Page 84 of Crewel (Crewel World 1)

‘You’ve got it wrong,’ Jost says. ‘You asked why they care. The Guild. And I’m telling you, it scares them. A woman without a husband . . .’

‘I don’t have a husband,’ I point out.

‘You would have in a year or two if you hadn’t been retrieved.’

‘But Spinsters don’t marry – and no one seems threatened by us.’

‘Sure. You don’t marry, but you’re also locked up in walled compounds. And,’ he adds, his voice taking a mocking tone, ‘if you’re lucky you get to go out and hang off some official’s arm.’

My nostrils flare. Is that what he thinks of me? I’m leaning towards hitting him. I can cry later.

‘Fact is, the Spinsters are far from a pure bunch. Why do you think they keep male servants around? To do the heavy lifting?’ he continues, oblivious to the fact that I’ve pulled away from him.

‘You have a lot of experience with that?’ I ask, unsure if I’m mad at the other girls or myself now.

Jost’s eyes narrow, and he regards me closely. ‘Is this about us or Enora?’

‘Enora.’

‘Could have fooled me.’

‘If they ignore that we’re all secretly courting half the guard, why do they mind if she’s in love with Valery?’ I’m screaming, and I don’t even care.

‘Would you let me finish?’ he asks. ‘It threatens them – the officials – if a Spinster is loyal to someone else.’

‘Valery said there were others,’ I tell him, dropping the attitude a notch. ‘In Arras.’

‘Did you ever meet any?’

‘No,’ I admit.

‘They keep it quiet and everyone leaves them alone or they’re remapped. It’s not only them, though. If a Spinster falls in love with a man, even an official, they’ll put an end to it.’

‘Remap her?’

‘No, they’ve never done that before. Sometimes they remap him or rip him if he’s no one important. Others, they threaten. It happens more often than you think.’ Jost shakes his head. ‘How do you think I became head valet? I kept my nose clean.’

A mixture of excitement and fear churns in my stomach. So there’s no one else. ‘And if they find out about . . .’

‘About us?’ he finishes quietly when I don’t continue. ‘I’m no one important.’

‘Yes, you are,’ I say. ‘They won’t be able to control me.’

‘They have your sister.’

‘They don’t have my heart.’

And there it is. As close as we’ve come to talking about whatever it is between us.

‘I can’t lose you,’ he says in a soft voice.

‘You won’t.’

‘It’s a risk for me even to be here,’ he says, standing and beginning to pace the golden dome.

‘They don’t know I can do this.’

‘Not yet.’