Page 19

Nobody at schoollikes Patrice much, but we all have to see her. It’s required.

Patrice is in her early forties with brown hair in a pixie cut and long legs. She’s not bad looking, but I don’t find her remotely attractive. Her office consists of several shelves of alternating books and dolls. (Why dolls? We’re not children. I swear to God, if we do any role-playing with Raggedy Ann, I am out of here.) She has a small desk in the corner of the room, but she sits in a chair that faces a sky-blue sofa. When I sit down on the sofa, I feel myself sinking into the cushions to the point where it might take me a good minute or two to get back on my feet. Maybe that’s the point.

“I want you to put yourself at ease,” Patrice says. “I want this to be a safe environment for you.”

I wish I were anywhere but here.

“Tell me, Abe,” Patrice says. “How has school been going so far?”

“Uh, fine.”

“Just fine? Not stressing you out?”

“I’m not on drugs, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Patrice raises an eyebrow, but who are we kidding? That”s why I”m here. I”m here because there is a rampant drug problem at the school, and they don”t want anyone else overdosing this year.

But I don”t do drugs. I would never. I don”t even drink, for Christ’s sake. Coffee is my worst vice.

Patrice crosses her long legs. “I just know how stressful medical school can be. I want you to know this is a safe space.”

“Okay, got it.”

“And if there’s anything you need to talk about”—she leans forward, as if she’s about to share a secret—“you can come to me. Anything you say will be confidential.”

“Great,” I say. “So… can I go now?”

Patrice frowns and scribbles something down on the little pad of paper on her lap. Then she looks like she’s underlining whatever she wrote. I can only imagine what it says. I don’t want to be labeled as uncooperative, but I don’t have time to get my head shrunk. I don’t need it either.

“Yes, Abe,” she finally says, “we can conclude our session. But please keep me in mind if you have any concerns in the future.”

I will never come here again.