Page 27

T he hardwood is cold beneath my feet as I grasp Sid’s wrist, leading her away from the testosterone-laden atmosphere in the common area. Sid follows without resistance, her hand clasped in mine while we head towards Arius’ bedroom at the back of the suite.

My pulse quickens with each step, defiance swelling to replace the apathy clouding my senses moments ago. When Arius swivels to pin me with that imperious glare—no doubt intent on asserting his dominance again—the words burst forth before he can speak.

“Not a fucking word from you,” I bite out, jabbing a finger towards his chiselled face while Sid gapes beside me. “We’re leaving your dominion for two minutes to chat without your misery-loving cronies listening in like sad, nosy pervs.”

An indignant splutter erupts from Jace at my venomous outburst, drowned beneath the rumble of Hayes’ amusement. My focus remains on Arius, drinking in the way his nostrils flare and that jaw tightens fractionally. Yet that’s the only sign of his displeasure, the storm behind those eyes scarcely ruffling his unshakable veneer.

“Far be it from me to deny you any courtesies, drahu?ka,” he finally drawls once the echoes of my tirade fade. That baritone drips condescension, though his gaze never wavers from mine. “Don’t keep the lady waiting on my account. I can think of far better uses for that smart mouth than wasting breath in futile defiance.”

The innuendo underlying his words sends a frisson of heat and indignation lancing through me. My teeth grind together, but I refuse to rise to his provocation further. Not when a stunned yet entertained giggle bubbles up beside me, Sid’s features alight with impish glee as she takes in the charged exchange between Arius and myself.

Spinning on my heel, I tug her towards the sanctuary of Arius’ bedroom with renewed determination. No matter how severely his behaviour needles me, I refuse to allow him the satisfaction of witnessing the cracks in my composure. Not until his door slams shut behind us with a jarring thud.

Allowing my spine to slump against the surface, I release a groan and squeeze my eyes shut. “Those men are bloody insufferable, Sid,” I grouse, not bothering to mask the growl in my voice. “Every time I think I’ve nailed down where I stand, one of them yanks the rug out from under me again.”

“Tell me about it. They were worse last year. At least this semester, they’ve found something to sink their teeth into instead of running through freshman and sophomores,” Sid scoffs, sounding remarkably unbothered. Cracking one eye open, I track her movements while she saunters further in—drinking in the striking decor of sleek lines in shades of obsidian, crimson, and charcoal.

She lets out a low whistle at the furnishings, trailing manicured fingers along the pristine duvet on Arius’ massive bed. “I’ll give that rancid pussy-repellent one thing—the prick knows how to nest in luxury.”

A startled bark of laughter punches free at her crass observation, expelling some of the tension gripping me. Sid has shown a knack for cutting through bullshite with her blunt, wicked jabs. Why should Arius and his cohorts be exempt?

“Aye, that he does,” I murmur, pushing away from the door to join Sid in exploring. Familiar and foreign all at once, after being thrust into its midst without warning. “And we’re the poor sods expected to prostrate ourselves before that excess in service of a legacy we barely comprehend.”

Sid’s sharp gaze zeroes in on me, brows pinching together. “Wait, no way—you’re telling me this has already become your new normal?” she demands, gesturing around the lavish suite.

My lips part around an instinctive denial, yet the words shrivel beneath Sid’s penetrating scrutiny. Because the ugly truth is… I’ve already surrendered more of myself to this microcosm over the past few days than I ever thought possible.

I like to think of myself as adaptable, fluid—I don’t break easy. It’s what made me so good at staying low in London, able to run dirty street jobs since the age of ten. This is no different. Just let the shite roll off and take the punches as they come, right? Picking your battles is the smartest thing someone can do when life is determined to keep throwing them obstacles.

Averting my stare, I shrug in defeat—the fight seeping out of me. “Honestly? I stopped questioning what passes for normal here after the party,” I rasp, the syllables scraping my throat. “At this point, each new trial or ‘tradition’ just feels like another blow wearing me down.”

“Bri…” Sid’s voice fractures around the endearment, gentling to something tender yet pained. She steps closer until we’re face to face, cradling my cheeks in her palms. “You know you can talk to me about anything they’ve put you through, right? No judgments. I’m just… worried about you. Everybody’s already heard the rumours about the new Trials.”

The compassion swimming in those depths unmans me. Without volition, tears well up to blur my vision, chin quivering with the effort to stifle sobs threatening to spill at Sid’s heartfelt declaration. I’ve been burying it, squashing it all down into a tiny box to neatly compartmentalize away. Survival 101. But what do you do when the box has no more room?

My head bobs within the cradle of her hands, blinking rapidly until the first droplets break free to streak down my cheeks. “I know, I know,” I murmur hoarsely, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “It’s just… God, I don’t even know where to begin unpacking this whole nightmare.”

Sid makes a soft noise, more an acknowledging huff than anything articulate. Her thumbs sweep over my cheekbones, gently swiping away the damp trails as I struggle to rein in my unravelling composure.

“Hey, no pressure,” she soothes in a hushed rasp. Those eyes hold mine, leaving no room for doubt over her sincerity. “Take all the time you need, or not at all if that’s what you want. No one’s forcing you to open up before you’re ready.”

The gentleness cuts straight to my core. My breath shudders out raggedly, leaning into her touch with renewed gratitude swamping me. “I… I’m not sure what’s real or a twisted delusion anymore, Sid. Or whether there’s even an escape waiting at the end of this madness.”

Sid hums under her breath, then leans in until her forehead rests against mine. “Well, for what it’s worth—I’m here whenever you need an anchor. Anchor away from these posh bellends and their twisted cultish shite.” Her lips quirk with wry humour. “Might not be much, but at least you’ll always have me in your corner to bitch to when their fuckery boils over.”

Despite everything, an inexplicable fondness blooms through the eddies of my turbulent emotions at those words. My lips twitch in a weak attempt at smiling back, even as more tears trickle down my nose.

“There’s just so much I don’t understand, Sid,” I whisper, drinking in the soothing cadence of her breathing mingling with mine. For this stolen sliver of tranquillity, the relentless churning of my chaotic thoughts quiets to a dull roar. “And that terrifies me… more than dealing with drunk bastards and junkies who didn’t want to pay up back home. Was a hell of a lot easier than whatever the fuck this is.”

The gentle weight of Sid’s forehead pressed to mine anchors me to the present like a tether sinking deep. Her warm exhales fan across my lips as we share this intimate pocket of solace amid the decadent trappings. My pulse slows to match her steady cadence, allowing the frantic whirl to temporarily quiet.

“Hey,” Sid murmurs, resonating straight to my core. She draws back just enough to meet my gaze, those hazel irises shining with compassion. “I get why you’re overwhelmed, feeling lost in this depraved madness. Truly, I do. But you’ve got to know…” One delicate hand leaves my jaw to gesture around the bedroom. “Whatever nasty shite is going down behind those glossy facades—it doesn’t define who you are at your core. Not unless you let it.”

An incredulous snort slips past my lips. “Easy for you to say from the outside. Meanwhile, I’m barely treading water trying to keep my head above their twisted depravities.” My tone takes on a pleading edge as I search her expression desperately. “Christ, it’s like drowning in a pitch-black ocean with no idea which way leads to air.”

“Okay, fair point.” Sid concedes with a dip of her chin, considering me. I shift uncomfortably under the weight of her scrutiny, but just as I’m about to prompt her to speak, she moves first—spinning us around and guiding me towards Arius’ imposing bed. “Here, budge up. Let’s get cosy for a proper heart-to-heart.”

Her sturdy frame clambers onto the mattress with easy grace, motioning for me to join. With a resigned sigh, I follow—crawling atop the plush cotton and settling against the tufted leather headboard.

Once we’re arranged with shoulders pressed flush, Sid drapes a denim-clad leg over mine in casual intimacy. “Alright, no bullshite between us, yeah?” She pins me with an expectant look until I nod. “Brills. So—I may be more on the outside when it comes to the Order’s inner workings than you currently are, but believe me when I say the whispers about their… ‘extracurricular activities’ have echoed through these halls since well before we were swimmers in our dads’ bollocks.”

A derisive scoff punches from my chest. “Is that supposed to reassure me somehow? That this sordid system corrupting our futures is nothing new?” My sneer twists with disgust. “For fuck’s sake, Sid…”

“Just hear me out,” she interjects firmly, squeezing my knee. “I’m going somewhere with this, promise. What I mean is… the Order behind Ashtiroch is as ancient and entrenched as this institution itself—an integral pillar to its very existence. And for as long as it’s wielded its shadowy power, it’s maintained a strict veil of secrecy over its ranks and ‘recruitment.’ Now, my family is wealthy but not like… Order legacy wealthy. So I’m not privy to all the inner workings, but my family has been going to Ashtiroch for generations.”

Her brows pinch together, eyes losing focus as she mentally reconstructs scattered snippets I’m certain she’s overheard throughout campus. “You are one of the first ‘outsiders’ granted admittance through scholarship in ages. Along with a handful of other girls… and a couple blokes, if rumours are true. But the fact you’ve been plucked from obscurity to find yourself embroiled in their twisted sanctum already? That’s—”

“Completely fucked and terrifying, you mean?” I can’t bite back the bitter interjection. “Cheers for that comforting revelation. I really feel better knowing this archaic system of exploitation has been operating unchecked right under everyone’s noses for literal centuries.”

“No, you rancid tart—what I’m trying to say is it’s a privilege, even if it’s twisted as hell right now.”

I choke out a disbelieving laugh at Sid’s assertion, the sound devoid of mirth. “A privilege?” I rasp, shaking my head to process her warped logic. “How is being stripped of agency over your life before getting ruthlessly manipulated into sex by sadistic pricks considered a bloody privilege?”

The words drip with scathing derision, but Sid remains unfazed by my vitriol. With a weary sigh, she settles back and regards me through hooded eyes. “Look, I get why you’re so off-put by the salacious side of the Order’s workings. Honestly, I do. That’s why I tried to warn you.” Her tone adopts a placating lilt, as if soothing a skittish animal poised to flee at any provocation. “From the outside, it probably does seem like some archaic system stripping you of consent every step of the way.”

A derisive scoff bubbles up from deep within my chest. Sid holds up a hand in a placating gesture, eyes narrowing at my bristling. “Just… hear me out for a tic, yeah? Look at the rarefied access you’ve been granted simply by virtue of those fuckwits deeming you ‘worthy’ of whatever initiations they put you through.”

She leans forward slightly, pinning me with an intense stare that penetrates to my core. “You can’t deny there’s privilege inherent in being allowed behind closed doors of the institution’s most elite, guarded circles. Doors which have remained sealed and shrouded to outsiders for centuries.”

My jaw clenches so tightly the hinges creak from the strain of locking down the retort poised on my tongue. Because some deeply buried part of me knows Sid isn’t entirely wrong. Only a fool would fail to recognize the potential rippling out from being granted insider access to Ashtiroch’s most hallowed, exclusive ranks.

Before I can formulate any response, Sid powers on in a low murmur. “I’m not saying any of this shite they expect you to just roll over and endure is remotely acceptable or healthy. But you’d have to be a stone-cold numpty not to recognize the opportunities awaiting you if… if you can find the inner fortitude to withstand their depraved fuckery long enough.”

Sid pauses to wet her lips, evidently choosing her next words with care. “These privileged pricks were born with the world at their fingertips, every resource or connection available without question.” Her expression darkens, a shadow flickering through those hazel depths. “For those of us who weren’t so fortunate—who’ve had to claw and scrape for every crumb—this kind of unfettered access and influence could open doors most only fantasise about.”

The truth lancing through her impassioned words strikes a discordant chord resonating into the marrow of my bones. Instinctively, I know Sid speaks from a place of bitter experience—those of us raised amidst harsh realities far outside the Patrician bubbles infiltrating Ashtiroch’s innermost circles. Places where privilege is hoarded and doled out as meagre rations, always at a steep cost to those desperate enough to indulge.

A profound weariness seeps through my veins until every muscle feels weighed down. Sid’s right, damn her. As abhorrent and dehumanising as the Order’s recruitment tactics are, they ultimately represent access to a realm of elitism most can scarcely fathom.

“I’m not so naive as to be blind to the… opportunities this tangled web portends,” I finally murmur, the grudging acknowledgement raspy. My cheek presses against the crisp leather at my back as I tilt my head towards her, studying the familiar contours of her pixie-like features. “What I can’t seem to… bloody reconcile each time I bear witness to more depravities is—how far am I willing to compromise my humanity in service of those ‘opportunities’?”

Sid frowns at that, shifting closer until her outer thigh presses flush to mine through her skintight denims. “Shite, Bri…” she breathes out on a weighted exhale. “Reckon that’s the million pound question we all grapple with at some point once the inescapable realities of this world set in, innit? Do we sacrifice pieces of our souls bit by bit in exchange for climbing out of the muck and hopelessness?”

Her words trigger a ripple of discomfort cascading down my spine. Because that’s precisely the insidious compulsion lurking behind every fresh violation I’ve endured or witnessed within these poisoned hallways—the gnawing fear over how far I’m willing to debase myself before the descent into oblivion becomes irreversible.

“That’s just it,” I murmur, tone bleak and hollowed out. “I’m honestly not certain where my limits lie anymore when it comes to exploiting myself for survival and advancement.” Dragging in a shuddery breath to fortify my brittle composure, I cling to the fragile thread of honesty being wrung from these darkest depths. “Especially not after…”

The words clog in my throat, a jagged knot of emotion constricting my airway until I have to swallow convulsively to force out the remainder. “Not after that trial Arius put me through. Paraded in front of all those soulless, hungry eyes whilst blinded and brought to heel like some wild animal.”

Sid blinks, momentarily robbed of speech. Then her mouth parts in a little ‘o’ of surprise before quickly clamping shut again. At last, she just nods with mute understanding—even as those keen eyes bore into me with renewed intensity.

“I just…” Bracing myself, I force the admission clawing to burst free at long last. “I’m not proud to admit how that sort of primal, degrading treatment didn’t entirely… repulse me like it should’ve, Sid. I… I kind of enjoyed it?”

The confession hangs in the stifled atmosphere between us, laced with self-loathing. My pulse throbs beneath my taut skin, hammering an erratic tempo. Sid doesn’t twitch throughout my strained outpouring, silently absorbing the naked truth being laid bare through each trembling syllable.

At last, she leans back with a wry smirk tugging one corner of her lips upwards. “Shite, it is kind of hot, though, don’t you think?”

Horror coils deep in my belly. Sid arches a brow, chuckling as if at some private joke dancing beyond my comprehension. Then she reaches over to grasp my limp hand atop the embroidered duvet, giving my fingers a reassuring squeeze.

“How far is too bloody far before we surrender what sparks of humanity still flicker deep down? From where I’m sat—you’ve put your finger on the real enigma all us lost sods are desperate to decipher.”

Relief floods through me at Sid’s frank acceptance rather than scorn or revulsion. Flipping my palm upright, I interlace our fingers in a grounding tether holding me anchored amidst the turbulent squall raging within.

“And I don’t have those answers for you any more than you do for yourself.” Sid squeezes my hand with tenderness smoothing the furrow between her brows. “All I know is… in order to claw our way out from the gutters and stand a fighting chance at seizing even scraps of privilege, we have to be prepared to do… some fucked up shite along the way.”

An acrid burst of laughter escapes at the stark pragmatism behind her words. My head lolls back against the headboard, eyelids fluttering closed as the maelstrom of emotions briefly recedes to a dull roar.

“Well, when you put it in such charming terms, how could a girl resist all these delightful perks on offer?” The sarcasm lacing my tired rasp couldn’t be more palpable.

Before either of us can expound further on the grim realities festering at Ashtiroch’s heart, a crisp rapping of knuckles against the door jolts us upright. I twist towards the disturbance, heart pounding an erratic cadence against my ribs. Sid simply exhales a resigned sigh beside me. Glancing my way, she quirks a brow in wordless question.