Page 43

CHAPTER 42

W hen the elevator opens, I automatically duck. Goose was usually there practicing his knife throwing, but it’s empty now and the lights are off. Straightening, I ignore their curious looks as I step out and the lights turn on. Heading down the corridor, I open the doors of the living area.

“Kitchen is there, and the gym is down there. There are plenty of rooms upstairs, so feel free to sleep wherever you want. I’m going to shower,” I call without looking at them. I need a minute to myself. I haven’t been alone since before Black betrayed me. I’m always with them, and I find I even like the lack of quiet, but right now I’m a little overwhelmed and need a minute to gather myself.

I head down the corridor to my room, unlocking it with my fingerprint since I didn’t trust them not to leave booby traps in my bed for fun. I shut the door and lock it behind me, pressing my back to it. My double bed is made and pushed against the back wall. My shelves above are filled with manuals and maps I used. My desk is to the left with the lamp switched off. My other wall has four windows, which are currently closed with curtains pulled.

My room is still the same, and nothing has been touched. It’s strange being back here. The last time I stayed in this room was the night before our hunt when everything changed. Everything around us has done just that, changed, but this has stayed the same. It was never home, just a room, but as I hear my new team’s laughter filling the air, I realise it’s starting to feel like it.

So many memories haunt this floor, good and bad, and it’s all too much.

Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply before ripping the bathroom door open then slamming it behind me. I strip from my bloodstained clothes, knowing they are beyond saving, and chuck them towards the bin before I carefully lay my weapons on the counter to clean later. My LED mirror flickers on, displaying the temperature and any hunting alerts, but I turn on the walk-in shower. The glass screen steams up quickly, so I step inside and walk to the end, where the two showerheads are, both aimed at me.

Everything is state-of-the-art, but this shower was always my haven. The hard spray unknots my sore muscles after hunts.

My hands press to the wall as I stare at the drain, watching the red-tinted water flow down it. My body will be clean, but my soul never will be, not after the things I have done to survive, but I can live with it.

I can live with being this version of myself as long as it puts people like Black in a grave.

I feel the air behind me change, and I glance back to find Ronan there. He looks serious for once. I’m too tired to scold him, so I simply offer what I should have earlier, but before I can, he speaks.

“I’m sorry about the motel.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I was too hard.” I shrug as I turn away and close my eyes. Maybe it should bother me that he’s in here with me, but honestly, Ronan has seen worse, and if he’s been watching me for years like he said, then he’s seen every inch of my body. There is no point in feeling shame or embarrassment, and I am too drained for that.

“You’re not okay.” His voice is so close, it startles me, and I feel him behind me, not quite solid but not weak either. “Not just physically. You look exhausted by life and what it has forced you to do. Killing your team, no matter what they did, has worn on you, Tate. Let me help.”

“Why would you?” I murmur.

“Because I couldn’t do anything before, but I can now. I have always been with you, Tate. You just didn’t know it. I’ve seen your comedowns after hunts, and this is different. You’re hurting. Let me make it better.” His voice is soft and prying.

I lift my eyes again, looking over my shoulder, and meet his searching gaze.

He sees too much, but there’s no escaping Ronan. Wherever I go, he can simply follow, and he will. I cannot rid myself of this nosy ghost.

“Did Shamus send you?” I ask.

His smile is small. “No. I have no doubt he would have, but he didn’t need to. I know when you’re struggling, Tate. I know you better than you even know yourself. There’s no one else here, so there’s no need to put on a mask. Let me help you.”

“How?” I whisper.

“By reminding you that you’re not alone and making you think of anything other than what has happened.”

My brows furrow as I try to decipher his meaning.

He suddenly disappears, and my eyes widen as I search for him behind me, but he’s just gone. Is this how he hid before now? It literally feels like I’m alone.

I go to turn when hands grip mine and slam them to the wall, something pressing to my ear. “Stay right there.” His voice, dark and hungry, fills my ear, but I still can’t see him.

A hand slides across my shoulders, massaging my stiff muscles, and I jerk. He chuckles, and his other hand roves down my arm, massaging as he goes, working the tension from my body. He keeps it up, touching every part of me.

“That’s so fucking weird,” I murmur. I can’t see him, but I can feel him. I startle at each unexpected touch since I can’t prepare for it, and his chuckle fills my ear.

“Close your eyes, Tate,” he murmurs, and I obey. My eyes close as his hands slide across my body like he owns it, turning my muscles to jelly.

His touch is warm despite him being dead, and my thighs part in invitation as his hand crests over my mound, but he keeps going, massaging my thighs, down, and then back up, teasing me. I ignore my own desire and frustration and just give myself over to him. Every muscle in my body relaxes as he touches me.

“Ronan.” His name slips from my lips in a blissful sigh, and his touch becomes harder, stronger, as his fingers trail down my sides, making me shiver. I almost giggle at the ticklish feeling, but that soon disappears as he moves lower.

His palms slide across my thighs, and he pushes them farther apart. I shouldn’t let him, but I do. I’m so tired of being strong. I let him control me however he wants, and when fingers thrust inside me, I groan.

My eyes flutter open, but I still can’t see him, and for some reason, I like that. Leaning back into the tiles, I roll my hips into his invading fingers. Thick and strong, they curl inside me, building up the slow desire that I have no control over. Something plucks at my clit, slow and sure, in a rhythm that is familiar. It’s one I use on myself. I freeze for a moment, knowing what that means.

He watched me touch myself.

It should piss me off, but I really don’t care, not when it feels so good. Everything else disappears. It’s just sensation, and Ronan being invisible helps. I just focus on the feeling, rocking my hips as he slowly fucks me with his fingers, building my desire into a slow, crashing wave that finally takes me under. My gasps of pleasure fill the air as I quake, the slow release leaving me languid and more relaxed than ever.

Slumping back into the wall, I pant as my eyes open once more to find him rising to his feet, his eyes hungry and dark as he sucks his fingers into his mouth. “I’ve wanted to do that for years. Watching you with others, watching you touch yourself, I imagined how you would feel a thousand times.”

“Perv,” I mutter, licking my dry lips, and he follows the movement with his gaze before stepping closer so he’s pressed against me. I can feel every inch of him, although the water goes through him, which is odd to see as his hand slides across my collarbone and wraps around my throat. My eyes widen as he pulls me from the wall and presses his lips to mine in a soft, leisurely kiss. My lips part on a happy sigh. His tongue wraps around mine and strokes teasingly, making me shiver. It’s odd. I can feel and taste him, yet he doesn’t feel . . . solid. It’s a strange sensation, but not necessarily bad.

We kiss for so long, I struggle to breathe, and when I pull back, I’m panting and filled with lust again.

“That’s not the only thing I wanted to do though,” he warns, and before my brain can process his words, he spins me and presses me to the wall.

My hands slap against the slippery tiles as his mouth drags down my neck. “I want your taste in my mouth. I want to know what brought my best friend to his knees. I want to know the heaven the others found between your thighs. Try to stop me, Tate, but you won’t be able to. You can’t fight what you can’t see.” The truth is, I don’t want to stop him. The idea of him doing this when I can’t see or find him to fight him has my cunt clenching. His lips tilt like he knows that, and they drag down my spine and across my ass. He kicks my legs apart, and his lips continue their journey lower, and he licks my cunt from behind.

Groaning, I press my overheated face to the tiles as I curl my nails into the cracks between them, holding on as his tongue sweeps over every inch of me. He tastes my cunt thoroughly, like he doesn’t want to leave any part untouched, and my legs widen of their own accord to give him better access, making him chuckle.

“I’ve seen you tear apart monsters three times your size and fight off armies, and yet look at you, so soft and submissive for my tongue.”

“Shut up,” I mutter, closing my eyes. I don’t want to think about anything else. I don’t want to be a hunter in this moment. I don’t even want to be Tate. I just want to forget. I just want to feel. He must know it because his voice stops and his tongue flicks across my clit, making me cry out.

His hands dent my hips, pulling me back to his hungry mouth as his tongue slides inside me, thrusting deeply before pulling out. He fucks me with it, and the thought of him inside me, fucking me, makes me moan and grind into his face for more. My skin overheats, and it’s not from the water, even as the steam wraps around us, his talented tongue alternating between torturing my throbbing clit and fucking me.

My nipples drag along the wall, the abrasive tiles making me moan as my eyes close, and I hand myself over to him, letting him build up my desire once more until I can’t handle it.

I need more.

I want him inside me.

“Stop,” I tell him, but he doesn’t, so I reach down and push him away.

Turning, I swallow hard around my desire as I lean back into the wall, my eyes sweeping down his body as he gets to his feet, licking his lips. “Can you even . . .” I glance down at him meaningfully.

His smirk grows, and suddenly he’s very real, turning solid. The water that passed through him before now wets his hair and clothes. “I can do whatever you need me to, Tate. I have been watching you for years, wishing I could touch you. Do you really think I wouldn’t have figured out a way to do that?”

“Then fuck me,” I demand as I reach for him. No more words pass between us as our lips crush together. I taste myself there as he lifts me up. Like we have been doing this for years, I wrap my legs around his waist as I feel his cock press against me.

He’s warm despite being dead, and his length feels big. Neither of us speak as he reaches between us, and I lift up, helping him as he presses to my entrance. I slowly sink down, taking all of him, stretching around him. He’s curved, and when I settle on his length, it rubs a spot inside me that has me leaning back with a moan. My eyes meet his dark gaze as we pant and shiver, both of us adjusting to being locked together.

The world behind him is obscured by the stream, making it feel like we are in our own world, and then he starts to move. His hand slaps into the wall as he holds me there and pulls from my body before thrusting back in. My groans fill the air unchecked as our lips meet once more. Our joining speeds up as I use the wall and his body to ride him until I’m meeting him halfway, bouncing on him as he fucks me. His kiss is messy, and I love it. I give as good as I get, using him like he’s using me, but under it all, it feels like more. It feels like coming home. It feels like safety. I know then Ronan has always been here.

My cunt clenches around his cock until he grunts and his thrusts speed up. Both of us breathe heavily, our bodies slick with water and sweat, and then our kiss breaks as I scream.

My release slams through me with such force, it takes me by surprise. My channel clenches around him, and he snarls into my skin as he presses his head to my neck. I grab his hair, holding him as ecstasy washes through me, locking me to him. Groaning into my skin, he bites it as he pulls from my core, thrusts back in, and stills. I feel him coming, but I can’t feel it spilling inside me, which is odd, but he’s panting and still locked against me. When he lifts his head, his eyes are filled with blissful pleasure.

“Worth the wait,” he murmurs breathlessly. I smile as I lean back and just let him hold me.

When we can finally move, he helps me down and starts to wash me, and I let him. How many times did he watch me break in this shower and wish he could reach for me?

Probably as many times as I wished someone were here to hold me, but he is this time, and both of us make the most of it.

Honestly, I’ve gotten so used to Ronan being around, I don’t bother kicking him out as I dress, and when I head back into the common area, I freeze. Mattresses, blankets, and bedding have been arranged between all the sofas to make a giant pit. “What is this?”

“Well, none of us wanted to sleep in the rooms of those who hurt you,” Jarek answers.

“And we didn’t want to sleep alone,” Tem adds.

“So . . . a puppy pile?” Fang says with a huff. “But I told them if they touch me, you’ll kick their ass.” She heads over to me. “I’m going to borrow some clothes.”

I nod and watch her go before turning back to the others. The TV is on, and Addeus and the fae play with it, seemingly amazed. Shaking my head, I step over the blankets and sink into the huge bed. Tem and Ronan dive to be next to me, and I let them, wearing a small smile on my lips.

How did they know I needed this to replace those memories?

I never would have trusted my previous unit enough to sleep out here before, but I trust these monsters with my life.

Addeus turns back and rolls his eyes as he walks over and simply drops on Tem and Ronan until they have to drag themselves from under him. He lies back, grinning widely at getting the spot next to me.

Jarek rolls his eyes and climbs next to him, Zeev lounges across my legs, and Tem and Ronan fight for snacks on the side.

There is a huff and shuffling sound, and I glance back as Fang walks from my room, her hair knotted on her head in a bun.

As Fang saunters over, she tugs down a pair of my shorts. “Babe, you’re way too fucking skinny.” She huffs. “My ass barely fits in your shorts.” I nod because when she turns to show me, I nearly swallow my tongue. The bottom of her ass is hanging out, my oversized shirt isn’t down to her knees like it is on me, and she tied it under her breasts, showing her golden stomach. Possessiveness fills me.

“Everyone, look away,” I bark.

She turns, shaking her head, but she grins when she realises I’m sitting up, watching her. I pat the space next to me I saved for her, placing me between her and the others. She prowls over, her powers making everything she does seductive, and when she sinks down next to me, I debate ripping those shorts down and discovering if she’s bare underneath, but instead I cover her with the duvet. When her eyes widen, I push her back and tuck her in up to her chin.

“Nobody else needs to see what’s mine,” I mutter.

Her smile is so wide, dimples flash.

“What?” I ask.

“Most would have pounced on me, but you tucked me in.” She bites her lip adorably. “You’re so cute.”

Rolling my eyes, I lie back, and she scoots closer, pressing her face into my side. I lift my arm and let her lie on it, even as I lean my head into Addeus, my legs acting as pillows for Zeev. They all seem to move closer as the lights dim, and when I glance over, Jarek winks. “Magic, beautiful.”

“Handy.” I grin before I focus on the TV and the film they put on. I soak in their warmth around me, their comfort. They said they were doing this for them, but I know it was for me, and I can’t even explain how grateful it makes me feel.

In this place, where I should feel alone and unsafe, I feel comfortable and protected enough to drift off to sleep, surrounded by my new family.