Page 61 of Charm (Billionaire Buck Boys #7)

CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE

Holden

Jameson bangs his fist against my apartment door. “Open the door or I’ll use my key. “

I glance in that direction but remain seated on my couch. I don’t say a word because as soon as I start talking, I know I won’t stop.

I’ve spent the past two days in here. Alone.

I called in ‘ sick ’ the morning after I had dinner with Greer and Olive. I did that because I was hung over.

I went straight to a bar after I left Greer’s house. I thought numbing everything I was feeling in half a bottle of whiskey was a good idea. It wasn’t. I ended up having to call Rook to get me home.

He didn’t ask questions. He told me he loved me, and whatever it was he’d help me through it.

He can’t. No one can.

I’ve avoided everyone since then, including Greer and my brother. I should have known it would be Jameson who would show up at my door ready to barge in.

“When did I give you a key?” I mutter as he uses it to unlock the door.

“Holden?” he asks as he approaches where I am. “What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong.”

I glance in his direction. He’s wearing another new suit, and he’s had a haircut in the last few days.

I, on the other hand, haven’t shaved in days, my hair is a mess, and I’m wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants.

I hang my head. “Jameson.”

He sits next to me. His hand darts to my shoulder. “What happened? You’ve been out of touch for days. That’s not like you.”

I start to tell him, but the words get caught in my throat. All that comes out is a pained sound.

He leans closer. “Whatever it is, I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere, Holden.”

I pat his knee. “Thank you.”

“When’s the last time you ate anything?” He glances at the bottle of scotch on the coffee table. “I see you’ve been consuming enough fluids.”

I laugh for the first time in days. “I’ve had water. Bottles and bottles of water. I haven’t touched the scotch since early yesterday. “

I thought it would serve as a foolproof hangover cure. All it did was make me pass out.

“I’ll order some food.” His hand dives into one of the pockets of his suit jacket. “What do you feel like eating?”

“A sandwich?” I say without any real conviction attached to it. “A burger?”

He rubs a hand over his smooth jaw. “Get in the shower. We’re going to Crispy Biscuit.”

I know what he’s doing. He’s pulling me out of my pity and tossing me back into the real world.

I’d protest, but it’s not a bad idea.

Getting out of here and breathing some fresh air will help.

I drag myself to my feet as he does the same. Before I can walk away, he’s got his arms around me.

“I know you’re going through something,” he says. “Talking about it will help.”

Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t, but he’s the guy I need to confide in.

I step back and nod. “I’ll get ready to go.”

“We’ll video chat with Sinclair on the way there,” he promises. “Morgan is awake. You’ll get a few smiles out of him.”

As I look at him, I have to swallow hard to hold back the barrage of emotions I feel. “You’re a great father, James.”

His gaze scans my face. “I’m a great brother, too. I’m going to prove that to you tonight.”

We walk next to each other as we approach Riverside Park. It’s not quite dark yet, but dusk is settling over the city.

It was my idea to come here because I feel anchored here, and it’s always provided me a refuge from the hustle and bustle of my daily life.

East Hampton is the place I tend to run to when I need time to breathe, but I can’t leave town now. Truth be told, I’m not even sure I could fully process what I’m going through at the beach house since that’s where my life changed so dramatically.

The bench I prefer is vacant, so I point at it. “Over there, James.”

“I know,” he says. “I followed you here once.”

That brings a smile to my face. “When?”

He shrugs. “It was years ago. We argued. You stormed off. I gave chase, but I dropped it when I saw you sitting on the bench. You looked like you needed some‘ me ’ time.”

I spent the last two days drowning in the silence of time alone.

I shut off my phone, essentially cutting myself off from everyone, including Greer.

When I powered it back up after my shower, I saw three text messages from her and one missed call.

Her voicemail was simple and to the point.

She wanted me to call her back when I had the chance.

I’ll make that happen as soon as I know what to say to her.

We sit side-by-side on the bench, watching silently as people pass us by on the path a few feet away.

Jameson crosses his legs, but he doesn’t initiate the conversation. He knows I want to do that. Experience has taught him that.

“I’ve always wanted to be a dad,” I say in a low tone. “That’s always been a dream of mine.”

That can’t be news to him, since I cooed and blew kisses at his phone when we video-chatted with Sinclair and Morgan on our way here.

“You’ll get there, Holden,” he assures me. “When you do, you’ll be stiff competition for the world’s greatest dad.”

That hits me hard because being a good father is what I want. I want to be there for everything. I don’t want to miss anything in my child’s life, and yet…

“I am a dad,” I say the words for the first time out loud. “I found out that I’m already a dad.”

He turns to the side to look straight at me. “What the fuck? You have a kid? When did that happen?”

I take a deep breath to steady my racing heart, but it does fuck all.

“Seven years ago.” I rake a hand through my hair. “I had a one-night stand when I was in East Hampton.”

“Seven years ago? And you’re just finding out now that you have a kid?”

Nodding, I glance at the beaded friendship bracelet on my wrist. “I found out two days ago.”

His brow furrows as he tries to put the pieces together. “How did you find out? Did this woman just appear on your doorstep? Do you have a son or a daughter, Holden? Tell me everything.”

“The woman passed away.” I give more details, trying to build up to saying what needs to be said. “Her best friend raised my daughter. She adopted her.”

His gaze jumps over my face. “Your little girl lost her mom?”

“She never knew her,” I explain, glancing at the bracelet again. “She died on the day she was born.”

He sits in silence with his hand covering his mouth.

“I wasn’t there for her.” I scrub a hand over the back of my neck. “I haven’t been there for her. She grew up without me, James.”

He throws an arm over my shoulder to comfort me. “You know now. Things can be different now, right? You can be part of this girl’s life.”

I clasp my hands together in my lap. “I already am. I met her the other night, James.”

“What?” His expression shifts instantly. “What’s she like? What’s her name? Does she look like you?”

“She’s smart.” I smile. “Kind. She’s full of love to give. I can see grandmother in her face. She has her nose. Her eyes are the same color as ours.”

He nods. “What’s her name, Holden?”

“Olive,” I say my daughter’s name for the first time to my brother. “Her name is Olive Irwin.”