Page 45 of Dark Embrace
He did not wait for her answer, but loosened his hold on her wrist and spread a thick blanket over her legs, then used the toe of his boot to push a warming brick along the floor. “Drape the blanket over top and the heat will rise towarmyou.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, touched by his consideration. Then, “Why do you have the brick? You said you do not feelthecold.”
“You remember that, do you?” He paused. “I do not notice the cold. I brought the brickforyou.”
He settled back in the corner and studied her for a moment, leaving her strangely uncomfortable anddisconcerted.
But nolongercold.
“It seems you are ever leaping to my defense, Sarah.” He dipped his head, toyed with the edge of his glove, then looked up once more, his expression unreadable. “Why did you lieforme?”
“Did I lie?” she asked. “Did you leave your place at my door and return to the hospital sometime before dawn?” She did not believe he had, and that made her either very intuitive or veryfoolish.
He smiled a little. “No. Ineverleft.”
“Then I did not lie. I merely reworded the truth. You did accompany me into my lodging and remained there with me from ten o’clock last night until dawn. The fact that there was a door between us isirrelevant.”
He reached over and ran the backs of his gloved fingers along her cheek. She had to force herself to sit still, to refrain from leaning into his touch. “Why did you sacrifice yourself for me?” The regret and pain in his tone tugged at herheart.
“They were going to take you,” she said, her voice low. She dropped her gaze to the tips of his perfectly polished boots. “The constables. They were going to take you to the interrogation rooms. I have heard what they do in the rooms below Bow Street. Everyone has. I cannot imagine the Metropolitan Police rooms are very different. They would have hurt you.” The thought of that horrified her. “They would have beaten you, left you bloodied andbruised.”
“Bruises heal,”hesaid.
“I could not bear it if they hurt you.” She raised her head and saw that he watched her with complete attention, his expression one of bemusedwonder.
“I would rather they hurt me than for any harm to befall you,” he said. “I wish to see you safe, Sarah. Safe and protected. Free to live awonderfullife.”
A bark of laughter escaped her. “Wonderful?” She shook her head. “My life is wonderful in some ways. Not in others.” She paused. “You say you want me safe and protected. Then you must understand why I could not let them hurt you. And they would have...to make you confess to crimes you did not commit. They would have beaten you, broken your surgeon’shands…”
He caught her hand and lined it up with his, palm to palm, fingers to fingers. He closed his eyes as though savoring the contact even through his glove and hers. “And you know with certainty that I did not commit these crimes?” He openedhiseyes.
“I do.” She nodded, feeling fierce and certain. “I know you could never do that, never harm someone weakandill.”
He appeared taken off guard by herferocity.
“Do not paint me with gilded righteousness, Sarah.” Sadness flickered across his features. “There are things you donotknow of me. Things I did many, many years ago when I was a different creature than I amtoday.”
“Creature?” She let her fingers slide between his and curled them over, holding on. “You say the word as though you are some ravening beast. You are not. You areaman.”
Leaning forward to rest one elbow on his knee, he lifted her free hand and pressed his lips against the backs of herknuckles.
Oh, the sweet sensation of his touch. It poured through her like rich, red wine. She read such longing in him, such pain, as though he was desperate for this contact. As desperateasshe.
She ached for him to kiss her and hold her so tight against him that she could feel hisheartbeat.
“I am many things, Sarah. I have been many things.” He was mere inches away. Her breath locked in her throat and her pulsegalloped.
“Whatever you have been, whatever you are, I know you, Killian. Iknowyou.”
“You do not.” And he sounded inordinately sad as he said it. He said nothing more for a moment, then spoke, very softly. “I wanted to grab him by the throat and slam him against the wall when I heard from Mrs. Bayley that he had censured you.Demeanedyou.”
Mr. Simon.He spoke of Mr. Simon, who had sneered at her after the constables had finished questioning her. He had not even offered her the respect of privacy when he had dismissed her from King’s College, impugned her integrity, looked at her as though she were refuse to be scraped off his boot. He had dismissed her in front of everyone. It was a humiliation thatscoreddeep.
“If you felt dismay on my behalf, then you must understand the dismay I felt on yours. You understand why I could not let the constables take you, impugn you, accuse you of horrific crimes.” She cocked her head. “It is better that you did not grab Mr. Simon by the throat. Whatever he is or is not, the patients derive some benefit fromhiscare.”
“It was only the realization that such actions would render your sacrifice meaningless that held me in check. That, and the desire to deserve the gilded halo you attribute to me.” This last was said with asardonicedge.
Sarah could summon no reply, and so they sat for a moment in silence while she tried to gather her thoughts and emotions into some semblance of calm. Her world was coming unraveled at the seams, and she was not certain how to drag the edges backtogether.