Page 1 of Crushing Clover

Needing to forcefully remove the crush of mail from our mailbox felt like an omen.

As I climbed the crooked stairs to our apartment, I sorted through outdated flyers and the occasional envelope, only to find one that had been hand-delivered by our landlord. I tore it open. Yay—a passive-aggressive note reminding us that rent was due on the first, no exceptions.

The letter was dated the sixth.

It was now the twentieth.

What the fuck? I’d left Noah money to pay the man. Couldn’t he even do that much?

I unlocked the door, grumbling. The man did nothing but game all day.

He could have taken a few minutes to pay the rent.

We couldn’t afford to get evicted, considering how rental prices in the area had skyrocketed since we’d moved in.

Even having a landlord who liked to flirt with me might not save us this time.

Ugh.

The dishes and laundry would be piled high, but the money that had lured me away would be well worth the mess.

Swearing under my breath, I tried to steel myself for the smell of overflowing garbage cans. Sometimes it felt like Noah was deliberately trying to drown me in work.

No.

He was paying for his life of leisure with all of my free time.

I let myself into the dark apartment, then put my keys and cell phone on the shelf by the door.

Unable to resist, I flicked on the hall light and peeked at the kitchen counter, even though I’d vowed not to look until morning.

It was hard to tell by the dim light, but was it cleaner than when I’d left?

What the fuck?

He never did dishes unless I was around to grump at him, and even then, it was a rare event. I inhaled deeply, some of the tension leaving my shoulders. There was no smell of rotting garbage?

Nice. I’d expected some extra passive-aggressive slovenliness.

Noah hadn’t been happy about the job I’d taken, but after several long conversations, he’d seen reason. After years of scrimping—buying most things at the dollar store and being regulars at the food bank—our future held promise.

The problem was, I was coming home with only half the money I’d need to finish my degree.

Getting sent home early hadn’t been part of my plan.

My bank account balance was nothing to sneeze at, but if I wasn’t careful, that money would disappear under an avalanche of rent, groceries, and cell phone bills.

I toed off my shoes and undressed, threw my clothes on the couch and crept into the bedroom, not wanting to wake him.

He’d be surprised to see me in the morning.

Hopefully, his misgivings about me having worked at the island resort wouldn’t tarnish the reunion I’d imagined.

More than anything, I was looking forward to being held by a man who loved me, rather than being mauled by men who’d paid to hurt me.

I popped one of the sedatives the resort’s medical team had given me.

Hopefully, it would keep me from screaming us both awake.

I slid into bed, finding that the warmth from his body soothed my still-frazzled nerves.

The dickhead had apparently started sleeping smack in the middle of the mattress while I was gone, but it made me smile.

Maybe he’d missed me and was searching for me in his sleep?

His skin was warm and soft, and he smelled so good.

I cuddled up to him, glad he’d slept through me coming in.

He was always such a grouch when I accidentally woke him when I got home from work.

As I lay there in the dark, the shadows started creeping me out.

Stop it, Clover. You’re home. You’re safe.

The sheets smelled freshly laundered, as though he’d changed them today, even though there was no way for him to know I’d be coming home.

Maybe the conversations we’d had about him helping out had finally sunk in.

Maybe he felt guilty about what I was sacrificing, and regretted his shitty attitude before I left.

He started to snore. The familiar sound grounded me.

As I drifted off, a warm body crawled over mine. Footsteps padded out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom.

The nearby snoring continued.

In the almost complete dark, I sat up, blinking, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

If Noah was still in bed with me, then who the hell was in our bathroom?

Stomach sinking, I slid out of bed, grabbed my robe from behind the bedroom door, and wrapped it around myself before I darted into the hallway and turned on the light.

I stared at the closed bathroom door, feeling like I was stuck in a weird unreality. Who could be in there?

The toilet flushed, and the faucet turned on.

I waited with arms folded around my middle to soothe the jittery nerves that even the meds I’d taken couldn’t touch.

Maybe a friend or a cousin had come from out of town and didn’t want to sleep on the couch? The problem was, in all of the time we’d been together, I’d never heard of Noah having a friend, let alone a family member.

The door opened, and a beautiful woman with a nose ring and short blue hair stepped into the hall. She smiled at me, looking completely at ease.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?” She had a low voice and a friendly smile.

I blinked at her, confused.

“Who are you?” I sounded exhausted, even to myself.

“Shy—” When I simply stared at her, she elaborated. “Shiloh.”

“Oh.” I was about to say ‘nice to meet you,’ then realized that would be the weirdest thing for me to say at that point. “I’m Noah’s girlfriend, Clover.”

Her expression evolved from friendly to slowly dawning horror. “Shit. You’re not in an open relationship. He told me you knew I was here.”

“No, and no.”

“Oh, fuck. I’m so sorry.” She looked genuinely upset. “I usually never believe people are poly without talking to the partner first, but he’s got such a trustworthy face.” She grimaced. “Serves me right. I’ll…grab my stuff and go.”

My god. He’d fucked her.

He’d gone behind my back and fucked some other woman.

I couldn’t breathe.

The edges of my vision went dark, and I had to brace a shaking hand against the wall. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs.

What was I supposed to do?

Our life…

Noah was my whole life. But this? Could I forgive him?

Did I want to?

Lost, I trailed her to the bedroom and watched her retrieve her belongings in the dim light from the hall and put them in a bag.

She dressed right in front of me. I was still following her when she reached the front door.

Part of me was so pissed, I didn’t even know what to do with myself, but there was no point in being mad at her. She wasn’t the one who’d betrayed me.

“I should have known another woman was here when I saw how clean the apartment was,” I admitted. The silence had felt too awful.

Was this really happening?

“He was complaining about his bad shoulder, so I thought I’d help him out.” She pressed her lips together and leaned against the door, rather than opening it and bolting down the stairs.

“He doesn’t have a bad shoulder.”

“Figures. Fucking asshat.” Her brows were grim slashes. “Is this the first time he's cheated on you?”

I shrugged. “It’s the first time I’ve caught him, but I work a lot, so who knows?

” I was trembling and willed away the tears that threatened.

The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of my boyfriend’s—mistress?

Side piece? Paramour? All of the terms I could think of seemed silly and dramatic while I was standing here looking at her.

“Oh, honey.” She pulled me into a hug. Rather than pushing her away, I accepted it.

I hugged her back, feeling shitty and sad and not having anyone else to vent to.

The friends I’d made at the resort would have listened, but I had no way to contact them again.

I didn’t even know their last names, let alone have their phone numbers.

A weird calm settled over me.

This was rock bottom. There was nowhere lower to go from here, right?

I’d survive. I always did.

“I’m okay,” I said, wondering if I really was, or if my medication had kicked in. She smelled like the fabric softener we used on our sheets. Yeah, she’d changed our bed—probably because it had needed changing after they’d screwed in it.

I felt ill. Both queasy and like my heart was being ripped out. Slowly.

“Of course you’re not okay.”

I shook my head. “It’s not your problem.”

“I just blew up your life. The least I can do is give you a chance to talk it out.” She gave me a pained smile. “Do you have any questions for me?”

So many, pointless as they were. “How long have the two of you known each other?”

“Nine days.”

“And you’ve been staying here?”

“I have a few times. I’ve been dropping by to help him out.”

“If you hadn’t stayed over tonight, he probably would have used the apartment being clean as a way to earn brownie points with me. I never would have found out about you.”

“What an asshole. I’m so sorry about this.”

“It’s his fault, not yours.”

Silence fell, broken only by the hum of the fridge.

“I’ll get out of your hair,” she said awkwardly.

“You can wait until your ride comes. It’s cold out there.”

She squeezed my hand. “I’m good. I’m parked across the street.”

Wow. She had a car? Noah was moving up in the world.

“You’re welcome to him, if you want him,” I offered, everything feeling surreal. “I’m packing my shit and leaving.”

I hadn’t realized I’d made a decision until it came out of my mouth.

“Good. You deserve better,” she said, opening the door. “I don’t want him either. Even if he wasn’t a liar and a cheat, he’s a slob. It seems like he relies on you to do everything. That’s way too much work for me.”

“Smart.” Smarter than me.

She headed out the door, and I stared at the back of it long after she was gone.

It was pretty bad when a woman you’d just met took one look at your life and could tell you were a doormat. While I’d been in the system, I’d been raised to be quiet and helpful—a good girl with no needs of her own. It was time I stood up for myself.