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Phoenix

L ost. Confused. Heartbroken. Those are the emotions I'm battling now.

Do you know where you belong? Where you're going? I thought I did. Never in my life had I questioned that.

Until now.

I used to think my life would always be simple, uncomplicated, predictable. I thought I'd live out my days in my hometown with my small group of friends, my mom, and my sister. One day, I'd finish school, get a job, and settle down with a good guy. Until then, life was good. I was content.

Sure, nothing overly exciting tended to happen—some would even call that boring—but that was okay. I liked things the way they were.

Then, Mom got sick, and my world turned upside down.

She was always there for my sister, Raven, and me. She was the glue that held us together. She had to be since our father wasn't around. He bolted before Mom found out she was pregnant with us and didn't look back. She never mentioned him much except to tell us he'd made his choice, and it wasn't her. He got what he wanted and rode off into the sunset, leaving Mom brokenhearted and pregnant with twins.

One night, when things had taken a turn for the worse, Mom told us she wanted to tell us something important. Raven and I sat by her bedside as she told us a story—hers and our dad's. Mom told us it was hard to talk about him, that he was the love of her life, even though he'd broken her heart.

Elias West blew in one day out of nowhere on his Harley and knocked the breath right out of her chest. He was heading to Arizona to start a new life when fate landed him outside her door. The life he was running from was unbearable, and he had to get away while he could. So he ran until his fuel tank dried up, sooner than he'd expected and far from the nearest fuel station.

He was cursing the world when she appeared, fiery red hair blowing in the breeze. She helped him get to a gas station and watched him as his bike disappeared over the horizon. She thought that would be the last she'd see of the handsome stranger. Only minutes later, he returned, telling her his plan had changed. The universe had sent him an angel straight from his wildest dreams, and he couldn't leave without knowing more about her.

They fell in love in the short time they knew each other. Mom said he made her feel alive for the first time. He made her dream of leaving her hometown one day and starting a new life with him anywhere his bike would take them. He told her he'd lost all hope in the world until that fateful day the universe delivered him right to her feet.

The glow in her eyes as she told us the story was unmistakable yet surprising. Growing up, she always made it seem like our father never cared, that he didn't want her or a family, so he left. It always sounded like he was no good—a useless man who'd used her up and spit her out when things got too heavy.

The way she talked about him on her deathbed was so different. Until then, I never felt like anything was missing in my life, but once I knew the truth, it planted a seed of curiosity in me. One that grew as the days went by.

Our whole lives, Raven and I thought our father didn't want a family, so he split the first chance he got. We didn't know about his passionate love affair with Mom or the joy they shared. All we knew for so long was that Elias left and never looked back.

When we were born, Mom hoped he would return one day and see he'd created something beautiful. But as the years passed, she realized he wasn't returning. Mom knew she was on her own. It broke her heart so deeply that she locked it away and never gave it to another man.

When we started getting older and asking questions, Mom told us Elias didn't want a family. His lifestyle wouldn't allow it. I'm still not sure why that is, but Rae always took Mom's words to heart. Even after we heard their story and saw how in love Mom still was with the man, Raven wanted nothing to do with him.

When Mom lost her battle with cancer, I felt lost. I wanted nothing more than to reverse time and have her here with us, but that would never happen. She was gone, and with her, a massive piece of myself was too.

Weeks passed, months even, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing in my life, and it wasn't just Mom. After learning about my father, I couldn't help but wonder if she was right. Did he never want a life with her—a family? Or was he scared?

Maybe she was wrong, and he'd spent years working up the courage to return to her. Perhaps he still thought of her to this day.

It broke my heart to think of the possibilities, especially after Mom shared their story with us. They loved each other deeply, the way you only see in movies or read about in books. I've never seen anything like it in real life, but that kind of love does exist. It did for my mom once upon a time.

After she died, I couldn't shake this nagging feeling inside me that yearned to know more. More about my father. More about his history with my mom. More about where I came from— who I came from. The burning curiosity wouldn't go away. I had to find answers, or I'd always wonder about the man who'd shaken up my mother's life so completely, then vanished into thin air.

I keep telling myself that's why I'm doing this—driving from Albuquerque to Phoenix—I'm doing it for my mom. It's only to tell the once love of her life that she's gone, that she loved him until the very end. Nothing more.

I know it isn't true. A large part of me needs to see the man who helped give life to two very different young women. To see where we came from.

I always took after Mom in everything. I got her looks, temperament, and way with words and people. Raven took after our father in those departments, or so Mom told us toward the end. She's got dark hair, a love of tattoos, and a huge attitude. All inherited from the man himself.

I need to see for myself if he's the kind of man who would never want a family—never want us . That's still what Raven believes, but I'm not convinced. After Mom passed, Rae told me not to go looking for the "Jerk who up and left Mom alone and knocked up." She said it would only worsen the heartbreak. It would be like losing another parent all over again.

Even so, I need to do this. I have to find out if it's true.

Maybe he'll welcome me with open arms and tell me how happy he is to meet me. I'll never know unless I try. Raven may kill me for this, but it's something I have to do. I can't go the rest of my life without knowing. I need to know where the other part of me came from, even if she doesn't.

Elias West meant more to our mother than we ever knew, and I need to understand why. Maybe then all this turmoil inside me will finally be put to rest.

The bar's silhouette grows more pronounced as I coast toward the building. I learned through some investigating that Elias owns this little place. It's a good sign. It means he's still in the area, at least, I hope. Otherwise, the long trek I made to get here would be for nothing.

I know Raven will be pissed once she finds my note and discovers what I'm doing. She told me not to do this and said tracking down Elias was a colossal mistake. She said I'd only end up brokenhearted if I came here and looked him up. But I'm ever the optimist, and I have questions that need answering.

I pull into the nearly empty lot and see only a few motorcycles parked beside the building. It's another good sign. From my research, I learned that Elias is part of a motorcycle club called the Sons of Sorrow. The bar has a faded sign on the wall saying precisely that.

This has to be the place.

I turn off the engine as I try to psych myself up to do this. You've got this, Phoenix. Go in there and ask for Elias. Tell him who you are and go from there. The worst thing that will happen is he'll turn me away, right?

With a deep breath, I step out of my car and push my feet inside the dark building. The bright sun outside is a stark contrast to the darkness here. It's eerie and intimidating. A few men in leather vests are sitting scattered around the bar. They all turn to face me the second I walk in, including the young bartender, who looks friendly enough. I walk up to him, ignoring the uneasiness building in my gut.

"Well, hey there, sweetness. What's a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?" he asks.

Here it is, the moment of truth. I put on a brave face, standing tall as I approach the bar. "I'm looking for a man named Elias West. Do you know where I can find him?"

The second the question passes my lips, the bartender looks uneasy. He eyes me warily as he asks, "How do you know Elias?"

After a few seconds of debate, I decide the truth is the best explanation for why I'm here. Here goes nothing. My heart starts pounding faster as I say the words out loud. "He's my father."

I hear someone behind me choke on their drink. The bartender looks at them, then back at me before laughing. He's almost doubled over with tears in his eyes as if I told him the funniest joke he'd ever heard. Many of the other men are laughing as well. It isn't the reaction I expected, but it could be worse.

When the bartender finally pulls himself together, he tells me I made his day. He then asks if someone put me up to it, thinking this is some big joke by one of Elias's friends. I keep my composure, staring back at the man with a straight face.

When he notices my annoyance, he drops his smirk. "Wait. Are you serious?"

The other men's laughter subsides, and the air grows thick as I force out my response. "I'm serious. Elias West is my father."

The young man behind the bar eyes me again before looking at the men sitting closest to him. Silent communication passes between them before he looks at me and disappears into a room behind the bar.

I wait with bated breath as I hear him talking to someone. The seconds tick by as my pounding heartbeat thuds in my chest. After a while, someone laughs in the back room. Then, out walks the bartender and an older man. He looks familiar, like an older version of the man in Mom's pictures.

The new arrival wears an irritated face, one I've seen Raven wear a hundred times or more. Yeah, that's got to be him. Elias looks at me, annoyed at first, then surprised.

He squints at me as he approaches. "Who are you?" he asks cautiously.

I swallow the lump in my throat before replying, "I'm your daughter."

Hazel eyes the same shade as mine and Raven's look me over before their owner laughs heavily. "Nice try, sweetheart. I don't have kids. Made sure a long time ago that would never happen." He makes a scissoring gesture with his fingers, making the rest of the men in the bar snicker.

The uneasiness I felt earlier subsides and gives way to a wave of irritation. I square my shoulders and stare the man down. "Let me guess; you got snipped as soon as you got to Arizona? About twenty-six years ago?"

The smirk he was wearing seconds ago drops. "How'd you know that?"

"It would make sense. That's right after you knocked up my mom and left her on her own in Albuquerque."

Elias takes a broad step closer, his face forming into something unreadable. I swear I see his color drain slightly. "Who's your mom?" His voice is low and dangerous.

"Hope Hughes," I say, hoping her name will wipe away his doubts.

Instead, his jaw clenches and his face contorts as he studies me closely. That was not the reaction I was looking for. He starts to look more and more angry as the seconds pass. I knew things might not go the way I wanted when I came here to find him, but I never expected him to react like this.

A growl sounds in the back of Elias's throat, and the last of my bravado fades. Suddenly, coming here feels like a huge mistake.