Page 49 of Chaos Carnival (Cirque de Sanguine #2)

Chapter 48: Bittersweet Nightmare

Maverick

“Monstre?” My voice caught in my throat.

Her eyes snapped open, everything that mattered reflected in their depths. The raw power of her resurrection still glimmered in the air, making my skin prickle and my newfound hunger roar. I cradled her against my chest, hardly daring to breathe as she drew her first shuddering breath.

“Maverick?” Her fingers gripped my arms.

“I'm here, sweetheart.” I rested my forehead on hers, drinking in her presence. She was alive.

Different, changed, but alive.

Behind us, Addie made a sound between a gasp and a whimper. “What's happening to me?” The hunger in her voice mirrored the gnawing emptiness that clawed at my own insides. It resonated through all of us now, a shared appetite that went beyond physical need.

“What did you do?” Stone's voice crackled like a blazing fire as he rounded on Baphomet and Lilith. “What have you turned us into?”

I wanted to care about Stone's anger, about the price we'd apparently paid, but I couldn't look away from Tess.

“The chords crowned you in sorrows last week,” she murmured, her fingers leaving dark depressions as they gripped my arm. “Such lovely crimson patterns, all twisted up with mine. You promised me then. The circus must dance its terrible dance forever, no matter how much blood rains down.” Her eyes traced over me and she sighed. “The webs weave such perfect tragedy, don't they? All those moments bleeding into now, into this choice.” Her laugh tasted like bittersweet chocolate, perfect but too dark.

“The ritual required a secure base,” Lilith explained, her voice distant through the haze of my focus on Tess. “A closed system, feeding itself through-”

“Later,” I growled, cutting her off as Tess's body shuddered in my arms. She was trying to sit up, her movements jerky and uncoordinated as if she was still learning how.

“The hunger hurts,” Addie whispered. Lux moved to steady her as she swayed on her feet.

“The secrets,” Tess murmured, her attention drawn to something beyond our grasp. “Dancing with paper prophecies in my tent, waiting to whisper their truths to you. But not yet...” Her fingers tangled in my shirt.

The truth writhed beneath her cryptic words, the emptiness inside me growing with each heartbeat. Whatever we had become, understanding could wait.

“Can you walk?” I asked, even as I tightened my hold. Part of me never wanted to let her go again.

A smile like shattered mirrors crossed her face. “Oh, my handsome shadow, I dance with you again.” Her eyes shone as she gestured at the air around us. “This is the moment where darkness becomes our crown, where nightmares bow before us and call us king and queen.”

“Tess, I’m so sorry.” I pulled her closer against my chest, her heartbeat fluttering like trapped moths over my skin.

She pulled away and met my eyes, and for a moment I swam their infinite depths. “Fear tastes like rubies in the snow. But you'll keep your promise. Such pretty patterns we'll paint together...”

I tightened my arms around her, wanting to tie her to this moment. My brilliant tragic mate. Powerlessness crushed me like a vice as I watched her. Every fiber of my being screamed to phase us both far from here, but I knew better. There was no running from this.

She squirmed in my embrace, pushing against my chest with surprising strength. “The letters are weeping for you,” she insisted, her voice urgent. “All those paper birds, trapped in my tent, beating their wings in fate's cage. You have to free them. Before the threads tangle up all wrong.”

“I'm not leaving you,” I growled, but she was already twisting away, her movements disjointed and wrong.

“Such a stubborn shadow,” she chided, trailing her fingers across my cheek. They left paths of cold fire in their wake. “But the truth won't wait.” Her eyes unfocused, seeing something beyond.

“I’ll go,” Addie said, stepping forward.

“Addie,” Tess sang, her voice rippling like water over stones. “You glow like moonlight. Would you chase my paper prophecies? They'll sing so prettily for you now that darkness dances in your veins.”

Addie nodded, already moving despite the hunger that made her steps unsteady. “I'll find them.”

“The black envelope weeps,” Tess called after her. “It knows all our sins.”

As Addie disappeared into the umbra of the carnival grounds, Lilith stepped forward. Her ancient eyes rested on our intertwined forms.

“Spinning such ferocious wheels of hunger,” Tess said before Lilith could speak. “Round and round we'll dance, feasting on nightmares until the stars grow cold.” Her eyes met mine, suddenly sharp with an impossible clarity. “Too much broken, my love. Too many pieces sacrificed on the altar of forever.”

“No.” I brought my lips to her temple. “Nothing is too much. Not for you. Not for us.”

“Your wings drip with forever-promises.” She sighed, reaching up to trace the edge of my jaw. “But look how the webs weep for what was lost. All our endless breaking, just to keep me from scattering where I belong.”

“We chose this,” I growled, the words rumbling deep in my chest. “All of us. We chose you.”

Lilith cleared her throat. “The hunger will grow stronger. You'll need to—“

“Feast on fear's sweet nectar,” Tess finished, her voice taking on that shattered-glass edge again. “Paint terror's lovely colors across the canvas. What delicious nightmares we'll create.”

I caught Addie as she stumbled back into our circle, her grip white-knuckled around a stack of sealed envelopes. Oscar's crystal skull balanced on top.

“Quite rude, really,” Oscar drawled. “Leaving me to gather dust on that ghastly shelf while you lot engaged in dramatic sacrificial rituals. I do hate missing the good parts.”

“The paper birds came willingly?” Tess asked, her head tilting at a curious angle. “They do so love to nest in worthy hands.”

“I... yes.” Addie's voice shook as she tried to focus. The hunger was clearly worse for her, being new to supernatural appetite. “There's one for each of us.”

Stone paced at the edge of our circle, a muffled grunt with each agitated movement. “Then give them out so we can deal with this.” His tone was sharp, but his eyes kept darting to Tess with concern.

“The need bites so deeply now.” Tess observed, watching him with sympathy.

Lux placed a steadying hand on Stone's shoulder, though his own tension was evident. “We're all feeling it.”

Addie's hands trembled as she distributed the letters, each envelope humming with traces of power. When she handed me mine, the paper felt warm, alive.

“The threads whispered all your names,” Tess murmured, watching the distribution with distant fascination. “Wrote them in sand and glass, each letter a piece of tomorrow's puzzle.”

“Tess...” My voice caught as she shifted in my arms.

“Such pretty edges,” she observed, reaching up to trace the air around us. “Everyone's getting sharper, darker. But still woven together.”

“We need to feed,” Stone snarled, but his hand gentled when he touched Tess's shoulder.

“It's already worse,” Addie whispered, pressing her hand against her stomach. “Is it supposed to feel like this? Like I'm being hollowed out?”

Lux moved to support her as she swayed. “We'll handle it together.”

“The letters know,” Tess insisted, her voice taking on an urgent edge. “They've seen all our violence, all our sins. Read them, before hunger drowns out their wisdom.”

The wax cracked under my touch. Inside, her familiar flowing script filled the page.

“Read it,” she whispered, her eyes reflecting impossible colors. “The threads wove this one special, just for you.”

I unfolded the paper, drinking in her words:

My love,

Do you remember when I told you that breaking and rebuilding was part of our story? I wasn't just talking about our past. I knew this was coming months ago, saw myself dying so our family could live. In every future where we survive, this happens.

You're going to hate it. You're going to blame yourself for not protecting me. Stop. This was my choice. I checked every possibility, every path we could take, and I chose this one. Because in this future, you survive. Our family survives. The price is my life, but darling, that was always on borrowed time anyway.

I know what this will do to you. I've seen your pain, your grief, your desperate need to fix what can't be fixed. But here's what you need to understand—if you find a way to bring me back, I won't return the same. The strands showed me those impossible futures too, where death wasn't the end. It's not worth the price. I'm choosing this fate, because the alternatives were unacceptable.

The threads showed me so many versions of us. In some, I stayed powerful and whole but watched you die. In others, I tried to find different ways to save everyone, but they all ended in blood and loss. This path, where I sacrifice myself so everyone else can live? This is the one where love wins. Not an easy love, not a simple one. But real. Ours.

Keep our family safe. Keep the circus moving. And remember, I chose this. I chose you. I will always choose you.

Forever yours, Your little monster

I lowered the letter, my hands trembling. The paper crackled as my fingers tightened, threatening to tear the delicate pages. Through blurred vision, I looked at Tess, my beautiful, broken, impossible mate where she sat cradled in my lap.

“No.” The word ripped from my throat. “You were wrong Tess...”

She shifted in my arms, her movements jerky and strange. “You shouldn't have done it,” she whispered, her voice fracturing like glass. “The price cuts too deeply, stains too dark.” Her fingers traced my tears. “Such perilous beauty.”

I crushed her closer against my chest, burying my face in her hair. The aroma of midnight and lightning filled my lungs as sobs wracked my body. My wings unfurled without conscious thought, wrapping around us both in a cocoon of darkness. The others stepped back, giving us space even as their own hunger gnawed at our shared consciousness.

“The chords are screaming their warning song,” she whispered, her own tears falling to my shirt. “I tried to protect you from this, tried to write a gentler ending.” Her voice drifted like feathers in the wind.

“You were mine to protect, Tess,” I choked out. “Still are. Whatever the cost—“

“Oh, my precious shadow,” she murmured, tracing patterns in my wings. Her fingers danced across my chest. “Why trade your freedom for my broken soul?”

“Because you're worth any price,” I growled into her hair. “All of us knew that.”

Her eyes trained on something beyond us, that familiar awareness taking over. She blinked away tears. “The paper birds are growing restless.”

Stone made a sound of frustration, pacing again as dirt scattered in his wake. “Then let's hear them.”

“Addie holds the cipher,” Tess said, her voice taking on that quality that made the air shiver. “The letter that speaks to all, that paints in words of tears and shadows.”

Addie's hands shook as she opened one particular envelope. The paper seemed to shimmer in the aftermath of the ritual's power, and the hunger that gnawed at all of us quieted, as if even it wanted to hear these words.

“Read it,” Tess urged, her fingers weaving patterns in the air. “Let the truths dance on your tongue.”

Lux steadied Addie with a gentle hand on her shoulder as she unfolded the pages. The rest of us drew closer, forming a tight circle around where Tess and I sat. Even Baphomet and Lilith leaned in, their ancient eyes gleaming with curiosity.

Addie took a deep breath, and began to read.

My dearest family,

If you're reading this, I've already died. The strands showed me a thousand possible futures, and in every one where our family survives, I had to sacrifice myself. I chose this path. Remember that. It wasn't only fate or destiny. I knew every option, and I chose this one.

The circus must continue. This isn't a suggestion or a wish, it's the cornerstone of your survival. The threads I've woven into every tent, every act, every moment of wonder and fear we create, they form a shield. As long as you keep performing, as long as you keep moving, the hunters won't be able to see you. The magic is tied to the show itself, to the energy we create, to the darkness we embrace and transform into art.

I have other letters with specific instructions for each of you. Follow them. I've seen what happens if you don't, and trust me, this was the better path. I've seen all possibilities. They were impossible dreams.

Don't waste time grieving what must be lost. Keep performing. Keep traveling. Keep creating beautiful nightmares.

And know that even in death—or whatever comes after—I love you all.

—Tess

Addie's hands trembled as she lowered the letter, her voice failing on the final words. The hunger that clawed at my insides paused, as if even it understood the significance of this moment. Tess shifted in my arms again, looking up at me.

“You knew.” Stone's voice fractured like bones. “All this time, you knew?”

Tess's laugh echoed strangely, as if coming from multiple places at once. “The strands danced with a thousand broken tomorrows, my love, but they never whispered this truth.” Her fingers traced the air between us, her voice carrying a note of wonder and confusion. “The void existed beyond even their sight. Such a fiendish blind spot in all my careful creation.”

I tightened my arms around her, wings curling closer as if I could somehow shield her from the truth of her own words. The mate bond hummed between us, changed but unbroken, carrying echoes I couldn't comprehend.

“You should have told us.” Lux's voice was gentle, but his eyes blazed with intensity.

“You've paid for what I tried to spare you,” Tess whispered, her voice carrying that shattered-glass edge. Her fingers continued their strange dance through the air. “But your stubborn hearts. Such a terrible, dazzling defiance of fate.”

I buried my face in her hair, breathing in the fragrance that clung to her changed form. Grief and relief warred inside me—she was alive, but we'd damaged something fundamental in the process.

Addie's voice caught as another wave of hunger rolled through our shared consciousness. “What is this need ?”

“Sweet Addie,” Tess sang, and I felt her move in my arms, reaching toward our friend. “Your humanity was such a pretty light. But look how it burns now, all tangled up with shadow and hunger.” Her eyes sparkled with sadness. “Oh, my loves, what have you done?”

“We're all connected now,” Stone growled, pacing like a caged animal. His hunger echoed my own, amplified by our new bond.

“Spinning such jagged wheels of hunger,” Tess interrupted, her voice taking on that distant quality. “‘Round and ‘round we'll go, until the stars grow cold.”

I felt Addie's emptiness sharpen as she swayed on her feet. Stone steadied her with a gentle hand, and I watched power and sin changing, becoming something new and inauspicious together.

“We need to get moving,” Stone grumbled. “Before this gets worse.”

“Is that possible?” Addie whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. “I can feel all of you, inside my head...”

“Well, this is all delightfully gothic.” Oscar's voice cut through the tension from a nearby table. “Though I must say, watching you all wrestle with existential hunger pangs is far less entertaining than my own experiences with desire.”

I shot the skull a dark look, but Tess's quiet laugh stopped me. She traced her fingers through the air near Oscar's skull.

“Such pretty webs of wit you weave, Oscar,” she murmured. “All golden and sharp, cutting through the darkness like knives dipped in honey.”

“My dear, if you're going to compliment my devastating charm, at least do it in proper English rather than cosmic riddles,” Oscar replied, though there was genuine affection beneath his usual dry tone.

“Family tastes stronger than fear, doesn't it?” Tess murmured, trailing her fingers through the air. Her smile was razor-sharp as she looked up at each of us. “Oh, such dangerous love you have for me.”

I felt the truth of her words resonating through our shared connection. Whatever we had become, we were in it together. Family, bound by something darker and deeper than blood.

Stone made a sound of frustration.

“Patience tastes like thorns, doesn't it?” Tess observed, watching him with otherworldly sympathy.

I felt it then—the shift in our shared consciousness, the way our collective hunger sharpened at her words. The need to perform, to create, to feed... it wasn't just survival anymore. It was becoming something else. Something darker. Something necessary .

“Together,” Lux said firmly, his hand still steady on Addie's shoulder. “Whatever comes next, we face it together.”

“As family,” Addie agreed, and I felt the truth of it settle into our collective bones.

Tess's laugh echoed through space. She turned in my arms, her infinite gaze meeting mine. “Are you ready to dance in the darkness, my love?”

I tightened my hold on her, the power curling through us like electricity. “Always,” I answered, surprising myself with the fierce possession in my voice. “Whatever you need, whatever it takes.”

The shared bond roared its approval, and we prepared to embrace our new existence. Whatever we had become, whatever price we had paid, we would face it together.

The show, after all, must go on.