Page 7 of Damnation (Gallows Hill)

Chapter Five

Sarah

I t has been seven Sundays since Thomas and I have begun our affair.

We have not spoken of what it means, or what shall come.

Instead, we find peace within each other, absorbing the moments we are gifted alone, a break from our reality.

His hate for his wife is akin to my disgust of my husband.

Yet we both know there could never be a future for us.

Not here, not in Salem. ‘Tis okay, though, I will take the stolen moments with him with great joy, for they push me forward even on the hardest of days.

As I rise this morning, an ache settles in my breasts, and a wave of sickness plagues my stomach.

I do not have to test my theory to know that it is fact.

I also know that we did little to nothing to prevent such a thing, so it shouldn’t come as a shock.

My ignorance wished we would be so lucky.

That it shall not take, for William and I tried for so long before being gifted Dorothy.

‘Tis been near impossible to have another. I thought perhaps it could be that I was now barren. I now know that to be false. I am with child, and I’m certain with everything in me that the baby growing inside me is not my husband’s.

The consequences of my situation rest heavily on my chest. William and I have laid together several times since Thomas and I began our affair.

‘Tis my wifely duty, and though I hate every moment of it, I know I have no choice. However, I also know to be true that it cannot be William’s, for I did not lay with him during my fertile window. Only Thomas.

Swallowing roughly, I strain to push down the wave of sickness plaguing me as I struggle to stand.

My efforts are a waste as I feel the contents of my stomach begin to rise.

Rushing outside, I hardly make it before I am retching up yesterday’s supper.

Several more times pass before William’s voice echoes behind me.

“Are thou sick?”

My hands are shaky as I attempt to wipe the mess from my face, looking over my shoulder at him. Once a handsome man, the drink has made him ugly, accentuating his large nose and blotchy face. The depth of his leathered skin knows no bounds, and there is almost no color left to his hair.

“Yes, I am with child.”

He frowns like the news disappoints him, but that does not matter to me. Instead, I await his response with bated breath to see if he questions the child’s origin.

“We have barely enough money now. How does thee suggest we provide for another mouth to feed?”

Of course he does not expect there to be another father. I have been a dutiful wife to him. Why would he expect that has changed?

“We will manage,” I say with a shaky head.

An evil laugh escapes him before anger consumes his face.

“Thou thinks it be that easy? We will manage? Manage with what money? With what labor? You provide nothing but tonics that do not sell nor work, and Dorothy is too dull to conduct even a simple task!”

“She is a child,” I defend.

My tonics do sell and work fantastically so. I just do not let William onto that fact.

“She is useless! What shall I do if you curse me with another girl? No dowry shall ever leave this family. The only good any of ye bring is selling your skin at the pub.”

My stomach turns at the thought of William forcing me or our child to do such a heinous thing.

“You’re despicable,” I spew, only realizing too late that I let it slip.

The next thing I see is William’s fist. It comes straight for my eye, sending stars scattering across my mind.

Again and again, his fists rain down on me.

All I can think to do is curl up tightly, protecting my stomach as best as I’m able, as he releases his fury.

My screams of pain echo through the countryside before I feel one last kick to my back.

“Away with you! Go! Collect us a sum, or so help me, the child will be next!”

A choked sob escapes me as his heavy boots stomp away, heading for his work down the road. I’m unsure of how long I lay there. I know there is blood, I can smell it, taste it, but I’m unable to move.

When I hear the small footsteps of Dorothy, ‘tis the only thing to force my body to rise.

“Mama?” she calls out.

“Out here, my love. I’m heading to town. You will stay here,” I say, keeping my back to her as I face forward.

“I do not wish to be alone. Please let me come.”

“No!” I snap hastily as I hear her attempt to face me.

She has seen enough of her father’s ugliness, I won’t allow her to see me like this if I am able.

“Stay, sweet girl. I shall return soon, with sweets.”

“Really? A sweet of my very own?”

“Yes,” I promise, knowing full well I will struggle to keep said promise.

“Be safe, Mama!” she calls out as I limp from our home towards town.

I must make it to Sarah Osborne’s. She owes me a month’s sum. If I hand it to William carefully, he will feel more secure as my pregnancy progresses. And perhaps more village folk will look kindly on me. When I was pregnant with Dorothy, I received much more than ever before from others.

The simple walk to Sarah’s shop feels as if it’s a march to the gallows, though.

My body screams in pain, and my vision blurs as fresh blood drips into my eye.

I do my best to keep the space clear before I approach the storefront.

With winter coming, goods are more sacred than ever.

All townsfolk will be storing for the harsh Salem winter, which means greater sales for Sarah and I both.

“Good day,” Sarah greets when she looks upon me. “Or not.”

A disappointing chuckle escapes me at her lack of empathy. As I said once before, we are not friends in the slightest.

“What does thou need for this day?” she asks in a tone that tells me she wants nothing more than to be rid of me.

“My wages,” I say hollowly.

“Wages?” Sarah asks.

“Yes. For the…products I supply.”

“I know nothing of what you speak of. Everything in my shop is grown and cultivated by myself.”

Outrage wars inside me as I stare at her, aghast.

“What lies do you speak? You know not that to be the truth!”

“Perhaps, you are welcome to prove otherwise to the sheriff.”

My mouth is agape, anguish and anger raging inside me. An evil smile curves her face as she flicks her hand at me.

“Away with you, your unsightly self shall only frighten my dear customers.”

“You shall not commit such acts without punishment!” I snap.

She looks taken aback for a moment before closing the distance between us. Her head cocks to the side in a way of intimidation, but the anger inside me does not allow me to feel anything besides such.

“Is thou threatening me? Perhaps I shall fetch the sheriff myself. See what says he in the matter of the living situations you keep for your child out there. She deserves far better. Shall we see what he thinks of this matter entirely?”

Fear and panic stab through me at her words.

She sneers at me before shooing me away like a pest. Crippling anger continues to plague me from the inside out as I find myself numbly stepping out of the shop.

My only income is gone. It’s back to begging if I want to protect myself, my daughter…

and the child I now carry, all thanks to that wench.

If I were to ever wish death upon one, it would be her.

For anyone with such a black heart ought not deserve the gift of a new day.

The air is cold today, which means not many will brave town if not necessary.

One by one, I knock on each townsfolk’s door, begging, pleading.

Few spare me a glance, even fewer spare me a pence.

I pause outside Thomas’s home before I continue on.

There are not enough shillings in the world that would allow me to come face to face with the man I love.

Not like this. Not while his child grows inside me, yet the fate of our empty bellies grows with each moment.

Unfortunately for me, Ann Putnam sees me as she plays in the yard and yells to her mother.

“Mama! Come quick! The old beggar hag is here!”

Vile little girl.

I make haste in the other direction, attempting to be gone as fast as I am able. Due to the damage left behind from William, it is not fast enough, and I hear Ann’s shrewd voice next.

“Away thou foul beggar! I will take personal joy in shooting thee! Trespassing is a crime!”

My head turns to see Ann pointing a gun towards me.

Fear rises inside as she takes aim before Thomas comes running from the house.

They grapple with the gun for several moments before it goes off in the sky.

Finally, Thomas is able to rip the gun from her hold before fisting the material of her dress as he screams so loud, his lungs will surely be raw.

“Are you mad? You dare commit murder with my weapon? On my property?”

“She’s a trespassing beggar! Hardly a soul to miss!” Ann defends.

Fury contorts Thomas’s face as he shoves her away. She stumbles for a moment before landing on her back.

“Away with thou fore I lose my temper and do something I ought to!”

Fear staunches her and their child’s face as they both run inside. I take the opportunity to continue to flee while Thomas attempts to chase me down.

“Sarah!” he calls out. “Sarah, stop! I command thee!”

For a reason unbeknownst to me, I do as he says, keeping my back to him when I’m far enough down the road.

When he approaches, he grips my arm, leading me away from prying eyes.

Turning me to face him in the shadows behind the trees, he inhales a sharp breath at the sight of my injuries, his eyes wide with horror.

“What happened to you?”

“William,” I say, keeping my eyes low where they belong.

“Why?” he asks, his tone taking on a sharp tint to it.

“Because I spoke out of turn, because we have no money, because I am with child and have greatened that burden,” I say, my voice wavering as tears spill down my face.

All the anger is gone from his face, shock being the only remaining emotion.

“You’re with child,” he repeats.

“Indeed.” I nod as another tear falls.

“And it’s… William’s?” he asks carefully.

My eyes lift to his as silence descends around us.

“You ought know ‘tis not the truth.”

“Mine?” he asks, his voice cracking softly as if the shock is bleeding into his words.

“Twas dull to think it would not occur,” I say as I turn away from him.

“We’re having a baby? Together?”

My head whips around to face him, surprise at the lightened tone his words carry.

“You seem far too delighted by such news.”

“How can I be anything else? My love carries my child.” He smiles. A great smile that he only gifts me at our creekside.

His hand tenderly cups my cheek, taking care not to touch anywhere injured as he speaks.

“God has never blessed me with a greater gift than to give me a life with you.”

My heart soars, but my mind argues.

“What life do you speak of, Thomas? The one where you are married to Ann and I to William? The one where you rise and sleep with her and your seven children? Or the one where Dorothy and I fall under William’s fist before we close our eyes and as soon as we open them each day?

Some life God has blessed upon me,” I spit bitterly.

Thomas frowns, forcing my eyes on him as he speaks.

“The life he is blessing us now, Sarah. Our new life, our start over.”

“What does thou mean? Surely you cannot speak of such things as if they are easy.”

“They are not, nor will they ever be, but I will not lose the family I crave for the one I am trapped in,” he says as he rests his hand onto my stomach, as if he were cradling both me and the babe with one touch.

“Thomas…”

“This is our chance, Sarah. God will look fondly upon us in bringing life into the world. He will look fondly on us doing right by this child.”

“How?” I ask with a shake of my head.

He looks at me for a moment, as if he were considering our options, before he nods his head with certainty.

“We shall winter in Salem, then, with spring will come our adventure. We will take to Boston, purchase a new home, a new start.”

“With what money do you speak?” I challenge.

“Mine. All of it. I’ll spend every last pence if that’s what it shall take.”

I shake my head. “And you would leave Ann? Your children? As easy as that?”

“My children have grown to hate me at the hand of Ann, there is nothing for me here, except you,” he says, rubbing his hand against my stomach.

“I won’t leave Dorothy,” I say.

“Nor would I expect it. She is a fine young girl. You’ve raised her well, and she deserves more than William could ever give. You both do.”

A tear falls from my eye, this one not from pain nor sadness.

“This is madness! You do understand that, do you not?”

“That isn’t a no, my love.” He grins.

“Well, of course not! How could a woman refuse such an offer from the man she loves?”

Thomas’s smile beams, turning to ensure we are alone before his lips meet mine. A feeling of anticipation, of excitement for what is to come, races through me as he pulls away.

“Until spring, we shall remain steadfast and strong. I shall provide whatever thou needs to keep William pacified. If he so much as lifts a finger to you, I will have no choice but to shoot him dead.”

I shake my head. “I cannot ask that of you.”

“You did not. I insisted upon it,” he says, digging into his pocket and dropping five shillings into my hand.

“I shall bring more to the creek each week. Whatever the both of you need,” he says as he looks down at my stomach.

Reluctantly, I nod.

“I…I love thee, Thomas Putnam.”

“I love thee, Sarah Putnam.”

My stomach flutters at his words, at the sound of our names joined together. It is a blissful sound, one I have no right to hear, yet I never want to be referred to as anything else from this day on.