Page 46

Luca just grips the “holy-shit-handle” tighter and prays harder as Rowan breaks into Long Road Home’s “Live Like You’re Dying Tomorrow.

” It’s distracting, as he sings all of Jay’s higher parts, too, and Luca is compelled to join him to correct the terribly offensive errors.

By the time Rowan slams on the brakes in the dusty parking lot of the gas station where they’re supposed to rendezvous, they’re shouting the lyrics.

His mates are sitting on a bench outside the gas station/convenience store, where Leo is eating ice cream.

He stops mid-lick as the dust settles. With a shake of his head, he stands and goes inside, leaving Luca an extra minute to gauge Jay’s mood, but he’s giving very little away.

He hasn’t even looked at them. It’s a dead giveaway of its own; at least, it is to Luca, especially given their less-than-subtle arrival.

“You coming? It looks like it didn’t go well at all.” Luca turns to look at Rowan as he asks, just to see him refusing to make eye contact.

“I can’t…I’m not…ugh. I’m not the best at this shit. You know that. What if I make it worse? Nah, I’m not moving from this spot.” Rowan makes no secret that he hates hard talks, but Luca had never heard him put it like that.

“I don’t think you can make it worse, Rowan. But maybe just me right now is okay, too. Do you want anything?”

“Nah. Gonna track the others while you do the hard work.” He wiggles the burner phone, which already has the microchip app open. “You get the old guys.” It’s flippant, but Luca knows it’s out of anxiety. It’s not the first time Rowan’s wolf has struggled when their Pack Alpha struggles.

“You say that like they’re ancient and not yours .”

“Sorry. I’ll stay here while you help my old dudes. Better?”

“Actually? Yes.” And with that, he pops his seatbelt and stumbles into the dusty car park.

Leo has come back out with a grape popsicle, which he unwraps and offers Luca. It gives Luca’s heart a tingle, which quickly disappears when he gets a close-up look at Jay.

There’s no other word for it except to say he is heartbroken.

He’s sitting ramrod straight with his hands on his thighs, likely squeezing bruises into them.

Sadness leaks from every pore, and the only way Luca knows to fix that is with a blowjob or a cuddle.

Since only one won’t get him time in a Florida prison, he does the second and saves the first one for later.

He just backs it up, and Jay accepts him on his lap, like he’s done for what feels like forever. The popsicle is cold, and the grape bursts over his tongue. It’s his favorite, so he presses a foot against Leo’s ankle to show his gratitude.

Jay rubs his forehead in the center of Luca’s back, between his shoulder blades, for a moment before whispering, “They’re dead, Luca.”

Dead? Like actually?

Wait.

There’s no need to confirm who Jay is referring to, but he spins so he can see Leo’s face.

He’s not ready to face Jay’s grief full-on yet, but this way he might get part of the story.

Luca has to assume neither of his packmates had anything to do with it.

And boy, what a life he lives now that it very well could have been.

Leo finishes the cookie part of his ice cream cone, crunching and chewing until it disappears, but he nods at the end of it, just once.

His alpha’s tears silently soak the back of his shirt, and he still can’t think of anything he can offer to soothe. He doesn’t even need the story to know that Jay is feeling misplaced guilt and no small amount of grief.

Not grief for the people his parents were, maybe, but for the possibility that things could have been better.

As long as the people who hurt us are alive, we have the opportunity to fix it. To hear them apologize or make amends, and to maybe let the burden of our sadness go.

Luca remembers that conversation with his therapist Ruthie well. He’d been so angry at the mere thought of forgiving his father, but time and freedom have given him the chance to have perspective. Not a different perspective, but more of one .

But now? For Jay?

He wishes it could have been different. He turns and hands his popsicle to Leo so he can slide his arms around Jay’s neck. He pushes his mate’s nose into his neck, pumping out as much soothing mocha as he can and still keep him conscious.

“I’m sorry, Jaybird.”

Jay draws a hitching breath. “Me too. Why is this so hard?”

Surely that’s a rhetorical question. Even though they were assholes—past, present, and probably future—they were still Jay’s parents.

“I hate this. We’ve been here too long; we should probably go.”

Leo stands and dusts off his weird, shiny pants. “I’ll go break the news to Rowan that his Driving Miss Luca days are over. He’s going to be so sad.”

Ha-fucking-ha. For sure, Rowan will be sadder about being ousted from the driver’s seat than he will be about the Rhodeses. But Jay is sure to need a smoother ride than Rowan Foster’s Grand Theft Auto style behind the wheel.

Climbing in behind Leo, Luca makes sure Jay’s seatbelt is on before urging him to rest his head in Luca’s lap as they head toward their temporary home.

Rowan makes not one iota of fuss about being demoted to navigator, just makes himself at home in his newly assigned spot, phone gripped tightly in his hand.

Luca is so proud of him; it’s like having the tracker app open eases his wolf, and that lets Rowan control the wolf’s output. Huh. Not bad advice, after all, Luca Wilde.

Belatedly, it occurs to Luca that he can’t smell his alpha, and even if it means he’s going to bed later smelling like a forest fire, Luca needs it in order to read Jay better, so he finds the edge of the scent blocker, intending to peel it away.

“No, Baby. Just…”

Jay just presses Luca’s hand to his neck instead.

Rowan finally turns to look at Jay over the edge of the seat. “Jay, you don’t have to hide your feelings from us.”

“Rowan is right. Please. Don’t hide from us. ”

Jay peels it off himself, and the flood of smoky pine fills the small SUV. Despite his assurances that Jay didn’t need to hide, it’s still a veritable flood of grief and sadness. Rowan opens the window a bit but still manages to keep hold of his anxious wolf and be sensitive to Jay’s struggles.

“Sorry. Sorry for all of this,” Jay mutters, lips grazing Luca’s thigh, his alpha’s nose pressing into the skin, as if grounding himself in the scent.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s shitty. No matter that they were…”

Rowan hesitates to call a spade a spade.

What a fucking hard line to walk.

“You’re right, Rowan. They were shitty, and they were still my parents.”

“Still makes it hard, though, right?”

Harder, maybe, if Luca thinks about it—and Jay clearly is.

“Right,” Jay sighs.

“What happened?” Luca asks, taking Jay’s hand as his alpha sits up to stare out the window.

“We talked to my mom,” Jay starts, but then stops and shakes his head.

“You don’t have to do this. Just let me tell it, okay?”

Leo catches Luca’s eye in the mirror.

“We met Miranda, and she was…better.”

Better? Whatever that means. There’s something Leo doesn’t want to say in front of Jay—or maybe at all—so Luca lets the obvious omission slide.

“She told us that James Senior was in over his head with Carnell, basically, and she apologized.”

Luca tries to keep his skeptical expression off his normally very “loud” face, but he must fail because Jay says, “She said she was sorry, Luc—and I believed her.”

Miranda Rhodes was just about as bad as it could get when it came to being a mother, or even a decent person.

“She was trying so hard, and she was scared. Scared of my dad. I have never seen her act like that before. Fuck! I should have made her come with us.”

“Jaybird, you heard her. She said she had to stay. That she would call us when she was ready to get out. ”

“I should have made her!” Jay slams his fist into the small window. It cracks so loudly that Rowan growls, and Leo swerves briefly into the oncoming lane.

“Made her?” Luca asks quietly.

“Yes. Then she wouldn’t be in a million pieces, with my father all over the fucking golf course!” He chokes the last bit out and sobs. “A car bomb took them out, and it’s my fault. She said I was at the center of whatever it was.”

“Doesn’t matter what she said. It’s not your fault. It’s fucking Carnell’s fault,” Rowan states emphatically.

Jay freezes, as if this is the first time his guilt has let him see past the immediate grief to the true perpetrator. “Carnell,” he growls.

A flurry of goosebumps erupts over Luca’s arms and legs.

The phone starts ringing again, and honestly, why don’t people text anymore?

Rowan picks up, and Gideon’s voice echoes over the staticky line in the small confines of the SUV.

“Yeah? Shit. Jay, do you want to talk to Gideon? He says he’s got a bit of a problem at the library.”

Problem? More problems than exploding car bombs and dead parents? Luca sincerely hopes not.

“Is it Nix? I am probably ramping him up through the bond. Fuck. Give it here. Gideon?”

“Get to the University of Florida Library. We are in the archives.” Gideon’s voice fades for a minute. “Jay? Basement level. Hurry. Holy fu-”

It’s quiet as if the call drops, but Gideon comes back loud and clear.

“Can you meet us at the Library? Yes, he’s on route–How long do you think until you can get here?”

“I don’t know. Ninety minutes? Gideon, what the fuck is going on?”

“We have company of the magic kind,” Gideon whispers. “Friendly…but Grayson needs you here.”

Already on edge from the grief and the unexpected close call for Leo, just hearing there’s an unknown magic user near his mates—and he’s not there—makes his wolf snap and snarl. Audibly .

“Hey, whoa. I’ve got this under control. Are you okay? I thought you left Luca and Rowan at home.”

Maybe it’s not something Jay wants to deal with on the phone, or maybe it’s that hearing it out loud hurts even more. Still, it hurts Luca’s heart to see his mate hold back his grief for someone else.

“We’re okay. Long story, and I’ll tell you when I see you.” He almost hangs up, but can’t help but add, “Gid?”

“Mmm?”

“Be safe. See you in an hour.” The line goes dead in typical Gideon fashion.

“Rowan, get me directions to the university library.”

Leo speeds up a little and runs a red light of his own, this time without the oops .