Page 26

Kenna

Waking up to a strange place alone was an eerily independent feeling. Being in a new place meant I woke early to the unfamiliar sounds of the downtown morning traffic. I sat in the bed Puck had made, glancing around a studio apartment he owned.

The past twenty-four hours made my head spin. I’d fucked Puck on his Harley, in a parking lot where anyone could have seen. The memory made me feel beautiful, sexy, alive.

Then I remembered what came after and sickness washed over me.

My legs shook as I stumbled into the bathroom.

No tub, but the walk-in shower was roomy.

The bottles of shampoo and body wash on the little shelf smelled like Puck, so I turned the water on hot and high and ditched my dress in a pile on the floor.

That’s all I wore, because my panties were ripped to shreds and shoved in Puck’s cut pocket. Knowing that, thinking about it, chased away the pain of David’s betrayal and the sting of the nasty things Nadine had said.

Because he was so tall, the spray from the shower head was almost two feet above me and cascading down on me like a hot misting rain. The luxury of it made me stand there for a long time, letting the water run over me—wash away all the bullshit.

I didn’t step out until the water turned cold. I was clean and smelled of Puck, which was oddly soothing. I loved that smell, immersing myself in it did other things to me as well. It made me itchy to be near him, to touch him, to taste him.

Dressed in a pair of comfy jeans and cropped tank, I didn’t bother with makeup, since I didn’t have to work, and put my stuff away. There wasn’t a closet, but there was a chifforobe and a chest of drawers. In the second, the top drawer was filled with Puck’s things. A few changes of clothes.

I considered texting Dylan for a ride to my truck, but he’d said he’d pick me up. But an important thing for me to remember was I didn’t need him to.

And maybe I’d take Dylan up on the offer to stay at her place until I replaced the money I’d left on David’s floor.

Before I could call her, the bells on the front door of the shop chimed beneath me, and tiny feet pounded up the steps toward my door with the exuberance of a little kid.

“Kenna!” The door handle shook, then excited double knocking like he was playing the drums on the door. I couldn’t help but laugh and pulled the door open.

Instantly I felt underdressed and self-conscious. Puck wore fitted jeans and a light gray t-shirt, his hair was down, and his body relaxed. Were it not for the chain at his hip and the flash of silver rings on his fingers…I wouldn’t know the big guy was a biker at all.

Inconspicuous family man suited him.

Eli tossed himself at me, little arms wrapping around my thighs and squeezing tight. Then he spun back to Puck. “Ask her, Dad, ask her .”

Puck chuckled that soft, sexy rumbling sound I couldn’t get enough of. He was gentler with Eli, and his rough edges softened. And damn if I didn’t want to eat him up. “Want to grab some lunch and—”

“Go to the fair? Dad promised that if I learned how to write my whole name by myself that we’d go to the Fall Fest and I could ride every ride I wanted.” His excitement was so large that he couldn’t even let his dad get it all out.

An unexpected eagerness tightened my stomach. I hadn’t been to the Dry Valley Fall Fest in years. The lights, sounds, and janky carnival rides were one of my favorite things. Once, my mom had banged a carny just so she could take me.

I flinched at the thought, deciding I needed new memories of that place. Going with these two would be perfect.

They aren’t yours.

What was so wrong with wanting them to be?

I dropped to my knees, taking Eli’s hands in mine. At barely four, his fingers were already almost as long as mine. He’d end up as big as his dad. “I would love to go with you.”

His little face and blue-gray eyes lit up. “Yay!”

“On one condition.” I glanced up at Puck, who only raised a questioning eyebrow.

Eli went stone cold serious, waiting for me to explain myself.

“If I can ride, too.”

“Yes!”

“Then that settles it. Let me get ready.” A quick swipe of mascara, dusting of bronzer, a smear of lip gloss later, and I was good to go.

Lunch was a little sandwich shop downtown that we could walk to from the apartment. Eli chattered incessantly through his grilled cheese. I was ravenous since I hadn’t eaten in almost twenty-four hours, so I listened as I chewed.

He talked about drawing, wanting to tattoo oranges without the peel.

I glanced at Puck, who chuckled and wiped his mouth. “I’ve got an old gun and some ink.” Then he glanced at Eli. “And I said when you were older.”

“I am older.”

I sipped soda and watched the big guy argue with a tiny version of himself.

“ Years older,” he said with a happy twinkle in his eyes.

“I’ll be years older on my birthday.”

Puck snorted. “No, that’s one year older.”

“Five. I’ll be five years old.”

“How about when you are twelve?” I countered. “That way, you have time to practice on paper first.”

“It’s not the same.” He pouted, but still took another bite.

I leaned down to his ear. “Next time I keep you, you can give me a tattoo with permanent marker.”

“Mean it?” He perked up.

“Absolutely.”

When I glanced at Puck, he was watching with a tender, thoughtful expression that made me feel all sorts of things I didn’t deserve to feel.

Not after last night, not after he’d heard the things Nadine said.

Because maybe she was right, and I was no better than my mother.

Or maybe because I wanted it too damn much.

I ducked my head, continued my conversation, but couldn’t shake the longing for something I could never have.

***

The tiny roller coaster was painted like a green dragon, mouth open, and fake fire shooting from it. Eli clutched Puck’s hand and stared up at it.

“Are you sure you can’t, Dad?”

Puck chuckled and knelt, pulling the little dude against him. “There’s no way I’d fit in that little seat.”

To this point, I’d rode almost every kid ride with him. The bigger things, like the Ferris wheel and the giant slide, Eli had ridden with his dad. To him, the scary rides were the monsters that his daddy’s strength and size could fend off.

Puck couldn’t slay this dragon.

I snipped off another piece of Eli’s fluffy blue cotton candy leftovers.

“What if I ride it by myself first, hands up in the air and never hold on? Will that prove it’s not that scary?”

Eli’s eyes got big, hopeful. “Would you?”

“Sure.” I handed the candy floss to Puck and marched up the rattling metal ramp. The kid taking tickets couldn’t have been twenty-one yet and turned on all his pimply charm the second I reached him.

“Ain’t you a little old for this thing?” He flirted with his lopsided grin.

I glanced back at an amused Puck with Eli perched on his hip.

“Probably,” I agreed.

“I think you might need a ride on something a little more exciting.” He opened the gate to let off the swarm of exiting children.

My laugh came quick. “Darlin, the one thing I am too old for…is you.”

If only by a few years, but I’d lived a lifetime in that span. I climbed on and he winked. “This one’s on me, old lady.”

I did as I said I would, crammed into the little seat behind the dragon’s head, tossed my hands up, and never held on. When the ride was over, I stood in the seat and waved Eli over.

To my surprise, he jumped from his dad’s arms and charged up the ramp, his little face screwed tight in determination. Puck ripped off a strip of tickets and handed it to the guy.

I’d been this kid before, so scared of the unknown. I tucked him close to my side and held him as the dragon sped off over the rickety track. By the second turn, Eli’s exhilarated shrieks were a balm on my raw soul.

“Dad, Dad, did you see me?” His little steps rattled down the ramp. He flailed his little arms the whole way to Puck.

I followed at a slower pace, letting them have their moment, proud of my part in giving it to them. Puck swung Eli into the air as he chattered on about the dragon.

“Can I do it again?” he asked, his eyes big.

“Sure.” Puck set him down and ripped off tickets, handing them over to me with a grin.

We rode together twice more, before Eli decided he wanted to ride on his own. I followed him up the ramp, made sure he was holding onto the little bar in front of him, and passed his tickets to the teenage flirt.

“Definitely a milf.” He sighed longingly.

I blinked, shocked, and laughed. “No. Actually…just no.”

Eli wasn’t mine. Hell, I’d barely been more than that kid’s age when he was born. But he definitely wasn’t mine. Did I love him? Yes. Would I fight for him? Of course. But I was just the babysitter.

Puck was eying me as I walked back, still befuddled.

“What did he say?” he asked, lifting one eyebrow.

“You really don’t want to know.” But I stood beside him, arms across my chest, and watched Eli ride the dragon coaster like a big boy—face beaming. Letting go just once to flash us a quick wave.

“Thanks for today,” I said, after several seconds of quiet. Avoiding the conversation about the carny thinking I was Eli’s mom. “I needed it.”

“Us too.” Puck tossed his arm around my shoulder. Any other time, I’d have bumped my hip against him and slip away.

This time I stayed, leaning against him, as all around us children shouted in delight. “You’re a good dad.”

He snorted. “Nah, but I try.”

“No, really, you are. Trust me, when it comes to shitty parents, I’m an expert.” I tilted my head up at him. “I don’t think you ever knew my mom, but Eli and I have that part in common. What I didn’t have was you.”

His face was serious. “You have me now.”

That simple statement rocked me, so much so that I stepped back, all the sights and sounds suddenly too bright and too much.

Eli was there, his solo ride over, bouncing beside us with pride.

I grounded myself in his happiness, fought back the tears, let him take me by the hand, and lead me into the crowd to where families gathered at the festival part of this shindig.

I glanced back, and Puck was right there, watching us with a half-smile and bright eyes.

It’s funny how we never realize we’ve had a giant hole in our heart until someone starts to fill it. Or in my case, two someones.

Needing time to catch my breath and remind myself they weren’t mine to keep, I turned back to him. “I’m going to grab a soda. Want anything?”

Something dark and sexy flashed in his gray eyes before he grinned. “Nah, not from here, but behave. I don’t need you getting me into trouble.”

His teasing tone slipped over me in a familiar, happy way. I couldn’t help but smile as I remembered this wasn’t my family. Puck and I were just having a good time.

There was a group of teenage girls clustered near a dunk booth by the concession stand.

I marveled at their innocence as I waited in line Much like that carny kid at the coaster, I was less than a decade older than these girls and felt like it was an entire lifetime.

Unlike them, I’d never had the security of knowing I could blow all my money flirting with a cute boy and still have food to eat the next day.

By their age I was at Fall Fest keeping an eye out for adults to make sure Ghost didn’t get caught selling pot to… these kids.

Fall Fest was giving me all the emotions.

I glanced past them and chuckled, seeing why they were preening. Crash Vaughn sat shirtless in the tank, mercilessly egging on the teenage boys. His jokes were aimed at them with each missed toss, but his sly smile went for their girlfriends.

Barely out of high school, Crash was just their type. Cute and a little dangerous.

He saw me and winked.

By the time I’d made it to the front of the line, the boys had charged off, defeated and annoyed.

Several of the girls lingered, watching Crash dangle his feet in the water, and I knew those looks, I knew that feeling.

I got it watching Puck sometimes, the tingling warmth that radiated up from the center.

After fishing a ten from my pocket, I handed it to the guy taking tickets, and whispered my plan in his ear. He laughed and waved me on.

“Kenna! You gonna take a shot at me? Where’s the big guy? He’d have a better chance than those little spaghetti arms.” But he was smiling with genuine happiness.

Jester’s little brother was a turd.

“Probably, but he’s not as conniving or convincing as I am.” I walked past the basket of softballs, sipping my soda through its red straw. “And these ladies deserve a show.”

I smacked the giant yellow circle with an open palm just as his eyes widened in realization. The mechanism released with a clang and a splash as he dropped into the water. The teenagers laughed and applauded as I took a tiny bow.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” I called over my shoulder, as Crash climbed from the tank, laughing, while water streamed from lean muscle.