Page 8

The last client left, their cat tucked up happily in their little plastic pet carrier, a smug look on its furry face. I clasped my arm, the sting of claws under the long sleeves of my white top, and the pinpricks of red just leaking through the fabric. It hadn’t been the first injury of the day. An irate hamster had chomped down hard on my finger, a puncture wound now covered with a plaster, but growing hotter and angrier by the minute, and an anxious dog had darted away from me unexpectedly, the nylon and synthetic mix of the lead burning the skin across my right palm.

“Stuart’s doing tonight’s emergencies isn’t he?” Abbie asked, restocking the downstairs drugs cabinet with vials of vaccines.

“He said so.” I typed the last of my notes into the boxy, ancient computer that sat on the bench alongside.

“Do you want to do something?”

“Ewan not coming over?”

“Not tonight. He’s out with his mates.”

I shook my head. “No. I just want to sleep. In between kitten feeds, anyway.”

Abbie frowned. “You need to have a life, Alice. And you need a break.”

“I know. And I will. Eventually. Just…”

The door crashed open, clattering off the bench, vibrating through the thin walls of the examination rooms.

“Alice. The cat. She’s crashing.”

We both stared at the other nurse, just for a second, and probably a second too long, before running through to the room of cages and to the little black bundle of fur lying with her eyes closed as kittens cuddled into her.

“Damn it!” I cursed, easing the babies away and scooping her out. “I told Stu it was too soon to let her back in with the kittens.”

I raced to the operating room, the little black bundle limp against me, a front paw hanging over my arm. She lay still on the steel table, her sides pulling and heaving, fighting for every tiny breath. Her veins were paper thin, delicate, not enough fluid running through her body to push in an IV line, each attempt failing and the little cat fading with each second. Nothing was working, and no injection I pushed straight into her flesh and muscles brought her round. For a moment she moved her head, just enough to look at me, to let out a little purr, and then the light faded from her green eyes. Her fight dying with her and her exhausted body lying on the steel countertop in the operating theatre, rigidity creeping in the moment her heart stilled for good.

I glanced across at the two vet nurses, their faces everything that I felt inside. Failure and loss and a heavy kick in the stomach. It never got easier. No matter how many we lost. My eyes burned and my throat swelled, and I was so fucking tired.

“The kittens,” Abbie whispered.

“I’ll take care of them. I’ll clean up here. You two can get away if you like. It’s well after closing.”

Both of them nodded, their faces full of defeat, and soon I was left standing over the body of the little black cat.

She’d cooled quickly, the warmth seeping into the metal underneath her and for a while I stood watching, gazing down at the little stray that had fought so hard to look after her babies, but her tiny, malnourished body couldn’t take the strain. Neglected and cast aside, she’d been brought in too late. Like many before her. No one to love her. No one to care for her. No one to do the right thing. The tears fell easily then, when everyone had gone home, when I stood in the bright lights in the operating room.

I don’t know how long I stood staring at the dull black fur. She’d never got a chance to recover, to get her shine back. Her coat would never be glossy and sleek, like it was supposed to be, ever again. Life was cruel and humans even more so. Packaging her up carefully, I wrapped her body and moved it out to the freezer in the shed at the bottom of the yard. The evening air was already harsh, the cold nipping at my arms through my thin sleeved top, white tendrils of my breath left in the surrounding air. I hurried back towards the building, the back door of the operating room hanging open, waiting for me. I felt it the minute I put my foot down, not quite the friction under my shoe as I’d expected, my foot still moving, sliding, flying out in front of me, my arms spiralling, clutching at nothing.

The ground met me with a wallop, my head hitting the concrete and rebounding to hit it again. And then I was blind, nothing but swirling black and even darker shadows, and now pain. Dull at first. An ache, just in one spot, but suddenly it radiated around my skull like an explosion. Shit, that hurt. When the shadows plaguing my sight cleared, only the twinkle of stars was left. Lots of tiny, bright pin pricks.

“Al?” A voice I recognised, but I couldn’t see anyone, only stars. “Alice, are you ok? What happened?”

His voice was closer, velvety, beautiful, angelic. My head hurt. And now I could smell him, clean, leathery, a sharpness to his usual aftershave, as though he’d only just put it on.

“Are you hurt?”

He was still talking, but all I could see were stars. My head thumped.

“Can you speak?”

I tried to nod, but it hurt. And I was so very cold, the ice on the concrete underneath me seeping through my thin clothes. I needed to get inside before I got hypodermia. No, that wasn’t right. Hypothermic. Shit. My brain scrabbled to even make up the right thought. Before I got colder, that was it. An arm scooped under my head, another under my legs. He groaned, a gush of warm air brushing over my face, and now I was floating, getting closer to the stars.

“Alice, we need to get you inside.”

“Cold.” My voice was a whisper, yet it felt like it took every effort in my body to form that word.

“Not surprised, Al. You’re lying on top of ice.”

“I can see stars.” That was better. That was a sentence.

“Course you can, babe. There’re no clouds tonight.”

“So, I’m conscious?”

“Yeah. You’re conscious.”

“Good. I think,” the warmth of the operating room hit me like someone had just opened an oven door, and it chased shivers all over my body. “You can put me down now, Cade.”

“Let me get you into reception. Then I’ll put you down.”

Cade moved through the room and out into the corridor that ran up behind the three consultation rooms. Lights snapped on with each step, each movement triggering the sensors and lighting the way.

“Looks like your boss spent his money on something decent after all.”

“Not really. It was because they turn themselves off if you’re still for over thirty seconds. Saves him money.”

I gripped his neck as the strength came back to my arms, but my body did nothing but shake, the sudden rush of heat making me realise how cold I was in those few minutes I lay on the ground.

Cade stopped, adjusting his weight, and then carefully he lowered me into a seat. Begrudgingly, I unhooked my arms from around his neck, from where I could smell that sharpness of aftershave against the clean scent of shampoo and clean leather. He shuffled round in front of me, nudging my legs apart and stepping in between them. And then, he dropped to his knees, so the liquid green and molten hazel of those eyes stared straight at me.

But it wasn’t just how close his face was to mine that distracted me, but the closeness of his body, the feel of the leather pressing against my thin clothes. The jacket that was zipped halfway up his torso brushed against the inside of my thighs, and the sigh drifted out before I had any time to stop it. If he’d noticed, he didn’t show it, pulling the leather gloves from his hands and reaching for my face, cold fingertips swiping the loose hair from my forehead and tucking it behind my ear.

“You hurt anywhere?” he asked, as his eyes roamed over me, searching for more obvious signs of injury.

“Just the back of my head.” I reached my hand up and felt over the hot lump developing on the back of my skull, wincing at my own actions.

“You’d better get that boss of yours to put some salt down.”

“That will cost him money.”

“So will suing his ass.”

“Wouldn’t be much point. He’s got nothing.”

“Sure, he has. Vets are loaded.”

I harrumphed, reacting to the words I’d heard throughout my short career.

“By the time his student loans and all the loans on the equipment in this place are paid, there’ll not be much left. And anything that is, he fritters away on women and gambling.”

“Sounds like many men I know,” Cade shrugged. “What were you doing outside in the cold, anyway?”

“I…we lost a cat.”

Cade pulled back a fraction, his face stilling, apprehension creeping into his eyes.

“Not…”

“Yes, the little black cat who’d just had kittens.”

“Shit,” he hissed, glancing towards the corridor of consultation rooms and the infirmary. “How? What happened?”

“Stu said he wanted to put her back in with the kittens. I said it was too early; she was too weak. He didn’t want to take shifts hand feeding the kittens. He overruled me and had the nurses move her back in with them. And she fed them, like a good mam would. But it was too much for her little body.”

“Bastard,” Cade’s voice was almost a growl, deep and throaty and drawn out. “You ok, Alice?”

“Guess so.”

Cade said nothing more, his hand moving towards me again, cupping my cheek gently, his flesh still cool, and it sent a shiver rushing over my skin.

“You know, all she wanted was someone to look after her?” My voice didn’t sound like me. Strained, laced with emotion, tired.

“Don’t we all, Al?”

“I think she knew I was trying to save her. Like really knew. Right to that last breath.”

I was jabbering, trying to convince myself that I hadn’t failed her. Hadn’t failed her babies. Trying to stop myself from crying into this man’s chest, wiping liquid mascara all over his white t-shirt.

“I’ll bet she knew that. Kinobi knows that. Every time you go to her. I can see it in her eyes and that little wag of her tail. You know, babe, you really have a heart of gold.”

He whispered those last words, spilling out of his mouth softly. I didn’t know whether I could agree with him, because right now that voice of crushed velvet was stirring something inside me, and it wasn’t in any alleged gold heart. The bitter memories of the cat faded, my body distracted by the way his fingers crept over my ear and into my hair. He was so warm where his jacket opened, and he smelled so good. Clean and sharp, like a spring morning on top of a mountain range. His chest looked hard, chiselled, and suddenly I wanted to touch him, to see how he felt underneath the t-shirt. Shit, I must be exhausted. I was. I hadn’t slept in days.

“How is Kinobi’s owner?” I needed to change the subject. Regain some control.

Cade paused, something playing on his mind. I could feel it by the way he sucked in a little extra air, his chest hardening even more.

“He’s doing ok. He’s still with us. God only knows how.”

“You believe in God, Cade?” I asked, staring into his eyes. How I could fall asleep here, with his touch on my face and the heat from his body warming mine, even though only our clothes brushed, nothing more.

“I do, Al. Do you?”

I shook my head. “I don’t. I can’t. I can’t get how he can let these little creatures suffer. I don’t give a shit about humans. But those kittens might not survive now. And all because the humans that he was supposed to have created in his image can’t even look after a cat properly.”

“Maybe? But that cat found her way to you. And you saved her babies. God works in mysterious ways, they all tell us.”

“But I couldn’t save her,” I was babbling again, tiredness and emotion welling up out of control. “I tried. I really did.” The tear slid down my cheek before I had time to stop it.

“I’m so sorry, Alice,” Cade purred, swiping his thumb over my cheekbones, catching the drip of the tear, stopping it in its tracks. “I’m so sorry you’ve had a horrid day.”

“Why?”

“Because I like to see you happy.”

“Don’t think you’ve ever seen me happy. I’m too exhausted to be happy.”

Green-brown eyes stared at me, studying my face, pushing into my soul, and I could almost feel him in my chest, heat prickling against my ribs. And those eyes got closer, his face moving towards me, his lips touching mine, soft, gentle, plush, hot. I could feel them part, waiting, feeling. His breath dusted over my flesh, giving me time to pull away from him, waiting just that second longer. And then I exhaled, the little flush of air making my lips part, a signal to us both. Now he pushed into me, plump fleshy lips pulling at mine, his tongue sliding out to taste just over my mouth. It probed, gently, tentatively. An unvoiced question. And when I pushed back against him, I answered it.

The kiss changed. The gentleness dissipating, something hungry and urgent taking its place. And now I was responding, kissing back, my lips moving over Cade’s, my tongue darting in and out of his mouth, the action mirrored as his tongue caressed mine. I was gasping, drawing air in where I could. His teeth nipped my lip, a tiny prick of pain and I moaned against him, instantly embarrassed.

But that moan signalled something, because the hand in my hair tightened, fingers winding and entangling, leaving a hot stinging numbness along my scalp. He tightened his fingers, trapping my hair into his fist, tiny pricks of pain now in my scalp, not on my lips. On my lips, his mouth still moved, his tongue still duelling with mine, my heart racing, heat igniting in every nerve ending. So much heat, like I might self-combust at any minute.

Cade’s other hand snaked under my scrubs and the thin white top beneath them. Cool, rough fingertips sliding over the hot skin of my stomach. I tensed, sucking against his tongue, and he groaned this time, a deep, vibrating noise that flowed into me.

“Fuck, Al. Please don’t do that to me.”

His words dusted my lips, the heat of his breath lingering over the trails of his kisses, and I tensed my legs, pushing them against his waist.

“Or that,” he gasped. “Don’t do that either.”

“Why?”

My voice was barely audible, forced from my throat. But he still heard that.

“Because if you do, I might not be able to stop.”

“Stop? What do you mean you won’t be able to stop?”

And even though I thought I had only visualised it in my mind, I felt my legs squeeze around his waist. His fingers gripped into the flesh of my sides and his hand twisted in my hair. What came from either his chest or his throat was more a growl than it was a groan, the sound vibrating deep into my stomach and right into my core. And, involuntarily, I squeezed around him again.