Page 5 of Call It Love (Sterling Mill #5)

Anna

Chase stared at me. His brow furrowed, and he gave a slight shake of his head as if he couldn’t believe what—or more likely, who— he was seeing.

I was sure I looked like a drowned rat, so maybe he didn’t recognize me, which might work in my favor, at least initially.

“Anna?”

So much for that. I guess I’d have to rely on the protective instinct I knew guided his actions and hope it still extended to me. But as he remained solidly inside the door frame, I wondered if he would close it on me just as my father had.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, not unkindly, but obviously, my presence came as a total surprise. Despite having once been a frequent guest here, I hadn’t been to this farm in years. That I was here now proved how desperate I was.

I wasn’t sure I had an answer for him, at least not a good one. “I…I had an accident just up the road. A deer jumped out, and I veered into a ditch. I recognized the fence along th e road, and I didn’t know what else to do.” My teeth chattered, probably from a mixture of cold rain and shock.

A prolonged flash of lightning lit up shrewd eyes, assessing me before he seemed to snap out of it with a shake of his head. “Sorry. Come in.”

I started to take a step, then hesitated. “I, uh, have someone with me.”

His frown grew deeper as he squinted into the darkness. “Who? I don’t see anyone.”

I stepped to the side to reveal my fawn-colored Great Dane, who trembled behind my legs. “Jack. My dog. He hates storms.”

He glanced at Jack and shook his head, likely thinking…well, I had no idea, actually. I knew he’d have questions, and I’d have to answer them, eventually. But for now, I was hoping he’d show us both mercy.

He stepped to the side. “Just come in and get out of this crazy weather. Both of you.”

I felt so much relief that I nearly collapsed before we could get inside.

But as if he understood the invitation, Jack bolted around me the second Chase moved, his huge body nearly knocking me over.

A warm hand caught my elbow, keeping me upright, and gently tugged me into the dark house.

The door shut behind me, blessedly reducing the noise of the storm.

“Stay here,” Chase commanded, then disappeared into the shadows created by the fireplace, the only light source. I didn’t care about being in the dark. At least it was dry. Plus, it hid all the demons I’d dragged along with me, followed by an endless trail of regret.

But Chase hadn’t turned his back. I knew I’d be safe here. That was enough for now. I’d deal with the rest later.

Chase returned to the room with a flashlight, placing candles on tables and lighting them before making his way back to me.

“Here.” A large towel was thrust into my hands.

I used it to pat my face and hair, comforted by the softness of the material and the fresh scent of lavender.

I did my best to absorb some of the water from my dripping clothes, frowning as a puddle formed on the wood floors at my feet.

I did the best I could to mop it up before finally taking in the surrounding room.

Chase was kneeling in front of Jack, using another towel to dry him off while dodging licks to his face.

Huh. Jack usually didn’t like men. Or at least, the men I knew.

A quick laugh came from Chase, the sound so different from the harsh manner of my father. “Hey, there. Jack, is it? We’ll be done much faster if you quit wriggling.”

For a moment, I wished I could swap places with Jack. To hear a kind word and feel a tender touch. To be cared for.

“Thank you.” My voice was barely audible above the sound of rain hitting the metal roof.

I used to love to listen to that sound when I’d spent long summer days here with Chase and his Uncle James.

But that seemed like a lifetime ago. A lot of rain had fallen since, but it would never be enough to wash away the hurt I’d caused.

Chase paused his actions for a brief second, then gave a final rub before patting Jack on the head. “You need to get out of those wet things. I put some clothes on the couch you can use.”

“Thank you,” I repeated. They were the only words I had. Needing a moment, I scooped them up and started to make my way across the room.

“Wait. You’ll need this.” Chase handed me the flashlight.

In the brief exchange, our fingers brushed.

He jerked away almost before I could register the touch.

Without meeting his eyes, I silently accepted the light and headed toward the bathroom, remembering exactly where it was as if I’d just been a guest yesterday.

As soon as I shut the door, I leaned against it and blew out a long breath. This day hadn’t gone like I anticipated, although I didn’t know why that was a surprise to me.

The adage, when one door closes, another opens , didn’t seem to apply to me lately. It had taken several doors before I found one that would open to me. And ironically, it was the one I wouldn’t blame if it remained closed.

But I didn’t know where else to go. And even if I could have stayed in my car, Jack deserved something better.

I sank to the floor, torn between wanting to cry or scream. Anger won out.

I grabbed the towel, buried my face into it, and screamed, “Damn it!”

Damn Mason for betraying me. Damn his parents for their manipulative ways. Damn my father for his lack of compassion.

And damn me for being so blind to all of it!

I couldn’t stop the tear that rolled down my cheek.

Was karma claiming its due? I had always tried hard to be kind to soften Mason’s blunt, egotistical ways.

God knew he was only nice to people who served a purpose for him.

Once, I had filled that role. But when he no longer needed me, he became someone else altogether.

No longer the charmer, but a cunning manipulator.

No longer the gentle benefactor, but a relentless taker.

That was on me and my naivety. But now, I couldn’t help but feel as though the universe itself had turned against me .

I drew a deep breath. Crying wouldn’t help anything.

Three things , I reminded myself. Just three .

I didn’t die in the storm

I found shelter

I haven’t thrown up after seeing Chase

Deep down, I knew Chase wouldn’t turn me away. Of all the things I’d been wrong about in my life, that was one thing I knew I could count on.

Knowing I couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever, I stripped out of my wet clothes and pulled on the ones Chase had left for me.

They definitely weren’t Chase’s; the sizes were much too small.

The sweatpants were plain gray and a little short on me, but they were soft.

The sweatshirt bore the high school logo on it, and as I pushed up the long sleeves, I wondered if he’d chosen it deliberately—if he’d meant for me to remember a time that felt so terribly long ago.

I frowned at my reflection in the mirror. Maybe it was the dim light that made me look so grim, but more likely, it was the depth of regrets pressing on me, especially now that I’d sought refuge with my long-ago boyfriend. Who now apparently had a girlfriend, if the clothes were a clue.

Guess I’ll add her to the list of people to apologize to.

Back in the living room, Jack was curled up with a contented snore on a blanket in front of the fire. Chase was nowhere in sight.

Feeling like the intruder I was, I crossed the room quietly, afraid of causing any more disturbance. I squatted in front of Jack, who opened one eye and gave a small tail wag along with a lick of my hand before he went back to sleep .

At least one of us is happy and relaxed.

I continued to pet him, the strokes better than any worry beads.

“I gave him a small bowl of the dog food I keep on hand for Em’s and Bristol’s dogs,” a voice said over my shoulder. “Hope that was okay. He gobbled it up pretty fast.”

Startled, I stumbled to my feet, almost tripping in the process. “That was thoughtful. I really appreciate it, Chase. If you’d slammed the door in my face, I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

He appeared to jerk at my words. “Why would I do that?”

Take your choice: because I ran off and got married shortly after you left for college. Because my own parents did. Because you have a girlfriend.

Ironically, it was the last thought that gave me the most heartburn.

Outwardly, I only shrugged. Someday soon, we’d talk. Tonight, I was too weary to dive into it.

As if he agreed tonight wasn’t the right time to catch up, he put down a tray I hadn’t even noticed he was holding. “I thought if he was that hungry, you might be, too.”

As if on cue, my stomach gurgled, and now that I was warm and dry and knew I wouldn’t have to sleep in my car with only Jack to keep me warm, I realized how hungry I was. I hadn’t eaten since I scarfed down half a bagel this morning back in Nashville.

Chase’s lip quirked upward, and I felt my shoulders relax with his gesture. “It’s not much, but it’s the best I could do on short notice with no electricity.”

“It’s perfect,” I said around a mouthful of cheddar and cracker crumbs while I shamelessly reached for another .

“Make yourself comfortable.” He gestured to the couch behind me while he sat in a chair diagonally from it.

I sat on the edge of the cushion as I looked around. “You’ve gotten new furniture.”

“Things change. It was time.”

I squirmed under his scrutiny, certain he was referring to more than just the old furniture. “It looks nice. Marta must be happy. She was always after Uncle James to update everything.” I wondered what his housekeeper would think when she saw me in the morning.

“Marta isn’t here anymore.”

“Oh.” I wanted to ask why, but it wasn’t my business anymore.

“She moved to Florida to be closer to her grandchildren.”

I nodded. I wasn’t surprised since she’d always taken two weeks of vacation in the summers to visit with her family. Chase never denied her leave, even though it was a busy time of year on the farm. “Your girlfriend has good taste.”

His head cocked to the side. “Why would you think that?”

Damn it. Why did I have to say that? “I, uh, it just looks so clean and nice and, well, pretty sure these aren’t your clothes.” I plucked at the sweatshirt. I hated that I sounded jealous. I forfeited that right a long time ago.

“Are you saying I can’t keep a clean house because I’m a guy?”

Without thinking, I responded to the teasing tone in his voice. “Well, you were always kind of a slob…”

It must have sounded too familiar, because he grew serious once again. He leaned back and drummed his fingers along the arms of his chair. “I guess I grew up.”

He definitely had. He’d always been tall and strong, but now his muscles stretched the material of his t-shirt. If he had given me his clothes, they would have been way too big. Again, he seemed to piece my thoughts together.

“I guess I’m too busy in the fields to make much of a mess in here.

For the record, the clothes belong to Bristol.

She pops over sometimes to help me with some of the equipment.

If she gets too dirty, she likes to take a quick shower and change into something clean before she heads home, so she leaves some things here.

Em and Mama Rae keep us fairly well fed and help with other things as well. ”

The relief I felt about his update was misplaced. I had no right to be jealous.

But just because the clothes belong to his younger sister doesn’t mean he doesn’t have someone special in his life , I reminded myself.

Pushing that thought aside, I focused instead on the other half of his comment.

Warmth filled my heart when I thought of Mama Rae, Emalee’s mom.

She was another person on the list of those I missed.

Mama Rae had become like a second mother to Chase and his sisters after they’d moved to Sterling Mill when they were kids and stepped into an even bigger role after their grandparents had passed.

While Chase and I were dating throughout high school, she’d gathered me under her wing as well.

It was a welcome benefit, since my mother obviously wouldn’t win any mother-of-the-year awards.

She wasn’t cruel or neglectful; she’d just been beaten down by life—namely my father.

I’d been close to Chase’s sisters, too, as well as Emalee. I wondered what they’d think if they knew I was back under the roof where I’d spent so much of my time.

Em would probably be kind. That was just her nature.

Even after I married Mason and returned here every few months, she’d offer me a kind smile and ask how I was.

I’m not sure she ever bought into my reply that I was fine.

Bristol became indifferent, likely protecting her own feelings as much as her brother’s.

But Cameron, Chase’s twin, never ceased to glare at me.

She’d probably be happy to see how the mighty Mrs. Washington had fallen.

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I should ask Chase for a ride into town and stay… where ? But that wouldn’t be his problem.

“Chase, I’m really grateful. Would it be too much to ask if you can give me a ride into town or?—”

“I’m not going out in that rain this late. You’re welcome to stay here,” he said, standing abruptly. “The guest room is always fresh because it’s not uncommon for Iain or Abby to have a spontaneous sleepover out here. We can talk in the morning.”

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes. Despite everything that had happened between us, he was still willing to look out for me, just as he used to.

“I—”

“There are clean towels in the bathroom, along with new toothbrushes and toothpaste in the drawer. Morning starts early, but it should be quiet since we’ll be in one of the outer fields. Make yourself at home.”

“Thank—”

“Good night.”

When he said things could wait, I guess he meant it.

I mumbled, “Good night,” as I watched him grab a candle and retreat from the room with long strides, almost as if he couldn’t wait to get away from me.

Exhaustion swept over me as I quietly called for Jack. I practically tiptoed down the hallway toward the room I knew he intended for me. As I opened the door, a wave of nostalgia threatened to pull me under.

Unlike the living room, this room remained untouched by the years—same metal-framed bed draped with the familiar block-patterned quilt, the same ancient cedar chest at the foot of the bed, and the same floral curtains framing the window.

How many times had I spent here, waiting for Chase to sneak out of his room and snuggle with me?

We’d never risked doing anything more; we saved that for other places known only to us.

Even now, as I slid beneath the cover, I half wished he’d come and hold me and promise me everything was going to be all right.

Instead, I curled myself tightly around the down pillow with Jack resting at my feet.