Page 76 of Craving Consequences

EVERLY

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There is no escaping the ironclad hold fused around me. The tangle of arms and legs twined like possessive anchors pin me to the mattress.

Morning light spills through the sheer fabric draped over the window. It streams across the bed, over the hard lines of Van’s shoulders. It plays in the soft wisps of hair falling over his brow. His face is tucked between my breasts like it’s the only home he’s ever known.

I have no plans to run. Escape isn’t even a thought as I comb the strands back. As I rake my nails along his scalp.

His low groan tilts my lips as I do it again.

Behind me, Lachlan breathes softly into my shoulder. But it’s the big hand he has splayed across my belly, a protective cradle that kicks me with a realization I’m not prepared for.

I’m on the pill. I have been since I was sixteen and my cramps were too painful. I’ve been religious in taking them.

Except this week .

Everything had been such a mess, and the days got away from me. And they came in me ... a lot. So much. Even now, I’m leaking despite not having them all of yesterday.

It’s hard not panicking.

I know what happened with Lachlan and Ashley. I know she used Bron to trap him in a relationship that nearly destroyed him. I know he hated her for it. Hated being trapped by her.

But I hadn’t meant to.

I’m not even sure I want a baby.

Still, my heart thumps wildly as I teeter between excitement and panic.

The thought of a baby with Van and Lachlan thrills me, even as a deep part of me spirals in a wave of guilt and dread.

It doesn’t even matter that both of them already have kids my age and have never once mentioned wanting more.

Never mind that I wouldn’t even know who the father is.

All I know is that Lachlan will hate me.

He will step up if the kid is his and he will be an amazing father, but I will lose him.

He will never forgive me for doing this to him again.

I need air.

I need space to think and a Wi-Fi connection. I need coffee and Lauren.

I need them. I need my men. I need them awake to tell me what to do even as I’m terrified to tell them.

I try not to move, but my chest is rising and falling too fast. The sheets are too hot, a scorching cocoon amplified by the heat of their bodies. I can’t move, can’t expel the pressure in my head when my body refuses to leave their hold.

Van stirs. His eyes open just a sliver and lift to my face. “Baby?”

His voice is rough gravel and sweet warmth. It breaks into the silence of the room, drowning in the rush of blood beating against the walls of my skull.

I try to answer, try to keep my voice steady, but all that comes out is a shredded squeak tight with every drop of emotion I’m fighting back.

He’s up on his elbow before I can try again. His silver eyes are on my face, scanning with the accuracy of a lie detector and I know I’m done.

We’re done.

All of this, everything they said last night will mean nothing. I know I’ve lost them. Both of them, because Van will not stay if he thinks I betrayed his friend.

And I can’t blame them. Nine years of a diligent routine, even when my parents died, I never missed a day. But the second I finally slept with them, I failed.

I. Failed.

When it mattered most.

I gave up everything, went through everything only to end up with nothing.

I can’t breathe .

“Evie?”

I push out of Lachlan’s arms. A bit of a task with only one good arm, but I scramble upright, lungs gasping. Bile hot on my tongue. I somehow untangle myself from them and the sheets and crawl to the foot of the bed.

“Everly?” Lachlan murmurs, voice heavy with sleep. “What’s wrong?”

I hit the hardwood with both feet and sprint for the bathroom. I get inside and shut the door with a crack and a flip of the lock.

“Everly!” Van’s voice barely registers over the pounding in my head.

I barely make it to the toilet before my supper of roast beef soup makes a reappearance. The acrid bile tears up my esophagus, burns tears in my eyes. It rips my stomach muscles already tender from Bron’s kick. The heaving assault has my entire body writhing with unimaginable agony.

Distantly, I am aware of their shouts, their fists on the door. I can hear the concern and panic in their voices as they try rattling the doorknob. I vaguely consider crawling out the window, but I know I’m not brave or stupid enough for that.

“Open the door, sweetheart,” Lachlan demands.

I don’t have to. Van jimmies the lock and the thing swings open without any help from me. It hits the wall and is forgotten as the two rush in .

Lachlan scoops my hair up. Van runs a rag under warm water and dabs it lovingly across my cheeks, through the snot and vomit.

“Hey, easy,” Lachlan murmurs gently, folding his massive frame behind me and holding me close. “We got you.”

The feel of him, the warmth and scent of him, the comforting feel of his arms cradling me like I’m the most precious thing in the world only drives the anguish deeper. It tears my heart from my chest and mashes it to nothing as I break against him.

“I’m sorry,” I sob. I wail through the panic destroying my sanity. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

I’m gathered off the cold floor and into his lap.

“I could never,” he swears into my temple where I can feel the vein throbbing beneath the heat and sweat coming off my body. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I am fully aware there’s still a fifty percent chance that I am not pregnant. A week is far too early to know anything, and I would have been comforted by that idea, except we didn’t do it once. Or even twice. They came in me every chance possible, and I let them. I wanted it.

I begged them .

I begged Lachlan to fill me without taking a single precaution to prevent the one thing that ruined his life once already. I willingly and knowingly did this to him again .

God, I’m going to lose him.

I’m going to lose him and Van. I’m going to be alone and broken, hidden from everyone in the middle of nowhere without my parents, my town, my best friend. I will have nothing and no one, and after the day I’ve already had...

“Jesus. Sweetheart ... what...?”

His arms crush me like he’s trying everything to keep me together when my sobs turn to heaving gasps, but I have to push away from him to keep from suffocating. To put space between me and the man whose life I’ve ruined.

“Go,” I choke out.

“Not happening,” Van states firmly, but with an edge of alarm.

“Go!” I snarl. “Leave me.” Because you will. “Please ... please, just ... go.”

“Fuck that.”

Without giving me a chance to react, Van scoops me up into his arms. I’m lifted off the hardwood and pressed into his chest.

The bathroom and the stench of vomit vanish as I’m carted back into the bedroom. He plops down on the edge of the bed and sets me in his lap.

“Now, no one’s leaving this room until you tell us what’s wrong,” he says, capturing my chin and forcing my face to his. His expression softens. “Talk to us. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it. ”

That’s easy enough for them to say. Maybe even easy enough to accomplish. Their only solution would be to get rid of it, and I can’t. I won’t. If there’s a baby, I want it. I want that piece of them, and they’ll say no. I’ll have to pick and I can’t.

“This isn’t going to work,” I gasp, words hitching around the hiccups. I’m shaking so hard, my teeth chatter. “You made a mistake coming here.”

He wipes my cheeks. “Nope. You had your chance, remember? This is done. You’re stuck with us.”

Lachlan crouches next to us. His big hand gathers up mine and pulls my knuckles to his lips. His brown eyes peer up into my face, desperate and searching.

“Please,” he murmurs. “Just tell us what’s wrong.”

I can’t.

I can’t look into his beautiful face and watch as all that love curdles into loathing and disgust.

“I need Lauren,” I croak. “Please.” A fresh wave of tears burns down my cheeks. They drizzle off my chin to soak into my t-shirt. “Please,” I beg, plea caught on a sob.

The two exchange glances, but they don’t deny me.

Gingerly, Van sets me on the bed in his place. They grab their sweats off the chair by the door. I don’t watch them leave the room. I don’t even breathe as I crawl to the center of the mattress and curl up .

Lauren’s feet sprinting into the room is paused only by the sharp command for everyone to get out. Followed by the door slamming shut. The next second, the bed dips and her arms are around me.

She doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t ask. She just folds me into her chest and holds me as I break apart all over again.

She strokes my hair and rubs my back. she says nothing of the sweat or the smell of throw up on my breath. She kisses my temple and lets me empty myself until I’m too exhausted to cry anymore.

“Talk to me,” she whispers once even the hiccups have faded.

But I don’t know how to tell her either. How can I explain the level of my own stupidity? How do I tell her I nearly found happiness only to destroy it with my carelessness? How do I explain that I gave up everything to protect them and now I’m so isolated and alone? That I have nothing and no one.

“I’m an idiot,” I say at last.

“Tell me what happened, and I’ll be the judge of that,” she counters.

I lift a corner of the sheets to wipe my eyes ... and nose.

“I’m going to lose Lachlan ... and I only just finally got him...” My voice cracks and fresh tears cut down my temple to soak into the mattress. “And I’ll lose Van. I’ll lose them both.”

“Tell me why,” she presses .

I suck in a wet, shaky inhale. “I might be pregnant.”

Her eyebrows spring up, emphasizing the widening of her eyes. “Might be?”

I tell her because there isn’t a person on earth I trust more. No one who will listen and never judge. I tell her because she will know what to do and I need someone to tell me what to do.

“Firstly, you don’t even know if you are,” she says when I fall silent. “Secondly, I don’t think that man will ever leave you.”

Even as hope lightens my chest, I smother it down.