Page 112 of Cowboy SEAL Homecoming

Without dragging her into it. Without making her cry because of the things he said or did. The thought of hurting her… He’d lunged at Jack, and the idea he might do the same to Becca… If he was in control of things, he knew he wouldn’t, but when she was asking him for more? For all?

He couldn’t do that. He needed more time.

So maybe they’d step away from each other right now, but once he managed to fix everything, he would tell her…but he couldn’t tell her now.

“I should go.”

She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks, but that would be fine. He would fix it. He had to believe that even walking away with her crying and hurt, he would find a way to fix it.

That was what he did.

That was who he was.

And in all his life, it had never been so hard to believe.

* * *

Becca was glad that it was a busy workweek and she could throw herself into that instead of worrying about Alex. Anything was better than thinking about how lonely the last few days had been without him kissing her or making her laugh. Anything was better than missing making him laugh or the happy little thrill when he came by during the day to “check in on her.”

She kept hoping every random time she caught a glimpse of him that he was coming over to talk. To apologize. To say he would open up to her if she’d just take him back.

It was awful, this wanting him and not wanting him at the same time. It was awful second-guessing herself every time she saw him. Wondering if she should have let it go. Wondering if she should have not demanded so much. Who was she to demand anything from him?

But that’s what it always came back to. She knew he wasn’t okay. She didn’t think Jack and Gabe were particularly okay either, but she could only handle trying to fix one person at a time.

Which wasn’t the right word because that was the word Alex was forever using. Fix. He didn’t need to be fixed. He needed to let go. Not be so afraid of whatever it was he was afraid to find if he stayed in her bed or told her his fears.

She didn’t understand why that was such a terrible prospect for him, except maybe she did.

How long had she avoided people even after being healthy? All because she hadn’t known what to say or how to be normal or accepted. She hadn’t known how to make conversation, so she just hadn’t. Maybe Alex didn’t know how to open up.

Unfortunately, her hard line of saying he had to do it kind of ruined her opportunity to show him how.

Except hadn’t she shown him? Just by doing it herself with him? She had been so completely open. She blinked hard and focused on the mountains in the distance as she drove up to the Shaw ranch.

Monica should have arrived this morning, and Becca had wanted to stop by and see if she could help unload the truck. The cabin was tucked away on the east side of the Shaw property, and as Becca curved around the tree line, the cabin and a moving truck came into view.

She parked next to a little car that must have been pulled by the moving truck.

Earlier in the month, she had been excited about Monica arriving, but she’d lost that excitement sometime this week. She didn’t want the complex emotions that came with this.

It all seemed so hard and really, really painful. She should have lived and let live the whole damn time.

There was a young boy hefting a box out of the back of the moving truck as Monica stepped out of the front door.

Becca got out of her truck and forced a friendly smile. “I figured you’d need some help.”

“Oh, you must’ve missed my phone call. I called up to the ranch just a few minutes ago. I can get most of the stuff in, but I’m going to have to call in some bigger muscle for a few items.”

The little boy tried to scoot past her, but Monica stopped him with a very motherly hand to the shoulder. “Becca, this is my son, Colin. Colin, this is Ms. Denton.”

“Call me Becca. I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

The boy gave a half smile and then nodded toward the door. “Can I put this stuff inside?”

Monica nodded and the boy disappeared inside. “He’s not too happy about living in the middle of nowhere.”

“Does he like animals?”