Page 14

CHAPTER

THIRTEEN

DEMI

Luna and I have filled our days with work, my compulsive disorder going into overdrive when it comes to organizing her schedule, swag, and library. She’s been steadily working on two books, getting those words in as she closes herself off in the office.

How she can go back and forth is a riddle. But it’s also intriguing. However, if I were to attempt to do that, I’d have all of the characters confused and they’d end up starring in both stories or swapping love interests.

Our nights are lazy as we either float in the pool or watch television. When I’m alone in bed at night, I find that my brain is stuck on anything and everything having to do with Xavier.

A few weeks ago his constant presence got on my last nerve, but now, I want nothing more than to have him here with me.

Now, I’m not used to being in bed without him, it feels lonely and just—wrong.

The restlessness of my nights weave into my mornings and I sludge my way, zombie style, to the coffee pot.

My phone died in the middle of our program last night, so I put it on the charger in the living room and forgot to take it with me when I headed to bed.

So once I pour the biggest mug Luna and Kodiak have in their cabinet, I go and remove it from the plug.

A smile lights up my face when I see I have several text messages from Xavier waiting for me to open and read.

I snicker when I realize I still have him listed as Conan in my address book, that’d really get him riled up because, in a deep voice, he insisted when it comes to me, he’s not Conan. As my man, I’m only to call him Xavier.

Conan: Look who I’ve made friends with.

Attached are several selfies with him and the four men who continue to plague my life.

Conan: They’ve stayed up our asses since we met. I’m a God, Demi. They have all but dropped to their knees to worship me .

I laugh so hard I’m nearly doubled over in half. This man’s ego knows no bounds. I knew that they’d be unable to resist joining the ranks of the meanest men there.

Me: As long as that’s all they're doing before you on their knees .

I set my phone beside me as I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them as I sip my java and slowly wake up. When my phone glows with an alert, a smile spreads across my cheeks. There’s nothing more fun than bantering with him, even when it’s via text.

Conan: My has officially gone into hiding. What are you up to this morning? We’re getting ready to go and do our trust fall and rope climbing. None of these motherfuckers better drop me!

My smile now illuminates the room because I can see them making a game of dropping each other and releasing the rope that’s supposed to keep them steady as they climb.

Me: You know they’re going to. Don’t lie, you have plans on doing the same exact thing to them, don’t you?

Conan: Shh, woman. Don’t share all of my secrets. Miss the fuck outta you, woman. You never answered me, what are you doing today?

Me: We’re taking the day off and doing a little shopping. Don’t worry, we’re taking our shadows with us. Luna needs new clothes and since you have a habit of ripping my underwear, I’ll be hitting up the lingerie shop.

Conan: Get those edible ones I like. The cherry! I’ll send you money because they’re for me, not you. How much do those things cost anyway?

I don’t know the price off hand, so I look it up and find that they’re quite reasonable.

Me: They range anywhere between $10 and $14 dollars. Believe it or not, the flavor determines the price .

Conan: I’ll send you $200 so you can stock up. Gotta go, baby, the guys are waiting on me. I’ll call you tonight.

Me: Talk to you then. And I’ll be sure to stock up on the and flavored ones. TTYL .

Glancing back through our conversation, I giggle. We are the king and queen of emojis. But it gets the point across when we don’t want to use actual words. Plus, it helps that they pop up all willy-nilly when you begin typing.

It took everything in me not to share with him how much I’m missing him and that I love him. I’m not ready for that, but hope one day I am. When I gave into him and agreed to give us a chance, that feeling came fast—a little too fast.

An alert on my phone shows that funds have been added to my money share app. I transfer it to my bank and shake my head at the note attached. As if I didn’t know what the money was to be used for.

Luna’s face is bright red as I grab the entire shelf of edible panties and drop them into the cart. “You’re an author, Luna, this shouldn’t embarrass you,” I say, waving at my spoils.

“I write about it, Demi,” she hisses. “I don’t buy them for the world to see!”

“I know you wrote about it, Luna, that one scene in ‘His Only Desire’ was my inspiration for buying them the first time,” I rebut. “That shit was hawt, with a capital H.”

She plasters her hands to her face at the mention of that scene.

I bet women around the world had to replace their panties after reading it.

Many men got lucky afterward too, that I know for a fact because I scan through her emails before sharing them with her.

I weed out the mean ones and only forward the good ones from her business account to her personal one.

Regulator and Roscoe joined us today on our spree, and I find it hilarious that they took a step back from us when we hit the intimate aisle.

They didn’t blanch at the condoms, but when it came to lube and edibles, they became one with the shadows.

I glance back to see if they’re still around and laugh my ass off when I hear the two of them in a passionate conversation discussing the differences and merits between the ribbed and lubricated condoms.

“Y’all want a woman’s perspective on which one’s best for us?” I loudly ask, my voice booming and echoing, not minding the fact that there are several women strolling through the walkway.

Luna blinks rapidly before twisting on her feet and leaving me there, not looking back as she scuttles away. She knows after various experiences with me, that I won’t hold back if they say yes, and these men, they’ll definitely say yes.

“I wouldn’t mind hearing your opinion,” Regulator replies as Roscoe crosses his arms and stares me down with a skeptical look. It’s a damn good thing these men don’t blush because I’m about to give them a straight, no holding back, answer.

“Okay, gentlemen,” I start, clapping my hands together for emphasis, “this is how it is. For a woman, the lubricated ones are good if you don’t know how to get us wet between the legs.

Let's face facts, that’s a necessity if you want to slide your way to homebase without tearing us in half.

But if you do it right, and know what you’re doing, there’s nothing special about them.

They taste like shit if a woman is blowing you, and the after taste is disgusting and never seems to go away unless you drown it with straight laced alcohol.

The ribbed ones, again, aren’t easy when it comes to bobbing on your knob, but they feel fucking fantastic sliding in and out of you.

Now, if you switch them out between a woman giving you pleasure and you fucking her senseless, I’d go with the flavored ones and the ribbed ones. Any more questions?”

Roscoe mimics Luna’s earlier action by rapidly blinking his eyes. “My knob? Really, Demi, that’s what you call a man’s dick?”

“Not all the time,” I innocently say. “If I’m in the mood I call it a cock or a dick. If you aren’t my man and you’re not rocking my world, it’s a caterpillar, a knob, a steel pipe… you get my point.”

“Loud and motherfucking clear,” Regulator grumbles. “And my dick in no way resembles a caterpillar.”

“That’s good to know for your lady friends,” I sass, winking at him. “Because my pinky finger is bigger than one and that would be a sad state for you.”

“Let’s go back to referring to it as a knob,” Roscoe mutters. “I’m feeling offended on behalf of any man you’ve used the other references for.”

“Or a steel pipe, because depending on the fitting, it works,” Regulator conveys.

“I wouldn’t mind taking a peek at your steel pipe,” a woman, no younger than seventy, says as she pats him on his ass. “I bet you’re packing a big one.”

“Dead!” I snicker, holding my rib cage from the harsh laughter wracking my entire being. “That’s fucking great!” I walk up to the lady and give her a high five. “Good for you. I wanna be you when I grow up.”

She winks at me then tells Regulator, “I’ll give you my address. But if the trailer’s ‘a rockin’ don’t come ‘a knockin’. I’m a popular lady at the retirement center.”

Regulator’s jaw drops open, and he has no words.

“I uh… I’m uh… I think Luna’s calling for me.

I gotta go see what she wants. Nice to meet you, ma’am, and I’m glad your schedule is so…

full and entertaining.” As she scampers away, he rubs his ass where the woman didn’t hold back and smacked him good.

The aisle of women wolf whistle and clap at his retreat, and Roscoe hangs his head. “He’s never going to live that down, is he?”

“Never,” I snicker. “I can’t wait to tell everyone what happened.”

“Glad it wasn’t me,” he sighs.

“It could be,” the feisty, retirement home lady interjects. “I don’t mind sharing the love.”

“Obviously,” Roscoe croaks, his skin turning pale.

Is the big bad biker scared of a little old lady? Damn, that’s some funny shit right there.

“But I couldn’t take your attention away from your men. Have a good one.” When he finishes speaking, he grabs me by the elbow, walks me back to my cart and all but shoves me through the aisle.

“That. Was. Freaking. Hilarious,” I manage to wheeze out as he guides me toward where Regulator and Luna are standing, waiting for us. Both are fidgety and ready to haul ass out of this side of the store. When I give Luna a play by play, we’re both hugging our chests as tears stream down our faces.

Best. Outing. Ever!