Page 31 of Coco and the Misfits (The Candyverse #4)

COCO

“G irl…” Gigi wraps me up in her arms. “Aw, I’m sorry. What’s wrong?”

I’m not crying, because screw that. Those men aren’t worth my tears. I’m unwell, though. My confidence is in the gutter right now.

“Tell me what happened,” she instructs and sits me down in my window seat. “It will be fine, Coco, you’ll see.”

“Will it, though?” I curl up, hugging a panda-shaped cushion to my chest. “The three alphas I want… have walked away from me.”

“Girl…”

“What is the matter with me?” I rant. “Am I covered in man repellent? Does sleeping with me convince them I’m not worth it? Damn, am I such a bad lay?”

“Don’t think like that. People are unpredictable.”

“Fickle,” I say.

“And stupid.”

“Very stupid.” I nod, pouting. “Maybe… Maybe it’s for the best,” I whisper. “Sooner or later, I’d have to confess I’m not officially an omega.”

“And what, they’d leave you for that? Are you serious?”

“They are alphas, Gigi. All three of them. All the men I’ve ever really wanted have been alphas, and once they realize I’m not what they need…”

“What they need. They’d only need you if you were an omega?” She frowns. “Wait. Has that happened before?”

I nod, wincing. “I was a teenager then. This guy at school told me as much. He was an alpha and he flirted with me relentlessly. Kept saying he’d start a pack just for me, that he’d do anything for me…

until he found out through a friend that I’m not officially an omega.

He spat at me, never spoke to me again. Kinda broke my teenage heart. ”

“Oh, honey…”

“It made me realize that being what I think I am won’t be simple. Finding a pack, alphas who will want me anyway, won’t be easy.”

“Is it so bad being a beta?” Gigi asks. “Look at me. I got myself a pack. I’m happy.”

“It’s not that.” I swallow hard. “Not everyone gets it. It’s not bad being any designation. Being beta is just… not me.”

“You’re right. It’s not the same thing.”

“I can’t… be a beta. Everything that defines a beta doesn’t apply to me.”

She sits down beside me. “Not all betas are the same.”

“I don’t feel it, though. The energy, the outgoing, vibrant, sporty vibe. I’m too aware of alphas. Of their scents. Of… myself.”

“Then you are an omega,” Gigi says. “Only you know what you are.”

“My parents think I’m playing pretend.”

“But we know better, don’t we?”

“I sure hope so. Sometimes I doubt myself… but the feeling never changes. That’s a sign, right? That it’s true?”

“We can only be sure of what is true to us,” Gigi says.

“I have wise friends.” I smirk. “Hug attack!”

She squeals when I tackle her and hug her to my boobs. “Help!”

“Scream louder. Some of the neighbors haven’t heard you.”

She giggles. “Oh, yeah, baby, harder!”

I almost fall off her laughing. “Now we’re talking.”

But that reminds me of sex with Ryder and Atticus, it reminds me of Zach kissing me and running away, and it makes me sad.

Gigi gently pulls back. “You’ll need a new job. I’ll ask Ronin,” she says, “if they need someone at Ink and Shadows?—”

“No. Not there. I can’t bear the thought of seeing Ryder every day,” I admit.

“Oh, of course.” Her face falls. “What about the gym?”

“Perhaps. Zach had been about to ask... oh no. Zach works there.”

Gigi huffs. “No stress. We’ll find something else. I’m certain of it.”

Me, too. I’ve always been able to find small jobs and get by until now. There’s no reason to let what happened dampen my spirits.

“I don’t get it,” I whisper. “They never promised me anything. I went in with my eyes wide open. Sex. Being friendly. Nothing more. So why am I so upset?”

“You like them,” she says.

“Yeah. I always thought I had a good taste in people, but it looks like it’s shit when it comes to men.”

“It’s a matter of luck, Coco.”

“Luck?” I open my eyes very wide. “You mean, I have to depend on the law of probabilities and the universe’s goodwill?”

“Yes and no. The only thing you can do is to never give up. Never stop believing that soon you will find the perfect pack.” Gigi tsks. “Let’s face it, girl. You want a pack. Three lone wolf alphas wouldn’t have done it for you anyway.”

That’s right. That’s the right spirit. The spirit I need to embrace so that I can move on with my life.

“Unless...” Gigi gives me the side-eye. “Don’t tell me you were the one who pushed them away because you think they’d reject you? Because you’re insecure?”

“Of course not!”

“And you’re sure they didn’t have the same issue?”

“Insecurity? Them? ” I scoff. “No, this is on me. I was gullible. Naive. And stupid. It won’t happen again.”

* * *

I shouldn’t have worried about finding another job, because Bee comes to my rescue.

Two of her mates own a company and they offer me a job as a data entry clerk.

A boring job, entering information into computer systems. It also means I have to get up early which is against my nature—which is that of a queen being fed peeled grapes by her suitors, but whatever—and witness firsthand the adoration these two alphas have for their pack, especially now that Bee is expecting.

I’m not jealous but it does hit hard.

Anyway, it’s done. I’m set. I don’t need any other alpha’s help. I’m financially independent and I’m also finally getting over my panic when I go out on the street.

Sure, the nightmares haven’t gone away. I often wake up at night in a cold sweat, reliving that sense of complete helplessness and terror, tangled in my sheets, and clutching a cushion instead of a warm, living body.

The idea of getting myself a cat appeals more and more.

After all, a cat wouldn’t reject me. And I wouldn’t lust after it because I’m not into bestiality personally, so... win-win.

I should ask Sawyer where he got his cat and whether his cat has a cousin I can borrow.

Meanwhile, my ass is stuck to a chair as I enter data so I can pay rent and feed a future cat friend.

“And you’re sure they didn’t have the same issue?”

I shake my head. What the hell was Gigi talking about? All three alphas I’ve fallen for are successful both at work and with others, unlike me.

Then why aren’t they in a pack?

Because not everyone wants or needs a pack, Coco. Some alphas are lone wolves. That’s also normal.

Then why, why...?

You’re looking for another answer because you don’t like the truth. The truth is that they don’t want you.

“Everything okay, Coco?” James St. Laurent, Bee’s top alpha, pokes his head inside my cubicle, startling me.

“Yeah! Thank you.” I turn in my chair to smile at him. “I appreciate the opportunity.”

“Anything for Bee’s friends. If there is anything you need, just let me know.”

I swallow hard. “Okay. Really appreciate it.”

He’s an impressive alpha, blond and towering, but I realize more and more that I’m not simply attracted to alphas but to certain, specific ones.

The ones who rejected me.

“How is Bee?” I ask when he lingers.

“She’s starting to feel better.” His grin is huge and blinding. “I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby.”

“I’m so pleased for all of you,” I say and I mean it. “You deserve to be happy.”

“So do you, Coco.” He nods and turns to go. “We all do.”

“Thanks.”

Wise words, but reality isn’t always kind.

He stops again as I’m about to return to work. “Have you seen Zach around?”

“Zach? No, why? I didn’t know you were friends.”

“Our packs meet often, and Zayne was telling us he’s been kind of absent lately.”

Zayne. Zach’s dad. The way Zach had limped out of my apartment that night last week returns to the fore of my mind. Could he be sick?

“Never mind,” James says. “He often asks after you, so I thought you might know what’s going on with him.”

“Who asks after me? Zayne?”

He gives me a funny look. “Zach. Why would Zayne be asking after you?”

“Why would Zach?”

“Because he’s been in love with you for fucking ages?” He shakes his head, laughs. “Sorry, what is between you two is none of my business. I’ll let you work. But if you hear from him, please let me know.”

“Sure,” I whisper.

Frowning, I return to my computer screen. I had told myself to call Zach, see if he’s okay, but after Atticus’ rejection, I’d felt so pitiful I didn’t want to face yet another.

Now I wonder if I should worry about him... but James can’t be right. Zach isn’t in love with me. If he were, he’d stick around. He’d return. He’d fight for me, wouldn’t he?

Something is wrong with this picture.

Grabbing my phone, I search for his number. Should I call him? No, not ready for that. But I can send a text. I find those where he asked me when he could come teach me self-defense and I hesitate.

Wouldn’t I appear desperate?

Do it and get back to work, I tell myself. Keep it simple, detached.

So I write the following: ‘Zach, hey. Just checking that you’re okay. Your dad is asking about you.’

Okay, that last bit? Kind of lame, but it makes it sound like it’s the only reason I’m writing, which suits me just fine.

My pride has received enough blows as it is, and my confidence… well, let’s not mince words, it’s in the toilet. So pardon me if I try to protect myself a little.

Whether he replies or not, I’ve covered my ass. And as to what he might say… I’m not worried about him, I repeat to myself. He’s a grown-ass man. He doesn’t need my concern.

In fact, he doesn’t seem to need me at all.