Page 5 of Cathmoir’s Sons (Bad Boys of Bevington #5)

Chapter 5

Heal Me, My Darling

CAILEáN

M y warrior comes to me first, at a run, his arms outstretched. My scholar trails him, eyes downcast, cheeks flushed. I don’t believe for a moment this is the first time Luca’s seen me naked, but the gesture feels respectful.

I twirl my fingers. The gaoithe sidhe rises at my call and tears off their ball costumes. I endured seeing my consorts wearing another monarch’s colors at Thistlemist, but I will not endure it here, in my hearthland.

Lawson throws his arms around me and pulls me up onto his bare chest. I wrap my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, and smile down at him.

“You missed me?” I ask.

He grabs my neck and pulls my head down into a hard, hot kiss. I lap his taste off his tongue and when he gives me only the faint fizz of champagne and the charred edge of cooked meat, I nip his plush lips until I taste the hot copper I crave.

Law laughs into my mouth as he twirls us around. Giddy Cait. He missed me.

“Put me down before you tear your wound,” I tell him. “I can feel it like a knife in my own ribs. Why hasn’t it healed?”

He squeezes me and holds on tightly. “I can’t let you go. You might ... forget me again.”

I caress his cheek, running my claws through his short, blond hair, smoothing the lines of pain and grief creasing his forehead with my thumb. “I never forget you, my love. I just remember more reasons for adoration and fewer for anger when I am fully awakened. I asked you to weather the storm. Is it testing your resolve?”

“Never.” Law shakes his head. “It just hurts to see you so angry and distant. You won’t let me hold you or even speak to you. Are all your memories back? I haven’t seen any sign of your awakened self for weeks.”

I loosen my grip on him and slide down to stand on my own feet. Although he continues to clutch me close, the signs of strain on his face ease. “I needed rest. Calling Rhodrhi’s spirit back from the Mother took everything I had.”

“Rhodes,” my scholar says.

I blink at him over his twin’s shoulder. “Rhodes. What did I say?”

“You called him Rhodrhi,” Luca says. “Rhodrhi was one of your murdered consorts. Caileán, whose soul did you call back?”

I search my memory, but I cannot give him a clear answer. I called and called; I felt an answer in the darkness. I pulled and poured my power into my scholar and the body in our arms. But whose spirit did the Mother relinquish? I cannot say.

“I don’t know,” I admit.

Luca chews on his lower lip. “I’ll watch him. If there’s any sign of awakening memories, I’ll give him the Songs of Eira.”

I reach out for my scholar. He steps forward until I can stroke his face. “You are wise. I’m so proud to call you mine.”

His eyes fill and he blinks rapidly. “You haven’t-you haven’t called me yours before.”

“Do you feel anything other than mine?”

“No, just ... you’ve been with Law and Rhodes?—”

“No, Luca. Only your brother. I’ve been careful with your love. He’s not fae. I haven’t subjected him to a fae’s hungers.” I move to stand between my Cait. “If I have failed to reassure you, if I’ve been careless with your emotions, I ask your forgiveness.”

The rawness in Luca’s amber-green eyes says I haven’t been as tender with him as I should have.

“Luca. My sweet Luca.” I draw him to me and pull my Cait close, my arms around each of their necks. “Come with me now. Let me show you that we are each other’s. Help me heal your brother and celebrate the Mother’s blessed new year with me.”

The men on either side of me rub their warm, smooth cheeks against mine. I laugh softly at the slight scrape of stubble on my left side. Lawson always misses a few spots on his chin.

I turn my head and kiss Luca, then Law. “You are my blessings.”

Luca’s breath grows ragged, and I hug my consorts tightly, letting them scent-mark me, soothing them with the touch of my skin. They’ve suffered while I’ve slept, these men I love. They’ve missed me. They’ve wondered and worried. I could force this body to accept all of my power. I could use the ancient magicks to fix my memories so I never wake again knowing less than I do now.

“Am I being selfish?” I wonder aloud. “Should I force the fusion of my current and past selves?”

“Could it hurt you?” Law asks.

“I have no way of knowing.”

“Then we don’t take the risk,” Luca says, burying his face in my neck. “You’re awake again. That’s the best Yule gift we could ask for.”

I squeeze him. “Rhodes returning from the Mother’s breast is the best Yule gift any of us could ask for. But I’ll try not to sleep again for so long, my loves. It must have been frightening, not to see any sign of me. You’re very courageous.”

“I haven’t felt courageous,” Law admits in a whisper, his breath warm in my hair. “I’ve felt desperate. And lost.”

“You are not lost. Even when we’re estranged, I am always with you. Let me soothe you tonight. If I wake in the morning not remembering everything I am, hold the memory of tonight close. Let it guide you on your Path, as you two must guide my unawakened self. These are dangerous times with all of us vulnerable. Let us be together while we can.”

Lawson nods, rubbing his cheek against mine.

I find their hands and lead them into my tower.

Luca folds my hand between his and lifts it to his lips as he walks beside me. “Caileán, I want this. Believe me, I want this more than anything. But if Kellan remembers tonight, she won’t trust me.”

I can protect my consorts in this small way.

“I will teach you a spell. An ancient spell. Fire is the Element of protection, beating back the darkness. Air is the Element of thought, which weathers into memory. Together, you can lock my memory of tonight away. Either of you can release it with a word. The same spell, reversed, will force all of my memories to the forefront. It will trigger the fusion of my past and current selves. I leave this in your hands. If there comes a time when this is necessary, I trust you to make the decision.”

Law squeezes my hand while Luca gives a soft groan.

“Thank you for your faith, Caileán,” Luca whispers.

Has he felt my faith in him lacking? Have I given him so much reason for doubt?

“Luca, my love—” I begin, hoping to soothe the hurt I’ve caused.

“Caileán promised me something that night in Italy,” Law says. “She promised me that our souls would be one again. I’ve held on to that thought in the darkest moments. That’s everything I want, everything I’m working toward. When you have doubts, hold on to that thought, Lu.”

“Okay,” Luca says, his lips soft against my knuckles. He shifts so his body is pressed against my side. Sandwiched together, unwilling to let a breath of air separate us, we make our way upstairs.

I didn’t have a chance to show my beloved Rhodrhi the bedrooms of my castle before we were called into the battle with Bromios. The doors are all open when we reach the first floor, each bedroom beckoning, warmly lit by witchlight. But I lead them to the third doorway. It was our bedroom all those years ago and I have no doubt my awakening conscious has reconstructed it faithfully.

The room is large but looks crowded because of a massive, ebony, four-poster bed in the middle of the floor. The bed is neatly made, evidence of the castle’s bwg at work, with a deep plum counterpane and snowy white pillows. Hanging over the bed, there’s an embroidered pelmet and canopy. I remember setting every stitch of the embroidery. It’s a hunting scene with lines of Rhodrhi’s poetry weaving among the sinuous bodies of the Cait and their prey. The black, green, blue, and russet of the hunting scene is echoed in the room’s other furnishings: overflowing bookcases, deep chairs and loveseats, the richly carpeted floor and hanging tapestries that make up for the lack of windows. Between the bookcases there are small canvases with more pastoral scenes of Cait life a thousand years ago. I smile at one that shows a pair of Cait sneaking through long grass toward a small flock of piskie sheep. That was Marcher’s favorite, I remember.

I lead my consorts to our bed and climb up onto the high mattress. “Look around,” I invite them, sinking back onto the soft bedding and stretching decadently.

Neither man looks around. They climb onto the bed with me, their muscles rolling. I laugh softly to see them stalking me. My beautiful Cait.

They stretch on either side of me. Lawson, who will always be the first to take anything I offer, puts his warm hand on my stomach, pressing me lightly into the bed. He brushes his lips across mine before dipping his head to lick a rasping line down my chest. My body softens, my legs spreading, toes curling.

Luca’s eyes take in my movements; the amber around his iris heats to gold. He reaches out tentatively. I catch his hand and guide it to my lips, pressing soft kisses against the rough pads of his fingers. I suck his fingertip into my mouth and lave it with the point of my tongue.

“Caileán,” he breathes.

“Touch me anywhere, my love,” I murmur. Luca cannot be a stranger to sex, not having been with Rhodes for three years. But he seems shy. His desire is unquestionable; it’s all there in his molten eyes. Yet, he hesitates. “Anywhere you wish.”

He groans. “I want everything. I’m just not sure where to start. This, being with you, it’s different from what I have with Rho.”

“Of course,” I say sympathetically. “It must be strange to be with someone new.”

Luca nods. He glances down my body at his brother, who is suckling hungrily as he wraps himself around me, sliding his heavy thigh between mine and grinding his erection into my hip. Luca inches closer, his heat blanketing my left side, his silky skin sliding against mine. His shoulders, not as imposing as Rhodes’ but still wide and muscular, block out the embroidered canopy overhead. He lowers his head to brush his lips across my cheek and whisper in my ear.

“Rho likes to take control.”

Ah, I understand now. “Would you like me to do that?” I ask.

“I—” He hesitates. I could rush in and reassure him. I will do anything he wishes. If he wants to be in control, if he wants to cede control, he only has to name his desires. Instead of giving him the words, I look at him, letting my willingness, my desire, my love fill my eyes.

“I want to make love,” he whispers. “And I want to tell you how to make love to Law.”

I sweep my fingers down his cheek, over his shoulder, and down his arm until I find his hand. I tangle our fingers together and squeeze gently.

“Whatever you wish, Luca. Tonight is for you.”

“Arch your back.” His whisper drops to a rough rasp. “Present yourself to me.”

I tip my head back and grind my bottom into the mattress. This body is bigger, stronger, than the one I wore long ago. I love its sinuous curves. My last form was small and lithe. I never felt the heavy bunching of my own muscles, the power behind my own movement. I never had such satisfying thickness to my shoulders, thighs, and calves. I roll my shoulders and hips, rubbing myself all over Lawson, lifting myself into the palm Luca runs reverently from my throat to my breast, glorying in the ways our bodies work with and against one another. I shake my head against the smooth bedding so my black mane froths around my shoulders. This body is so pleasing to me, and I can see in their rapt expressions how pleasing it is to my mates.

“All I am is yours,” I whisper to my consorts, meaning every word. Glorying in the feeling of their bodies against mine. I remember this. We were happy in that long ago. We loved each other with our whole hearts. Our souls entwined rapturously whenever we touched. We should have had thousands of blissful nights. We should have had day upon day of laughter, watching our kits grow. Instead, I had only recently found my consorts when the Oak King moved against me. Did we have a decade together? I don’t think we did. In the hundreds of years I lived, my time with my consorts was sweet but brief.

Knowing I lost them so quickly makes me cherish finding them again. I don’t want to damage my own integration but surely there’s some way to communicate to my unawakened self that my time with my consorts is precious and shouldn’t be squandered in blame and anger?

I find Lawson’s hair, brushed into a silky wave for the ball, and dig my fingers into it. “Ask me for a kiss every day,” I whisper to him. “Tell me we never know how much time we’ll have and not to waste a moment. Remind me that Teddy misses her Other Gabe every day and would give anything for one more kiss.”

Lawson lifts his head from my wet, red nipple. “Will-will that work?”

“I don’t know what I’ll remember. Only that all of that is true.”

“I’ll ask,” Law promises.

I smile at him and turn my head to nuzzle Luca. “I’ll do whatever you wish. Any way you wish. But I’ve never pleasured your brother with my mouth, and I owe him that pleasure many, many times over.”

Luca shifts so he’s leaning on one elbow. He traces my lower lip with his finger. “Never?”

I shake my head.

His fingertips trail back up to settle in the hollow of my throat, shifting my necklaces out of the way so he can stroke my skin. “I think you should start paying your debt.”

Holding his eyes, I nod.

He leans in and touches his lips to mine.

I breathe against his lips, realizing I’ve denied him even kisses. “Please, may I have our first real kiss?”

He slides his hand behind my neck and nudges his brother out of the way so he can kiss me with his whole body. I wrap myself around him and take long, indulgent droughts of his taste. Sweet fae wine, the sharp edge of pennies, and underneath, the wild, cold of Air.

He cups my head, tilting it back so he can flick my upper lip with his tongue. He darts in for a deep taste, then backs off, teasing. I smile against his lips. I could have guessed he’d be playful, given his long relationship with Rhodes. When he darts in again, I nip his lip and suck on the tiny wound.

His pupils blow wide and a soft growl rumbles through the chest pressed to mine. He brings his other hand to my head, framing my face, and lowers his full weight onto me, crushing his hard cock against my thigh, mashing my breasts against his chest. We breathe each other in, letting our souls find each other through the veils of flesh and time. As we kiss, he lifts his hips, crowns his head against my opening, and slowly pushes into me.

With a moan that tells him exactly how much I want our joining, I wrap my legs around his hips and take him deep. He slides his forearm under my shoulders, holding my upper body against his. I tip my head back so we can continue to kiss, tasting each other, meeting each other’s gaze with each breath. Our bodies slide and work together. We ease into a rhythm, different from any pace I’ve found with his brother. Luca moves more cautiously, testing, teasing a little, before plunging all the way home again. As much as I love his brother’s aggression, there’s something infinitely alluring about the way Luca moves.

I rise to each thrust, rolling my hips, meeting him as the tension builds between us. Tenderness threads through every other emotion. I band my arms around Luca’s muscular back to hold him to me.

Over Luca’s flexing shoulder, I catch his twin’s gaze. Lawson’s eyes are gleaming, his lips wet as he licks them, his hand moving slowly up and down his own shaft. There’s no jealousy, no impatience. His love for both of us is a pure, shining thing, writ clearly on his face.

I hold one hand out to him in case he wishes to be included in this bout of lovemaking, but he folds my hand down onto his brother’s back. I understand. This is his gift to his brother, letting Luca be my entire focus this time.

I turn my eyes back to Luca, meeting his molten gold gaze. Sliding my hand into his soft hair, I draw him down into my kiss, and let the rapture build, kiss after kiss, thrust after thrust. Our climax is less a shattering than a falling together, fitting pieces of him into me and me into him. Where I feel mastered by his brother, coming with Luca is gentler. It’s being consumed by the sweetest, softest darkness. It’s sinking into a welcoming pit of fur. Pleasure slithers along my nerves instead of exploding. It stimulates and soothes. It whispers to me of home, of the warmth of skin, of meat rich on my tongue, of scents so familiar it’s impossible I could ever have forgotten them.

“Luca, Luca, my love,” I whisper over and over, holding him to me. He rocks slightly, still in me, encompassing me, his body firm in my arms but soft in the aftermath. His arms gripping me as gently as the Mother’s breath cradles a leaf on its descent to the ground. I blow Air across his jaw and ear, ruffling his short hair. He hums happily and fits his mouth to mine again, passing our shared Element back and forth between us until every void is full to overflowing.