CHAPTER 28

ON MY OWN MERIT

SAGE

The weeks after spring break turned into the kind of academic sludge that reminded Sage of the week before finals. However, apparently the last two months of school for the Sports Management students were an actual nightmare.

She was exaggerating a bit. But there were projects and papers and presentations and meetings that filled up her days, leaving her feeling like she was working a 9 to 5. She’d gotten in the habit of packing a lunch of dinner leftovers to take with her to campus, because she had neither the time nor money to afford eating at the cafe on campus every day.

Even her laptop had started whining whenever she powered it on, like it was as exhausted as she was.

She’d still managed to get her workouts in before driving to class, but she hadn’t had the time or energy to go to the gym at night to shoot. After months spent courtside, even though she’d been at the end of the bench, she found that she missed basketball. She missed it in a way that she hadn’t allowed herself to in the years since her career as a player had ended.

She also missed David.

He’d been traveling almost every week, actively scouting their potential recruits for the following year. When he was gone, they exchanged occasional texts, which was more than enough for her. She didn’t need constant communication to know that he cared about her.

Sage had started taking care of Daisy when David was gone, which she loved. Even though her schedule was bonkers, walking the dog a few times a day got her outside and in the sun. She may or may not have even smuggled her into the library in her bag a few times.

And, on the days when David was home, things were good. Really fucking good.

They shared most of their lives with each other. They shared meals. They shared reading, each of them with their own books, lost in separate stories but together with their legs tangled on the couch. They both loved to exercise; when David was in town, they’d go to the gym together and then move through different routines, occasionally passing the other with a fond pinch or slap to the butt.

David had tried to rope her into the yoga flow that he did after he worked out, but Sage had her limits.

And of course they shared basketball, both as a passion and — hopefully for Sage — a vocation.

The search for coaching jobs wasn’t going well. She’d posted her resume on four or five different hiring sites, and hadn’t heard from anyone other than the typical outside sales positions that targeted recent college graduates. She was at the point of considering a 9 to 5 office job and then trying to find a JV or assistant coaching job that she could do in the afternoons and evenings. It wasn’t that she minded working her way up. In an ideal world, she’d learn the ropes from a more experienced coach before taking on the responsibility of a team of her own.

It all came down to the money. She couldn’t afford to dive head-on into coaching without having sustainable income from somewhere else. The money she’d saved would last through the end of the semester, and then she had to get a job if she wanted to keep paying rent and eating vegetables.

She really wasn’t ready to give up vegetables.

But she also wasn’t ready to give up her life in Charleston.

Beyond David, there was Maggie, who’d been over to her apartment a few times for late dinners and way too much wine. There was also Rebecca, who’d taken to sending her recipes, and Chuck, who shouted his greetings at her whenever they passed in the Humphrey Center.

She had a life in Charleston. One with friendships and routine and community.

David had a rare Saturday morning at home, so they took Daisy downtown to the farmers market. They strolled down the cobbled brick walk, checking out the booths of seasonal produce, flowers, and locally made products. The pink-stoned steeple of Citadel Square Church towered up above Marion Square, and somewhere a band was playing an acoustic cover of The Beatles’ “Eight Days A Week.”

David wore khaki pants that made his ass and thighs look indecent and a dark blue short-sleeved button-up. Sage’s sundress was a soft cotton jersey, green, with a scooped neckline and capped sleeves. It was probably the most comfortable article of clothing that she owned.

They walked hand in hand, winding their way through the throngs of people. Daisy trotted ahead of them, greeting everyone with a jingle of her collar and a smile. They had to stop every few minutes so that someone could pet her and coo over how cute she was.

“Graduation is a month away. How are you feeling?”

Sage glanced up at him. His grip on her hand tightened.

“Ready to be done,” she answered honestly. “This semester has been brutal.”

His smile was reassuring. “You’re almost there,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. “Should we, ah, well, should we have a conversation about next year?”

“Sure.” She forced herself to swallow against the nervousness that burned in her throat like acid. “What about it?”

A few moments lapsed before David spoke. “Are you planning on leaving?”

“No.” She watched David’s shoulders drop as his head tilted back and his eyes shut. “Unless you don’t want me to stay?” Sage dropped her gaze down to the brick in front of them. “I don’t want to assume, but I’m going to stay in Charleston. Even if you told me you wanted to be done with this — with us — I’d still want to stay.”

“No!” David pulled them to a stop. “I’d love it if you stayed.” He flashed her a soft smile. “I’m nowhere near done with this.”

Sage searched his brown eyes for a moment. She remembered that first night in the bar, searching his eyes then and finding nothing but warmth and sincerity there. Now she could easily identify affection, and maybe, if she wasn’t imagining it, something more.

David had one of her canvas bags over one shoulder, overflowing with the produce she’d picked out. In his free hand he held a full bouquet of yellow tulips. He’d insisted on picking the one with the most buds so that she’d get the chance to enjoy them longer.

Yeah. There was no fucking way she was leaving him any time soon.

“That’s good,” Sage finally said, only to be interrupted by Daisy tugging at her leash, obviously annoyed that they’d paused. She heard David let out one of those low, warm chuckles that sounded like real maple syrup, and she leaned into him.

It felt good, for just a second, to lean on him.

* * *

Sage slipped into her blue blazer as she walked into the Summit High School athletic building. The facility was obviously new, built with blue-gray stone and steel details, impressive enough to make the Humphrey Center look like an ancient relic.

She had an interview for a fucking coaching job.

She’d gotten the call on a Monday afternoon just as she was leaving a group project meeting in the library. It was the head coach of Summit High School’s girl’s basketball team, and he was looking for an assistant who would also coach the JV team. He also mentioned that the school was hiring English tutors, if that would be something she was interested in.

As soon as he hung up she’d jumped in the air like a little kid on Christmas morning. If she got the job, she’d have enough work to make a living, and, after only a minute of research, she learned that the team was good. Like really good. Two appearances in the state final in the last five years kind of good.

She’d immediately called David, who was recruiting in D.C.. He’d congratulated her, even though he’d seemed a bit less enthusiastic than she thought he’d be. He was probably just tired from all of the travel, she rationalized.

She’d taken extra time getting ready for her interview — going for the full suit, low heels, and pulling her hair back into a high ponytail. As David called it, the “power pony.”

She really, really wanted the job.

She wanted it so badly that she’d already caught herself looking up blazers in the team colors — navy and white. She’d already started combing through her notebook from the season, imagining crafting a speech for her first team meeting.

She wasn’t trying to get ahead of herself, but after years of not knowing what the next thing was, having the clarity of purpose put a new fire in her veins. After all of the emails from her mom and meetings with her advisor, after floundering anytime someone asked about her future, she finally knew what she was going to do.

Coach Michael Atkinson was a lean man around Sage’s height, with a soft smile and a strong handshake. He walked her through the gym, showing off the state of the art facility on the way to his office. He was dynamic and charismatic, and his commitment to the girls in his program was obvious based on how he talked about them. All of his varsity players were playing year round on club teams, and many of them were on their way to being college players. It was an elite program with all of the resources a high school team could ever ask for.

Once they reached his office, Sage sat in the leather-backed chair in front of the desk while Michael settled in. “I’ve got to be honest with you,” he said, leaning back in his chair with his hands clasped behind his head. “When David texted me about you, I wasn’t sure what to think about taking on someone so green.”

It felt like her organs had dropped right out of her body plummeting into the earth. Sage forced herself to speak. “I’m sorry, did you say that David spoke with you?”

Michael smiled. “Yeah, he told me that you were looking to get into coaching after completing your masters. He’s an old friend and a great coach, and I trust his judgment. After he vouched for you and talked about what you’d done for them over at Southeastern, I knew I wanted to bring you in.”

She said something in response, but the part of her brain that was conscious of events in the immediate moment was completely offline. She must have continued to form words that made some sort of sense, because she sat in that chair for another half an hour before she registered Michael offering her the job. The tutoring would be a conversation with another department, but he’d take care of it all. According to him, she was a shoo-in.

“May I think about it?” Those words she was aware of forming.

Michael looked surprised, but quickly recovered. “Of course. Get back to us in the next week.”

“Thank you.” Sage tried to smile as she stood up and extended her hand.

“We’d love to have you,” Michael replied.

She was sure that her expression was faltering. “It’s a really amazing opportunity,” she said, her voice sounding hollow even to her own ears. “Thank you so much for considering me.”

The walk out of the building was a blur. It was oppressively hot outside; the heavy, humid air immediately brought sweat beading on the surface of her skin.

When she got to her car, she peeled off her jacket and threw it into the back seat.

She couldn’t go home. Not yet.

She drove to the Humphrey Center. It was mid-afternoon on a Tuesday, and rather than make the familiar trek to the practice gym, she walked into the main gymnasium. She took in the golden wood of the floors as she kicked off her heels and unbuttoned the cuffs of the blouse she’d put so much thought into. She rolled up her sleeves as she walked over to the supply closet tucked beneath the bleachers. Punching in the familiar code, she grabbed a ball and slowly padded on bare feet out to the main basket.

She started to shoot. Within a minute she was lost in the familiar movements, and with her body occupied and in motion everything that boiled inside of her began to rise to the surface. Anger, frustration, and betrayal all channeled into the bend of her knees and the flick of the ball off of her fingertips.

She didn’t name her thoughts. She didn’t try to understand what raged inside of her. She wasn’t ready to put words to the disappointment that threatened to carve out her insides and leave her empty.

When her bare feet began to ache, she stopped. She put the ball into the closet and grabbed her things, sliding her feet back into the heels that had seemed like a good idea earlier.

Her phone buzzed inside of her bag. She ignored it.

She wasn’t surprised to see David pacing in front of her apartment with Daisy tucked under one arm and his phone gripped tightly in his hand. She remembered that his flight was due to get in early that afternoon and they’d made plans to hang out as soon as he was back.

He rushed toward her the second he saw her. “Where have you been?” He did that ridiculous thing where he looked her body over like he was going to find some sort of injury on her. When he didn’t find anything, he looked her directly in the eye, his brow furrowed with concern. “I was worried.”

Sage unlocked the door to her apartment. “I went to shoot.”

She pushed the door open, walking inside and flicking on the light. David followed her.

“Did the interview go okay?”

Dropping her stuff onto the couch, Sage turned around to face him. “I don’t know, David. Has Michael given you an update yet?”

She watched his expression shift. Watched the pained twist to his mouth as his chin dropped down. Watched his eyes fall shut, his dark lashes curling against his skin as he shook his head. “Sage, I —”

“I told you no.” There was no point in pretending. She let all of it pour into her voice, refusing to hold anything back from him. “I told you no and still you went behind my back and did what you thought was best for me.”

David opened his eyes and looked directly at her. “I wanted to help.”

“But you didn’t listen! I’ve told you over and over again that I’m the kind of person who wants — no, needs — to figure things out on my own, but you just had to butt in, didn’t you?”

“Sage,” he ground her name out like it was painful. “You deserve to get a chance to do the thing you love in the place where you want to do it, and sure, I’m a selfish bastard who doesn’t want you to move halfway across the country. But you’re it for me.” He took a step toward her. “You’re my person, and I don’t want to imagine what it would be like to not have you here.”

Tears burned her eyes. “You asshole. You absolute fucking asshole.” She had to turn away from him, looking instead at the philodendron that had grown long enough that she’d had to pin it up against the wall. Now it made a green chain that extended up and over the arched opening between the living room and little dining area. Before she’d moved in, it had barely been a foot long.

“If you actually cared about me, like really and truly cared about me, you never would’ve done this.” She didn’t fight the way her voice broke. “I thought you knew me better than that, David. I thought you were my person too, but if you can’t see that what you did was completely fucked up and out of line, then I guess I was wrong.”

“What are you talking about? I know you, Sage.”

She looked up at him, at the panic that widened his eyes and how his hair stuck up on one side. It was only then that she noticed his t-shirt. Neon green with large letters proclaiming Kale Yeah! Her shirt.

Another something inside of her crumpled.

“You know, that’s what Evan used to say.”

Devastation crumpled his face. “Sage,” he started, shaking his head.

“What? That’s what he used to tell me. ‘Trust me, Sage. I’m looking out for you. I wouldn’t lead you astray. I know you, Sage.’ That’s what he would tell me when he gave me a meal plan that left me weak and underweight. The same thing he’d say when I asked him if he was inviting college coaches to my games. And guess what? He quietly sabotaged my career, all while assuring me that he knew best, until I’d burned every bridge except for the one that connected me to him.” She wiped at her wet cheeks. “So excuse me if I have no tolerance for men I’m fucking who think they know what’s best for me.”

She watched the words hit. She watched David cover his mouth with one hand as he blinked against the moisture that gathered in the inner corners of his dark eyes.

Let them out , she wanted to tell him. It’ll feel so much better if you let them out.

But she didn’t.

“I didn’t think of how,” he started. “Sage, I’m so sorry, I —”

“This thing between us? It’s built on mutual respect. I come to you already whole — flawed maybe, but still complete, and you come to me the same. That’s why it works, David. My life has been so much better with you in it, but don’t think for a second that I need you. And now that you’ve done this, what do you think it tells me about what you think of me? Do you really think I’m so incapable that I can’t start my career on my own merit? Because if that’s what you think, I honestly don’t want you around right now.”

Tears streaked over his cheeks and disappeared into the shadows of his stubbled cheeks. “Please, Sage.”

A sob tore from her chest. “I think you should go.”

David nodded, turning toward the door.

“Wait,” Sage called, willing her body into motion.

David stilled.

She went to Daisy, still tucked under David’s muscled arm, and lowered to give the dog a kiss on the nose. “Love you, Daisy girl,” she whispered.

Daisy let out a whimper and licked Sage right across the mouth.

Sage turned away and listened to the door click shut behind her.