balls.”

Fitzgibbon sputtered, nearly choking on his pizza.

“Having trouble with your sausage, Fitzy?”

Ronan waggled his eyebrows.

“Leave my sausage out of this,”

Fitz shot back, taking another bite of pizza.

“We could always call it Sweaty Balls,”

Jude suggested, barking a laugh, along with Ronan, who could barely catch his breath.

“Ew, Uncle Jude.”

Everly wrinkled her nose. “I don’t want sweaty balls.”

“Me either!”

Ronan chirped, gasping for breath.

“Okay, children.”

Jace said, his voice rising about Ronan’s hyena laugh. “There are no balls, sweaty, blue, or wrinkled. We chose a different theme this year.”

“What is it?”

Wolf asked. “I hope I don’t have to wear fancy pants and another tie.”

He rolled his eyes in a perfect imitation of his father.

“You’ll all be happy to know we’re going to the circus!”

Jace announced.

The table erupted with everyone speaking at once. “I love the circus,”

Everly gushed. “The clowns are my absolute favorite when they all get out of the tiny car.”

“Mine too!”

Aurora agreed.

Ronan cringed. He hated clowns with a burning passion he usually reserved for tax season and cauliflower. There wasn’t a big enough word to describe his years-long hate for pancake make-up, red noses and giant shoes. Knowing Everly loved them was a dagger to his heart. How the hell was he going to manage to suck up his ill-will long enough to snap creepy pictures of Everly with the painted nightmares?

“We had a bunch of ideas on how to do this without causing harm or offense to anyone,”

Jace began, “I didn’t want there to be any PETA demonstrations, so we’re going to limit the circus to human acts and possibly show horses in costumes. As much as I would have loved to seen the elephants and big cats, I sure as hell wouldn’t have wanted to see them in cages or shackles like Dumbo’s Mom.”

“I hate that scene,”

Ten said sniffling. “I cry every time I see Mrs. Jumbo rocking Dumbo in her trunk.”

“Me too!”

Cope joined in, sounding equally as sniffly.

“Moving along,”

Jace said, swiping at his moist eyes. “In the days leading up to the performance, we all thought it would be fun if the circus acts were interactive. Letting people learn how to swing on the trapeze or how to ride that tiny clown bike.”

“Like Homer Simpson when he went to Clown College.”

Fitz laughed.

“Something like that,”

Jace agreed.

“Goodie!”

Wolf rubbed his hands together. “I want to get shot out of a cannon! Remember we saw that, Dad?”

he asked Jude. “The daredevil flew through the air and landed in a giant net. I could do that. I’d need a cool name like Wonder Wolf! We could call my friend Cannonball Jackson! I bet he’d love to be a real human cannonball.”

Wolf’s dark eyes danced with delight.

Jude shot Jace a questioning look. “Are we really going to launch volunteers out of a cannon?”

He looked intrigued by the idea.

“If you’re looking for volunteers, I’ll do it!”

Ronan laughed. “I’d call myself Raunchy Ronan and wear sparkly pasties on my man nips and one of those speedos made from dental floss and a pirate eye patch.”

Jude gagged. “Can we not talk about man nips at the dinner table.”

“I’m more worried about the itty bitty, teeny weenie in the eye patch.”

Fitz snorted.

“I’ll have you know it’s not a teeny weenie! In fact I’ll need a heavy-duty tarp and rope to rein it in! Wouldn’t want to scare the women and kids.”

Ronan held his hands a foot apart.

“I’ll never unsee that.”

Jude grimaced. “I’m scarred for life.”

“Children!”

Jace said loudly. “No, there won’t be a cannon, although to be honest, I’m regretting that decision. I’d be more than willing to let Ronan’s happy ass ride the rocket!”

“I’d be a space cowboy!”

Ronan crowed.

“Yeah, for ten whole seconds before you smack into the safety net.”

Fitzgibbon rolled his eyes.

“Ronan, I say go for it!”

Jude said, with a chuckle. “Don’t let anyone stop you from living your space cowboy dream!”

“At least Jude loves me.”

Ronan reached for another slice of pizza. If he wasn’t going to be the human cannonball, he’d drown his grief and disappointment in pepperoni and bacon.

“No, Jude wants to move up the ranks in Cold Case. With you out of the way, he’d make sergeant in no time!”

Fitzgibbon laughed. “As a matter of fact. I’m with Jude. Live your dream, Ronan!”

“You all suck!”

Ronan said, his mouth stuffed full of pizza.

“Can we get back on track here?”

Ten asked. “The kids need their baths and I need my bed.”

He yawned. “I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in almost a week. I keep having this…”

Ten stopped, looking as if he hadn’t meant to say as much as he did.

Ronan wondered why Ten stopped short. It wasn’t like him to keep things from his friends, especially Cope, who was able to read Tennyson in a way that Ten couldn’t do for himself.

“What’s Uncle Ten having?”

Wolf asked, with his mouthful of pizza.

“A nightmare,”

Everly said. “It’s jumbled and messy like pieces of different puzzles dumped together.”

Ronan had hoped Everly would be able to get to the bottom of what was going on. It was freaking him out that his talented daughter didn’t know what was going on. “Do you think it’s stress from River’s upcoming visit next week?”

“It’s not stress that I’m aware of, but not knowing what’s happening in the dream is freaking me out. It could be a message about River, or you, or the Patriots winning the World Series, but I have no idea what’s going on and based on what little Everly said, she can’t see the answer either.”

“We’ll work on it together,”

Ronan said, feeling a shiver of worry slide down his spine. “River’s family is flying in next Friday.”

“Where are they staying?”

Jude asked.

“With Kaye,”

Ronan said, “although I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of sleepovers in our future.”

“I can’t wait to see Brookie and Baby Delta!”

Everly said.

“We get a whole week together!”

Aurora agreed.

Jace smiled fondly at his daughter. “Getting back to the circus. It’s being held two weeks from tonight. One performance only, but, like I said, there will be other activities during the week, being able to try the trapeze and getting your face painted like a clown. “The dress rehearsal for the show will be on Thursday, the afternoon before the circus performance. If you all are willing to pitch in, there’s some great jobs available.

“I could be the ring master.”

Jude’s eyes glowed. “I’d wear a read sparkly jacket and super tight black pants.”

Grabbing the salt shaker and holding it in front of his mouth like a microphone, Jude stood up. “Ladies annnnnnnd gentlemen. Children of alllllllll ages.”

“I love it!”

Jace grinned at Jude. “I think we’ve found our ring master.”

“ Master bater, more like,”

Ronan grumped.

Jude blew Ronan a kiss. “I think Ronan would be great with the clowns.”

Cope and Tennyson began to sing, “Send in the Clowns.”

“Over my dead body!”

Ronan folded his arms over his chest. His heart was pounding. Memories of the black and white clown from the circus when he was a kid played through his memory. Feeling his stomach lurch, Ronan took a deep breath, hoping to keep his five slices of pepperoni pizza right where they were.

“Don’t tell me you , Ronan O’Mara, the greatest detective since Sherlock Holmes is afraid of clowns?”

Jude wore a stunned look, as if he couldn’t believe his friend could be brought down by something so simple.

“The only good clown is a dead clown,”

Ronan proclaimed. He stood up from his seat. “Okay, kids, who wants to watch Nemo?”

“Me!”

Ezra and Lizbet shouted.

Setting the little kids free from their highchairs Ronan led them into the living room. He grabbed the remote and plopped down on the sofa with the kids piling in beside him. They loved it when he sang along with Mr. Ray’s song about the ocean.

Everly wrapped an arm around Ronan’s shoulder, like he did with her when she was scared. “It’s okay if you’re afraid of clowns, Dad. I’ll protect you.”

“You’ll keep me safe?”

Ronan asked.

“With my karate kicks!”

Everly hopped off the couch to demonstrate. “See! You’ll be totally safe.”

“You know what? I think you’re right.”

Ronan held his arms open for his daughter, who settled in next to him.

Ronan couldn’t help but think he should have signed up to take karate with the kids, instead of sitting in the parents room drinking coffee and trading chicken casserole recipes. Then he’d be able to protect himself and wouldn’t need his six year old to be his champion.

It had been over twenty years since Ronan last came face to face with clowns. Maybe they were gentler and kinder now that he was an adult with a family and job where he carried a gun for a living. He couldn’t possibly still be scared of people dressed in costumes with bright red noses, and tons of grease paint, could he?

Ronan pondered the question for a few seconds and didn’t like his answer one bit. Could he still be scared of clowns after all these years?

Yes, he fucking could be.