Page 43 of Dark Shaman: Eternal Hope (The Children Of The Gods #100)

TAMIRA

W hen the bathroom door clicked shut behind Eluheed and Tony, who'd left to continue their work on the indoor garden, Tamira turned to find Tula gripping the edge of the vanity, her knuckles white against the marble.

"Tula? What's wrong? Are you really feeling nauseous?"

Tula shook her head, and then a sob escaped her.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this." Her shoulders started shaking as tears streamed down her face.

She pressed a hand to her mouth, trying to muffle the sounds, but they came anyway—raw, desperate gasps that seemed torn from somewhere deep inside.

"Oh, Tula." Tamira wrapped her arms around her.

"I'm never going to see them again," Tula choked out between sobs. "Areana, Sarah, Beulah, Liliat, Raviki. They're my family. How am I supposed to just leave them behind? Can we take them? I mean all but Areana. They can sit on our laps. He wouldn't miss any of us. He only cares about Areana."

The words hit Tamira like a punch to the gut, and suddenly her own eyes were burning. While she'd been focused on the escape, on the logistics and dangers, she'd managed to shove her feelings aside, but now they crashed over her, amplified by the tsunami of Tula's emotional turmoil.

"We can't take them," she whispered, her own tears falling now. "I hate to say it, but we can't trust them with this secret. They might complain, but they are content to be here. They are like birds who forgot how to fly and are afraid of the sky."

Tula nodded. "I know. I was like them until this." She put a hand over her belly. "The outside world terrified me, and I had much less reason than you to fear it. You are so brave."

Tamira shook her head. "I'm not brave. I'm desperate. I need to get Elias out of here and find my son."

They stood next to the vanity, holding each other as grief poured out of them. Grief for the family they were abandoning, for the relationships that had sustained them through millennia of captivity, for the familiar rhythms of their lives for the past five thousand years.

Something about what Tula had said didn't sit well with Tamira. What had she meant by having less reason to fear the outside world? But Tamira didn't have the energy to examine her words.

"I'm afraid that Navuh will take his anger out on them," Tula sniffled.

"He won't," Tamira said, though she wasn't sure of that. "They're too valuable to him. And they are innocent. They don't know about our escape plan, and they won't know where we've gone. Even we don't know where we are going."

"Areana suspects something." Tula moved to sit on the edge of the tub. "She gives me the look. The one that says she knows more than she lets on."

Tamira sat beside her, their shoulders touching. "If she knows, she's choosing to let us go."

They sat in silence for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts. Then Tula let out a shaky laugh. "Look at me, falling apart. It must be the pregnancy hormones. I'm usually more resilient than this."

"They are not making this any easier, that's for sure," Tamira said. "But we have no choice." She glanced at Tula's belly. "You know why you are doing this."

"I know." Tula closed her eyes for a moment.

"I can't let them take my baby. If it's a boy, they'll turn him into another one of Navuh's monsters, raised to conquer and destroy.

And if it's a girl..." She touched her stomach.

"She'll grow up in this prison, age like a human while I stay young. I don’t want to watch her wither and die while I remain unchanged. "

"Darien isn't a monster," Tamira felt offended on her son's behalf. "Kalugal isn't a monster either. Some of them managed to retain their souls."

Tula's eyes widened as she realized that she'd hurt Tamira's feelings. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay. I understand what you're trying to say. This is so your child will have a life worth living. So he'll have freedom."

Tula nodded, taking a deep breath. "Thank you for giving me this chance. For including us. That was very brave and very generous of you."

Tamira smiled. "As it turned out, we're stronger together. Tony knows a lot about a lot of things."

"He deserves to be free too," Tula murmured. "He was stolen from his life, his dreams. Maybe he can even find that blonde bioinformatician he was in love with."

Tamira's eyebrows rose. "Do you want to get rid of him? Don't you love him?"

Tula shrugged, the gesture so casual it was jarring after her emotional breakdown.

"Tony is okay. He's good company, decent in bed, and he cares about me.

But he's human, Tamira. We both know there's no real future for us.

I know that you have somehow reconciled yourself to Elias's mortality, but I can't do that. "

"You are carrying Tony's child, and he deserves to be part of that child's life.

Besides, who would you replace him with?

There aren't exactly immortal males lining up for you out there.

" Tamira shifted on the narrow ledge. "Unless you want one of Navuh's soldiers, which I know you don't, even if they wouldn't report you. "

"There are others," Tula said with such certainty that Tamira turned to stare at her. "Other immortals who are not part of the Brotherhood."

"What are you talking about? What do you know that I don't?"

Tula hesitated, biting her lower lip. "I can't tell you yet because we still might get caught. I'll tell you when we're safe. When we're off this island and far from here."

"Tula—"

"Don't. Just be patient."

Tamira studied her friend's face, seeing fear and determination there. Tula knew something that might endanger someone, and she wasn't going to budge.

"Fine," Tamira agreed. "When we're safe."

Looking relieved, Tula stood and walked over to the mirror to examine her tear-stained face. "I look awful."

"You look like a pregnant woman dealing with hormones." Tamira joined her at the mirror. "That's the perfect cover."

They both looked terrible, with red, puffy eyes and faces blotchy from crying, but they were immortal, and in moments all those signs of distress would disappear.

Tamira watched Tula carefully pat her face with a wet washcloth, hands steady now despite the emotional storm that had just passed.

"Do you really not love Tony?" Tamira asked.

"I care about him." Tula put the washcloth down on the vanity. "He makes me laugh, and he's kind to me, but he's not the man of my dreams."

"Does he know?"

"He's not stupid despite acting like a buffoon sometimes." Tula turned from the mirror. "I never told him that I love him, so he can't claim that I led him on."

It was sad but honest.

Tula straightened her dress, checking her appearance one more time. "I'm not ending things with Tony, and I don't intend to keep him away from his child. But I can do all that without being in love with him, and if he wants to find happiness with someone else once we are free, I will not stop him."

"That's fair." Tamira smoothed a hand over her hair, which had gotten loose from the updo she'd crafted that morning.

"What should we do for the rest of the day?" Tula asked. "I can't just sit here thinking about tomorrow."

"We do what we always do." Tamira reached for Tula's hairbrush and ran it through her hair. "We can go to the library and help with the book restoration, or you can stay here and rest, watch a movie, or read a book, and I'll go alone and tell the others you are still not feeling well."

They'd already packed the few belongings they were taking with them, mostly jewelry they could sell and use to support themselves. Eluheed and Tony had talked about selling the submarine, but Tamira imagined it would be a much more difficult transaction than selling gold and precious stones.

"I need to be with them today," Tula said. "I can't squander my last day with my sisters."

"Can you manage to do that without crying?"

Tula nodded. "And if a few tears escape, I'll blame my hormones."

They left Tula's room together but parted in the corridor. Tamira headed toward the library while Tula went to the common room, where some of the ladies often gathered in the afternoon.

The library was quiet when Tamira entered, only Sarah and Liliat working among the damaged books. They looked up when she entered.

"Is Tula feeling better?" Sarah asked.

"She is," Tamira said, which was true enough. "The hormonal changes are making her emotional."

"Poor dear," Liliat said. "It's such a difficult time under the best of circumstances, and these are hardly those."

If only they knew how far from ideal the circumstances truly were.

Tamira took her place at one of the restoration tables, picking up where she'd left off the other day.

The book in front of her was a history of somewhere she'd never been, but if their escape plan worked, she might visit the place one day and see with her own eyes what she'd only read about in books.