Page 39
Story: Crash Test
I forgot how much I love London. There’s something about it that makes everything better. It’s cold out, but there are coffee
shops on every other corner where you can sit by the window and watch strangers wander by. It rains a lot, but I kind of like
aimlessly wandering the streets under an umbrella. It’s crowded, but not in the way my parents’ neighborhood in Albuquerque
is crowded. No one here knows every little detail of everyone else’s life, and even better, no one cares. Every day, I get
up and wander the city, and every day, I breathe a little easier.
It doesn’t make the whole Travis situation better, though.
That’s still total shit.
Kelsie is helping a lot. When I told her what happened, she insisted I come crash with her. The first night, we stayed up
till four a.m., drinking and catching up. I’ve been sleeping on her couch ever since. Her roommate, Amelia, absolutely hates
me, but Kelsie doesn’t care.
“Maybe it’ll convince her to move out,” she says, stabbing her fork into a piece of curry chicken. It’s eight p.m. on a Tuesday, and we’re sitting in a booth at her favorite Indian restaurant. That’s another thing about London. Amazing restaurants, everywhere.
“She’s not... that bad,” I say. Kelsie snorts. “Okay, she sucks,” I admit. “How did you get stuck with her?”
Kelsie shrugs. “She paid six months’ rent up front.”
“Fair enough.”
“I’d kick her out in a heartbeat, if I had a new roommate.”
“Your apartment’s amazing,” I say, ripping apart a piece of naan. “You could find a new roommate in, like, five minutes.”
She chews thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I’m very particular.”
“Mm?”
“Yeah. I thought about posting an ad, actually. Wanted: twenty-three-year-old racing driver, recently heartbroken over sexy
F1 champion, great at making coffee, terrible at doing dishes...”
“Come on.” I put my fork down. “Are you kidding?”
“No.”
I really can’t tell if she’s joking. I force a laugh. “You don’t want to live with me.”
“Hell yeah, I do!”
I lick my lips. She doesn’t look like she’s joking. “I mean—you’d have to give Amelia some warning...”
“Please. She’s already going on about moving in with her awful boyfriend, and the end of the month is coming up. It’s perfect.
You can keep crashing on our couch until she leaves.”
My heart is fluttering anxiously in my chest. It’s kind of insane, but at the same time...
It feels right.
Like, a hundred and fifty percent right.
“You’re smiling,” Kelsie says.
I grin wider. “Hell yeah, I am.”
Kelsie slaps the table in excitement, loud enough that people at the other tables frown at her. “Fuck, yes!” The people frown harder, and I cover my head.
“Can you lower your voice, please?”
“Fuck, no!” Kelsie says, even louder.
I snort. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Duh.” She takes a sip of her soda. “So, you’ll move in? For real?”
“For real.” I’m smiling so hard, my cheeks hurt.
“I’ll kick Amelia out tomorrow.”
We grin at each other for a minute, then my smile fades a bit.
“I don’t know what I’ll do here, though.”
Kelsie shrugs. “So, take a little while to figure it out. I’ll tell my parents Amelia moved out. They’ll front the rent.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not? They can afford it.”
I grimace, although it’s true. Kelsie’s parents own a chain of walk-in clinics. I’m pretty sure they’re millionaires.
“I have enough money for a few months,” I say.
“Eh, don’t bother. Last week my dad said he hoped I wasn’t dating anyone too ‘ethnic’ here, so let’s just consider it a racism
tax.”
I smile thinly. “Still. I’ll find a job soon.”
“A job you love,” she stipulates.
I make a noncommittal sound. I’ve been trying to think of other things I can do with my life. But all I can think about is
racing.
“Any word back from other teams?” Kelsie asks, watching me.
I shake my head. I got an e-mail from one F4 team, offering me a seat.
I got excited for about two seconds, before I saw their casual note that they were a new team, with limited funds, and I would have to pay the entry and travel fees—which would be about two hundred thousand dollars.
I couldn’t afford that, unless I begged my parents for the money, which I won’t.
“Are any of the teams left based out of the UK?”
I open my mouth to say no, then I pause.
There is one UK-based team that I haven’t e-mailed yet.
“What is it?” Kelsie asks.
I push a piece of food aimlessly around my plate. I’d never even considered them, because why would I?
“There is this Formula 1 team,” I say slowly. “Crosswire Racing. I was supposed to have a meeting with them before the crash.”
“That’s amazing!”
“Yeah, not really. They’re the best team in F1. I can’t even get a seat with the worst team in F4.”
“That’s because you don’t have a connection with them. And because it’s, like, five minutes before the season is starting.
But if they wanted you beforehand...”
“I don’t know for sure that they did. It was just a meeting.” I hesitate. “Travis thought they were going to ask me to be
their reserve driver.”
“Ooh, they definitely were.”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t know anything about it.”
“I know there’s no harm in trying. Just e-mail them and see if they’ll meet with you. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
They say no, it sucks, we move on.”
I hesitate. Despite everything—despite all the rejections—I can feel myself being pulled into the cycle again. Find new team.
Get hopes up.
And Kelsie’s right. What’s the harm in trying one last time?
I take another bite of food. Living in London with Kelsie, working for Crosswire... life would be damn near perfect.
“What now?” Kelsie says, as my smile fades again.
“I was just thinking my parents are going to flip when I tell them I’m staying here.”
“Good thing you’re an adult who can make his own decisions.”
“I know. It’s just so hard to talk to them.”
Kelsie takes a thoughtful sip of her wine. “It’s not your job to make your parents happy,” she says. “But they are your parents,
and they do love you, and they, like, kept you from starving as a kid and taught you how to talk and read and all that. So,
it is your job to acknowledge and respect their reasonable concerns.”
“Have you been bingeing Oprah or something?”
She snorts. “No. Well, yes, actually, but that’s not relevant. It’s something my sister and I figured out after years and
years of fighting with our parents. I used to sit with her when she called them with these little Post-it notes that said
‘Reasonable’ and ‘Unreasonable,’ and she was only allowed to push back against Unreasonable things.”
“Did it help you stop fighting with them?”
Kelsie laughs. “Fuck, no. But it stopped us from feeling like shit when we got into arguments. Because it’s not our job to
make them happy, or to live our lives to please them. It’s only our job to acknowledge and respect their reasonable concerns.”
I nod, and for a moment we eat in silence.
“You want me to be there with you when you call them?” she asks.
“Oh, you don’t need to...”
“Jacob,” Kelsie says.
“Yeah, I absolutely want you there. Thanks.”
She grins. “I don’t know how you managed without me.”
I clink my glass against hers. “Me neither.”
Two days later, I sit in front of my laptop, listening to my mother go on about the new wedding venue Lily’s found—for her own wedding, this time, not one of her horrible clients. Kelsie is sitting behind the screen, out of sight, drinking a cup of coffee and painting her nails.
“It won’t be available for a year because it’s so popular, but at least that gives us more time to plan. Lily still has to
narrow down her bridesmaids—she has twelve so far, but Caleb only has ten groomsmen. Although Lily did tell me that if she
can’t narrow it down, you should expect a call!”
I grimace. “To be a groomsman?”
“Of course! You’re her brother. And you like Caleb.”
When did I ever say that? I glance at Kelsie, but she just holds up the “Reasonable” Post-it she made without even glancing
up from her nails. Damn it.
“I guess if they really need someone,” I say grudgingly. “If I’m around.”
“It’s going to be next summer, so you shouldn’t be in school,” my mother says.
“Unless you do an accelerated program,” my father adds. “But I’m sure you can take a weekend off to go to your sister’s wedding.”
I swallow and sit up a little straighter. Kelsie looks up from her nails. Here we go.
“Well, actually,” I say, “I wanted to talk to you guys about that.” I take a deep breath and dive right in. “I’m not going
to go to school in Albuquerque. I’ve decided I’m going to stay here in London, with Kelsie.”
My parents go still, as if the screen’s frozen.
My mother gives a strange little laugh. “What do you mean? You don’t know anyone in London.”
“I know Kelsie. And her roommate is moving out, so it works out perfectly.”
She gives another forced laugh. “Darling, I think you should give this some thought. I’m so glad you’ve reconnected with Kelsie,
but you don’t want to rush things. Moving in together is a big step.”
I bristle. “Kelsie and I aren’t dating. We’re just friends.”
My mother gives my father a doubtful little glance, like she doesn’t believe me. “Either way,” she says, “you don’t want to
rush into such a big decision. I think you’d find it’s quite hard being away from home.”
“And you won’t be able to get into any schools in London this late in the game,” my father adds. “You don’t want to waste
a whole year.”
“I’m not going to go to school at all,” I say irritably. “And I’ve already turned down the ones I got into. I’m going to stay
here in London.”
“And do what, exactly?” my father demands. “You can’t get a good job these days without any education.”
“I’m trying to get back into racing,” I say. “I’ve... got a meeting with Crosswire Racing next week.”
I feel a familiar rush of excitement and terror as I say it. I e-mailed them when Kelsie and I got home from dinner at that
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