Page 33

The game is on the TV too late for Owen to watch with me, so I’m curled up on the couch alone.

I have my phone on the arm of the couch, but Gabe stopped texting over an hour ago.

He’s not supposed to have his phone turned on in the locker room or during games.

His last text was a series of kissy faces and hockey sticks.

I’m glued to the TV, trying to catch every glance of my Daddy that I can.

They’ve reached the pinnacle of the season now, the part which dictates whether they’ll make it to the playoffs or end their season early, which means that they’re traveling more than ever and I’m staying busy with treating “bumps and scrapes” (the guys call them that, I call them bruises and sprains) during their practices.

I know that I haven’t been in the scene long, just a few months, but I already miss it when I have to go a week or so without Daddy with me. We try to make it work, but he’s been more and more focused as the weeks go on, so even our phone calls are sparse.

It’s partly my fault too, because I’ve been distracted with Karen and Harold and the fight to keep custody of my son.

I’ve met with the lawyer a handful of times already and we finally have a date for the case in front of the judge.

It’s next Friday and, unfortunately, it clashes with one of the Phoenix Penguins’ last games.

If they win the game, they’ll move on to the playoffs.

If they don’t, the season will be over for them.

Gabe has mentioned more than once about skipping the game, but I refused to hear it.

Instead, before he had to leave for his flight, he helped me get all the papers together that the lawyer requested, and I have to settle for watching him on the TV.

They’re playing in Atlanta tonight, so he’s way too far away for me to join him.

Not that I could. I’ve been instructed to stay in the state, to keep Owen on his usual schedule as much as possible.

Karen isn’t allowed to text me directly anymore, but it hasn’t stopped the extended family from sending messages.

Owen, for all it’s worth, has been his usual, funny self.

He’s been cracking jokes and keeping me sane.

There are moments, usually before bed, when he gets serious and asks me if everything is going to be okay.

Each time, I reassure him that no one in this world or the next can take him away from me.

I’ve taken every possible step to make sure I can keep that promise. I’ve taken his grandparents off the approved pickup list and explained to the administration at the elementary school that he is not allowed to be picked up by anyone outside of me, Gabe, his parents, or Mandy.

“Looks like Phoenix’s number twenty-six is having some trouble,” the commentator brings my attention back to the screen.

The camera has zoomed-in on one of the players from the other team, but it pans down the rink to the other end.

All the guys are moving fast, skating around.

I spot Gabe’s jersey number the second that he falls to the ice, just as the commentator says, “Oh!”

There was no one around him, nothing to trip him. Gabe just… falls .

And he doesn’t get up .

The whole arena goes quiet and the refs rush to Gabe, medics also making their way onto the ice.

My heart races and the screen turns to an announcer as they speculate about what has happened.

I can’t hear anything that he’s saying. I can feel tears in my eyes as I reach for my phone.

It’s already ringing, Mandy’s photo on the screen.

“Are you watching the game?” she asks.

“I am,” I say. “Is he okay?”

I know in the back of my mind that she isn’t going to know anything more than me. I still ask, hoping that someone magically has an answer. On the TV, the medics are putting Gabe on a stretcher.

He’s still out cold.

I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until my lungs are screaming at me to breathe.

“He’ll be okay,” she says when I take a deep breath. She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself as much as me.

“I need to go to him,” I babble, “I need… I can’t leave. I…”

“Justin, slow down.” Mandy’s voice does nothing to help. “Can you call the coach and see what’s going on?”

“Um, yeah. Let me…” My brain isn’t working, filled with all the bad things that could be happening. The ice is suddenly empty. Each team is taking a break. I glance at the timer, which has stopped with six minutes to go in the last period.

That’s not usual. Not unless someone is really injured.

I feel panicky and sick.

“Justin, call your coach and then call me back, okay?”

“Okay.” She hangs up and I switch over to my contacts list. I have to blink my eyes several times to see the names on the screen .

The phone rings three times and I almost hang up to try again, but Overton finally answers. I can see him answering the phone on the TV after only a two second delay. “Justin?”

“How is he?” I demand. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Coach says. It’s surreal to watch his lips moving on the screen in front of me. He turns away when he realizes that he’s on camera. “He’s still out. They’re saying he fainted, and his heart rate is weak, but he’s stable otherwise.”

“Is he going to be okay?” That’s all I need to know.

“They’re going to hook him up to an IV and take him to the hospital. I’ll keep you updated.” The line goes dead, and I’m left thinking the worst.

If Gabe hasn’t woken up yet, that’s not a good sign. Is he dehydrated? Pushing himself too hard? I know that he’s worried about letting the team down and his scholarship and he wasn’t eating a lot…

“He stopped doing that,” I mumble to myself. I lift a hand to my eye and swipe the tears away once more. “He told me he was fine.”

***

“Hey, baby.” Daddy’s voice is like every good thing in the world mixed together.

I barely slept the last two nights, trying to get updates on him and debating if it was worth catching a red-eye flight.

Now, he’s standing in front of me and giving me that smile.

He has bags under his eyes, but other than that he looks okay. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“You did,” I say. I can hear the mix of emotions in my voice. I’m relieved that he’s okay, but I’m also still scared and a little mad. I don’t want to be mad at my Daddy, but I can’t help it. “You said you were okay.”

“I know, baby. I will be okay, I promise.”

Turning on my heel, I walk back into the house, knowing that he will follow. I sit on the couch and face him. I want nothing more than to crawl on his lap and never let him go, but I know we need to talk about this.

“What happened?” I ask. He looks sheepish. “Why did you faint?”

“I was dehydrated,” Gabe answers. “I didn’t eat breakfast, and then we wanted to get an extra practice in before the game and I forgot to eat. I was sweating a lot during the game and then I felt lightheaded.”

“Gabriel.” I’m in full work mode right now.

I know that he’s my Daddy and he sets the rules and everything, but I’m in charge of making sure he’s good on the field.

Ice. Whatever. I knew he was losing weight, and I brought it up to Coach, but I didn’t follow up on it.

I thought he was taking care of himself after he told me he would do better. “You can’t do that, and you know it.”

"I know.”

“I don’t think you do,” I interrupt him firmly.

“You are studying Sports Medicine, Gabe. You know the effects not eating has on an athlete. It’s dangerous.

Not only can you faint, but you put stress on your organs, and it slows down healing any bruises or other injuries.

You need a minimum number of calories just to function, let alone build the muscle you need to power through games and withstand bodychecks and—"

“I know.” He takes my hand. I can see tears glistening in the corners of his eyes.

“And I’m sorry, baby. I really am. I was just under a lot of stress, and I thought if I could just get through this season, I’d be fine.

I didn’t want to let the guys down; I wanted to give them the best chance at making it pro.

Especially since I decided I don’t want to go that route. ”

“You don’t?” I look into his eyes. He swipes a thumb under one of mine and nods. He takes my other hand and moves closer to me. Our knees bump together with the way we’re sitting.

“I’ve been thinking about it since last year,” Gabe says. “I love hockey, I really do. But I’ve realized that the traveling and constant practices aren’t how I want to spend the rest of my life. I want to come home each night. Wherever home is.”

This time, I do move to crawl onto Gabe’s lap. I straddle his legs, and his hands cup my ass. My lips are on his before either of us can say another word. I missed him so much. I was so damn worried.

Our tongues dance together, like they’ve been practicing this dance forever. I run my hands through his hair, pulling the hair tie out in the process. I’m just as obsessed with his hair now as I was when we first got together. Obsessed with him. With all of him.

“You always have a home with us.” I whisper the words against his lips. “Now, take me to bed. Please.”

“It’s only noon, baby.” It’s noon on a Saturday, and Owen is actually with Brian and their family. Gabe’s parents made the drive when they heard the news as well. They’ve been staying with Mandy for the past two days. They were at the airport when Gabe landed.

“Then you better grab us two bottles of water, Daddy.” I give him a smirk and tug on a strand of hair. “Because I don’t have to pick Owen up until seven.”

** *

The courthouse is very… brown. The seats are long rows of brown wood, with a maroon, almost brown cushion.

The stand that the judge sits at is brown.

The dress that Karen is wearing is even some shade between tan and brown.

I don’t want to be judgmental, but it’s not a good color for her. I’m being petty, but I don’t care.