Page 1 of Curvy Nanny for the Cougar (Uncle Uzzi’s Date to Mate #3)

From the Desk of Uncle Uzzi Stregovich

Magical Matchmaker Extraordinaire, Visionary, and Reluctant Technophile

You know, lieblings, there is nothing quite as satisfying as a five-star review.

Well, aside from the unmistakable, soul-humming click of true love, snapping into place like the final piece in a thousand-year-old puzzle box carved from starlight and questionable decisions.

I take a sip of my morning herbal elixir—delicately steeped with moonstone dust and a generous dash of cinnamon, just the way I like it.

My longtime housekeeper and full-time busybody, Richard, insisted I needed grounding after last night’s dream-walk session.

Apparently, shrieking about a kelpie wedding at three a.m. is disruptive to the household.

As the warm magic settles in my bones, I flick open my enchanted mirror pad.

Yes, I know most of you call them tablets .

How adorably mundane. But that is so like you young folk these days!

Mine glows faintly with runes and snark.

Custom charm. Don’t judge.

Ah! Now, it is time to check in on the lovers.

“Matched with my mate in 72 hours. He’s a Dragon Shifter. I’m allergic to smoke. 10/10, still would do again.”

—User: SmokeyAndTheBrute

“App glitched, matched me to a Witch I hexed in college. Turns out she’s still mad. We’re married now.”

—User: LoveInTheHexLane

Ah, timeless love. And age-old grudges. So spicy.

I lean back in my floating chair— thankfully upgraded from the ergonomic nightmare Horace insisted I needed last year —and tap one lavender-lacquered finger thoughtfully against my mug.

Things are moving. Fast.

We’re reaching more users than ever—Witches, Wolves, Vamps, and yes, even a few unsuspecting normals. My magic is humming with satisfaction.

And yet…

So many matches still remain out of reach.

So many humans— delightfully oblivious normals —who brush past their fated mates every day in the produce aisle or at cursed roundabouts, utterly unaware.

They’re bumping into destiny’s edges, bruising their hearts without ever knowing who or what is missing.

But what if…

What if I could give them a push?

A gentle magical enhancement.

A shimmer of fate.

A well-placed, algorithmically blessed, soul-awakening advertisement.

Catchy copy. A strategically irresistible profile pic.

Boom. Destiny.

Of course, I’d need to talk to Sten.

Sten, the broody descendant of Mani— the old Viking moon god himself —is the original architect of the app’s celestial matching algorithm.

A bit prickly, very lunar, lives in another realm where supernaturals don’t have to hide their true selves. Lovely place. Terrible time zones. And don’t get me started on the dimensional traffic.

He’s mellowed some since finding his fated mate.

Hmm. I think I’ll shoot him an email. Maybe include a GIF. He’s into those.

Then there’s Horace— my Earth-side coding genius and resident grumpy Bear Shifter —who now lives in bliss with his fated mate thanks to moi .

He’ll have to approve any magical integration into his precious backend servers.

He still complains about the time I accidentally embedded a love aura into the system and all the app’s fonts changed to Beloved Script .

Honestly, I thought it was festive.

Is advertising to normals risky?

Perhaps.

We do walk a fine line between connection and chaos.

And keeping the supernatural world secret here on Earth is paramount.

But still…it’s worth a shot!

The app is working.

The bonds are forming.

The magic is singing.

And this?

Oh, my sweet little stardust cupcakes—this is only the beginning.

I’ve got plans, you know. Big ones.

And you better buckle up, lieblings—because love isn’t just in the stars anymore, it’s online!

Yours in love, magic, and strategic swiping,

Uncle Uzzi Stregovich

Magical Matchmaker & Creator of the Date to Mate App