Page 41 of Coco and the Misfits (The Candyverse #4)

COCO

C an I trust his story? His apology? His talk of wanting to be with me?

Talk of souls. Soulmates. Mates.

My heart pounds at the thought. Ryder is like a storm, terrifying and beautiful. Has he really changed his ways? Could we be happy together?

After he’s gone, I sit back on the sofa and turn on the TV. I should put my groceries away, call June, or another friend to talk about this, but I let his story seep into my mind.

He seemed sincere. Distraught. The despair in his eyes had seemed genuine. He wouldn’t need such an elaborate tale to get back into my good graces, would he? If he only wanted more sex, he could have gone to anyone else. Why come back to me?

“You don’t need long to recognize a soul that fits perfectly against yours.”

I had felt it, too, before he’d shut me out. Before I had told myself to move on. A tug in my chest, a fire in my body. He’d made me believe it was one-sided. Imagined, perhaps.

But look how traumatized you are from being almost kidnapped. How cautious. How self-conscious and insecure. Imagine going through what he did. Wouldn’t it change you? Change how you feel about relationships? Make you scared to form attachments?

And should I believe anything has changed for him now? God, why is this so complicated?

It’s not, I tell myself. He hasn’t. People don’t change.

Not even if the trauma that changed them in the first place starts to heal, letting their real self shine through?

Too soon. Too hard to believe. He has told me his story. Now it’s up to me to sit back and make my decision.

* * *

In hindsight, Atticus’ appearance at my door the next day shouldn’t have come as a shock, but it did. Especially after Ryder’s confession. I had expected Zach, honestly, who’d started courting me. Shouldn’t he be the one trying to convince me to go out with him?

Atticus is a bear-like shadow by my apartment door, leaning against the wall, as I return from the Book Café. I talked with Sawyer and got him to investigate Ryder’s story.

Now I have a silver fox alpha waiting for me.

I’ve never seen him look this rumpled before. He’s always been immaculate, in his expensive suits and shoes. I’ve never seen Atticus Ford in jeans and a T-shirt. Probably expensive jeans, but all the same. Oh, and sneakers.

I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from seeing him so casual, although he’s as lethally handsome as ever. Even sexier, if that’s possible.

The lines on his forehead look deeper than I remember them.

“Coco.” He takes his hands out of his jeans pockets and straightens. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

I don’t ask who let him into the building. It’s way too easy to do, as my almost-kidnappers proved.

I gather my wits. “Hi, Atticus.”

He nods in greeting. “How have you been?”

I give a little, half-hysterical laugh. “How do you think?”

“Right.” He lifts a hand to scratch his bearded jaw. “Could we talk?”

I hesitate, but I’m pumped full of caffeine and sweet friendship support, and I hate him but I also melt a little at the sight of him, and…

“Come in,” I say before I change my mind and chicken out. I take out my key and unlock the door. “Wipe your shoes first.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He chuckles, a low, delicious sound, as he comes inside. “You never asked me to wipe my shoes before.”

“I wasn’t upset with you before.”

“Good point,” he says somberly, wandering to the window and looking out. “Excellent point.”

I put my bag away and realize I’m twisting my hands together nervously. “Tea?”

“No, thanks.”

“Atticus—”

“Just call me Ace. Please?”

“I don’t use pet names for men who discarded me like trash,” I say, more harshly than I’d intended.

He turns, his face a mask of pain. “Coco?—”

“So tell me what you wanted to tell me and go.”

“I came to apologize.”

“Okay.” I walk to my sofa on unsteady legs and sink down. “Then do that.”

“I’m sorry I treated you that way. I’m sorry I caused your walls to come up. I wanted you to defend yourself against others, but I find that I hate slamming into those walls myself.”

“Well, too bad,” I whisper.

He comes to sit beside me, heat radiating from his large frame. “I wanted to push you away because being with me is a bad idea.”

“Oh, wait.” I narrow my eyes at him. “Are you going to give me an origin story, too?”

“Origin story?”

“A sob story. Ryder already told me his. Did you plan this? To come in, one after another, to make me feel sorry for you?”

He gives a harsh laugh. “I see.”

“I’m not falling for it. Just so you know.” I lift my chin. “So you can save your breath.”

“You don’t want to know why I’ve never formed a pack or sought out a permanent partner in my life?”

Shit. I bite my lip and glare, because of course I’m dying to know. “Did your parents also die in a horrific accident because of something you did?” I mutter.

His gaze widens, then narrows. “You’re fucking with me. Did Ryder say that?”

“He did.”

Atticus studies my face as if he doesn’t believe me. Then he looks away. “What the fuck.”

“You didn’t know,” I whisper.

“No, but I should have guessed he was hiding something awful. That’s why he said…” He shakes his head. “Damn.”

I hadn’t been sure Ryder was telling the truth, but seeing Atticus’ reaction removes some of the doubt. “What did he say? When?”

“He implied something had happened in his past to make him unfit for relationships.” This time, his chuckle is bitter. “It makes my story seem silly by comparison.”

And now I’m even more intrigued. “Silly?”

“Nobody died. My family is hopefully alive and well, living their happily ever after.”

“Your family? You mean your parents and siblings?”

“That’s not what I meant, I…” He surges to his feet and takes a few steps away. “I’m making this worse.”

“I don’t think you can,” I tell him frankly.

It earns me another bitter chuckle. “You’re right again. Let me tell you my sob story then, my origin story as you called it, and leave you in peace.”

I fold my arms, bracing myself. I don’t know what to expect. After Ryder’s story, I can expect just about anything.

“My story isn’t that dramatic, I’m afraid,” he says, and I almost bare my teeth at him, ready to snap a reply. He lifts his hands. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. What I meant was, nothing terrible happened. Once, when I was much younger, I fell in love.”

A hide a wince. The thought of him in love with someone—someone else—shouldn’t bother me. I shouldn’t care one bit.

“I fell in love with a couple of pretty girls. An omega and a beta. They had already been together before I arrived on the scene. We clicked. I thought this was it. This is the start of my pack. What is expected of me. They said they knew another great beta to add to the group. Then another. Great guys. It was a great pack in the making. I just…”

I wait, but he paces around the room, prowling like a caged animal.

“I tried,” he finally says. “I tried to be the alpha they needed. To make the decisions, satisfy everyone, and set up a home and a nest. Prepare for heats and the arrival of babies. Make sure I was making enough money to cover all expenses if necessary. Be their leader, their lover, their father, their everything. And… I had a breakdown.”

I watch him stop and clench his fists.

“I had taken on too much. The pressure was too fucking great. I didn’t feel I was up to the task.

Every hour I spent working to cover expenses was an hour I spent away from the pack, and they complained.

They wept. They said they needed me home.

They needed more from me. I wasn’t taking enough responsibility.

Wasn’t shouldering enough. And then our omega’s heat arrived and I… I ran.”

I stare at him. At his large, powerful alpha telling me his story, his voice breaking, his big shoulders slumping. What this story tells me is that… he’s only human.

And my heart goes out to him. Strangely, I like him a little bit more now, knowing he’s kinda broken inside. Understanding why he pushed me away the moment things got hot between us.

“Wait,” I whisper, “wait… Did you push me away because you thought I might go into heat ?”

He shrugs. “It did cross my mind. But mainly, I thought that I didn’t want to be with anyone. That I couldn’t shoulder that responsibility again.”

“And now you’ve changed your mind? Or is this all?”

“You…” He sighs. “From the moment I saw you, I felt a pull. The more time I spent with you, the more time I wanted. For you… I’d try again. I know it’s not much to go on. It’s not a promise everything will go according to plan, but for my side, Coco… I’d give it a try.”

“I see.” I won’t deny that my heart does a happy dance in my chest. Problem is, it’s the same kind of dance it did for Ryder, so where does that leave us? “Is the idea of having children such an issue?”

“What?” He frowns at me.

“You said that it was an issue for you in the past.”

“That was a long time ago. Thirty years ago, when I was twenty, the possibility felt like a weight crushing me. Now…” He laughs softly. “Now I’m ready. If it happens, I’m ready and would be glad to have them.”

Good to know. But what am I ready for?