Page 52 of Dark Embrace
His lashessweptdown.
“An act of connection,” he said, his voice ragged. “I have lived alone for more years than you can imagine. I dare not let myself love.” He looked at her then, his expression so bleak that her heart broke for him. “To love means to lose, Sarah. I cannot. I dare not. It is a path to madness for one such as me.” He made a muted groan. “I think that in the years of emptiness, I have forgotten how to love. But I can keep you safe. I can make you happy. Those things I can offer you. And I can offer you truth. Iwantyou.”
Tears welled, and she made no effort to stem their flow, but let them trickle from the corners of her eyes and across her temples. She would not hide them from him as he had not hidden the truth from her. He did not love her. Could not love her. But hewantedher.
She lifted her head and pressed her mouth to his. She could taste the faintly metallic hint of her own blood onhislips.
“Sarah—”
“Shh.” She pressed her fingers against his lips, then kissed him again. “It matters not, Killian. I have enough love for us both. Ido.I will share my love with you, and it will be enough. I swear it will beenough.”
With a groan, he took her mouth in a hungry kiss. He made love to her once more, languid caresses and leisurely care, no part of her untouched. No part of herunloved.
But beneath his gentle care, she sensed his demons, tightlyleashed.
And when they were both sated, the sheets rumpled and mussed, her heart thudding in the aftermath of passion, she stroked his hair and asked, “How long, Killian? How long have you beenalone?”
His chest expanded on a deep breath, and she thought he would not answer. There was sadness for her in that, in his refusal to share any part of himself. Then he surprised her, his voice lowanddeep.
“Five hundred years, Sarah. I have been alone for five hundredyears.”
The enormity of that slapped her, and she gasped. She could not imagine it, could not think how he hadborneit.
“In all that time, you never took a companion, never shared yourself withanyone?”
“Physically, yes. I have taken many lovers. But not a companion. I brought none of them into my home, my haven. I showed only one woman the truth of what I am. She turned from me in disgust and I did not try again, not because I feared another rebuff, but because after a time, I was glad that she had been horrified, glad that she turned from me. I preferred my solitude even as I reviled it.” He smiled a little. “Do youunderstand?”
“I do,” she whispered. “Better than you think. I could have found a man tomarryme—”
“But it would have cost you everythingyouare.”
“A price I will never be willing to pay,”shesaid.
Hours later,Killian sat propped on the pillows, feeding Sarah slices of apple dipped in honey. The sticky liquid clung to her lips, and when he leaned in and kissed her, it clung to his as well. He popped a slice in his mouth, chewed and swallowed, and Sarah watched him with unabashedcuriosity.
“You eat,” sheobserved.
Helaughed. “Yes.”
She laid her palm flat against hischest.
“Your heartbeats.”
“It does,” he agreed, amused. “Despite the stories and mad suppositions, Sarah, I am not undead. My heart beats. And though my body does not require food, I can have the occasional bit if I choose, simply to enjoy thetaste.”
“Just the occasional bit? That is all yourequire?”
“I require only blood. And in the beginning I could not tolerate food at all. But over time, I acquired a taste for the occasional morsel, especially sweets.” He grinned. “I always had a taste forsweets.”
She came up on her knees and studied him. “And sleep? Do yousleep?”
“I sleep when I must, usually a handful of hours each week, always during the daylight hours, for those are the hours when sleepluresme.”
“Do you feedeveryday?”
“I take it as I require, far less often now than in the earlyyears.”
She nodded, and dipped her finger in the honey, then smeared it over his lips. Tipping her head, she kissed him, tasting honey,tastinghim.