Page 8 of Covert (Ruthless Love #2)

"We were hoping you could help us find Diesel. We wanted to give him this." I hold up the bottle of whiskey sheepishly.

Scar's gaze rakes me from head to toe, and I'm even more nervous than I was before.

"You dressed up for him."

I cough in uncomfortable silence as I feel my cheeks heat.

"I...no... she..."

Scar laughs.

"He'll love it."

I groan as Scar throws his arm over my shoulders and we meander through the crowd.

"Last I saw him, he was by the fire pit."

We navigate through the crowd, catching stares from everyone we pass. Their leader walking around with two strange women, I'm sure, doesn't happen often.

Scar tugs me closer to him so he can whisper.

"I don't know what book you recommended to my old lady, but I haven't gotten laid this much since we were 20.

Keep 'em coming and I might need a Viagra prescription.

" He gives me a little shake, and I laugh.

I'm glad his wife is enjoying my recs and that Scar's reaping the benefits.

"Give me her phone number if you want, and I can give her some more recs?"

He laughs loudly. "I knew I liked you. "

We round a corner of the clubhouse, and Diesel and a handful of other men are sitting on large logs around a large fire pit surrounded by stones.

There's a heavily chested redhead sitting on Diesel's lap, and I'm instantly grateful. Hopefully, that means he wasn't too serious about pursuing me.

"Hey man, look who I found." Scar's voice booms. Ten heads swivel to greet us. Diesel shoots up, essentially dropping the girl on the ground in front of him. I wince on her behalf.

"You came," he says on a sigh. The redhead huffs her annoyance and glares at me. Great, I'm here all of three minutes and have already made an enemy.

"We brought you this. Scar told me what brand you like," I say, lamely holding up the bottle. Diesel steps over the redhead and walks up to us, eyes trained on me. The redhead stands up, brushing the dirt from her skin-tight jeans, and levels me with a glare meant to kill.

"You didn't have to do that. You already paid for my tattoo." I stiffen at his words. He's talking low, intimately, as if we're the only people here. Leana snickers.

"Okay, then it's from Leana. Leana, this is Diesel.

He came into the shop the other day for his tattoo," I say lamely.

She already knows this, but I'm dying for her to take the attention off me.

Yes, I wanted his attention, but this isn't like in the shop.

This is a display for dozens of people. This isn't him appreciating my body; this feels so much bigger and deeper than I was expecting.

I really am shit at reading people.

Leana sticks out her hand for another shake. Diesel takes it briefly before his eyes snap back to mine .

"Hey, come, sit. I'll introduce you to the guys.

" Diesel motions to the crowd and guides me to a log with his hand on my lower back.

We need to have a talk, but not with an audience.

We sit on the log he just vacated, the redhead now occupying another, and he introduces us to Ghost, Grizzly, and Hawk.

He conveniently does not introduce any of the women draped over the guys.

"And you are?" the redhead pipes up, taking a sip from her red solo cup and not hiding her distaste at my presence at all. She clearly has a thing for Diesel, and now I regret coming even more. I look her in the eye and pray she can see my sincerity.

"Not a threat."

She huffs her disbelief.

"Hey Candy, why don't you get us some more cups so we can break open the whiskey Nikki brought us?"

"Leana," I correct.

"Leana," he repeats. Leana sits next to me and immediately starts a conversation with Hawk, essentially leaving me for Diesel.

"I'm so glad you came," Diesel whispers, his fingers toying with my skirt. I want to like him. I do like him. He's handsome and sweet. But this can't go anywhere. But for a moment, I'm tempted to give in to the fantasy. Maybe for one night, I can forget who I am and why this is a bad idea.

"I told you I would."

"Yeah, but this..." he waves a hand at the already rambunctious party. "...can be a lot."

Candy comes back quickly, and Diesel fills our red solo cups. I decline one. "I don't drink," I say in explanation. Candy's heavily made-up eyes roll in annoyance. But Diesel takes a cup and fills it with the cheap whiskey he likes.

"You dressed up for me," he's inched even closer to me on the log. He’s talking quietly against my ear, as if we're not surrounded by a party. Loud music plays from the speaker; there's laughter and loud talking. Ghost and Hawk are currently arm-wrestling while the others cheer and place bets.

"I didn't think it was a good idea to go to an MC dressed like library Barbie."

Diesel laughs, and the sound is rich and deep, and I love it.

"No. Probably not a good idea.

The look of concern on Diesel's face doesn't ease. "Those guys. They're treating you right?"

I shrug. "They're fine. They're not mean, if that's what you're worried about."

He nods thoughtfully, thankfully accepting my answer. How would I describe the way Maddox sets my blood on fire, or the longing, lingering gazes from Beckett, or how Axel's mere presence makes my heart race and my nipples hard?

"Are they..." he hesitates, and I can't begin to guess what he's trying to ask. He takes another swig of whiskey, as if he needs the courage. "Have they been trying to get down your pants? Maddox seemed awfully protective of you."

"Maddox?" Did he say something when he did Diesel's tattoo? He doesn't seem the least bit interested in me. But then I see my opening to have the talk .

"I don't date," I blurt out, and then wince. Because he wasn't talking about dating, he was talking about sex. I shake my head, embarrassment creeping up my neck.

"I... I don't do long-term... and I don't think it would be a good thing to have a one-night stand with my bosses. I need that job." I'm flummoxed, and I'm sure I'm not setting boundaries well. I wish I did drink so I could dull some of my nerves.

He scoots closer to me so that our knees are touching.

A warm feeling works its way through my body.

This is the attention I wanted. I've spent my entire life avoiding people, trying not to be noticed, but to have a handsome biker's full attention?

Shit, if the woman in me doesn't preen. I want to flirt a little, to feel like a girl again.

I never got the chance to explore this side of me. I've had sex, but it's always been extremely casual one-night stands. I went from living in hell to barely surviving. I've never been in a place where I could just be a girl or a woman. To flirt, and dress up, and vie for a man's attention.

I don't retreat, and he seems to notice. I slide my hand closer to his on the log until our pinkies touch. I think he stops breathing. I'm sure he wasn't expecting me to return his advances.

"I don't have much. I've just been patched in. But I could take care of you. If they're not good to you, I mean."

I groan and close my eyes.

"Too soon?"

"No. I just don't know why you're being so sweet. No one has ever offered to take care of me." I open my eyes to look into his soft blue ones. I place my hand on his jean-clad thigh. "Thank you, Diesel. That's an incredibly sweet thought, but I'm fine. They're not bad to me."

Diesel looks down at where my hand rests on his leg.

Before I can remove it, he covers my hand with his, lacing his fingers between mine.

My heart clenches painfully. I've never held a boy's hand before.

I do one-night-stands and nameless sex with someone I carefully pick out at a bar, but it's never sweet or thoughtful. I pinch back tears.

He must see the pain on my face, because he grabs my hand in his and stands. I can feel the death glare Candy's giving me, so I'm only too grateful for the escape.

"How about I show you around?" I wipe the stray tear away and rise with him. I check in with Leana, who is happily engaged in a conversation with Hawk and another girl. I touch her shoulder.

"Hey, you good? I'm going to walk around for a bit." She smiles up at me happily. She's in her element, meeting new people, learning their stories. It gives me the confidence to leave her for the moment, knowing she'd kick the ass of anyone who would cross her.

My bruised heart finally gives in to the fantasy that my life is different, and I let Diesel lead me away from the bonfire, hand in hand. His hand is warm, but rough, and everything masculine.

He gives me the rundown on the clubhouse, who lives there, and who lives in the trailers and cabins surrounding it.

He explains the woods, how the property is set up, and located to be the most secure, and out of the spotlight as possible.

How the original prez bought hundreds of acres for pennies on the dime because he knew the owner was cheating on his wife.

Because he was also sleeping with the wife.

It wouldn't have been so bad, both husband and wife getting caught, but the husband was a Catholic priest, and he got caught with another man.

He brings me to a small cabin next to the woods, and instinctively, I know it's his.

He doesn't invite me inside. Instead, as we round the side of his cabin, he pushes me against the wall and crowds me. My breath leaves my body in anticipation of what's about to happen.

"Can I kiss you? I can't stop thinking about you." I know I should say 'no'. My body's screaming at me to say 'no'. But the sad little girl inside of me wants to be kissed, wants to be desired, wants to give in to this fantasy that this could be more.

I lick my lips, catching his eyes, before nodding.

He spears a hand through my hair and angles my head up to him before his lips crash against mine.

His kiss is bold but leaves room for me.

I meet his kiss with pressure of my own.

His lips are soft, but his beard scratches the skin around my lips.

He presses his chest against me, and I revel in the hard feel of him.

His lips are all-consuming, demanding, and passionate.

He licks the seam of my lips, and I open for him.

I wrap my arms around his neck and melt into him. In my mind, I'm not Nikki Smith. I'm a normal girl, living a normal life, kissing a normal boy.

He groans and brings his hips against mine.

His body consumes mine. He's all hard muscle, scratchy beard, and smells like a bonfire and whiskey.

It's intoxicating, and I'm an addict. I want more.

I want more of the feel of his hard muscles under my hand, the taste of him, the smell of him.

I want him to make me forget. Forget who I am.

I could fuck him tonight. Just for tonight.

In his cabin. And then we could move on and never see each other again.

But in my heart, I already know he's too far gone for me.

If we had sex, he'd take it to mean something more, and I can't give him what he wants.

No matter how badly I want to give it to him.

I pull back with what little space is left between me at the cabin wall.

I rest my forehead against his. We're both panting, our breaths fanning each other's faces.

My eyes are pinched shut as I commit everything about this moment to memory.

When I'm a thousand miles from her in a new town, I'll pull this memory out and treasure it.

"I can't. I'm sorry," I whisper, my hands still clinging to his shoulders.

I absentmindedly rub a strand of his silky hair through my fingers.

My mouth is telling him 'No' while my body is telling him 'Yes!

' and I know it's so unfair to give him mixed signals, but my own conscience is warring with my logic, and I'm barely capable of making the right choice. I'm just so tired.

"You won't? Or you can't?"

I let out a sad chuckle. "Both?"

"Fuck, Nikki. I haven't been able to get you out of my head. You're all I can think about. The boys tease me because I'm so gone for you."

I groan. I don't want him to be gone for me.

"I don't date. I can't. It's complicated."

"Uncomplicate it for me."

I run my hands over the hard muscles of his back, covered with a soft t-shirt.

"My life...is complicated. I can't date anyone. It's...not safe..." I try to explain without explaining. I already know he's not going to take my explanation. It's flimsy. But I can't tell him who I am. I have to protect him and myself .

He runs his nose along mine. "Baby girl, I'll keep you safe. I can protect you."

Baby girl. My heart clenches again at the sweet pet name. I've never had a pet name before.

I shake my head weakly. "It's not like that. You'd be the one in danger. And I can't protect you." He leans back to study my face. I feel raw and exposed. I don't want him to see my heart actively breaking, so I grab his hand again.

"We should get back to the party."

I can see the war happening inside of him. He doesn't want to go back. He wants to press me, to ask questions, to challenge me. But the kinder side of him wins, and he nods, not asking questions, and follows me back to the bonfire.

We resume our seats from earlier, but continue to hold hands. I let my thumb rub circles against his. It's an apology? A promise? A thank you?

When it gets late enough that people start to disperse, Diesel walks Leana and me back to her car.

I'm nervous about the awkward goodbye, but he stands for none of it.

He grips me by the back of the neck and drags me to him, kissing the shit out of me.

I'm dizzy on his lips and tongue and taste, until he releases me.

He grins at the obvious effect he has on me before depositing me into Leana's passenger seat.

"I'll be seeing you around," he says with a kiss to my hair and a promise.

Leana, at least, has the good graces not to lose her shit still at the MC compound. She waits until we've hit the main road before squealing and teasing me about my new MC boyfriend .

Fuck, how had tonight gone so off the rails? I was supposed to explain to him that we could never be anything more than friends. Instead, I'd made out with him like a teenager and given him a promise to see him again.

Next time, I will have to be stronger.