Page 83 of Carnal

When we pull away, we wipe the tears from our faces. Dante crouches down and touches the grass beneath Leo’s headstone.

“Happy birthday, son. Daddy loves you,” he says quietly. “I’ll be back to see you soon.”

Standing up, Dante takes my hand, and the three of us walk back to the car.

After visiting Leo’s grave, Dante and I decide to go back home. We have Leo’s favorite meal for lunch: dinosaur chicken nuggets, boxed mac and cheese—yes, he preferred boxed over homemade—and strawberries.

After lunch, we spend a few hours in the nursery while Lunchbox busies himself with his basket of new toys in the living room. Dante puts the crib together while I organize all of DJ’s clothes and diapers into my old dresser I’ve had since I was a baby. Ebony had Chris pull it out of their garage yesterday; I’d completely forgotten I was storing it there until I was ready to use it.

I look at the blue and white letters on the wall above the space where the crib will go and smile.

Dante Leonardo Romano Jr, named after his father and brother. Dante had wanted to start the tradition of the sons in his family giving their sons their middle names, but since Leo isn’t here anymore, he decided to give little DJ his name.

It’s perfect.

Shortly after the fire at the carnival last year, Dante and I were taken to the hospital where we were treated for smoke inhalation, and Dante for his wounds. It was a miracle that we even survived that, because I had been fully prepared to be consumed by the flames.

Of course, the police had asked him what happened, and he’d made up some lie about being attacked at the carnival and running into the Funhouse to get away. Thankfully, the police bought it.

Before the firefighters came in to save us, Dante had moved the man’s body—who I now know is Ronnie Newsome, theperson responsible for Leo’s death—into the hallway of the Funhouse to burn. Yes, his bones were discovered in the ashes, and we were the main suspects. But Dante had called in a favor from Officer Santino, and he’s done everything he can to keep us out of the investigation.

“You’ve been through enough,” she’d said. “You deserve a peaceful life.”

Before long, Dante finishes the crib and pushes it against the wall, perfectly aligned beneath DJ’s name. I lean against him as he wraps an arm around me and admire the dainty diamond ring and shiny silver wedding band on my finger.

After thatfatalnight, we got married in the second week of November. It wasn’t the type of wedding either one of us had imagined; we’d decided on a whim to go to the courthouse to tie the knot. He didn’t even have a ring for me yet, but I didn’t care. After we both almost died that night at the carnival, I didn’t want to wait any longer to marry the love of my life.

Luckily, Chris didn’t have to work, so he, Ebony, and Matthew were able to join us. Dante always imagined we’d wed in Sicily, but that just wasn’t in the cards for us. Maybe one day in the next few years, we’ll be able to make that happen.

“Three more months,” he says quietly, putting his free hand on my round stomach, “and our little firefighter will be here.”

I chuckle and look up at him. “What if he wants to be a lawyer?”

It took a lot of convincing to get Dante to realize a full firefighter-themed nursery was way too overstimulating for a newborn. We agreed that we’ll wait until he’s older before we start choosing his path for him. In the meantime, we settled on a little plastic firefighter hat on the bedside table.

“Whatever he chooses to be, I’ll love and support him regardless.” He looks down at me, his amber eyes filled with so much love for me that I start to feel some emotion clogging theback of my throat. “He’s ours, and I intend on giving him the life I always wanted as a child, the life that I gave Leo.”

I touch his cheek softly and bring his face down to mine to press a soft kiss to his lips. “You’re an amazing dad, you know that, right?”

He rests his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “Thank you, fiore. I don’t feel like it, especially after what happened to Leo.”

“You can’t keep blaming yourself for that. It washisfault, not yours.”

Dante takes a deep breath and pulls away. “I know. But losing a child is the greatest pain a parent will ever experience. I don’t want you to go through that, Essence. I don’t think I’ll ever get to a place where I don’t blame myself.”

My heart aches for him. I don’t even want to imagine how painful that is, but I also don’t want Dante to keep blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault.

“Something tells me you’re about to be the world’s most overprotective dad,” I say lightheartedly, chuckling.

He laughs. “Better safe than sorry, you know?”

We spend another hour getting the nursery completely ready, that way we won’t be rushing to get it done before I go into labor.

When we’re done, we look at all of our hard work with satisfied smiles.

We spend the rest of the afternoon at home. I’ll be working for another month and a half before I take my maternity leave. Dante plans on working up until I go into labor, and then he’ll have that first week off to stay home with me. I wish he could take at least a couple weeks, but he’s already taken so much time off between Leo’s death and my issues. The fact that his Captain was kind enough to give him that week means so much to me.

Lunchbox is just as excited about DJ as we are. He knew that I was pregnant before I did, and it was his constant tapping on my belly that pushed me to take a test a few days after leaving the hospital. I was shocked, to say the least; I wasn’t expecting to get pregnant so soon after being off birth control. Dante was hellbent on knocking me up, and he got his wish.

I’ll be honest, I’m still not entirely sure that I’m ready for a baby just yet—raising a whole human being is a huge responsibility, and not one to be taken lightly—but I’ve seen how great of a father he was to Leo, and I’m confident I’ll have all of his support once this baby comes. Not to mention, my sister has been with me every step of this pregnancy.

I made a promise to her that I wouldn’t keep major secrets from her anymore, and she promised to be here every step of my pregnancy.

It’s early evening now, and it’s starting to get darker outside. I sit in a patio chair in the backyard and watch Dante play catch with Lunchbox. He finally finished putting the fence up in the front and decided to put one in the back, too. Before, it was just an open space, but with Lunchbox being so high energy, we needed a barrier to keep him from running away. Training him off-leash wasn’t going so well, so Dante got the fence up pretty quickly.

I gasp when DJ kicks me, but it still brings a smile to my face. I have the perfect life, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

The road to get here was rough, but now Dante and I can finally live that peaceful life we so deserve.