Page 23

The crowd roars as we step back onto the ice for the third and final period of our game against the Las Vegas Vipers. They’re not cheering for us, but I try to let it boost me up anyway.

Despite our two-goal lead, I know I’m not completely focused.

Usually, being on the ice is invigorating and motivating.

The snick-snick-snick of skates cutting through ice, the clacking of sticks, even the crashing and thumping of players being checked into the boards is enough to drive my competitive edge. Tonight, though, I’m distracted.

Justin is at home. I’ve known from the beginning that he can’t travel to all of our games, but for some reason I’m struggling with the distance today.

Maybe it’s the advances we’re making in our relationship and with our kink.

I mean, just last night he told me he wants to try something incredibly vulnerable as part of our play together as Daddy and Boy and I can’t stop thinking about how special that is. How much he must trust me.

The thought brings both a smile to my face and serves as a distraction.

That’s not fair on the other guys on the ice. Not on my team, and not on the other team, either. Most of these guys are trying to make it to the big leagues. They all deserve a teammate and a competitor who is willing to work with them to make that happen.

Refocusing, I prepare for the puck drop.

Chasing it down the ice, I navigate around the opposing defense and relish in the burst of adrenaline.

I growl when I’m slammed into the boards unexpectedly, and the puck is taken from me by Jake Zeigenfuse, the Vipers’ ruthless left defenseman, and he skates off with it while I try to get my equilibrium back.

I’m chasing him within seconds.

My skating is smooth and I’m fast as I regain my rhythm. Our captain and center, Zach Weston, has already swiped the puck back from the other team and once again we’re racing in formation towards the offensive zone.

This game has been a good one for our team.

We’re having a pretty good season so far and Coach has been pleased with the way our rookies have integrated with us more senior players.

In fact, Cody Briarson, one of the freshman players, is currently on my line, playing right winger.

Even I know that he’s a better player than me, especially tonight when I can’t focus properly.

He's faster than me, with natural reflexes that make half the other guys jealous. Even Zach seems a little intimidated by Cody’s talent, and he’s the player most likely to make it to the big leagues this year.

But I’m glad to have both of them on my line tonight.

Especially when Zach’s shot on goal ricochets off the post. By some miracle, I’m in just the right place to intercept it and I swing my stick, sending the puck straight to Cody who shoots it directly in between their goalie’s legs and into the back of the net.

The Vipers’ home crowd boos, but my teammates' ensuing celebration creates infectious joy for the moment —for Cody’s first goal of the season— and it’s a moment I wish Justin could share in person.

Ugh, and there I go again.

As the game continues, I try to funnel the anticipation of seeing Justin soon into determination and focus. Despite the physical distance, my Boy’s support is unwavering, and not only because the college employs him.

During a shift change, as I drop onto the bench and guzzle water, I hope that Justin knows that I’ll support him wholeheartedly, too.

See, I got a text from him during the long-ass bus ride here, and when I opened it, it revealed a photo of him and Owen wearing matching Phoenix Penguins jerseys. The text had read:

Justin

We’ll be watching you win!

I made the photo the home screen on my phone, and I will be printing it and hanging it inside my locker at the first chance I get. But that same text only made me realize that I don’t like being away from him. He’s my Boy.

It’s beyond kink now. It’s beyond simple dating, too. I think it has been since the start.

I’m not sure I’m ready to put into words how I feel, but I do know that it’s way more serious than any relationship I imagined I’d have in college.

But even if we do break up, even if he isn’t my forever person, these feelings that I’m having will come up again in the future if I do pursue a career in professional hockey.

Away games will always be a thing. I need to really think about whether that’s something I want to deal with for an entire career .

“Nagy,” Coach’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I blink up at his frowning face. “You okay, kid?”

I nod, even though my thoughts are making me a little anxious. My vision swims for a moment before I take a deep breath and force myself to focus again. “Yeah, Coach. I’m good.”

He eyes me warily for a moment, then nods his acceptance. “Okay. You boys are playin’ real well tonight.” He glances up at the clock suspended above the rink, big, red numbers counting down to our victory.

Even though the Vipers have already scored once this period, we’re still up by two points. We’re all hopeful it stays that way, but anything can change in the final few minutes of a good, well-matched hockey game.

“Keep up the good work for the last shift,” he demands, gesturing for us to get our asses ready to swap out with the defensemen. “We’ve got this.”

And we do.

The final buzzer marks our victory. As a team, relief and celebratory excitement follows as we acknowledge our win. Even as we’re bumping gloved fists and patting each other’s helmets and shoulders, I can’t stop wishing Justin was here to celebrate, too.

Especially if my Boy wants to take our kink play further.

Did I mention how horny I get after a win? It must be the endorphins and the adrenaline of a game well-played…despite the fact that I was distracted for most of it.

** *

Back in my hotel room, which I’m sharing with Mason, one of our sophomore defensemen, I video call Justin.

It’s late now, so Owen will be in bed, and I currently have the room to myself.

I can only assume Mason has gone out to party with some of the other guys, or to hook up with someone.

More power to him, but I didn’t want to drink, and I also didn’t want to risk Coach’s wrath for missing curfew or the early bus home tomorrow.

Plus, the benefit of having some privacy to call my boyfriend was too tempting to pass up.

“Hey,” Justin answers the call after two rings, his mussed hair and hooded eyes telling me he was probably halfway to sleep himself. I do feel a little guilty for disturbing his schedule on a school night. Nevertheless, he smiles warmly when he sees me, “Congrats on the win, Daddy.”

“Thanks, baby.” Just this tiny interaction eases some of the tension of missing him. I still want to pull him into my arms and kiss him senseless, but being able to talk to him will have to be enough. “Did you have a good day? Did the football team send any fun cases your way?”

Even though he’s employed to mostly be one of our team’s trainers/therapists, on the days we have mid-week away games, he has made an arrangement with the college to work with the football team so he doesn’t have to disrupt Owen’s school routine any more than necessary.

I’m glad that the college has been so willing to be flexible with him, but then again, I’ve seen him work.

He’s damn good at his job, even if he doesn’t have decades of experience under his belt yet.

“Nah,” he barely gets the word out before he yawns widely, then blinks. “Whoop, sorry. Owen was a bit of a handful this afternoon.” Worry lines pull at his forehead, then he gives his head a shake and smiles at me. “And I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” I admit. “But I should let you go to sleep.”

Even as I say the words, I push down the disappointment that we’re not going to jerk off for each other via FaceTime. I can rub one out on my own: Justin’s rest is way more important than mutual orgasms.

He pouts, sticking out his plump lower lip. I wish I was there to nibble at it. “I don’t wanna,” he whines, and my heart squeezes at the hint of Little Justin in his voice.

“I know, sweetheart, but the sooner you sleep, the sooner it will be tomorrow.” This reminder is as much for his benefit as my own. I muster an encouraging smile. “One sleep, then Daddy will be there to cuddle you.”

He draws his lip in between his two rows of pearly white teeth and gnaws at it. “Grown-up cuddles?” he asks coyly.

My dick, already half-hard just from seeing him on my screen, twitches with interest.

“ Naked grown-up cuddles,” I promise, reaching down to adjust myself.

“Mmm,” he says, squirming a little from side to side. “I can’t wait, Daddy.” Another jaw-cracking yawn overtakes him, making me chuckle.

“Sleep, baby. It’ll be tomorrow before you know it.”

He nods, then asks, “Will you stay with me ’til I fall asleep?”

The feeling I’m trying really hard not to name surges through me again with a vengeance.

My heart thumps harder in my chest and I nod.

“Prop your phone up on your nightstand…yep, like that, good.” My lips curl upwards as he settles back on his pillow.

“Now, go to sleep, baby. It’ll be tomorrow really soon. ”

He closes his eyes and smiles. “Night-night, Daddy.”

“Night, Justin.”

***

The bus trip home takes forever . I’m agitated from a restless night spent tossing and turning on an uncomfortable hotel mattress, and I skipped breakfast in my bid to make it to the bus on time. I have a headache, and the rowdiness of my teammates isn’t helping me.

This is going to be a long-ass year if all the away games feel like this.

After only a moment’s hesitation, I pull out my phone to text my sister.

Mandy and I are probably the closest of all our sibling relationships, partially because she’s the closest to me in age, and also because I spend so much time babysitting her kids.

She’s also been super supportive of me dating Justin since the beginning, given that her son, Brian, and Owen have made fast friends at school.

Taking a deep breath, I send my message.

Me

I think I’m completely fucked. Just had an away game and I missed Justin too much to focus. What do I do?

Mandy

More like completely pucked, right?

I frown at her text, accompanied as it is by a laughing emoji.

Me

Not funny. I’m actually panicking here.

Mandy

Sorry, bro.

Are you sure it’s not just new relationship shininess? You’ve only been dating for a couple of months, and this is your first away game. Anyway, didn’t you guys win?

Me

Win or lose, it doesn't matter. Coach knows I’m off my game. What if I lose my scholarship?

After I send that, I scrub my hand over my face. Justin is worth a lot to me, but is he worth throwing my degree away this close to the final buzzer? (The answer scares me, because it’s a big, resounding ‘yes’.)

Mandy

That’s a huge leap to make after one game. Everyone has off days, and you have a track record as a solid player.

What’s this really about?

I swallow and glance out the window, watching the scenery speed by. It’s all dirt and tufts of grass and…was that a tumbleweed? Who knew they actually existed?

Looking back down at my phone, I consider how to reply. Courtesy of my sleepless night, and my increasing agitation and bad mood, I’ve started to panic about just how serious things have gotten. I’m only twenty-two. It’s my senior year of college. I’m not supposed to be getting in deep with anyone.

Except I know that’s wrong. I know that there aren’t any rules for when, where, or how people fall in love.

But oh god, that word alone is scary as fuck.

Me

I’m scared. It’s all getting really serious.

Mandy

LOL. I mean, yeah, bro. He has a kid. You knew what you were getting into.

Me

Theoretically, sure, but now that it’s happening, I’m panicking.

I have so many away games. More if we do well in the tournament. Is it always going to feel like this?

And is it fair on him to have a boyfriend who is away all the time?

Mandy

He’s a big boy, Gabe. He can handle time away from you, too. If he feels the same way about you as you do him, you will make it work.

But you should talk about this with him, not me.

The first of her two messages makes me snort a little derisively.

If only she knew… But my kink is something I keep very private from my family.

They don’t need to know what gets my engine revving.

That would be weird. I mean, sure, if Justin slips up and calls me Daddy in front of them, they can just think it’s light daddy kink and we can leave it at that.

But the age regression stuff? That’s just between him and me, and any of the kinky friends we make.

Still, everything else she says makes sense.

Me

I know. But I’m scared of that, too.

I’m scared that Justin will think that this is too much, too fast. That he’ll want to pause everything or stop it completely.

That he won’t feel the same way I do.

I’m not used to being anything other than confident and assertive in my relationships. But today, with the separation and the lack of sleep, I’m off-kilter.

Mandy

For what it’s worth, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. He’s head over heels for you, too.

I remind myself of the call last night, of Justin asking me to stay on the phone with him as he drifted off, and of the conversation we had the night before I left.

He’s been thinking about trying a wetting scene, having an accident, making himself vulnerable and embarrassed and reliant on his Daddy —on me— to look after him.

He wouldn’t want any of the above if he didn’t feel like I do, would he?

No.

So why does the idea of telling him how I feel still freak me out?