Page 1

Chapter One

Rainn

“Suck me, human. You can fit me in…”

“Yes, human. Open wide for my cock. It is large, but you can accommodate.”

“Swallow my load, human…”

“Kai!” I call over my shoulder after I erase yet another line in my novel. “How big is too big for an alien dick? Fifteen inches?”

A loud bang sounds from the bathroom, followed by an endless stream of cursing.

My roommate and best friend steps into the room, rubbing at the large lump on his forehead. “What the fuck, Rainn? Made me bang my head on the sink. What is this about fifteen-inch dicks?”

I try to hold it in, but I can’t help it. I burst out laughing, watching him grumble about hurting his head on the ledge of the cabinet.

When I have myself under control, I smile at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were under there fixing that pipe.”

Kai is the type of guy that knows how to fix anything he gets his hands on. He keeps our apartment in tiptop shape.

He grins at me. “All good. Now, Rainn, fifteen inches?”

I shrug. “I mean, yeah. He’s an alien. It’s supposed to be bigger, right?”

Sighing, Kai comes to sit on my bed. He grabs one of my stuffies and starts to toss it in the air over and over. “Yes, but you want your lead to be able to take the dick. Fifteen inches is insane.”

“Oh come on. It’s fiction.”

“You don’t want your readers to cringe at the visual.”

He has a point there. But I’m not willing to give up. “Fifteen inches really isn’t big.”

Kai holds up a finger and hurries out of the room. He comes back about a minute later with his tape measure. “Okay, let’s see exactly how big fifteen inches is.”

He slowly starts to pull on the end of the tape measure. The more he pulls, the wider my eyes get. By the time he reaches fifteen inches my eyes almost pop out of my head.

He holds it up, shaking it in my direction. “Imagine a man with a cock that size coming anywhere near your hole.”

I give it a long look. I don’t have a dildo that big, but one is pretty close. It’s actually my favorite.

As a smutty monster romance author, I don’t write for realism. There are no elves, orcs, sirens, aliens, and ogres walking around, so I don’t have to make it believable. My readers don’t pick up my books for fact based storytelling, that’s for sure.

God, I wish I could be one of the main characters in my books. I make sure they have fun and can take fifteen-inch dicks with ease. The men and women who fuck these monsters have tight holes, like large cocks, and the humans can unhinge their jaws like a fucking snake.

It was my love for monster dildos that got me into writing monster smut. I stumbled upon a site five years ago that sold a unicorn dildo with bright, pretty colors and thought to myself, who would fuck a unicorn dildo ?

Me. I would fuck a unicorn dildo.

Then, I wondered what else there was out there. And man, oh man, there were a lot of monster dildos out there. I have a whole collection now: alien, kraken, dragon, demon, siren, and an orc dildo all line a shelf in my closet.

Well, I had to order the orc dildo more than once. The app said the package delivered, but I never got it. It was before I got an outdoor camera, so I didn’t see if it was actually delivered or if someone lifted it from our door. I hope whoever took it enjoys a ten inch, almost Coke can wide orc dick. Hell, I hope they choke on it.

I know I do. The one I have might need replacing, with as much action as it gets.

Shaking myself from my lustful thoughts, I say, “Whatever, Kai. What about twelve inches? Is that feasible?”

He slides the tape measure down a few inches and looks at it. “I guess. Still pretty big.”

“It’s an eight-foot-tall alien, Kai! You want him to have an average human cock? Those are, like, five inches.”

“Really?” Kai asks, looking down at his crotch. “Guess I’m above average, huh?”

I cover my ears with my hands and make a gagging noise. “I do not want to hear about your dick.”

Kai and I have been friends since high school, making an odd match to most people. I took advanced placement classes and was a bit of an outcast because I skipped a grade in middle school. Kai is…not the sharpest tool in the box. When we met, I was in the cafeteria, eating alone and he sat down with his tray laden with shitty school lunch and said, “You have a very bright aura.” I smiled at him, then ended up laughing my ass off when he leaned in and asked, “What does aura mean? I heard someone say it and always wanted to use it in a sentence.”

I loved him immediately. He was just a happy person, always so positive and welcoming to everyone. His jock friends wondered why we hung out, but Kai wouldn’t let them give me shit. He’s had my back for years, especially after my mother died and my older brother basically cut me off because I ‘ had my head in the clouds ’.

Kai is the brother I always wanted.

He smiles widely at me and snaps the tape measure shut, wincing when the strip slaps against his thumb. “Just thought you should know.”

I roll my eyes, turning back to my computer and the blank page in front of me. No matter what I try, the beginning of this book just isn’t coming to me. I like to have at least three books in a new series completed before I send it to my publisher, so I’m not behind schedule or have to push back releases. But fuck, I want to finish. I don’t often write a female lead, but this one really spoke to me and I thought I had enough of an overall plot to write a three-book series. Should have known better than try and write a slow burn. The alien and his human mate only kissed once in the first book. That’s it.

I would have been better off writing a fast burn and them fucking in the first five chapters.

Sighing, I close my laptop and spin my chair back around to Kai. “I think I’m going to go camping for a week or so.” Hiking usually helps me figure out a plot and outline. “I can walk some trails and see if it sparks something.” Hiking and camping are some of my favorite things to do. When I took a short hike with Kai one day, I figured out the plot for my best selling mafia-orc monster smut romance.

He frowns, poking his lip out. “I can’t go.. I have that deck project this week.”

“It’s okay. I’m just going to Forest Glen. Nowhere fancy. There’s that trail that leads to Sumner Cave I want to check out. It’s long, but it’s an established trail. Hell, I might even explore the cave. Sounds like fun.”

Kai grins at me, leaning in like he’s telling me a secret. “You know what they say about Sumner Cave. People go there to explore and never come back. Be careful.”

I snort. “We’ve been here most of our lives. We know people get lost on those trails, trying to explore shit they shouldn’t. Nothing supernatural is going on. People just get disoriented.”

“Well, I heard there’s some kind of great beast that snatches people right outside the cave, takes them inside and?—”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I say, waggling my eyebrows.

“Your mind is always on monster-fucking.”

I cackle, standing to stretch my sore muscles. “So is yours. As my beta reader, it’s your job to always think about monster-fucking.”

He grins widely. “True.”

“Think you can help me twist my hair?” I reach up and touch my coily ponytail. “I don’t want to have it loose when I go hiking. Last time I got branches caught in my hair and didn’t know until I washed it when I got home. Imagine the jump scare I had when I felt something scratching the back of my neck.”

I started growing my hair shortly after high school and it’s not only thick, but long. Twisting it on my own is a nightmare. After I taught Kai how to twist it so it wouldn’t unravel, he’s been doing half for me so I can save my poor wrists from the strain.

“Yep,” he says, cracking his knuckles. “Get your supplies and I’ll meet you in the living room.”

I kiss his cheeks, making him laugh. “You’re a god. I’ll brush your hair when we’re done. You’re getting shaggy.” I tug on the ends of his long blond hair. He chuckles as I rush to the bathroom to get my hair supplies. I’d washed and detangled my hair a few days ago, but just threw it in a ponytail so I could write.

That’s going oh so well.

Not.

When I get my hair supplies, I hustle to the living room and sit on the floor between Kai’s legs.

I love when someone helps me with my hair. It reminds me of my mom. Before she passed, I would go to her house and she’d either twist or braid my hair for me while we talked or she told me stories of my childhood that I had no memories of. I’d even tell her about some of my book plots, sans all the fucking, of course.

“Your mind is an amazing place, my sweet Rainn Cloud,” she’d say, making me laugh.

My name isn’t Rainn Cloud, but she loved to poke fun at my name. My dad allowed her to name me Rainn, but drew the line at having my middle name as Cloud. He was a saint for that.

She told me she knew I’d be a free spirit, so she wanted to give me a name that reflected it. A lot of family members had something to say about it, especially since my older brother’s name is Theodore. She said multiple people tried to talk her out of naming me Rainn, but she stuck to her guns. As always, my mother was right. Rainn fits me perfectly. I’m definitely a free spirit, loving being in nature and as she put it, I flow freely.. That’s where I feel like myself.

I sigh, pulling some of my hair over my shoulder as I twist the strands between my fingers. I’m always bombarded with memories of my mother when I’m doing my hair. We were as thick as thieves. I resembled her more than my older brother, which is why I think my mother and I had a deeper connection. My mother and I had the same sepia skin, the same almond-shaped, thick-lashed eyes, the same bow-shaped mouth and the same high cheekbones. It’s almost a shock sometimes, looking in the mirror every day, seeing her staring back at me. When I have my hair in twists, I’m reminded of how my mom looked with her locs freshly done.

Kai stops brushing my hair and tips my head back. “I know, Rainn. She’s all around you in that nature you love so much. She never leaves you.”

This is why Kai is my best friend. He knows me so well. He loved my mother just as much as I did and knows how hard I took it when she died. He’s been there for me through it all. Unlike my actual blood brother.

“Love you,” I whisper.

He kisses my forehead. “Love you back. Now hold your head down. I want to make sure my parts are straight.” I laugh and do what he says.

An hour later we’re done with my hair and we switch places. Kai hands me his paddle brush so I can get the tangles out of his long blond hair. By the time I’m done, he’s dozing off, his head drooping on my thigh. I hate to wake him, but if I’m going to get up early to hike, I have to get to bed.

I tap his shoulder gently so I don’t startle him. “Come on, Kai. We both have places to be in the morning.”

He yawns widely and stands, stretching his arms over his head. “Yeah, gotta be at work at seven.” He looks down at his watch. “It’s just after ten. Perfect. I can get my six hours.”

I just smile at Kai and don’t mention that it’ll be about eight hours of sleep. He’s so pretty that it doesn’t even matter that he’s terrible at math.

Kai saunters down the hall to his room, then stops and turns around. “If you fuck yourself with one of those huge dildos, please keep it down.”

My cheeks heat with embarrassment, but I keep my head up high.

I try to keep it quiet, but the orc dildo has a vibrating function. That’s one of the reasons it’s my favorite. Who could be quiet with that?

With a barked laugh, I skip to my room. “No promises.”