Page 58 of Danger Close (Mourningkill #3)

Take Your Time

Teri

Changing my clothes out took over an hour. My fucking hands ached so badly. The skin burned, and the stitches kept tugging. Sometimes, the pain was downright blinding.

Pulling up my jeans took so much time. I had to try to pull them up my thighs without touching the outside of my hands. The only thing I could use was my four fingers—not my thumb—and I had to do it without bending my palms.

I wasn’t going to have Charlotte or Trinity help me dress. That would be one humiliation too many.

I finger combed my hair because I could not hold a hairbrush. In the end… I still looked like a wreck.

I also made the bed. I’m sure she’d strip it and wash the sheets, and I couldn’t do that right now, otherwise I would have.

Dressed in what I’d worn the last time I was in Philadelphia, I was ready to go.

“The bus doesn’t leave for another two hours,” Charlotte said, knocking gently on the door jamb. “We don’t have to go right now.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. “But I have imposed too much already. I think some time alone may do me some good.”

I ran my fingertips over the duvet. I ran my hand over the black leather jacket I had lovingly placed on the bed. Cobra’s jacket. The soft black leather had become so familiar to me now. The smell of the leather, and his own specific fragrance of coffee, and musk. The scent of his hair and skin…

I was loath to part with it. But it wasn’t mine. After everything he saw, and everything he’d learned, it wasn’t fair to expect him to stay, or to hold him to old promises made before he had the complete picture.

Tomorrow, he might be someone else’s Joe. But for a moment, he’d been mine. I was grateful for that.

“Goodbye, Joe.” I whispered, picking it up gently in my fingers and giving it a final kiss.

I let him go, letting him turn into Cobra in my mind and my heart. Farewell to my sweet Joe.

“Where’re you going?” I jumped, dropping the jacket. It fell to the floor as I spun around.

Joe reached up to hold the top of the door’s frame, his shoulders, biceps and beautiful pectorals in perfect display. His sharp eyes looked at me, his face completely neutral.

“You frightened me!” My bandaged hands rested on my heart from habit.

I winced when I accidentally scraped the bandages on the rough fabric of my sweater.

He let go of the door, and prowled inside. He tilted his head, then bent down to pick up the jacket. The whole time, he didn’t take his eyes off me.

I was caught in his stare. A pitiful mouse in the hypnotic gaze of a Cobra, ready to strike.

“Answer the question, Princess.” He shook out the jacket.

What question? I had to shake myself to be able to think. His presence was too much. I loved him too much. It fogged my brain too much.

“I’m going back to Philadelphia,” I said weakly.

His eyes were so intense, his lips were in a neutral line, but I still felt the undercurrent of fury just below the surface, crackling in the air between us. He had a right to be angry.

“Okay.” The word rolled off his lips easily, but it made me tense, braced for what was to come.

Far from telling me not to hit my ass on the door on the way out, he put his jacket around my shoulders, and nodded. “Alright. Let’s go. We’ll take my car.”

“What?” My eyes were wide as I stared at him in disbelief.

“Let’s go. We can hit lunch on the way.”

“I—I—” I shook my head. “You cant… you shouldn’t…”

“As far as I understand,” he interrupted my useless stammering. “The only reason you’re going is to close up your apartment, break your lease, and come right back.”

He lifted his hand, touching his index finger and thumb to my chin, his eyes full of quiet fire. He was daring me to defy him.

“Cobra–”

“Joe,” he corrected.

“Cobra…” I shook my head from his grasp, stepping back to make some space. To have room to breathe. “This can’t work.”

His eyes narrowed. An almost cruel, defiant smirk tilted up one corner of his mouth.

“How’d you figure?” He worked his jaw, back and forth as he waited for my answer.

“Please don’t make me say it.” If I had any tears left, I would shed them. But I was numb.

I was so empty and exhausted. I just wanted this one reprieve. This one wish granted.

“I’m making you say it.” He closed the space between us again, robbing me of oxygen as his scent and warmth surrounded me.

I wanted to bask in it. To shut my eyes and take it in, and get lost in it forever.

“I’m going to need you to look me in the eyes while you tell me whatever bullshit excuse you’ve come up with. ”

I hated his tone. I hated his beautiful eyes. But most of all, I hated myself.

“I understand that the adrenaline, and the vastness of everything that’s happened this past week, and everything you’ve discovered makes you feel obligated—”

“Don’t tell me how I fucking feel, Princess. I know what I feel. I want to know why you’re saying this can’t work.” His fingers touched my chin again as he forced me to look at his eyes.

I swallowed, trying to find the courage.

“And you need to look me in the eyes while you say it.”

Fuck. There it was. The tear. It gathered on my lower lash, blurring my vision as I looked up at the gold, warm browns and greens of his irises. He wielded them like swords, cutting into me.

“You might think you love me now, but you’ll blame me tomorrow. I can’t be there when that happens.” It would kill me.

He was silent for a long moment, his eyes searching mine. Then he nodded. “That’s the truth.”

What was he, a lie detector?

“Now tell me what I’d blame you for.”

I pulled away from him, but he kept closing the space until his body was flush against mine, and even if I could use my hands to push him away, I wouldn’t have the strength to fight him. To fight this. To fight the tenderness of his body.

“Because it is all my fault!” It came out a pathetic sob, as the tear on my lash fell down my cheek.

He didn’t pause. He just rubbed it away with his thumb, clearing it as if it never happened.

“Cobra–”

“Joe!” he growled his correction and I flinched.

“Please…” My watery voice blubbered as I tried to push the words out because I knew he wouldn’t let it go until I did.

“Our divorce was my fault. I was the reason for all of this. I was so lonely when I thought you left that I clung on to the first man who looked my way. I was so desperately lonely that I…”

Shame heated my skin.

“I liked it. I liked how rough he was. I liked how Ray lost control. I thought that was love.”

Cobra straightened, the muscle in his jaw pulsing.

“I mistook his controlling nature for the passionate possessiveness of love.” Another tear.

He wiped it away as well. His fingers staying on my jaw, my chin, my cheeks, cursing my skin with the sweet graze of his warm fingertips, sending sweetness through me.

“I asked for it. Begged for it, in fact. And he was right. I was more than happy with what he did to me, until he strayed.” Shame.

I was so full of shame, but the words I’d repressed for so long were spilling out and I could not stop it.

“All I wanted was his attention back, so I begged him to do whatever he wanted. I’d give him anything if only he just stayed with me.

I’d forgive everything. The pain, humiliation, and infidelity…

as long as he didn’t leave me. As long as he didn’t stop being a father to my child. ”

A keening moan escaped my lips through my teeth as I grimaced at the memories.

“I twisted myself inside out just for the chance to be with him. To make him stay.”

I placed my wrists on Cobra’s chest, hoping he’d let me push him away. But he was as hard and immovable as a boulder.

“Dr. Annie Zhou was the first to ever explain to me what would happen if I let things go on. That he’d hurt me.

And when that stopped giving him pleasure, then he’d hurt Trinity.

” I hated this. I hated reliving this. It felt like a thousand cuts against my skin.

“When he hurt her… Dr. Zhou, I knew that she was right.”

I looked away because that was my greatest shame. The pain I caused someone else… the irreparable harm I’d brought to a woman who only wanted to help me.

“I also realized how untouchable he was.” I shrugged. “So, you see, it is all my fault. I caused all of this.”

I put my forearms across my abdomen, creating a barrier between us. I need protection against the hatred I knew would show up in his eyes. If not outright hatred, then at least… disgust. Judgment.

“I… I asked for this.” I shrugged.

“Look at me.”

Tears that collected on my lower lashes fell. The unpleasant heat, then cooling of the moisture on my cheeks sent a chill through me.

“Princess, look at me.” His voice was gentle.

It was so sweet that I had to obey. “Cobra—”

“Joe.” This correction was much sweeter. Almost dotingly gentle.

His eyes dropped to my lips. His thumb gently swiped against my cupid’s bow.

“You want me to treat you rough, I’ll do that.

” His eyes hardened, as his lips hovered over mine.

“When you’re well, when you’re not covered in gaping wounds, and your heart has healed enough to take it, I’ll be more than happy to tie you spread open on my bed while I make you come so much you forget your own name. ”

My thighs clenched. A whimper escaped my lips.

“I’ll be more than happy to put you over my knee, hands bound over your head as I tease you for hours, until you’re nothing but a blissed out mess.

I will happily spank your sweet ass pink anytime you sass me.

” He grazed his lips over my cheek, pulling away, his lips shiny with the mark of my tears.

“If that’s what you need to feel loved, then I’m your man. ”

“Cobra…” I whined, even as my core heated.

“Joe.” His voice was so low, and so tender, it made me lightheaded.

“Please. Don’t make me be there when the love in your eyes turns to disgust and shame.” The burning in my chest that told me I was within seconds of completely sobbing burned up my throat. “Please, don’t make me. I won’t survive.”

“I won’t make you be there because it won’t happen. ” He took my mouth. I had no resistance. I had no way to extricate myself from his orbit. From his hypnotic, mesmerizing eyes.

I kissed him back because I had no choice. I was powerless against him.

I reluctantly tore my mouth from his because too much was happening. The crack on my facade leaked out the feelings I tried so hard to contain. The emotions poured out of my eyes, my nose, and overtook my entire body.

“I’m here, baby. I’m here forever. I’m going to love you until the day I die. No amount of pulling away is going to change that.”

“How can you want this?” I wept. “How can you want me after all of this? After all I’ve done?”

“There is nothing wrong about wanting to be loved. There’s nothing wrong about wanting to be loved passionately, deeply, and unconditionally.

I love you like that.” He bent down until his eyes leveled with mine.

“Just because you like to submit to a man in bed doesn’t mean you agreed to be harmed.

You gave yourself over with selfless trust, and Raymond Clark violated that.

He violated you, when he should have been taking care of you. ”

He looked at my hands. The pain in his eyes hurt me far more than the torn flesh beneath the gauze.

“You want someone who loves you? Obsessed about you?” He cupped my jaw, and planted the gentlest kiss on my lips. “You’ve broken five bones. You’ve fractured three. You have no less than a dozen scars over your body.”

I flinched, not liking the reminder of the blemishes that peppered my skin.

“I wasn’t with you at the hospital because I was busy recreating every break, every injury on Raymond Clark.

Paying him back for every bit of hurt he caused you.

” He kissed me again, nipping at my lower lip.

“I’m careful of every injury on your body, and I already know when those bandages need to be changed, when you need to take your pain meds, and how long you’ll be on antibiotics.

I’m going to be up your ass making sure you take care of yourself because I want you to heal. ”

He leaned down and put a kiss on my throat, and my core clenched at the intimacy of that sweet gesture.

“I’m not kidding, Princess. If you want me to push you against a wall and fuck you into oblivion, I am more than fucking willing.

” His lips grazed down to the V of my sweater.

He tugged the fabric down until he revealed one cup of my bra.

His fingertips grazed my breast and made me shiver with anticipation.

“But I won’t, until I know your body and mind are right with it. ”

He kissed down a little further, his lips teasing at my clavicle before he straightened, and stepped back.

I immediately felt cold. Freezing, in fact, without the warmth of his gentle touch.

I stared at him with hooded eyes, my vision lightly blurred with tears and lust.

“You want to go to Philadelphia, fine.” He placed one reprimanding finger on my nose. “But you’re not going without me. And you sure as fuck aren’t going on a bus in your condition. I’ll drive you down, and drive you back.”

He kissed me on the forehead. His hand cupped the nape of my neck so that there was force behind this chaste, loving gesture.

“If you really don’t want to be with me, then hire yourself a car.” He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a shiny, brand new, black card. “This is yours.”

He held it in front of my eyes and I blinked when I saw my name embossed on the plastic.

“It’s attached to the account that should have always been yours. There’s well above seven figures in there.”

“That should be Trinity’s. If it was child support—”

“I’ve already talked to her about it, and we’ve decided that it’s yours. Free and clear. Yours, and yours alone.” He kissed my forehead again.

He slipped the card into my jeans pocket, then stepped to the door. When he opened it, he looked over his shoulder. His voice grew heavy, as he quietly said, “I’ll be in the kitchen, having a coffee. Take a minute to think about what I’ve said. Come out when you’re ready.”