Page 21 of Crown of Iron (The Crown Trilogy #1)

Twelve

A flash of lightning zips across the dark gray sky, and the crack of thunder following is so close the ground shakes.

My legs wobble underneath me, and I stare up a massive wall.

The torrential rain beats against my face, hiding the sweat forming on my brow.

It's said the wall is no higher than a two-story rooftop, but to me, it looks like a mountain.

“I'm not sure I can do this,” I say, wiping my palms on my wet trousers.

Greer stands to the side of the wood-planked monstrosity with her hands on her hips. “If you can't overcome your fear, then the army isn't for you.”

For the past week, we've stood in this very place, having this exact conversation.

All the rest of the new soldiers completed the obstacle course and moved on to the mess hall for lunch.

But I've not conquered the first hurdle.

Every time I try, my limbs freeze and the instinct to look down wins.

I've not made it more than a few steps up the wall before giving into my greatest fear.

“I'm just questioning the safety of these ropes.” I take the thick twine and shake it. “So many people have already climbed this. What's to say it hasn't weakened the hold?”

“At this point, the worst that's going to happen is you're going to fall ass-first into a deep pool of mud. Climb over or go back to the stables!”

I jerk to attention and turn to the short man with a booming voice.

He stands to the other side of the wall with his beefy dark-tan arms folded over his chest. Rain drizzles down his closely shaven head, and his expression is frozen in a scowl.

Greer is a ray of warm sunshine and a bouquet of wildflowers compared to Drill Sergeant Wel.

“Fine, I'll do it,” I say.

The tiny fibers of the rope prick into my hands as I place one foot on the wall, stomping it twice for good measure.

With a deep breath and a hop, I pull my other foot up.

The rope shudders with my weight, and I grip it tighter.

Moving one hand over the other and with tiny shuffling steps, I climb.

I focus on the knots in the wood, setting small goals upward.

“Are you actually going to do it this time?” Leif asks from below.

I know I shouldn't look away, but I do. With his hands in his pockets, he stops beside Wel, and the two nod in greeting.

Normally, I wouldn't think anything of it except Wel's brown eyes light up, and he cracks a tight-lipped smile.

Leif one-ups his smile with a wink, and Wel bumps his hip into my best friend's.

“Keep moving, Elle,” Greer barks.

My gaze shoots down and my arms tremble with a ferocity that loosens my grip.

My ass hits the ground with a thump, splashing mud and water all over me.

The fall felt like it took forever, but when I spot my muddy imprints on the wall, I know I didn't make it very far. It was another pathetic attempt.

“Go grab your lunch and head for the pigpens. You're a damn disgrace, soldier.” Wel marches off the course, but not before him and Leif exchange another grin.

Greer stares at me with her arms over her chest, making no attempt to help me as I slosh through the muck to my feet.

“I'm serious about overcoming this,” she says.

“It’s a qualifier to place in a regiment.

Kyron won't take you if you don't climb this wall. And honestly, it would be a shame because you’re exceptional in every other way. We could use more soldiers with your pure determination.”

My breath hitches and my jaw drops. Our verbal exchanges have increased since I began training. It’s mostly clipped orders—run faster, stay focused, you got this. They’re just general phrases she spouts at every new soldier. Never has she taken it to a personal level, until now .

“I promise to put my all into overcoming the fear,” I say.

With a nod, she walks away, and Leif takes her place.

“Do you want to throw in your two bits about my fear of heights?” I ask, rubbing my throbbing ass.

“No, I knew it would be a struggle for you.”

“That's a nice way of putting it.” I remove my jacket and wipe the clean inside over my muddy face and hands.

We stroll away from the obstacle course, giving the rain a chance to wash some grime from my uniform.

The silence expands between us, and I bite the inside of my cheek.

This is an unplanned visit from Leif, and I can't help thinking he's here to bring bad news.

Every day I grow closer to Micah dragging me home, back to duty and away from feeling productive in ways that count.

“There's no word today,” he says, putting an end to my worry.

“That's good.”

I don't know why Micah is letting this go for so long.

By now, he has pressed my siblings for answers and Rowan has given in.

Maybe my brother wasn't specific about my whereabouts, and since Leif is the only person here who knows my true identity, they haven't tracked me yet.

Whatever it is, I'm thankful for every additional day I get.

“What's the deal with you and Wel?” I ask. “I haven't seen you flirt like that since we were home.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

I laugh and bump him with my hip. “Is that code for meet me in my bedroom ?”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “Fine, Wel and I have spent some time together, just a few late nights talking and a kiss or two. But it's nothing serious.”

We walk into the mess hall, moving past the rows of long tables packed with soldiers and get in line for our food. “You said the same thing about Rose Brien, but I remember you being heartbroken when she left.”

“Rose left for Stigian. Weren't you sad to hear what she had done?” He's deflecting. His feelings ran deep for his first love.

“Yeah, I was sad, but what can we do?”

“Nothing,” he says, sadness laced in his response.

We move forward, and the clinking of silverware on tin plates and carefree conversations mask my next question. “Do you want it to be serious with Wel? And don't give me a bullshit answer; be honest.”

“It doesn't matter what I want right now. I'm not in a position to make that work.” He holds up his hand and wiggles the finger with his betrothal ring. “My options are always going to be limited. Who wants to come second to a queen?”

Although playfully spoken, his words sting. Royal traditions, diplomatic meals, declarations to the kingdom—Leif's first obligation is to me, and mine is to the duties of the crown. Our marriage will be unbalanced in so many ways, and I hate that I'll be the reason he misses out on falling in love.

I lower my voice and say, “Don't stop living in this moment in preparation for the future. Tomorrow isn't promised, Leif.”

He bites his bottom lip and bows his head. “I know.”

“At least spend some time with the man. If not for you, then for me. I think a few steamy kisses will do him some good.”

“He's a drill sergeant, Elle.”

“And I'm afraid of heights and could use a little understanding.” I pick up an apple and take a bite.

My best friend flashes the dimpled smile that sets hearts aflutter all across Lucent and piles food onto his plate. He can try to hide what he’s feeling, but he clearly wants something more than what I can offer him.

When I exit the mess hall, the rain has let up and my spirits are a little higher.

I didn't realize how much I needed a moment with Leif until lunch was over and we had to go our separate ways. I’ve dedicated every waking moment to my training and getting to fight alongside the best. The drills are physically draining, the weapons training is anything but fun, and the strategy courses…

Statera strike me down. I don't know how Leif does it.

I've bitten all my nails down to the quick worrying I'm devising a faulty plan.

But I've done it all. Well, except for the damn wall.

The hard work does come with benefits, my favorite being the camaraderie.

In the capital, almost every person my age wanted to be around me, but they weren't intrigued by me .

Personal invites to royal events and rubbing shoulders with the elite.

The life that rules me dazzled them. Fancy dinners don't matter around here, and for the first time in my life, it feels like people see the real me.

I round the corner at the end of the street and the stables come into view. Kyron steps out of the entrance, guiding Samson out by the rein. We pause and for a split second we lock eyes before he turns his attention to his horse.

I haven't seen him since the day he told me I could train. It’s been both a blessing and a curse.

My attention has been on my grueling conditioning during the day.

I don’t have room for any distractions. At night, that all changes.

I’m haunted by the disappointment on his face when I accused him of siphoning from me.

My steps eat up the space between us. It doesn’t matter that I’m caked in mud or that the rain is still drizzling down. I finally have an opportunity to say I’m sorry. Pausing just shy of reaching Samson, I ask, “Do you have a moment to talk?”

“No.”

I take a step back at his brazen tone. I’ve had my share of blunt words thrown my way, especially in the past week, but this hit harder.

I clear my throat and clasp my hands before me. “I just want to…”

He slowly tilts his head and glares at me. My blood chills in my veins. This is the face of the general who demands the respect of his soldiers. It’s enough to make me want to run.

“I’m not interested in your apologies to ease your guilty conscience,” he says.

“I’m not…” I can’t get the words out because it’s exactly what I’m doing.

I don’t trust him, but I trust him more than I did the day I walked into his office.

His selfless acts, the fairness he displays in his command, and his ability to bend even when someone doesn't deserve it have made me less wary of him.

Too many free minutes have been spent questioning my fear and coming to terms with the possibility that I've misjudged him.

Guilt has come with that realization, and I want to unload that weight.

Kyron pulls himself onto Samson's saddle and looks straight ahead as he says, “Another lesson for you: trust your gut. And if you make a bad call, learn to live with it. There are no apologies on the battlefield.”

I bite the inside of my lip to hide its trembling. The words are so close to the ones my father used to say to me. Right your wrongs immediately. You never know if you’ll have the chance to do it tomorrow. It appears I’ve lost the opportunity.

“Noted,” I say with a nod.

He spurs Samson on, and they disappear into the trees that line Basecamp. As soon as they’re out of sight, I crouch in the middle of the field and bury my face in my hands.

Everything feels like it’s spiraling out of control.

My reason for being here is taking longer than I hoped it would.

Micah will come for me. Leif is holding back from finding true happiness with someone else because of his obligation to me.

Kyron is so upset by my assumptions about him that he refuses to talk to me, and I’ll need him to rally the other soldiers.

I never expected this to be easy, but I didn’t think it would get harder by the day.

I lift my head and slick back my wet hair.

The obstacle course wall stands in the distance.

For fuck’s sake, even a wall is a hurdle I can’t overcome.

No. I won’t be defeated. Not by that. If I can finish the course, I’m one step closer to reaching my goal.

I may not be able to right all my wrongs, but I can conquer this one fear.