Page 91 of Chasing Blue

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Jack eventually goes homeor back to his dad’s as that’s where he’s staying, but after a quick shower and change of clothes, he’s back within the hour.

Ash and I have spent the time deciding on the order of service for Mum’s funeral, trying to pick music and who to notify. I’m scrolling through the contacts in her phone when Jack walks through the side gate, into the backyard, and kisses the top of my head.

So easy, so natural, as if we’ve been doing it our whole lives. That’s the way it’s always been with me and him – easy – this past weekend aside obviously.

“Hey,” I look up at him and say with a smile, my insides turning to mush, much like they did eighteen years ago whenever I was in his presence.

He flashes me a smile and a wink in return, and I’m grateful today’s a little cooler, otherwise, I would’ve just dissolved into a wet, sticky mess all over the chair.

I toss the phone onto the table with a sigh.

“Apart from five people, two of whom are me and you, I don’t know any of the people in her contacts.”

Asher looks up from whatever he was doing on his phone and meets my eyes, just as Jack slides into the chair beside me.

“She’s never had a lot of friends. She spent so much time being bitter and twisted over Dad, I think a lot of them avoided her in the end, and those that did stick around, took off once the drinking got out of control.”

My heart hurts for my mum, not so muchherpersonally, but for the life that she’s wasted. If only she’d been stronger, kicked Dad out and moved on. Easy for me to say, I suppose. I’ve never really moved on from Jack, and we’re not even married and raising a family together. Plus, there’s the generational thing. Women weren’t as independent and were expected to put up with a lot more back in the day.

“What should I do then? Is it even going to be worth having a service if it’s just me and you . . .” I trail off, remembering another funeral where it was just me and Asher attending.

We weren’t raised with any kind of religion, so Ash had found a local celebrant to conduct Zara’s quick service. Just a few words were said, Eva Cassidy’s version of ‘Over The Rainbow’ played, and it was over. I’d flown back to Sydney the next morning, leaving my brother to deal with my baby’s ashes when they were released by the funeral home.

I’ve never asked what he did with them, and he’s never mentioned them.

“We’ll just keep it simple. Me, you, Aunt Bec, and Uncle Steve . . .”

“I’ll be there.” I look up to see my dad moving towards us from the side gate. “If that’s okay with you two, I’d like to be there.”

I shrug, slicing my eyes from him to my brother, who nods. “That’s fine with us,” Ash tells him.

“I’d like to be there too,” Jack adds. “I know I didn’t really know her, but I’d like to be there for you.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat before asking, “It’s not until Friday. You don’t have to stay up here all week waiting . . .”

“Are you staying?” he interrupts me and asks.

“Well, yeah. It’s pointless flying all the way . . .”

“Exactly, so I’ll stay with you.”

Asher has moved to collect three beers and a can of coke from the outdoor fridge. He hands a beer to me and Jack, and the coke to my dad who’s now sitting at the table with us.

“Aiden O’Brien,” my dad reaches out a hand across the table to Jack.

“Jack Cole,” he replies as he shakes my dad’s hand.

“Scott’s boy, right? Cole Construction?”

“Yeah,” Jack replies before taking a swig from his beer.

“You two seeing each other?” my dad straight-up asks. “How’s that work? You doing the long-distance thing?”

“Jack lives down on the peninsula now. We’re just five minutes from each other,” I explain.

My dad gives a slow nod as his eyes roam all over Jack.