Page 8 of Carnal

My boyfriend is yelling for me. I have to go.

When will I see you again?

I’m glad for the mask because I don’t want her to see just how happy that question has made me.

ME:

Tomorrow after work. I’ll be waiting for you.

Before she has a chance to reply, I turn and leave. As soon as I get to my truck parked down the street, I pull off the mask and flip to the hidden camera app on my phone. Evan is quite literally in bed screaming for Essence to make him something to eat before he has to go to work.

My free hand grips the steering wheel so tightly a knuckle pops. I curse and shake the pain away.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to let him live. I need to get rid of him before I go back to work next week.

For the next hour, I watch as Essence flutters around the kitchen to make Evan dinner. Meanwhile, he takes his sweet time scrolling on his phone before he gets out of bed and starts getting ready for work. Then he grabs his work bag and goes downstairs to eat, but not before yelling at Essence for slightly undercooking his pasta.

With each passing moment, my jaw clenches harder and harder the more I grit my teeth. Why does she stay with him? Why does she continue to give him so many chances when he’s shown time and time again that he doesn’t give a damn about her? He nearly fucking killed her, and she still gave him a chance.

I think that’s why I love her so much. She’s always willing to see the best in people no matter how awful they are. That’s how I know she’ll accept me and my dark cravings.

I don’t have that trait. You have one chance with me and you’re through. I won’t hesitate to cut someone out of my life.

Like with Ronnie Newsome…

My mind goes back to that night, that one moment that changed the entire course of my life, and I feel like I’m dying.

Fire burns in my veins, threatens to sear through my skin and devour me whole. Every time I think about what he did to my son, I want to scream and tear the world apart to get him back.

Hot tears burn my eyes and threaten to fall, but I refuse to let them. Instead, I channel my pain into something else.

Or, rather,someoneelse.

My crippling addiction. My Essence.

In the meantime, I sit back and watch my flower for the rest of the night.

CHAPTER 7

DANTE

THREE MONTHS AGO

“Hi, Daddy!”Leo says happily from the other end of the line. I leave the busy scene behind me and walk down the street a little bit so I can hear him better.

“Hey, buddy,” I say softly, emotion clogging my throat. After what I just witnessed, I’m so grateful to hear my son’s voice.

Being a firefighter, you always prepare yourself for the inevitable: you won’t be able to save everyone. But that doesn’t stop me from trying every single day. I want everyone to be able to go home to their loved ones, for parents to see their children again, but what happened here today…

I couldn’t save her.

I tried so fucking hard, but I couldn’t get her out of the car in time.

The baby’s screams follow me down the street. I turn and watch as one of my brothers tries to console the little girl, but it’s almost as if she knows that her mother is gone.

A crowd has gathered on the outskirts of the massive pileup. I’m still unsure how something of this magnitude could havehappened; my team will have to get statements from those coherent enough to recall.

“Where are you?” he asks excitedly.