Page 64 of Coronation (Royally Forbidden #1)
Ben shakes his head slightly, as though trying to clear away the memories I know would break me if I could see for myself.
“It is one thing to find the love of your life, but entirely another to see yourself as deserving of such happiness. The mistakes I made when our relationship began will always be one of the greatest regrets of my life, but I assure you, they won’t be repeated. ”
I expect Sybil to retort with something scathing.
I know my sister, and she has nothing if not a natural talent for skepticism.
For god’s sake, the woman has made a career of searching for the tiniest point of weakness and exploiting it with ruthless efficiency.
Apparently, she’s taking today off, though.
After a long moment of silence, Sybil only purses her lips.
“Fair enough,” she tells Ben curtly, though I can tell by the tightness in her expression she is unconvinced.
Looking between my family members’ faces, I search for signs that this information has sparked a new wave of questioning, but for once, everyone is silent.
“Okay. Well.” I let out an unsteady laugh.
“Now that all answers have been addressed about our marriage, I guess we can get to the second big piece of news.” Blowing out a heavy lungful of air, I look to Ben, whose face still shows a shadow of darkness from the unexpected tense moment.
As he apparently realizes what it’s time to tell them, however, some of it seems to clear, and he offers me a reassuring smile.
Reaching out to squeeze his hand, I look back to my family. “I’m also pregnant.”
The cacophony of sound this announcement produces quickly necessitates the return of the mute button, and with its invaluable assistance, we manage to get through the questions pretty quickly.
No, it wasn’t planned.
Yes, we’re happy about it.
No, it wasn’t the reason for the wedding.
No, we won’t name the baby Calvin if it’s a boy.
No, we can’t live in California.
No, I won’t be encapsulating and eating my placenta.
Yes, I’m sure.
It’s loud and chaotic and slightly exasperating, but when I slump back in the kitchen chair at the end of the very long video chat and look to Ben, he’s smiling. “I think it went well, all things considered.”
“I’m sorry my mother asked about your sperm count.
That was pretty weird.” I yawn, stretching my arms over my head in a fruitless attempt to wake myself up.
It doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I get; these days, within an hour of waking up, I’m tired again.
“She’s not a pervert; she’s just totally detached from reality after a lifetime of having way too much money. ”
“Yes, I’m familiar with the phenomenon,” Ben snorts, hitting the blender’s ‘on’ button to finally finish our breakfast. When the loud grinding has died away, he continues.
“My own mother wasn’t exactly what one would call grounded .
When she died, she had enough drugs in her system to operate a full-service pharmacy. ”
My lips twitch at the tone he uses to deliver this grim piece of family trivia. “Would she have liked me?”
My new husband laughs out loud at this, looking as happy as I’ve ever seen him as he pours out our breakfasts. “God, no. She would have been furious with me for even speaking to you at a dinner party.”
“Even if I wore the blue dress?” I ask innocently, and judging by the darkening in Ben’s eyes, he knows exactly the one I’m referring to.
“Oh, darling. Especially if you wore the blue dress.” He’s still grinning as he crosses the kitchen, setting down my glass before me.
“Let me know if it’s too much kale. I understand that folate-rich foods are very important at this stage of the baby’s development; they’re said to reduce neural tube defects. ”
My mouth falls open as I watch him retake the seat beside mine. “How do you know that?”
“I read it on the app.”
“The app?”
Ben casts me a bemused look. “I downloaded it on the drive back from Wyngate yesterday. It sends weekly updates on the baby’s development and helpful dietary and lifestyle suggestions for both of you.
” I’m still gaping at him, my eyes burning with a fresh wave of tears—okay, this amount of crying is getting ridiculous, it has to be hormonal—as he checks his watch .
My heart sinks. “You have to go?”
“The car will be here soon. Harrold set the meeting with the prime minister and cabinet for early this afternoon.” He grimaces. “It has to be today, Zelda. I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize. I’m just…” I trail off, not quite able to put my finger on what exactly I’m feeling right now.
Scared? Happy? Guilty? Hopeful? All of the above seems to be the only true answer.
For now, all I can do is voice the fear that’s been on my mind since I agreed to marry him.
“What if they make you abdicate? Because of me?”
Ben leans back in his chair, gazing at me. “That isn’t going to happen.”
“What if it does , though?” I haven’t wanted to ask a lot of questions about the youngest Ashwell, but Ben and Damien both have alluded to him not being entirely well.
It’s pretty clear to me that duty and honor aren’t the only things that have kept my husband from dispensing with the crown he never wanted.
He’s protecting his little brother, too.
Obviously sensing the internal spiral, Ben sighs.
“I’m aware that telling you not to worry won’t achieve the desired effect.
But, darling, this isn’t your burden to bear.
You have done nothing wrong, and I don’t believe I have either.
The law and morality aren’t mutually exclusive.
If the prime minister wants to drag me through the mud for marrying the mother of my child, I believe the people will agree I have the moral high ground. ”
“But, Leo?—”
“Agreed that removing a king for breaking an irrelevant, outdated law is unlikely.” He fixes me with a stern look. “I spoke to him about it at length before I proposed.”
That Leo gave this plan his blessing does make me feel the tiniest bit better, and I manage a tight smile as I reach for my smoothie. Ben watches me take the first sip, carefully cataloguing my expression for signs of distaste, and when I lower the glass back to the table, he raises his eyebrows.
“Well?”
“It’s amazing. The kale was a great addition.” It really wasn’t; the concoction is almost appallingly bitter, but Ben looks so pleased with himself that forcing it down with a smile is worth it.
Leaning in for a brief kiss, he stands, checking his watch again.
Something inside me pangs, not just at the thought of him going to this very important, life-changing meeting, but also at the thought of saying goodbye for the day again .
After all the emotional ups and downs of the last few days, I’m feeling distinctly clingy, and separating from him for any amount of time sounds horrible.
“Can I come with you?” I ask hesitantly. “Not to the meeting with the prime minister, obviously, but just… with you. I can hang out at the palace. Then you don’t need to drive all the way back tonight.”
Ben’s answering look is very soft. “I’ll save you some time, darling. Whenever you ask me that question, for the rest of our lives, the answer is going to be yes.”