Page 14 of Composed at Randy’s (Diner Days)

Chapter 14

Bael

“ I think I'll be okay on my own for five minutes.”

This sentence haunts my every waking second as we make our way to Connecticut.

Not that I was sleeping or anything. It just sounds more dramatic if I say it that way, and since I’m feeling incredibly upset right now, you need to feel it with me.

Why did Wren leave? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't do? I really should have offered to give him all of my cats…

I didn't fire Brent or James because telling them to keep an eye on Wren had been a stupid idea in the first place. I'm the one who was supposed to be taking care of him, so making sure he didn't slip out is all on me.

What if he's cold? He didn't have a jacket. “Goddammit, Harvey,” I shout toward the back of the bus. “Why didn't you make sure Wren got a jacket when you brought him clothes?”

“Harvey's not here buddy, remember? You made a deal with him that you'd only get on the bus if he stayed behind to find Wren.” Mel rubs my shoulders, probably in an attempt to be soothing.

I am not soothed.

“He'd better fucking find Wren,” I growl. “I'm not above hopping off this bus and catching a ride back to Boston.”

Everyone knows I mean this because I don't make empty threats.

Why should I? Making threats is boring and pointless. Action is what gets you what you need.

“I’m sure Wren is okay, Bael,” Travis says as he pokes at the not-Elvis fan hanging on the wall. He jumps backward post-poke, but when it does nothing otherworldly, he adds, “He made it this long on his own, didn't he?”

“He obviously didn’t, Travis. Don’t poke the bear.” Shay pulls Travis away and gives me a rough deal, buddy shrug.

Laura isn’t here because she promised to stay at the hotel in case Wren comes back, and he’d probably be happier if someone he knows is there.

I don't end up catching a cab as soon as I get off the bus because Harvey is giving me regular updates on his progress. Which is zero, but I know Harvey. If there's something out there to be found, he'll find it. I have full confidence in his ability to hunt down Wren and remotely supervise tonight's gig.

So I obediently allow Trina to turn me into a goth wet dream, but I don't bother checking the results before stepping on stage because my mind isn't in Hartford, Connecticut. Instead, I do what I do best: Something stupid and impulsive.

I gaze soulfully out into the crowd. I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm scared, and I'm not ashamed to hide it. I'm not doing any of this grin-and-bear-it bullshit.

“Thank you for coming today,” I say. “It means everything to me and the rest of the band because I know this shit is expensive and sometimes getting out of the house is hard. Thank you for supporting us by doing the hard thing. Every single one of us knows we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.”

The crowd goes completely berserk, cheering and waving banners and glow sticks. Our fans are just the best, aren't they?

“Leaving my home was really hard for me today,” I continue, and the crowd goes dead silent. I don't tend to get personal on stage, so everyone is probably a little confused right now. If Harvey’s prone to having a stroke, this will be what does it. Hang in there Harvey. “I just met someone amazing. He's the coolest guy—cute, funny, and weird in all the right ways.”

There's a loud crash behind me and I turn to see that Travis has fallen off of his stool, narrowly missing taking out his drum kit. Travis is a topsy-turvy guy when he's stressed out, have you noticed?

There’s a smattering of laughter from the crowd but mostly everyone seems entranced by whatever the hell I'm doing right now. I wait a second to make sure Travis is okay before I continue. He's fine. Travis is small but he's a resilient little bugger.

Thank god he didn't fuck up the drum kit or we'd be here an extra hour setting it back up again.

“Sorry about that, Travis,” I give him a little wave. “I'll try to give you a warning the next time I decide to do my soul searching in public.”

Travis gives me the finger, and everyone laughs. When the crowd calms down, I say, ”I think I scared him away though. I'm not sure how I did it, but I'm going to find out as soon as I can, and I'm going to fix it. That's what we do right? We're human and we fuck up, but what keeps us from being shitty people is that we admit our fuckups and try and do better.”

I pause and stare across the crowd. I wish Wren was here. I wish I could say this to him. I wish I could find out why he left.

“As soon as this concert is over, I'm going to find him and tell him how I feel, and you're all going to be super nice to him about it, okay? No internet bullying. I'm pretty sure I don't need to say this to you guys, but I've seen some scary things happen to other musicians’ and artists’ lovers, so I need to be proactive about this. I love my guy, and I will kick the shit out of anyone who makes him cry.”

It's good to be upfront about this, especially since it’s Harvey's main reason why I can't take Wren on tour with us. All I need to do now is find Wren and convince him to come.

I wait patiently for the crowd's reaction. Currently, it’s nothing but crickets out there.

I accept that I might have just turned away most of my fans, and maybe I've killed my career, but I don't care. I'm not here for the fame, and I already have the fortune. I do what I do because I love doing it, and if being honest makes my fans hate me, then I will keep doing my thing anyway.

It’s just now occurring to me that I’m not the only member of this band. Well, shit. I should have thought this out more. They'll probably be okay if they kick me out, right?

I turn to give my guys an apology, and I'm just in time to see the full-speed group tackle hug coming my way.

The crowd erupts. The stage shakes from the force of the cheers and stamping feet, and it makes it impossible for me to keep my footing while Mel, Travis, and Shay throw themselves at me. We all go down in a pile of flailing limbs.

I try to free myself, but my bandmates are all really strong, so if they want to cling to you, they're staying.

I can tell that the crowd was a huge fan of my little speech because once the din dies down a little, I can pick out things like, “We love you, Bael!” “Marry me and we can have a three-way!” “I would die for your boyfriend; he sounds adorable!” and my favorite, which was, “Go get your man!”

When the crowd is finally quiet, Mel says, “We stand behind Bael, obviously. And he's right, you're all really fantastic fans, so we're going to count on you to shut down the trolls online when you find them.”

“What he said,” Travis says with all the black cat energy he can muster.

Shay just snorts and says, “If we're done with the feelings portion of the evening, can we get back to what we're here for?”

I gather them all into a bear hug and squeeze until I know they probably all need air. Then I haul us all to our feet when I stand up. I know, I'm very strong, and as you can see, it comes in handy sometimes.

“Let’s do this thing,” I yell, and the stadium goes bananas once more. Is anyone else like me who doesn't know how to spell the word banana? I just type ba and keep adding na over and over again until it looks right or I give up.

No?

Just me?

Whatever. Anyway, the next two hours are insane. I have more energy than I’ve ever had on stage before and that’s saying something. I think it's safe to say that we killed the ever-loving shit out of this concert.

Mel is our guitarist and backup vocals, but tonight the slut gets to do lead on our cover of “Shout” by Tears for Fears. Mel has been slaving over getting the vocals right for months now and absolutely slayed.

I’ve never been prouder.

Even Shay shows more than the too-cool-for-words facade he crafted to use for stage performances. I swear to you that he actually smiled. Twice . Also, his keyboard work is usually outstanding, but tonight he really went all out.

And me? I sing my fucking heart and soul into every second because I’m imagining Wren being here with me, listening to me perform. I make every single goddamned note my bitch.

At the end where we usually do several encores after the first one, the crowd starts chanting, “Go get your man!” until I give a final bow and run off the stage.

It was fucking epic.

The next part is tricky.

I don't have to worry about takedown because the tech crew has that locked down. However, the bus isn't remotely ready to go because the guys had all of their personal stuff unloaded already, and it would be shitty to take off with it and leave them stranded here. Also, even though the bus definitely isn’t haunted by Elvis’s old kitchen fan, I’m still not taking any chances and riding in that thing alone.

My phone is ringing, but I see that it's Harvey, and I'm not interested in having him brutally destroy my eardrums, so I hit ignore and stuff my phone back into my pocket. Then I realize he may have info about Wren, so I skid to a stop, whip it back out, and text him.

Bael

Is this about Wren?

Harvey

No, but we need to talk about what you just?—

I stop reading, stuff my phone back into my pocket, and start running once more.

I'm going fast when I make it to the dressing room, so my entrance is on the dramatic side, and it makes Trina shout, “Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, Bael!” when I slam the door open.

“I need your car,” I say, bouncing up and down on my heels impatiently.

“I'm sure you do, lover boy. I caught your speech, and if my heart wasn't made of coal, I would have had an emotion. If you try a little harder next time, I might care. Sadly, you fell short, so no dice.”

Normally this is one of the things I love about Trina. She isn't moved by fame or fortune. She has her own set of priorities and can't be moved unless she wants to be. This means that the fact that she likes me is beyond precious. Unfortunately, it also means I can't bully her into letting me borrow her car.

“Name your price, Trina. I don't care what you want. If I can give it to you, it's yours.”

Trina knows she has me over a barrel, and I don't have time to play games. She knows I can't hire a car myself or take any kind of public transportation. The few times I've tried, it’s been such a disaster that Harvey actually threatened to quit if I did it again. He really meant it too.

I like Harvey and I don't want him to quit. Besides, if he quits, he won’t be able to help me find Wren.

“Get me a date with Harvey.”

Wow.

Like… holy shit, wow.

I don't have the time to unpack that right now. I swear to you, until this exact second, I thought Trina was a lesbian. You learn something new every day, I guess.

“Done.” I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I don't go back on my word, so I know eventually I’ll make it happen.

“And I'm driving. I also get to pick the music, you're riding in the back, and don't even think about talking to me. I’m off the clock as soon as my butt hits the driver’s seat.” Trina pokes me in the chest so hard I flinch and finishes with, “You are damn lucky I was planning on going back to Boston tonight in the first place.”

Trina is prickly as hell, but she wouldn't have said yes at all if she didn't like me, so I don't get my feelings hurt.

“Deal.”

I'm on pins and needles the entire time Trina finishes packing up. I'm smart and only suggest to her once that she should let a techie do it for her. Her glares are like razors to the soul and just one of them is enough to shut up the devil himself.

I obediently allow her to make me her packhorse and carry all of her stuff to the car. Thank god, she only made me bring the important stuff, otherwise there would have been no room for me or her in the car. But she's protective about her brushes, combs, and other tools, so those had to come with us.

It’s closer to early morning than it is to late evening when we’re packed and ready to go, but I don’t complain because we’re still leaving earlier than I could have managed alone. I really, really want to though. I swear she took her time just to be mean.

“You better be as quiet as a mouse back there,” Trina says as she buckles herself in.

I mime zipping my mouth shut, and we’re finally on our way to Boston.

So you know that song I've been working on? The one that really took off as soon as I met Wren? It's louder now. So much louder.

It's kind of angry now, too.

I'm mad. I think I'm also hurt. I spent most of the time until now scared and worried, but Wren agreed to be my boyfriend and then ditched me immediately after. Why didn't he say something before he left?

What if I don't find him before he makes himself sick and collapses again?

I have my headphones on and open my music notation app. I haven't written any of my new song down yet. Until now it's all been in my head, but it's so loud that if I don't get it out, it'll come out on its own, and then Trina will kick me out of her car, and I’ll have to walk to Boston.

I space out and let the music do its thing. All the beautiful parts of the past few days, the scary ones, the sexy ones—every bit of it goes into this song. It's not like my normal stuff. Most of my songs are high energy with an edge of anger because writing is how I get out all of my feelings about my bullshit childhood.

There's a reason why I'm in a goth band, after all.

This song is more delicate. More vulnerable.

I'm just so fucking in love with Wren, you guys.

And right now, it hurts . It hurts so much that if I wasn't pouring this into the song, I'd be howling at the moon.

I need to find Wren and ask him what happened. Ask him what I did to make him think he couldn't tell me what he needed.

The sun is up and over the horizon when we make it back to Boston. My song is finished, and my eyelids are drooping.

I’ve ignored every text from Harvey that didn’t involve Wren. I’ve done it so much that I’m worried he might die from irritation, so I finally relent. I’m going to see him in a few minutes anyway, so I might as well bleed some of the anger off him before we meet face-to-face.

Bael

What’s up?

Harvey

Where are you?

Bael

With Trina. I’m almost home. How bad is the fire?

Harvey

Your sales went through the roof and are still climbing.

This is Harvey’s way of saying you made us all a shit ton of money, so keep doing what you’re doing . I stop worrying about him being mad and get back to worrying about Wren.

Bael

Where is Wren?

Harvey

I haven’t found him yet.

Bael: HARVEY, I SWEAR TO GOD.

Harvey

Calm down, Bael. I have a lead. What do you know about a man named Kai?