Page 10

SHELBY

She don’t wanna tell, she would rather show …

I pulled into the parking lot of Seduction, eager for my lunch with Raven. I’d heard a lot about the restaurant but this would be my first time there. My jaw dropped when I walked in. It was huge with a split between booths and tables. There was a mirror at the back that made it seem even larger. I told the hostess who I was there to meet and she led me right back to the rear of the restaurant and showed me through a door that led to a section of I now understood was camouflaged by one-way glass.

There were more booths and the section was maybe a third of the size of the main part of the restaurant. I smiled when I saw a woman kneeling on a pillow beside a table, a thick leather collar around her neck. The booths, while back-to-back, were walled off, floor-to-ceiling, and soundproofed. It allowed free speech, and frankly, a little more freedom for those who had more of a M/s dynamic. I now realized what Jason had done with Seduction. The back section was for people in the lifestyle.

I slipped into a booth, happy to see Raven was sitting at the table already, a jug of margheritas on the table with two glasses.

“I see you’re planning ahead,” I laughed. “This place is stunning!”

“It really is. Jason really thought of everything. He even has an entrance at the back for people who are wearing kink clothes.”

“I’ll have to be sure to tell him how amazing this is.”

“Careful, his head is big enough,” she chuckled.

“Okay, maybe I won’t then. How are you doing?”

“I’m okay but I get the impression you aren’t. Don’t take this the wrong way but you look like shit. How long has it been since you slept?”

“I haven’t slept well in over a week. I can’t seem to shut my brain off.”

“What happened?”

“You know that I’ve been building something with Thomas and Kenley, right?”

“Yes. I think it’s wonderful.”

“I did too until Kenley freaked the fuck out.”

“What? I talked to her last night and she didn’t mention anything.”

“Well, Thomas and I double-dommed her and then we ended up sleeping together. We’d barely finished and she jumped up like her ass was on fire and took off.”

“Oh shit.”

“Exactly. Then, she calls us to her house to talk and ends up crying and saying she doesn’t know if she can do this.”

“I know exactly how she feels, Shelby. I had all the same doubts when I started seeing Seb and Chase. I was so nervous about whether I could keep both of them happy. I was worried about what other people would think. Kenley has something else to worry about, though.”

“What?”

“She has to figure out if she can share with you. It’s always just been her and her Dom. She’s never had to share the role of a sub. My advice? Be patient. I’ve seen you together and I think she’ll come around. Just let her get to that point.”

“It’s so hard to do that.”

“I know,” she laughed. “Patience is not one of your virtues.”

“I know,” I grumbled.

“There’s one more thing I’d like to say, Shelby. You and I have been friends for a long time but so have Thomas and I. I don’t know how he’s going to handle this particular dynamic but don’t hurt him. He’s like family.”

“I have no intention of hurting him. Hell, right now I feel like I’m the one who’s going to end up getting hurt.”

“I really hope not. Don’t lose hope, just dig deep for a little patience.”

“I’ll certainly try.”

We chatted, drank our margheritas, and ate some wonderful food. When I left an hour and a half later, I felt a little more relaxed but still wondered exactly where I stood with Thomas and Kenley. I wondered if he’d had a chance to talk to her yet. I wanted a relationship with both of them but I questioned why I was the only one who was sure it could work. If they decided to move forward with a relationship, I prayed it wouldn't always be that way. I lasted about two hours before I was texting Thomas.

Shelby: Hey

Thomas: Hey, Shelby. I was just about to message you.

Shelby: Does that mean you had a chance to talk to Kenley?

Thomas: I did.

Shelby: And?????

Thomas: And it sort of went well.

Shelby: You’re gonna have to give me more than that.

Thomas: She explained what her fears were about the relationship.

Shelby: Well, that’s good! She opened up. What’s the problem?

Thomas: She called me out on my own shit and told me to reach out when I’d done it.

A horrible feeling washed over me and I instantly had a ball of nerves in my stomach. I wondered what exactly he was dealing with that he had kept from me.

Shelby: What shit?

Thomas: Damn it, Shelby. I’m trying here.

Shelby: Thomas! What’s going on?

Thomas: She asked me if I could share being a Dom long term.

Shelby: And you said…

Thomas: I said nothing. Shelby, I’m struggling with this too. I didn’t hate our play, I just don’t know how I feel about it being constant.

Shelby: I’m a switch, Thomas, not a Domme. It wouldn’t be all the time. Why are we even trying to convince Kenley when you don’t even know?!

Thomas: Shelby, I want to be with both of you, it’s just taking me a bit to wrap my head around it.

Shelby: You’re acting like I’m asking you not to be a Dom. I’m not. Maybe this isn’t going to work after all. I can’t be the glue to hold three people together when two of them don’t even know what the fuck they want.

Thomas: Please, don’t give up on us.

Shelby: I can’t talk to you right now. I’ll tell you what Kenley did. Sort your shit.

I threw my phone beside me on the couch and let the tears I’d been holding back fall. Why the fuck was I even bothering? I grabbed a bottle of wine, opened it, and took a swig right out of the bottle. I drank myself stupid and then stumbled to my bed, falling into a deep wine-induced slumber.

I groaned when I woke the next morning to sun streaming in the window. My head was pounding and I was nauseous as fuck. Even worse, I still felt mentally spent. Was Thomas going to bail? Would Kenley come around? Could I be just a sub? Better yet, should I have to be? I growled in frustration and climbed out of bed. I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the shower, stepping under the hot water.

Maybe I need to back the fuck off.

I had to stop pushing them. I knew what I wanted but I wasn’t going to break myself to get it. If they didn’t want this, I would have to let it go. It was time for me to pull back and wait on them. I couldn’t do it for them and I didn’t have it in me to beg. They were both kind of being assholes as far as I was concerned. I didn’t want to be hurt but it was kind of too late for that. I was already hurt.

I headed downstairs for some Tylenol and a big glass of water. I went into the living room and picked up my phone from the couch. I was surprised to see a message from Kenley.

Kenley: Hey Got a second?

Shelby: Hey, Kenley. I’m happy to hear from you.

Kenley: I talked to Thomas the other day.

Shelby: I heard you put him in his place.

Kenley: I suppose I did LOL. He made a really valid point while we were talking though.

Shelby: What’s that?

Kenley: He asked if I ever felt lost when we were together. I haven’t. I always felt seen. Important.

Shelby: Okay, what are you saying?

Kenley: I’m saying, if Thomas comes around, I’m in.

Shelby: And if he doesn’t?

Kenley: If he doesn’t, do you really think you could be happy with just me? I don’t think you can. I think you would need more than I could offer.

Shelby: I honestly don’t even know at this point. I’m not going to lie. You two kind of have my head spinning with this. I’m not even sure what to do anymore. Right now, though, I have a hangover to nurse. I’ll chat later.

Kenley: Okay. Take care.

I threw my phone down in frustration. One of them comes around just for the other one to fuck off. What the hell was happening with my life right now? Was I strong enough for this shit?