Page 40

“I…I didn’t know.” Jay recalled his brother and dad arguing all the time, but he figured it was grown-up stuff.

His brother wasn’t that much older than Jay, but it always felt like he was.

He’d been so serious all the time and so angry.

Jay never imagined it was because of the pressure their dad put on him.

Finch shook his head. “My senior year was supposed to be my year. At home, I had to be perfect. I had to be what Dad wanted me to be. But at school, it was different, I was different. Then you came in and you turned the school upside down. You were everywhere, your light eclipsing everything and everyone. Anyone who didn’t love you or, at the very least, tolerate you had to leave you alone because of your entourage. ”

Jay sighed. “Again with the entourage. I didn’t have an entourage.”

“Jaybird, you had half the school following you around like your personal cheerleaders. Hell, some of them were cheerleaders. You were captain of the cheer squad, spirit club, drama club, and who the hell remembers what else?”

“So you’re pissed because I stole your spotlight? What did you want me to do? Pretend to be someone I wasn’t? Hide in the closet to make you feel better?”

Finch’s shoulders slumped. “At the time, maybe that’s what I wanted.

I was seventeen, confused, angry, and still trying to figure out who I was.

A part of me was jealous you could be you, and I couldn’t even admit to myself that maybe I wasn’t as straight as I thought I was.

If I had the chance to do it over, I would have done things differently.

What I would have liked was for you to be my brother and have my back.

Jaybird, you were shitty to me all year. ”

What? What ? “You and your friends took every opportunity to give me hell about being gay. You yelled at me in front of the whole school! Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?”

“You’re right, it was a dick move. I should have stood up for you.

Doing nothing was as bad as taking part.

But any time I tried to talk to you, you were an asshole.

So as a seventeen-year-old boy who was pissed at the world, I decided to be a bigger asshole.

You were so busy being your authentic self that you were oblivious to everyone around you who couldn’t be. Jaybird, you were a Mean Girl.”

Jay shook his head with a laugh. “Oh my God, I was not a Mean—” Memories of his encounters with his brother flooded back, and his smile dropped from his face. “No. I would never be so… I…”

“You might not have had a Burn Book, but you and your little girlfriends were Mean Girls. Making fun of our clothes, calling us dumb jocks, and playing pranks on us?”

Jay’s face grew hot, and he swallowed hard. Had he been so awful? He remembered high school as being so much fun. Reflecting on the past, he recalled incidents that he hadn’t thought about in years. His heart dropped to his stomach at the things he’d said and then forgotten.

“I had this idea in my head of how things had been, and after what happened in the gym, I’d convinced myself that it was all your fault, that you were a bully.

” Jay closed his eyes, his heart heavy. “I’m so ashamed of myself.

” When he opened his eyes, he met his brother’s gaze.

“I’m sorry I was so terrible to you. No wonder I drove you away. ”

“I didn’t join the military because my baby brother had been a jerk to me.

It was more complicated than that. I shouldn’t have said what I did that day in the gym or when I left.

I was angry, and it was easy to blame you.

” Finch shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

“We were a couple of teenage boys with raging hormones, dealing with things the way we thought was best, thinking we knew it all. We’ve both changed a lot since then, Jaybird. ”

Jay opened his mouth, but Finch stopped him.

“You have. I’ve not been around you very long, but in the short time I have been, believe me, I see it.

Back then, you acted out of fear and insecurity, just as I did.

It had to have been terrifying, being out in high school then, and instead of having your big brother to back you up, you had to fend for yourself.

Past Jay was kind of a dick, and Current Jay is still sassy, but in a different way.

He’s sweet, confident, and kind. I’ve seen the way he fusses over his family and cares about them.

Current Jay also kicks ass.” Finch smiled softly, and it reached his eyes, forming creases at the corners. “I like this Jay.”

Jay smiled and sniffed, blinking the tears from his eyes. He laughed when his brother pulled him into one of his big bear hugs.

“How about we leave the past in the past and start again?”

Jay nodded, his arms wrapped around Finch. “I’d like that.” It was only now that he realized how much he’d missed his big brother. “I’m sorry I ignored your calls. That was wrong of me.”

“It’s okay. The way we’d left things, I don’t blame you.

We’re here now.” He threw a hand over Jay’s shoulder, turning him and leading him back inside to the waiting room.

They sat down, and Finch leaned back, smiling at him.

“You got yourself one hell of a man, Jaybird. You always did have good taste.”

Jay side-eyed him, making Finch laugh. “So you were hitting on him.”

“Yeah, but only to get a rise out of you because I knew something was going on between you two.”

“You did?”

Finch arched an eyebrow at him. “Jaybird, it couldn’t be more obvious you two had been fooling around in there. Might as well have been holding up a sign that said, ‘Just gave my man a blowjob.’”

Jay gasped, his face on fire. “Oh my God,” he hissed. “We’re in a hospital.”

Finch chuckled, then his smile faded. “He’s going to be okay.”

“He was shot saving me.”

“Like I said, one hell of a man.”

They sat in silence, and it was…nice. Comfortable. It was good to have his brother back, and he was glad Finch was staying. Jay didn’t know how long he’d sat there, lost in thought, when a doctor came out.

“Ward Kingston?”

King had been standing to one side of the doors, murmuring to Saint. He lifted a hand and walked to the doctor, motioning Jay to join him. Jay hurried over. The doctor looked from King to Jay and back.

“Mr. Ward. I have you listed as Mr. Foster’s emergency contact.”

“That’s correct.” King waited, giving Jay time to speak up if he felt comfortable enough to do so. He never assumed, which Jay appreciated.

“I’m Ryden’s boyfriend,” Jay told the doctor.

The doctor nodded. “The surgery went very well. Thankfully, there was no nerve damage, so Mr. Foster should make a full recovery. After some physical therapy, I expect he’ll regain full range of motion in his arm.

He’s been moved to the post-anesthesia care unit, and once he wakes up, he’ll be taken to his room.

” The doctor turned to Jay. “The nurse will let you know when you can see him.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Jay replied. King went to share the good news with the rest of the guys, and a little over two hours later, Jay was shown to Ryden’s room.

He thanked the nurse as she closed the door before sitting in the chair next to Ryden’s bed.

His eyes were closed, and Jay figured he was asleep.

“Hey, sweet pea,” Ryden murmured. He tapped his lips, and Jay smiled, his heart squeezing in his chest. Standing, he leaned in and kissed Ryden, loving the way he hummed in response. “Sweeter than stolen honey.”

Jay held back a smile. “You’re high right now, aren’t you?”

“High as a Georgia pine,” Ryden said, nodding. He held his right hand out, and Jay took it, lacing their fingers together. “Doesn’t change the fact that I think you’re beautiful and I love you.”

“How come I never knew how adorable you were?”

“Couldn’t see past the books you were throwin’ at me,” Ryden replied, chuckling.

Jay dropped his gaze and frowned. The tears pooled in his eyes, and he cursed under his breath. He was just a little emotional now that the adrenaline had worn off, that’s all. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, what’s goin’ on, darlin’? Did someone say somethin’ to you? Because I’ll set ’em straight.” He snickered. “Well, unless they work with us. Ain’t no one straight there.”

Jay shook his head, amused. He wiped his eyes and told Ryden all about his conversation with Finch, even though there was a very good chance Ryden wouldn’t remember any of this, but he wanted Ryden to know. Or was he looking for reassurance that he wasn’t a horrible person and had changed?

Ryden was so quiet, Jay had to check he hadn’t fallen asleep with his eyes open or something.

“Ry?”

“Yeah, uh, what’s a Mean Girl?”

“It’s from a movie. You haven’t seen Mean Girls ? It’s a cult classic. I was in high school when it came out.”

Ryden peered at him. “Darlin’, I was in the military while you were in high school.” He rolled his head back to look up at the ceiling. “Ugh, now I feel old.”

“You’re not old.”

“Oh yeah? Name a band you consider vintage.”

Jay pursed his lips. “NSYNC?”

“Ouch.” Ryden gently laid a hand over his heart, groaning. “Ooh, that hurt my heart. Right in the AARP.”

Jay barked out a laugh. “What were you listening to at the time?”

“Garth Brooks and Nirvana. You were what? A year old when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” came out? Jeez Louise. Anyway, tell me about this mean girl.”

“ Mean Girls ,” Jay corrected. He told Ryden the premise of the movie and how his brother said that’s what he’d been like in high school.

“I can still punch him,” Ryden said. “Don’t need my left arm for a right hook. Just sayin’. I like him, but I’ll still punch him.”

“No punching necessary. We talked it out. He was right, though. I was such a shit, and I had created this image in my mind of what I thought things had been like, what we were like. Maybe I did it because I didn’t want to believe I was the bad guy in this story.”

“Now you listen to me,” Ryden said, all humor gone from his voice.

“You’re not the bad guy. We’ve all done things in our past that we’re not proud of, but that doesn’t define us.

So you were an asshole in high school. Who wasn’t?

No one had it all figured out at fifteen, no matter how much they thought they did.

The important part is that you both grew out of it.

Not everyone does. You talked it through and can be brothers again. ”

“But what if I haven’t changed?”

“Darlin’, if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be feeling so shitty about it, would you?”

“I guess,” Jay muttered. “But I threw books at you.”

“They were paperbacks. Besides, I was intentionally provokin’ you.” Ryden squeezed Jay’s hand. “Do you think I woulda fallen in love with you if I thought you were a terrible person?”

Jay eyed him. “I don’t know. Your choices are questionable at times.”

Ryden laughed softly. “Okay. Would King have made you a part of his family if you were a terrible person? The answer is no. You have the right to a full range of emotions. It’s what makes you human.

Sure, you can be pissy and snide, but you’re also kind, compassionate, sweet, funny, confident, and feisty.

I’ve seen you be fearless and stand up for others. You’re a good person, sweetheart.”

Jay bit his bottom lip in an effort to keep his emotions in check. It had been a very long night. Then, of course, there was the fact he’d been kidnapped. Minor details. “Thank you.” The room went quiet, and a heartbeat later, Ryden spoke up.

“So, you’re my boyfriend now, huh?” Ryden waggled his eyebrows, and Jay laughed. “We gotta lot of boyfriending to do when I get outta here.”

“I’m looking forward to all the boyfriending,” Jay replied with a happy sigh.

“Take a nap with me.”

“A nap sounds good.”

“Don’t eat my dessert,” Ryden grumbled. “If you give me a kiss later, I might share it with you.”

“Yum, hospital dessert. How can I say no?”

Ryden chuckled, his breathing soon evening out. With a contented sigh, Jay leaned back in the chair, their fingers still laced together. For years, Jay had tried to flirt, sass, and charm his way around feeling too much, refusing to see what was right in front of him. Ryden had called Jay’s bluff.

And Jay happily folded.