Page 7 of Crown of Iron (The Crown Trilogy #1)

Four

W ith my face turned to the late morning sky, I concentrate on the babbling brook Nortus and Leif's horse drink from.

The sharp edges of a boulder I'm perched upon dig into my palms and the back of my thighs.

My boots and leather pants lay discarded next to the water, leaving me in a flimsy pair of lace undergarments and my tunic.

The sharp end of a knife nicks just below my hip and I jump with a whimper.

“Hold still,” Leif demands, placing a hand on my knee.

“I will if you quit stabbing me.”

“If you didn't feel compelled to take on outlanders, I wouldn't be trying to remove thorns from your ass.” He catches a thorn between the edge of the blade and his thumb and rips it out.

“Tell me you're not following me back to Basecamp, Elle.

You know they're going to send you home the minute they find out who you are.”

I dig my fingernails into the stone, curl my toes in the tall green grass, and squeeze my eyes shut.

We fall silent for minutes, and as he pulls each jagged point from my skin, I breathe in through my nose and out of my mouth.

The rhythmic intake of air helps to calm my nerves and restore my resolve.

“Then don't tell them who I am. No one knows what I look like there. Most of the soldiers don’t go farther than the village just outside of camp according to Papa,” I say through gritted teeth as he pries another thorn from my flesh.

“That’s true, but I don’t understand exactly what you plan to accomplish.”

“I think if they know that my father is being held against his will that the soldiers will rally together to save him.”

He shakes his head as he looks over my irritated skin.

“You think you’re just going to walk in there and tell them what you believe about your father, and they’re just going to believe you?

And you’re not going to tell them you’re the future queen or Abrum’s daughter.

It doesn't work like that, Elle. These people work as a unit and don’t trust many outside the military. You have to earn their trust.”

I twitch under his hold as he pries out another barbed spike. “Then I’ll do whatever I can to earn their trust.”

“You can't be seri?—”

“I am. I know it won’t be long before Micah comes looking for me but let me use that short time to make my case. I need to know that they’re actively looking for him, and I want to help if I can.”

“You've lost your mind,” Leif mumbles, running his hand over the side of my leg.

I cringe when he pats the bizarre scar on my outer thigh. The flower-shaped skin has always made me feel self-conscious. It shimmers like an opal in the sun and is rough to the touch. I cover the damaged skin with my palm and cross my legs.

He sits back in the grass across from me. “You don’t think the soldiers have thought about getting him back? We’re talking about their leader. This situation with your father hasn’t been easy for them either.”

“I don't know about that. He has been gone for a year. If I was in their position, he would be home already. Besides, I’m not looking to lead them. I just want to help.”

“That's good to know because their loyalty to his second in command won't be swayed.”

“Perfect. I'll need the new general's help too.”

I'm in no position to lead an army, but I want to help. They need to see that their missing general has a family who wants him home and will do anything to see that happen. All I want is to motivate them and hopefully be a part of the forces who bring him home. My father would go to the ends of the five kingdoms for me, and I’ll do the same for him.

With a puff of air that sends his hair fluttering from his forehead, Leif says, “I should take you home.”

“You wouldn't do it against my will.”

He quirks his lips and says, “I'm your future husband.”

“I'm your future queen. I win.”

Our predestined futures feel easier to accept when we can laugh at them. The heaviness of what’s to come is more bearable when accompanied by humor and quick wit. We have a way of keeping each other grounded while giving the other space to be who they are instead of who others expect them to be.

A warm chuckle drifts along with the breeze, and I glance up to find Leif shaking his head. “How the hell did we get to this place, Elle?”

I lift my brows and say, “Promised to marry each other?”

“Yeah. Have you ever looked at Micah and Borin and felt sad you will never have a bond like theirs? Maybe you have a parah out there.”

“No. I never had a reason to dwell on the bond when I knew who I would marry.”

As kids, we bragged about our betrothal; we were marrying our best friend.

I couldn't imagine a bond stronger than mine and Leif's, even one anointed by the Statera. I didn’t care if I had a parah when I would spend every day with the person I liked most. It was a perfect match for two kids, but the complexities of adulthood have cast a dark cloud over what was once so simple.

Since we've come of age, neither of us has spoken in depth about our pending union, or the things we could miss out on.

We've dabbled in relationships, Leif more than me.

My handful of futile attempts were nothing more than experiments to calm raging hormones and feel physical closeness.

Responsibility and my predestined future made it impossible to fully give myself to someone.

“Honestly, I spend more time wondering what we'll do if we're not compatible physically,” I say.

Leif runs his palm over the back of his neck, his hazel eyes darting to the horses. “We'll figure it out, and you know I would never stop you from finding that kind of happiness with someone else.”

“Everyone is expecting us to create an heir, to make this new line to inherit the throne,” I say, repeating the words I've heard from Borin countless times.

Our child will be a new beginning. They will rule not knowing a world that judges Cyffreds and Khiros based on the manifestation of their gifts. For the first time in our history, powerful and powerless will be equal.

Leif shifts, propping himself up with an arm behind him while the other rests atop his knee. “We could…”

“Try?” My lips pull up on one side and I furrow my brows.

“It's the only way to know for sure. Maybe we're worrying about nothing.”

This moment is long overdue, but it doesn't make the quaking of my legs any less as I move toward Leif. I stop between his bent knees and pull at the hem of my tunic before kneeling.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks.

“Yes. Are you?” I curl my fingers around the back of his neck and pull him closer.

“Yeah.” He cups my cheek and runs a shaky thumb over my skin.

The warmth of his breath blankets my mouth, and every muscle in my body tightens.

I swallow against the queasy feeling in my stomach, and my eyes flutter shut.

His mouth is soft, warm, and experienced in the art of kissing.

He glides his tongue over my bottom lip in a request for entrance, and I open to him, tasting him for the first time.

I've never kissed someone who emanates such confidence in the movement of his lips.

But I feel nothing. No beating wings flutter in my stomach, and my skin doesn't rise in goosebumps. My toes don't curl, and my heart doesn't race. His skillful kiss evokes no desire within me. It's just a pleasant kiss.

I release his neck and we part.

“Nothing,” we whisper at the same time.

Leif runs his fingers through his hair and blows out a puff of air, rattling his lips.

I put some much-needed space between us and fetch my pants.

As much as we love one another, we're not in love.

It was a silly, romantic notion to think a kiss would change what we already knew.

But we both hoped there could be something more, that our marriage wouldn't strictly be for the sake of duty.

“There are ways to get pregnant that won't require us to…”

“I know,” I reply, wiggling into my tight leather pants. “It could be worse, right?”

Leif stands and brushes the grass from his trousers. “Yeah. ”

I yank on my boots until the tops rest just under my knees. When I'm done tucking in my shirt, I find Leif standing in front of me. “I'll be a good husband to you, Elle. You'll always have your best friend and biggest ally by your side.”

“I know.”

He hunches down, bringing us eye to eye. “Always.”

I fight the tears begging to trail down my cheeks. It's hard to deny the romantic daydreamer who lives within me. The girl who wanted someone to sweep her off her feet and get lost in the throes of passion. But if I must let her go, at least I'll have my best friend with me.

“Always,” I say, throwing my arms around him.

I cling to Leif for several minutes, soaking in the sweet smell of his cologne and finding peace in the strength of his arms. This isn’t the love I dreamed of, but it’s powerful in its own way.

I'll stand tall with him by my side. He will encourage and support me through the tough times to come, and I'll do the same for him.

We may not be in love, but our love for each other runs deep.

My hold on him loosens, and Leif steps back. “All right, I guess we’re enlisting you in the Lucent army and finding a way to get your father back.”

I nod and grasp Nortus' reins. “Thank you, Leif.”

“Don't thank me yet. You still have to charm your way in with the most intimidating band of soldiers I've ever met.”

I turn to him with wide eyes. I hadn't even considered what my father's soldiers would be like. They’ve always remained on the front lines of the war. Those who fight for our kingdom are a society of their own, battling for those within the walls of the capital. It stands to reason he would have chosen the best to fight under his direction. They would be strong and steadfast in their resolve and apparently, intimidating.”

“Charm my way in?” I repeat.

“More like fight.”

I swallow to wet my dry mouth. “Yeah, fight sounds about right.”