Page 9
Story: Cutthroat
“It’s me. Can we talk?”
The tearfully laced words that came through the phone sobered Jermaine instantly. The pain that dwelled within her because of his betrayal was evident. In all the years that he knew Eden, she had never sounded this broken. It made his heart sink knowing that he was the cause of her pain.
“Eden, yeah. I mean yes, we can talk. I’m glad you called. I’ve been trying to call you, you changed your number. I’ve been beating myself up for real Edy. Baby, I messed up. I’m sorry. How are you? Are you ok?” Jermaine asked quickly.
The words flew out of his mouth like they were running a race. The only time he ever sped through a speech quickly is if he were lying or nervous.
Eden could sense his nervousness and laughed flatly.
The sound of her dry humorless laugh made his skin crawl. The situation they were in was by no means funny. In fact, he had been in tears nearly every night behind his actions. So, hearing Eden laugh didn’t sit well with him. If he didn’t want to speak to her so badly, he would’ve ended the call.
“Is that a real question? What do you mean how have I been?” Eden asked though she really didn’t want an answer.
Jermaine recoiled. He could practically hear the fury seeping through his wife’s teeth. Explaining himself was the only thing he could think of doing.
“I was just-”
“Let’s dissect that question,” Eden interrupted. “I caught the man I’ve dated since college having sex with my sister. A person that has done everything to ruin my family. A person that he knew firsthand was more of my enemy. But whether she was an enemy or not, she is still my sister. But you couldn’t care less.
On top of that, the heartbreak and stress caused me to miscarry a baby I didn’t even know I was carrying. After that, how do you think I’ve been? If you caught me having sex with someone in your family, would you be ok?” Eden asked.
Jermaine remained silent. He knew there was nothing he could say to justify his actions. No matter how much Envy had come on to him, he knew he should’ve never crossed the line. He knew that Eden’s question was hypothetical, but he thought it best to answer her anyway .
“Edy, I was wrong. I can’t even come up with a lie to make sense to justify why I did what I did. You have been a perfect wife. You’re the type of woman that my mother prayed her sons would find. She would’ve loved you so much Edy. She would say, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord, ” Jermaine admitted.
Tears filled his eyes as his mother’s favorite scripture came to mind. It had been years since he even thought of Proverbs 18:22. It was painful, but now as he spoke to the woman he gave his last name, it was as if his mother were speaking for him.
Eden’s face twisted in disgust. She could hear what may have been true emotion. At one point in time, she would have believed that the sound of pity coming from his mouth was genuine, but now she just didn’t know. But even if he was genuine, some people should be off limits, but Jermaine had obviously not received that memo.
So, even if he was truly upset by his behavior, she didn’t care. He had crossed the line. His feelings meant nothing to her. But she had a game to play, and play she would. If she had to fake an interest to make her role believable, she would.
“Instead of coming up with a lie to justify as your actions, just tell me the truth?” Eden said .
“The truth?” Jermaine repeated the two words as if it were a foreign language.
Hearing Eden ask for the truth seemed so simple. The truth was something he never planned to give. Though now hearing her ask for it, it seemed like the best thing to do. If he had just told the truth from the beginning, he wouldn’t be living in hell now.
“Yes, Jermaine the fucking truth! After all these years, is that really something that needs to be explained? I thought our love was pure and we could talk about anything. But I was wrong. Calling you was a mistake, because what the fuck do we need to talk about. I know the truth. You fucked my sister and that’s all I need to know. I gotta-”
“Ok Edy. Ok. Just give me a second,” Jermaine interrupted.
He knew that if Eden ended the call that she would not call back. Instead, the next person he’d hear from would be her divorce attorney.
“I know this is going to sound cliché, but I love you and made a simple mistake. The situation with Envy was just a thing that happened. That’s it and that’s all.”
Eden lost it. His response to having an affair with her younger sister nearly made her blow a gasket .
“Are you fucking insane Jermaine? A woman’s menstrual cycle is just a thing that happens. Unexpected rain on a sunny day is just a thing that happens. You fucking my sister was not just a thing that happened. An opportunity was presented, and you made a choice, that’s what happened. Did you think that bullshit line would work?” Eden asked.
“Edy, I-”
“No, Jermaine. I was a damn good woman. And of all the women you could have slept with you chose to go flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood. You know what’s funny? You are not the first of my exes to fuck my little sister. I guess Envy is just a better woman than me,” Eden cried.
Jermaine’s stomach lurched. Hearing Eden mentioning her exes did something to his psyche. He knew it shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help the way it made him feel. It was as if she was saying that if Envy hadn’t slept with her exes, she would’ve been with someone else. At least that’s how he interpreted it.
“Focus on her feelings and not yours,” he told himself.
The fact that he was thinking about his own insecurities, and not hers, made him feel low. These were Envy’s scandalous traits rubbing off on him. As he listened to the nonsense that fell from Eden’s mouth, he couldn’t believe that his actions had reduced her to this level of insecurity. What was more troubling was the fact that she believed what she was saying.
“Edy, baby stop. Please stop,” Jermaine begged as he dragged his hand over his stubbly beard covered face.
He couldn’t listen to her tearing herself down with false truths anymore. The fact that he made his wife feel as though she was worthless made him feel less of a man. She was never supposed to feel that way. He knew now that it was time to tell her the truth that he tried so hard to keep buried.
“Edy, the day I met you, I knew I didn’t deserve you. You were perfect, and I had too many unresolved issues. There were things about my past that I didn’t know how to share with you,”
“You didn’t know how to share them with me, but you knew how to share them with Envy?” Eden scoffed.
The explanation made no sense. In fact, it sounded as if he was making the story up as he spoke. Because after all, that’s what liars did.
“It wasn’t like that,” Jermaine insisted.
His agitation was through the roof. He was frustrated. Being interrupted when he was speaking didn’t sit well with him. This loudmouth behavior was out of Eden’s character. He wanted to scream at her, but he couldn’t. Because the non-understanding, impatient and argumentative woman that was now his wife was all his fault.
“Then you have to explain what it’s like Jermaine. I don’t understand. I mean, I tried to be a great wife. I tried to be everything you wanted me to be. I-”
“And that was the problem! You don’t know how to stand up for yourself!” Jermaine snapped and immediately regretted it.
Eden gasped a real gasp. His outburst had caught her off guard.
“I didn’t mean that, Edy. I’m sorry. I’m making you the problem when the problem is me,” Jermaine admitted hoping that if he continued to talk fast that it would soften the blow of what he said. To avoid Eden getting a word in, he continued to speak.
“The truth is you remind me so much of my mother. Growing up she was my everything, and then she was gone. I held onto so much anger towards her that I eventually unleashed it on the wrong person,” Jermaine admitted.
He tried to swallow his emotion before Eden could hear it. The thought of being vulnerable in front of the woman he vowed to be strong for terrified him. She was never supposed to see him with a chink in his armor.
However, even in anger, Eden’s ears worked well. She could hear a mouse piss on cotton just as loud as she could hear a drunk man stifling a sob. Her eyebrows furrowed as she listened to him trying to hide the breakdown he was experiencing.
She was still very much stunned by his attack on her character, but she knew she couldn’t dwell on it. In the grand scheme of things, his outburst was a small fish in a big pond. But no matter how small, it eventually would be addressed.
“Get out of your feelings. He said what he said. Add that slick comment to the list of shit you’re about to make him regret. Let him clear his so-called conscience. His somber ass is about to give you some news you can use.” Eden thought.
“Jermaine what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense. How can you be mad at your mom? I know you were just a boy when it happened, but baby, it’s not like she left you for another man. She died. We can’t control the day we leave this Earth,” Eden said soothingly.
She spoke with the tenderness of a mother telling her young child the bandage would fix their boo-boo before placing the call on mute and biting into her cheesy Gordita crunch. She was starving. Pretending to be a concerned wife and acting as if she gave a fuck about his feelings or his dead mother, had her as hungry as a 1000-lb Sister. Making a mental note, Eden jotted stress eating and weight gain on the list of things she planned to hold Jermaine responsible for when the time was right.
The act of revenge was so sweet she could taste it. The punishment for his betrayal would not be swift. No, Eden planned to drag it out and prolong his suffering for as long as humanly possible. His pain was pleasing to her. She relished the moment when she could stop with the games and break her foot off in his backstabbing ass.
Jermaine chuckled, a dry humorless chuckle. “That’s just it Edy. My mom could’ve controlled her death by watching the company that she kept. She didn’t die. She was murdered. Murdered by my father.”
An unchewed piece of the crunchy taco slid down Eden’s throat making her choke. She coughed excessively trying to get the piece of chip dislodged from the wall of her esophagus. Eden knew that if she didn’t clear her air passages, she’d be joining Jermaine’s mother.
His admission had stunned her so severely that she couldn’t remember if she needed to chew her food or just swallow it. Of all the things Jermaine could have said, she hadn’t expected him to say that. Discussions about his mother, Andrea Shelton, had always been a sore spot. When Jermaine did speak of her, he’d use soft phrases like “passed away”, “died suddenly”, or “went home to Heaven” to describe her death.
Because of his choice of words, she assumed Andrea died from either Cancer or natural causes. Worst case scenario, a car accident. Murder by the hands of her husband, his father, never once crossed her mind, especially since Jermaine claimed he never knew who his father was.
“Are you okay? Go get some water.” Jermaine suggested. The violent coughing coming from his wife had him concerned.
Clearing her throat and wiping the tears from her eyes, Eden began her follow-up questioning.
“I’m sorry, what you said caught me off guard. What do you mean your mom was murdered by your father? I thought you said you didn’t know your father. I’m your wife Jermaine. Why would you keep that part of your life from me?”
Jermaine sighed.
He knew he’d have to explain his family dynamics one day. He just wished he had made better choices and wasn’t sharing the most painful moment of his life as a way to save his marriage.