Page 10

“Edy, I love you. But love was not enough for me to share the worst part of my life. That tragedy happened twenty-two years ago; I still wasn’t ready to talk about it. I’m not ready to talk about it now, but you deserve the truth,” Jermaine admitted.

“I’m not trying to make you relive any childhood trauma. But as your wife, I’d like to help you heal from some of the hurt, or at least help you find the resources, if I can,” Eden said sounding as sincere as a nun feeding the less fortunate.

Jermaine could feel his eyes water. For years he had kept the horrors of his childhood locked away in hopes of forgetting the worst day of his life. But he knew, even though he had done her wrong, Eden would do her part in helping him heal. Swallowing his emotion, Jermaine cleared his throat and began to speak.

“I know that I told you I never knew my father. That was a lie. Lying about not knowing him was the only way I could erase his trifling ass from my life. It was the only way that he’d never be brought up in conversation. My father, Jerry Shelton, was an evil son of a bitch. But he wasn’t always that way. He used to be a great hands-on father. Then he changed. After my brother was born, he was in a car accident, and when he came back, he was different.

He would physically and verbally abuse my mom, pick fights with me and my brother, or he’d literally steal the rent money and go on drug and alcohol fueled binges. I looked forward to the days he got drunk, that way I knew he wouldn’t come home, and we’d have some peace. Then one day, he came home drunk and nearly beat the skin off my mother’s face. I was eleven at the time and my brother was seven. I was helpless and powerless.

He was the only man that I ever feared. I knew there was nothing I could do, so I called the police to save my mom. He was so out of it, that after he had beaten my mother into unconsciousness, his unstable ass went in the bed in bloody clothes and fell asleep.

When the police came, he acted as if he didn’t know or understand why he was going to jail. For three weeks my Uncle Jackson stayed with us until my mom was released from the hospital. When she got out, she was unrecognizable. My mother had a fair complexion, like Marie’s, and Jerry had broken so many blood vessels in her face that it couldn’t be repaired. Her face was a purplish-hue when she returned home.

When I looked at her, I noticed that she wouldn’t look me in the face. She was embarrassed. It was my first time ever seeing that look. She always made excuses for Jerry’s actions. But he had gone too far that time and she knew it. My Uncle Jackson told us that Jerry was diagnosed with Bipolar Personality Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and severe depression. But my mother didn’t care. She had had enough. She finally realized that her Christian values were bullshit.

My mother never cursed, but that day she said, “Jermaine, Josiah, I’m sorry that I kept that sorry motherfucker around. I should’ve been stronger, but I was scared. This was my eye opener. Everyone gets tired of dealing with other people’s bullshit. I’ll never let that piece of shit hurt this family again,”

I had never heard her speak that way before and I believed her. The house was his, so she packed all of our things: clothes, shoes, and all documentation needed to start a new life and we drove to Georgia.

I wish she was a woman of her word because had she been, she’d still be alive. For thirteen months, we lived a blissful life without him. While Josiah and I were living in peace, my mother was living in agony. She didn’t know how to live without her tormentor. My Uncle Jackson said my mother suffered from battered woman syndrome. And she’d sneak off and call him, not caring that she was putting us in danger. She didn’t realize that until it was too late,” Jermaine admitted .

Eden listened intently. She was so engrossed that she didn’t realize that her mouth was wide open.

“This is better than a damn movie.” Eden thought as she hung on to every word for dear life.

My mother was the only woman I knew that loved to grill. She’d cook on the grill 5-6 times a week. The day she was murdered; she had just taken our steaks, potatoes, and corn off the grill.

“Josiah, turn that Gameboy off and Jermaine go wash your hands. The food is ready.”

“Ok Ma,” I said before going down the hall to the guest bathroom. I wasn’t in the bathroom for thirty seconds before I heard,

CRASH!

“You thought you was gonna leave me bitch!”

“Jerry! No!!”

BOOM!

Eden nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Jermaine’s loud outburst.

“Jerry had tracked us down,”

He had never spoken about the things he witnessed and now that he was, he couldn’t stop. He needed to purge himself .

“At the sound of the first shot, I ran down the hall. He shot Josiah in the chest. My mother was wailing, cradling my brothers’ dead body. There was so much blood that it looked black.

I watched her try to scoop blood and bone fragments back in his tiny chest and breathe in his mouth. She rocked him back-and-forth, calling his name, trying to get him to wake up, but Josiah was gone. I was frozen. Paralyzed from shock and fear.

While my mom was cradling their dead son, my father was grinning like it was the funniest thing in the world.

He said, “If I hurt, you hurt too!”

I never knew what that meant because my mom had never done anything to hurt him or anyone else. Jerry looked so demonic. Eyes bloodshot, pupils as large as the irises, nose running. But I could tell my mom didn’t hear him. She was too busy apologizing to Josiah and me. Screaming “I’m sorry,”

But Jerry kept laughing. He turned around, sniffed the air, and grabbed one of the steaks and ears of corn that we were supposed to have for dinner. He said, “This is a damn good dinner Andy,” He sat there eating dinner while my mother cried over their child. He just didn’t seem to care. It’s like Josiah always rubbed him the wrong way .

After he killed my brother, ate our food, he raised his shotgun and shot my mother in the face. Then he pulled her pants down, inserted the barrel and pulled the trigger again. I literally watched him insert the barrel of a shotgun in between her legs and blow the top half of her body across the room. There was nothing left of her. You’ll never understand how much I hate my father.

That’s the story of my childhood. I know you’re probably wondering what that has to do with anything. In my mind, anytime something good comes into my life, I find a way to sabotage it because I’m damaged. I can admit that. I should’ve admitted that a long time ago and given you a choice.

I love you, Eden. Besides my mother and Josiah, I never loved anyone. That’s why this situation really did destroy me. I know I don’t deserve another chance because I was wrong. But if you give me a chance to get into therapy and fix us, I promise, I’ll never let you down again,” Jermaine said truthfully and sincerely.

He now knew what it was like to be without his wife. He wanted no parts of the single life.

“I didn’t know you experienced something so tragic. I can understand why you kept this from me. I can’t lie and say this won’t be hard Jermaine, but I don’t want to give up on my marriage. I think with counseling, you’ll be able to cope with your childhood trauma, and eventually we’ll be able to put this behind us. Look, I need to process this. I’ll call you in a couple days so you can pick me up and bring me home,” Eden said before ending the call.

“And scene,” Eden said as if she were ending a stage play.

“Bitch you’re stupid!” Eve laughed. Seeing how her sister switched roles was comical and quite scary. It almost reminded her of Envy.

“A man’s pride will always be his downfall. Only a prideful man would believe a woman would take him back with no consequences after sleeping with her sister. He truly believes that all he had to do is tell you how his mother died and there will be no ramifications for his actions,” Marie laughed.

“Sucks to be him. Forgiveness is not on the menu,” Eden smirked.