Page 34 of Cut Her Strings (Fractured Puppets #1)
Chapter 33
Nostalgia
W hen I awoke, I was back in my familiar bed in our home, in the apartment we all shared. I shot up and searched around, trying to find Enzo. Instead, my eyes landed on Jayce’s sleeping form. He was slumped over in a chair pulled up to the side of the bed, his head resting on his arms, and he breathed steadily.
“Jayce?” I shook him awake. “Is everyone okay?” I asked as he lifted his head and blinked blearily.
“Oh, good morning, happy to have you back. Yes, everyone is fine, Enzo is asleep in his room.” Jayce gifted me a devastating smile and I patted the bed next to me. He lifted himself from the chair and rearranged himself into the bed with me.
“This reminds me of before,” I murmured.
When we were kids, he and I spent a lot of time hiding away from the outside world in our rooms. We would spend hours just talking about our dreams, our lives, and a fantasy world. It was some of my happiest memories. Often, Anadil would join us, but she stopped after a few years.
He reached around my shoulders and tugged me into his side, his face resting on my hair as he breathed me in. “Every time you leave, I don’t think you are going to return,” Jayce admitted. “And it’s not that I’m worried I might die. I just don’t want you to be alone anymore. Not for any of this.” He reached down grabbing my wrists and tracing the lines that were self-inflicted. “I know you didn’t have it easy, and for that, I will never forgive myself.” Jayce shuddered into me, and I relaxed into his warm embrace.
Jayce’s scent enveloped me. The ocean during a rainstorm. The saltiness mixing with the fresh crisp rain. It was easy to get lost in it and it took a moment to realize he hadn’t said anything else. “I survived—even myself,” I finally choked out.
Jayce’s grip turned painful on my wrist, “I need you to promise me that you will survive this. Even when you are lying there all alone in bed at night. Wondering what it was that you did to deserve it. To feel the way that you feel. And the empty feeling begins to creep in, and you begin to realize there is no reason for you to exist. Remember. Remember that I will always find you. No matter where you go or how far you are, you cannot be alone if I still breathe. And even if something were to happen, if I were to die. I would still be there in your heart, keeping you from making that decision again.” Jayce abruptly moved me to wrench me onto his lap, face to face. He pinched my chin in his tattooed hand, tilting my head towards his. It reminded me of all those years ago when I finally made him mine.
I would not meet his eyes.
“Do not ever think that there is no way out of this life. There is, and there always will be. Do not give up your fight. Do not ever give up again. Promise me that. Because this world would be nothing if it were not for your existence. You will make it out of this disgusting game. You will be the one who saves this country from what it is. And most importantly, you are the reason for everyone, including myself, to finally find a semblance of hope.”
I couldn’t articulate what I wanted to express to him. Instead, I brought my lips to his. Softly and carefully, I kissed the first man to ever have my heart, to protect me, to make me feel loved and seen.
Our lips met in an unspoken agreement, we would stay together as long as we could. We would make it out of here. Together.
I ended the kiss with a chaste peck to his lips. “Thank you,” I murmured to him.
He gave me a dopey smile and pulled me even closer to him. I laid my head on his chest and listened to the rapid beat of his heart. “Not now, but when you’re ready, I need to know.”
I stiffened but did not voice any disagreement. He deserved to hear it all. I just wasn’t ready yet.
At my stiffening form, Jayce steered the conversation away. “We were able to watch it, you know?” This wasn’t any better.
“What do you mean?” I wasn’t sure I was ready for the information.
“Anyone with a teammate in the last game was able to watch when you all stepped into that arena. It was hard to see exactly, but there were infrared cameras.”
My blood turned to ice. Did they know about what Enzo said? About what he did to Violet? Did they watch as he fucked me senseless? They wouldn’t have heard the explanation, just the crime. I needed to go check on him.
“Hey, calm down, it was okay. Nobody is angry with you. We could not hear what was said, but it looked like you did the best you could.” He narrowed his eyes on my bruised neck, “What was the game exactly? ”
I attempted to relax a bit, but I didn’t want Jayce to see my face. I kept it burrowed into his body. “We were given a choice. Complete one of the items, and we could return to the safety of our rooms. 195’s was to leave his mark on me,” I spoke the words into his shirt. “I surrendered to Ivan. I really thought I would have to. But Enzo saved us and then,” I breathed out deeply, “I am not sure what this is between us, between all of us. But we fucked.”
“That’s a lot.” Jayce’s arms crushed me for a moment before he let the tension fall away. “Your choice?”
“Yes,” I admitted guiltily. I tried to put some distance between us, but he held me in place.
“I will not lie to you and say it doesn’t bother me, but Raven? I meant it; you are allowed to do what you want as long as you leave space in your heart for me. I long since lost any claim on you when I could not keep you safe when it mattered most.”
We stayed as long as we could in our little bubble. The other men seemed to know to leave us be, even as the minutes turned to hours.
We caught up on the time spent apart. I learned that Jayce never stopped working for the Brutality Faction, but he held a more stationary position. He lived the last few years watching the world through screens. He admitted he often spoke to me as if I were there and I was living in that room with him. I wasn’t brave enough to tell him all of my endeavors, but I shared some of my better experiences and the people we were able to rescue.
I felt as if my heart slowly healed, and I opened myself back up to Jayce. I didn’t realize how desperately I missed him. How I needed him, even still. I still held some resentment towards Jayce, but I could acknowledge I cared deeply for the man. Jayce wasn’t the same either. Before he wrapped me in a cocoon of safety, but now? He treated me as his equal.
A few months prior to waking up here; the compound Jayce was hidden away in had been overrun by Government Officials. Jayce was captured and held until he was placed in this game. It was terrifying to think about the planning that went into it this year. Usually, it was just prisoners sent to be entertainment. This year was next level. They searched and found our enemies; they knew aspects of our lives that nobody else did, and they bided their time.
Rumors had always gone around about who started this game five years ago, but I never really put any thought into it until now. Who was the infamous Creator? Part of me thought it was Nightingale herself, still trying to get revenge for the world that wronged her and the Factions that turned their backs on her when she went off script. We knew the Sponsors were typically Government officials, but they didn’t have to be. Sponsors could be anyone with the money to nominate a contestant. Some even joked the Creators weren’t even from this country.
“Any guesses who started this shit five years ago?” I voiced my question to Jayce.
We were now positioned side-by-side, but I was still wrapped in his arms and I melted into his warmth.
“I thought it was Nightingale for a bit,” he voiced my thoughts. “But this is too much, even for her. She was set on her revenge.” He gave me an apologetic look. “It would make sense if she were your Sponsor, but if it were her in charge, there would be more Officials in the competition. While she wanted to hurt you, she hated the Government Officials even more.”
I scoffed, “I find that hard to believe.” A thought came to me. “She visited Enzo.” I paused. “Right before he ended up here.”
“I’m not saying she isn’t involved; I just don’t think she is the one in control.” He shrugged against me. “I’m not quite sure what to make of all of this, but does it feel like you and I are being targeted?”
“It does,” I confirmed. “But unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about it.” I leaned into his ear and whispered the next words as softly as I could. “There’s something off with the Host. Doesn’t he seem almost familiar?”
Jayce stiffened. “He does.” He did not elaborate, and I didn’t press the matter. We were all allowed our secrets, and I trusted Jayce would tell me anything I needed to know.
I trusted him. The revelation was startling but not all that surprising. In the light of day all Jayce really ever did was try to keep me safe.
“Ready to join the others and prepare ourselves for whatever comes next?”
“Not really,” Jayce joked, but he got up, towing me along with him.
He placed a soft kiss to my lips, and I savored his comfort for just one more minute. With him, it was easy to pretend we weren’t in the middle of a murder reality show.
“I missed you,” he whispered fervently before letting me go.
A shiver went down my spine from the cold that seeped into me in his absence.
Walking out of my bedroom, we immediately found Enzo and Levi grappling on the ground. Maverick sat off to the side, writing in his notebook.
“Nice of you to join us,” he sneered. “Did mom and dad make up?”
I hardened.
“Knock it off,” Jayce snarled.
I squeezed Jayce’s hand in reassurance before dropping it. “We did,” I confirmed, smiling down. “Any news? ”
Levi and Enzo separated at this point. Levi walked forward and scooped me up in his arms, pulling me away from Jayce.
“Darlin’, I sure did miss you; you okay after that? We watched Ivan and that other man try their best to manhandle you.” Levi gave me an assessing look, paying extra attention to the bruising on my neck.
I punched him softly on the shoulder. “The only one that manhandles me is you! You big oaf,” I laughed softly, but I wrapped my legs and arms around his large form and melted into the safety of this bulky man.
He pressed a kiss to my forehead, “Uhuh, say that when you aren’t covered in bruises.”
He poked my cheek where I had taken a hit prior. I hissed at the sting and gave him a glare.
Enzo raised a brow.
“And no news yet.” Levi glanced over my shoulder. “You and Enzo good?”
Enzo was pointedly ignoring me at this point, but I did not take it personally. He did not have feelings or owe me anything. We just fucked the pain out of our systems together. Admittedly, Enzo wasn’t at all what I expected. He acted very lighthearted and carefree, but the man was vicious, and I didn’t like acknowledging it, but I enjoyed the way he handled me. Even so, I wasn’t sure I wanted more from him either. I just didn’t expect it to hurt my feelings the way he acted now.
“Right as rain,” Enzo responded cheerily. “Just didn’t want to take her from you all any more than I did already. But we came back safe and sound; I’m not sure I would have made it without her help.”
I craned my neck to narrow my eyes on Enzo, his message was clear. Pretend everything was normal. He didn’t want them to know any of the details. I would do him the favor, because it wasn’t my story to tell, and I knew it would do more harm than good .
I turned my head to once more face Levi and smiled up at him. I was still koala-ing on his form. “What he said. You saw what happened.”
Maverick stood abruptly, pulling my attention to him. He shut his notebook with a snap. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you,” he said, pointing between his brother and myself. “But it better not affect us. You showed your cards. You both risked yourselves for the other. I could not hear what was said, but the intention was clear. They aren’t going to be pleased with that. Surviving as allies is one thing; sacrificing yourself for another team? That goes against everything they want. The next game will not be good. Prepare yourselves.” He stomped away.
“It will be okay; he just knows the closer we get to the end, the more challenging this will be.” Enzo gave a half-shrug and a tight smile before following his brother out.
“Well, that wasn’t ominous at all,” Jayce announced. “Catch up, have your time, I am going to shower and refresh.” He offered me a comforting smile before shifting his attention. “Spar later?” he asked Levi.
“Yessems,” Levi replied gruffly, and just like that, we were alone. He made his way to the couch, pushed off to the side, and situated us on it. I loosened my hold around his body and went to separate from him.
“Not yet.” He situated my body back into place on top of his. This was the only time I could really look into Levi’s eyes with our size differences. I took the time to carefully examine every golden fleck in the candied amber that resided there.
Maverick was an asshole, but he was right. Our numbers were dwindling. How much longer would we be able to keep our entire ally group alive? Especially if my assumption was correct and Jayce and I were being targeted.
I wanted to memorize every part of Levi I could before something happened. What if I woke up one day and never saw him again.
“Oh, sweetheart.” He reached up, brushing my hair from my face. “You are so incredibly strong, but you can rely on us, too.”
I knew that, but I didn’t want to, I wasn’t that little girl na?ve to the horrors of the country we lived in. I was stronger, competent, and I could hold my own. But it was nice to know that I wasn’t actually alone in this.
Levi’s hands stroked along my body, causing goosebumps to form in their wake. “How is your broken bone healing?” The men had long since removed the wraps from their pinkies, and most of the other contestants had done the same.
Best not to show others your weaknesses.
I wriggled my toes, and my pinkie toe throbbed just a bit. We had now been in this game long enough for the bone to heal. “Barely noticeable.”
“What happened between you and Enzo?” Levi asked suddenly, startling me. “I’m not upset. I don’t own you; I just want to make sure you’re both okay.”
I wanted to blurt out everything I spoke with Enzo about in regards to Violet, but it wasn’t my place to say, and it wasn’t the time nor place to say it. Levi did not need the distraction. “We fucked,” I admitted softly. “The game got to us both, and we needed the reprieve.” I shrugged my shoulders apologetically.
“I think it might be a bit more than that darlin’, but you can figure that out all on your own. Or don’t. One less man is a win in my book. You are quite the hot commodity, aren’t ya?” he teased.
Guilt churned in my belly, but I stomped it down and instead let myself savor the comfort Levi offered.
That was another problem for another day.