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Chapter Four

T he passing of time held no meaning for Nicolle, sitting beside Darik’s bed in the hospital. Her focus was solely on him. Food was brought to her and she ate. People came and went, checking on her mate’s condition and chatting with her a little but her interest was only in Darik waking up which he showed no sign of doing. Dr. Garrison came and insisted Nicolle spend an hour outside in the hospital’s garden each day to get fresh air and sunshine. Under direct orders from Jamokan, she did so, running inside the second the hour was up.

On the second day, when there’d been no change at all in Darik, a meeting was held between Aydarr, Jamokan, Timtur, Dr. Garrison and herself and she’d agreed extremely reluctantly to allow the doctor to put him onto a life support system. Not the full set of services, because he was breathing and his heart was beating normally, if slowly, but to deliver nutrients and remove wastes and monitor all his systems.

Darik would hate it. She remembered how he’d reacted to being under restraint in the Khagrish lab where the two of them had met and each had nearly died. Her mate had good reasons to abhor medical tech. Certainly the Khagrish had never applied it to him for anything but their own twisted experiments.

“You have to wake up and get out of this mess,” she said to him once the doctors and nurses had hooked him up to the devices and left the room again.

Jamokan came every day to check on Darik and while he was there, he took the time to pour Alpha power into him, with no visible effect whatsoever.

Aydarr made as daily visit as well.

Timtur arrived daily without fail right after lunch and did an assessment, running his hand in the air over Darik’s unmoving body, the green healing light glowing. On the fourth day he motioned to Nicolle to follow him into the hall and shut the door to the room. “I need to share my thoughts with you,” he said. “We can do it in the conference room or the garden?—”

“Here is fine. I don’t like being away from him. I can feel the mate bond mostly strongly when I’m right there, touching his hand.” Nicolle blinked and fought her tears.

The senior healer didn’t seem pleased but the corridor was empty so they had privacy. “I believe the Great Mother has sent Darik somewhere.”

“Sent him? I don’t understand what you mean—he’s here, right in that bed.”

“Is he?” Timtur’s voice was kind but the question sent shivers down Nicolle’s spine as he continued inexorably. “His body is here certainly but his mind is not. He doesn’t respond to you, to me, or to the Alphas and Dr. Garrison detects no brain waves with her machines except for the minimal amount required to keep a man alive. I think the goddess had a special purpose for Darik and right now he’s serving her need…elsewhere.”

“Will he come back?” Nicolle asked in a whisper.

“Our Great Mother is kind and I believe she will restore him to his normal self, if he succeeds. The goddess deals in matters of life and death and affairs beyond our mortal sphere and if she needed a warrior of Darik’s caliber to serve her the requirements must be dire.” Timtur put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. “I realize my words aren’t comforting but you need the hear the truth, or at least the reality as I perceive it. Has Jamokan spoken to you about what will happen to you if Darik dies?”

She nodded, numb and shaken by what the healer had said. “I die too.”

“We don’t know that for a fact as thankfully no mated Badari has perished but we strongly suspect you would suffer the same fate. I’ll do my utmost to fight for you, to stave off such an end if you so desire.”

“I—I’ll have to think about it. I appreciate the offer.” Nicolle had no desire to die but what would her life be like without Darik? The two of them completed each other in all the best ways. He’d fought so hard to save her life in the Khagrish lab and she’d battled equally hard to save him. They were supposed to have years and years of time together. As she re-entered the hospital room and took her seat, she felt nauseous and upset.

“How did we get into this mess?” she asked her unresponsive mate when she was settled in the chair. “We forgot to talk to each other when it counted the most. I was sad, I’m sure you were sad too, about not having a baby on the way after all, but I deflected by immersing myself in my job, which was all too easy to do, and you took on extra missions. And now you’ve apparently agreed to do something for the goddess without consulting me or thinking about us and I’m sorry but I’m angry.” She flicked away tears. “This isn’t us, this isn’t the way we operated when we were in the north escaping the Khagrish and then the Chimmer. We can accomplish anything together or so we said. I feel so alone right now, mate bond or not.”

And I’m scared . Timtur’s words had left her in an even more anxious state and there was nothing she could do about any of it except sit and wait.

Reaching out, she took one of Darik’s big hands and wrapped both of hers around it. “I wish I could go wherever you are. I wish I could talk to you about all of this. When you get back —because I refuse to say if—we’re going to go somewhere just the two of us and have a long, long conversation, my mate. Maybe even play strip poker with those weird Badari cards of yours. We have to find our way through all the complications and confusion and reunite as a couple.”

Various Badari Warriors had also been stopping by the hospital room for short visits and Nicolle was pleased to see them. Her mate was one of the most honored brothers in the packs and she appreciated the gesture the men were making to show their support.

Camron was today’s visitor. As usual Nicolle stepped out for the few minutes the soldier was with Darik, so she could get a quick break and not leave her mate entirely alone, as well as to give his pack brother a chance to say whatever was on his mind in private. After ten minutes Camron stuck his head out of the doorway, looking for her. “I wanted to talk to you too,” he said, “See how you’re doing and if there’s anything I can do for you.”

She re-entered the hospital room since Camron wasn’t leaving and sat down. “It’s kind of you to ask but basically I’m living in this room until Darik wakes up and we can walk out of here together. Jamokan is taking good care of me, as is Aydarr. And Dr. Garrison—I have all kinds of people making sure I eat and go outside for sunshine and don’t worry about my job. Everyone has been extremely supportive.”

“Except none of us can get Darik to wake up,” Camron said with a grimace.

“Timtur thinks the goddess sent him somewhere,” Nicolle confided, leaning her head against the back of the recliner and closing her eyes wearily.

“It’s as good a theory as any other, especially considering where we found him.” The big soldier hesitated as if making up his mind whether to say what was on his mind. “May I be personal with you for a minute?”

Surprised, she sat up. “Sure.”

“How much has Darik told you about our lives growing up in the labs?”

That wasn’t a question she was expecting. “Not too much. Highlights, or I guess more properly you could say lowlights. I saw for myself what life in a Khagrish lab is like when we were in the biowarfare lab at Dr. Hildamarr’s nonexistent mercy.”

Camron shook his head. “I’m sure it was awful but even so, you weren’t there for your entire life. Your forebears hadn’t been prisoners there for the last 800 years. You have to understand, Nicolle, we Badari learned a long time ago to bury our emotions and our reactions to sad events deep. Showing the scientists anything was often a fatal mistake that could prompt them to call for more experiments or to levy punishment or even kill. All of us are accustomed to hiding what we’re feeling and burying the emotions. We don’t speak of them. It’s a self-protective measure I’m still struggling with when it comes to my own mate and sharing.” He swallowed hard. “Darik was so happy and so proud when he thought the two of you were going to have a baby and he was devastated by the miscarriage. He worried so much about you and how you were handling it but I’m guessing he never said much to you about it. And especially not about the emotional toll on him.”

Astonished at what Camron was saying, Nicolle was speechless. “I can’t believe he talked to you about any of it. He and I barely mentioned it beyond the first twenty-four hours or so, when we both cried.”

“Don’t be upset,” Camron said. “Darik and I went through a lot together in the labs and he was one of the Badari all the brothers looked up to and counted on. He kept many of us going when conditions were at their worst. But he paid a price for locking so much of himself away in order to support me and others, and the Khagrish often singled him out, knowing how much it upset the entire pack if Darik was in danger.”

“He always says he’s a lone wolf,” Nicolle replied. “That’s not exactly what you’re describing.”

“He’s very good at doing solo missions. He had to be to survive a lot of what the scientists threw at him by himself, isolated from the rest of us. It’s his fallback survival mechanism.” Camron stared at the silent man on the bed. “But he’s a man of the pack just like the rest of us, no matter if he functions at a high level on his own. I didn’t mean to get so deep into this but I know he was worried about the state of your mate bond and the way the two of you were drifting apart. It scared him.”

“Scared me too,” she said in a small voice. “Once we stopped talking to each other about the big things that really mattered, it was like there was a wall between us and neither of us could find a way to break through. It was easier to go to work and focus on what was in front of me there, events and problems I could control and resolve.”

“When he gets regains consciousness,” Camron said, “Promise me you’ll break down the walls, okay? Now you know the emotions and the pain and the sorrow and the love are there, boiling to get out and be shared.”

“I will.”

Camron patted her hand and headed for the door.

Nicolle swung around in the chair. “Thank you for telling me. I’m sure it was hard for you to do.”

“I want the best for my brother and his mate,” Camron said. “And that means a healthy mate bond and a strong partnership. Together you can face anything.”

“Even bearbeasts,” she said with a sad smile, remembering the giant creature which had menaced her at one point in the early days when she first met Darik. “Real or imagined.”

“See you tomorrow,” Camron said, with a nod as he left.

Nicolle rose and sat on the edge of the bed, studying Darik’s face. She brushed a tendril of hair off his forehead tenderly and kissed him. “I hope at some level you are listening to all of this talk. I hope we get the chance to have the wall busting conversation Camron was advocating.”

But there was no reaction from Darik, not even a blip on the medical monitors.