Page 35 of Dark Shaman: Eternal Hope (The Children Of The Gods #100)

TULA

T ula followed Tony into the bathroom, the one place in her suite where she felt safe to talk freely.

"Do you want to join me in the shower?" he asked hopefully.

They hadn't been having much sex lately, and not just because of her hormones going haywire. She was angry at him for being obtuse, for not paying attention to her, for ignoring her moods instead of trying to soothe them.

"No. I'll wait here until you are done."

His grin widened. "You want to see me naked." He pulled his dirty shirt over his head and dumped it into the laundry basket.

She had to admit that he had a nice chest, muscular but not overly so, and her hands itched to touch his skin. But she couldn't allow herself to get distracted or let him seduce her.

"You are nice to look at." She sat on the edge of the tub. "I'll watch you shower."

Looking smug like a peacock, Tony removed the rest of his clothing and sauntered into the shower, putting on a show for her.

"Show off," she murmured.

"I heard that." He blew her an air kiss before turning the water on.

Showering, he used every opportunity to flex his muscles and look seductive, and in the end, Tula even managed to forget for a moment that she was mad at him and laughed at his shenanigans.

When he was finally done, he toweled himself dry and then draped the towel around his hips. He used another one to dry his hair.

"We need to talk," she said.

Tony lowered the towel he was using on his hair, and given the grimace on his face, he knew exactly what this was about.

The realization made her anger flare anew.

"You knew," she accused. "This whole time you were pretending to be dumb when you knew all along that I was pregnant."

He tossed the towel on the vanity. "I didn't know. I suspected."

"Suspected?" Her voice rose. "My breasts are swollen, my tummy is rounded like it has never been before, and I haven't been feeling well. I'm immortal, Tony, what could possibly be wrong with me other than pregnancy?"

He looked down at his bare feet. "I was afraid to ask."

The admission stopped her cold. "Afraid? Of what?"

Tony finally met her eyes. "Of your reaction. You have a temper, and I'm not good with confrontations. You know how much I hate it when you get riled up about something, and there is always something that makes you angry. I can't deal with that."

"So, you stayed quiet about something this monumentally important because you were afraid I'd yell at you?

" The incredulity in her voice could have cut glass.

"Are you seriously telling me you've been pretending not to notice that I'm carrying your child because you didn't want to deal with my temper? "

"That's not—" He stopped and ran his hands through his still-damp hair in frustration. "That's not the only reason."

"Then enlighten me, because from where I'm standing, you look like a coward who was more concerned about avoiding an uncomfortable conversation than supporting me through the most terrifying situation of my very long life.

" Her voice rose with every subsequent word, and she was yelling now, which was utterly stupid since the pregnancy needed to stay a secret.

"You're right. I am a coward," Tony said in a hushed voice. "But not just because I was afraid of your temper. I knew how much you dreaded this. That you didn't want this, didn't want this child. And I knew you'd blame me for it."

Tula opened her mouth to argue, then closed it. "Why would I blame you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Do I need to explain about the birds and the bees? Unless you were sleeping with others behind my back, it's my fault that you are pregnant."

Tula tried really hard to ignore the idiotic comment about her sleeping around. As if that had been an option. Tony was just being a moron.

"Did I ever put the responsibility of preventing my pregnancy on you?"

"No, but it still was my doing."

She shook her head. "I drank the contraceptive tea. It should have worked, but for some reason it didn't. Should I blame Elias for giving me the wrong herbs? Or the doctor before him?"

Tony let out a breath. "Maybe, but in the end, it was me. I caused this. I caused your anguish."

The fight drained out of her as suddenly as it had risen. "You didn't. You have enough to answer for without adding this to your guilt. Did you think that by staying silent and pretending not to notice, you were somehow protecting me?"

"No, I think I was protecting myself," he admitted.

"From seeing the disappointment in your eyes.

From confirming that I'd ruined everything for you.

Every day I didn't acknowledge it was another day I could pretend that maybe I was wrong, that maybe you'd just gained some weight, and that maybe the wine was giving you heartburn for other reasons. "

"That's ridiculous—" She stopped herself, seeing the pain in his eyes.

"I'm not blaming you, or even myself. I did everything right.

I didn't forget or miss a dose. But the tea is not a hundred percent effective, especially on immortals.

The Fates decided that it was my turn to suffer, that's all.

But I could have used some care and attention, which I didn't get from you. "

"I'm sorry." He sounded miserable.

"Nothing works forever," she said. "I knew that. I've always known that eventually my luck would run out."

Tony came to sit beside her on the edge of the tub. "I should have said something. Should have acknowledged it, supported you. Instead, I left you to carry this burden alone because I was too much of a coward to face my guilt."

"Your guilt," she repeated, finally understanding. "That's what this is really about. Not fear of my temper, but guilt."

He offered her a half smile. "Your temper is formidable. It was both. Can I make it up to you?"

She sighed. "We need to be there for each other.

This child will either be taken away if it's a boy or condemned to mortality if it's a girl.

Either way, I lose. But if it's a girl, at least you will get to see her grow up.

You will probably die before her, like it's supposed to be for humans, so for you it won't be as heartbreaking as it will be for me. "

"Thanks for the pep talk," he said sarcastically.

"It's the reality. You are human, and if we have a daughter, she will live and die a human." She turned to study his profile. "Do you want this child?"

The question seemed to surprise him. "Want? In another place, another life, yes. But here? God, no. How can I want that kind of fate for a child of mine?"

It was an honest answer, so she couldn't even get angry at him for not wanting the life growing inside of her. Yet she wished he'd answered differently.

Tony moved his hand tentatively to hover over her stomach, not quite touching. "May I?"

She took his hand and placed it on the slight swell of her belly. "It's your child as much as it is mine. For as long as we get to keep it, that is."

"I'm sorry for being such a coward."

"We're both cowards," she said. "I've been hiding it from everyone, also pretending it wasn't happening."

"What are we going to do?"

"Right now, we will go to dinner and pretend that everything is right in our world. By the way, I told the others."

He swallowed. "So, why keep up the pretense?"

"For the servants. For Navuh. The truth is that there is no point in hiding it because soon it will become impossible to hide, but I'm going with my gut, and it tells me not to make it official yet." She looked down at her belly. "I might miscarry. It happens in the first trimester."

That was one of the reasons she hadn't told anyone. On a subconscious level, she'd hoped for a miscarriage.

When, sometime later, they walked out of her suite and headed to the dining room, there was a new kind of silence between them.

It wasn't the heavy, oppressive quiet of unspoken truths, but something a little lighter.

The other ladies were already gathering, and Tamira caught Tula's eye with a questioning look.

Tula gave a small nod. Yes, they'd talked.

Yes, he knew. Yes, they were okay, or as okay as they could be under the circumstances.

Dinner passed in the usual manner, with conversations about the restoration work, the gardens, the weather, all the safe topics that filled their days. But Tula noticed Tamira and Elias exchanging glances, some form of silent communication passing between them.

As the meal was ending, Elias folded his napkin over his plate and leaned back. "I've overindulged and now I need to walk this meal off. Anyone interested in a walk in the gardens? The temperature has probably dropped to something bearable by now."

"That sounds lovely," Tamira said.

"Some fresh air would be good." Tony glanced at Tula. "Right?"

She nodded. "Sounds good to me. I ate a little too much as well."

That was a lie, but no one called her on it.

"Anyone else?" Elias asked.

"I have a book date waiting for me," Beulah said, and the others made similar excuses, some more convincing than others.

As the four of them emerged aboveground, the evening air was indeed cooler than the oppressive heat of the day, and Tula was glad of the suggestion.

She and Tony walked behind Tamira and Elias, holding hands and feeling closer than they had in weeks, which was nice, but Tula had the sense that something was about to happen.

Something important.