Page 20 of Burning Demons (Burning Torments #1)

Chapter 20

Tate

The assembly took over the last period on Friday. Chairs were set out in neat crescent-shaped rows behind the podium that currently had two guys hefting it to move offstage. I sat in my normal spot where I listened to Wren’s band class as the first line of students filed in.

Wren’s bench-like chair sat empty for now as the band huddled to one side while their director spoke to them. He’d worn a solid black T-shirt today. The others had on the same, but no one else made that plain material look so good.

Eyes locked on him, I caught every flick of his head to move his bangs out of his eyes, every time he fidgeted on his feet, and then as he searched the auditorium when he and the other musicians moved to their seats.

Students grudgingly crowded in and all around me. I moved my legs a few times, then smiled when Percy sat beside me.

“Is this seat taken?” he asked.

It could be said he had manners, but with the skittish side of him that seemed to war nonstop with his plucky side, I would bet it was fear that made him ask such things. Being the smallest kid sucked enough, but the youngest too … His parents deserved to be slapped for making him jump a grade.

“Taken by you now.” I winked at him and earned a shy smile. “Did you have fun at the festival yesterday?”

Percy shrugged. “Following Emily around while she faked might be enough stimulus for some. The food was good.”

I snorted a laugh. His maturity in such a small, younger package always caught me off guard.

“You ever need to get away, you can hang with Wren and me. My stepbrother is cool.”

His throat worked on a hard swallow. “Uh, I-I dunno.”

I bumped his shoulder to hopefully knock the terror off his face. “It’s cool if not. Offer is open.”

“Your … Uh, Wren is, um, a very large guy.” Percy stiffened as a group of students noisily sat behind us, and then his shoulders slumped as if he wanted to make himself even smaller.

“Yeah, but he’s a nice large guy.”

Percy shrugged again without further comment, so I let the topic drop.

The back rows filled quickly, and the later students were forced to go up front. I had to let their sulky attitudes roll off my back. I couldn’t fight the whole school for hating these things. If it weren’t for Wren, I wouldn’t want to hear this either.

The principal said a few words about the festival the day before and the homecoming game tonight, and then the band director took over. He told the school about the coming concert in Birmingham. The solo wasn’t mentioned, but Wren ducked his chin as if it had been, being all cute and bashful about it.

“This blows,” someone behind me said.

“Hey, whatever gets me out of a class.” That one sounded like Cal.

“It’s gonna suck ass.”

“I hope someone fails hardcore. At least that’d be entertainin’.”

I sat forward slowly, then turned to the group of guys laughing from the row behind me. “I would like to see any of you get up onstage and perform for the school. It takes guts, though, not pussies.” I tsked. “Actually, no one wants to watch you circle jerk those three inches.”

Percy giggled.

“Uh, hey, Tate. Wren’s in band, huh?” Cal said.

Fucking football players. At least it wasn’t the Wolf Pack. They had probably skipped this. Cal was an all-right-looking guy. Maybe someone I would have pictured myself being into if my life had gone in a different direction, an easier direction.

“He is.” I turned around before saying anything else. I couldn’t out us over loudmouth jocks.

The band started playing one of those commercialized pieces used in ads on TV or in hotel lobbies for background noise. Something everyone heard in their lifetime, though they might never know the name of it.

Staring at Wren, listening as his perfection cleansed the poison inside me, I knew tonight was the night. No more dragging my feet. No more making him wait. I’d spell it out, throw up my guts, and see if he still wanted me then.

And fuck the best-laid plans. In my haste to latch onto this decision, I forgot not only was there the game we were going to but also the after-party at Parlo.

The whole town must have shown up for homecoming, whether they had kids in school or not. The stands were crowded and noisy. We had skipped out on all the ceremony garbage before the game, thankfully. What an outdated tradition of recognizing the most popular girl and boy at school to perpetuate the heteronormative code.

Wren and I sat with Winnie and Dad. They loved football, something I hadn’t really paid much attention to until now. While they watched the field and shouted over this and that, I watched them and laughed at how into it they were.

After halftime, Wren and I snuck off so I could smoke away from the crowds. We came back with plastic containers full of nachos. The cheese and chips were the same shade of orange but salty enough no one questioned their ingredients.

Our team won, and good moods flowed over the crowd migrating to their vehicles.

“You kids goin’ to any parties?” Winnie asked as Wren and I walked her and Dad to her car.

“Yes, ma’am, there’s one at Parlo,” Wren said.

Dad eyed us as if he already knew what shenanigans we might get into. Underage drinking was the worst-kept secret of any town. He did the same thing when he was our age. Even more, actually. He had fled to the beach and knocked up a girl. At least he didn’t have to worry about that with me. Not that he knew that, of course.

“Don’t hurt anyone, and don’t get arrested,” Dad said when he handed Winnie down into the passenger seat.

“No drinking or drug use,” Winnie added, but Dad shut the door before she could keep going.

“She’s kidding, mostly,” he said, then turned to me. “She’s kidding, right?”

I nodded. “Yes, sir. Uh, about the drug use.”

He sighed and glanced at the sky. “And the drinking?” He prompted me to continue with a roll of his hand.

“Not even water?”

“Don’t be a shithead.”

“Maybe one beer, Sam,” Wren said. “I’m not taking chances with my truck.”

Dad sighed again. “If that keeps you safe, so be it.” He shook his head as he circled Winnie’s car to get into the driver’s side.

Dad’s casual chivalry with opening doors and driving Winnie around had butterflies stirring in my stomach. Wren had a good example to follow. When my thoughts turned darker, to the things I’d had as examples to follow, I looked to Wren to stop them. No matter how much I didn’t want to see him as my savior, I couldn’t stop myself from putting him in that position.

Wren gave me a curious glance when I would have wrapped around him like a life vest.

Not here . Not here .

“Come on,” Wren said with a nod in the direction of his truck.

We left the school in the train of cars heading out. Police directed traffic at the street, or we would’ve been here all night. Trucks and cars were filled with screaming kids, everyone high off the win and, hell, just Friday night. Fall might have been a time for nature to calm down, but it was the opposite for kids. The cool weather meant bonfires, and there was just something about fire that got people excited.

The town passed us by; my thoughts moved just as quickly. I didn’t really want to go to this party. I didn’t want to pretend I was okay anymore tonight. I needed a moment to be me, to find me, and to tell Wren the parts of me I’d been burying.

Wren parked, and I numbly opened my door, but he pulled on my arm to stop me. I glanced at his hand, then the grin on his face.

“Let’s just sit here a minute,” he said.

I shut the door and scanned our surroundings. We weren’t at the dog food place. A lone light atop a tall pole far off to the right illuminated the gravestones down below us. The cemetery. I slumped in the seat. He had read me, like always. God, I didn’t deserve him.

“I like it here,” I whispered into the silence. “These people don’t have opinions. They don’t care about anything.”

“They mind their own business,” Wren agreed. He shifted beside me, then said, “Need to talk?”

I shrugged, but as dark as it was here, I didn’t know if he saw. “I don’t know. It’s the same shit circling in my head. I get so tired of it all.”

“Tell me.”

Here was my moment, just us, but the words stuck in my throat.

Wren moved toward the middle and wrapped his muscled arms around my shoulders. “I’m here if you wanna talk. You listen to me play. I’ll listen to anything you want.”

Air left my lungs as I turned liquid against him, my head on his shoulder, his chin in my hair. My arms were squished against his side as I clutched his shirt.

I could do this. I had to do this.

After one more kiss that might be my last.

Wren startled a little as I threw a leg over both of his and climbed him to straddle his hips. We were tall, and this truck was not made for it, so I curled over him. The top of my head still brushed the roof, though.

“Tate.” My name was a question and an exclamation.

I didn’t give him time to think about it. I rubbed my chest on his and kissed his neck, then bit his ear. “I’ve thought about riding your big cock in this truck. Just like this.”

Wren sighed and tightened the hold he had on my ass. “Like this?” He pulled me closer. “I want that, Tate, so fuckin’ much.”

His dick had hardened as soon as I was on him, and now it brushed against my balls. Hesitation bloomed and clogged my throat while a pinch of fear locked my spine. I wanted this even as I was terrified of it. Terrified he’d reject me.

Wren popped the button on my jeans.

“Don’t,” I whispered.

“I wanna touch you.” He slid his fingers inside my jeans, the heat of his skin burning and freezing me at the same time.

“Don’t.” I scrambled off him and lunged for the door. “So fucked,” I mumbled as I practically fell out of the truck. “So fucking fucked-up.”

“Tate,” Wren yelled from inside the cab, then seconds later from outside of it. “Tate, what the fuck? Where’re you going?”

I stopped and turned left and right. Wren had parked on a small rise that overlooked much of the cemetery. We were far enough off the road the lights from passing cars didn’t reach us, and shadows loomed everywhere, typical creepy-movie style. Fitting. The confusion in my mind, the panic, the pain needed a place like this to hide.

“Tate,” Wren said again, just behind me now. “God, don’t scare me like that. I’m sorry. I won’t touch you again. Will you get back in the truck, please?”

I shook my head, eyes screwing tight. What was I doing? I didn’t want to ruin this. I didn’t want to ruin him, ruin my new family. “I can’t,” I whispered.

“Can’t what? Talk to me, please.” His voice cracked on the last word, shattering my heart.

“I’m scared.” I confessed the two words that meant so much yet barely scraped the surface.

“What?”

I turned on my heels so fast Wren stumbled back a step. “I’m fucking scared! Okay? I can’t ruin this. I can’t. But you touch me and, and, and I don’t know how to take it.” I brought my fingers up and clawed at my temples. “I can’t separate it in my head.”

“Separate what? Please tell me what’s going on. I know somethin’s up. Somethin’ big. I might be a country boy, but I’m not an idiot. Just …” He paced away and back. “Goddammit! Just fuckin’ tell me!”

“You won’t like it,” I said.

“I already don’t like it, and I don’t even know what it is.” Wren moved closer and lifted my chin. “Trust in me, Tate. Whatever this is, it’s a part of you. Trust me with it. Trust me with all of you. I don’t wanna hurt you. I don’t want my ignorance of this to come between us. Give me a chance here.” He pleaded with me as much with his voice as with his eyes and trembling shoulders.

And so I did. I told him. Everything. The shock all over his face after my first few words was as thick as my own for being able to get the sordid tale out of my muddled brain. All of it. All the ugly, dark parts of my past bled from me as tears rained down my cheeks.

Emotions swirled across his expressions, from disbelief to horror to rage, until I couldn’t look at him anymore. I dropped my chin, stared at the grass under my feet, and held my insides together with arms wrapped around my middle.

After all this time, after being oddly proud of the small bit of my own fate I had reclaimed for myself, saying these hideous truths brought me as low as the moment when I knew I couldn’t stay with Franklin, with them, the moment I knew I would die if I didn’t find a way out.

There was so much to unpack, and I blubbered my way through most of it. Mother’s abandonment. Not just once when she left me with my grandmother, but every time afterward. Every time she berated me for ruining her first marriage simply by existing, regretted not aborting me, ignored me in favor of any other distraction, then when she finally found a use for me and handed her thirteen-year-old-son over to Franklin’s waiting arms, knowing his intentions from day one.

Somewhere in all that, Wren had moved even closer, supporting me with his steady hold.

“Tate …” he breathed from the depths of a hole I had dragged him into.

“No. No, Wren, don’t feel sorry for me. You don’t even know the worst.” A sob bubbled up and out until I nearly gagged on what I was about to say.

“How could it get worse?”

I choked on a laugh at his innocence. “I— I’m not sure if I hated it or him .”

“What do you mean?”

“It wasn’t just sex.” I pulled out of his grip and tugged at my hair as I rocked back and forth on my heels. “I was fourteen when that started. I didn’t want it, but I understood, at least I knew what he was doing. Yet that was another thing. It hadn’t actually started then. It started the day we met. The day he showed me I was important, that someone cared about me.”

I sniffed and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “I wasn’t stupid or so innocent. Men shouldn’t fuck their stepsons, but I don’t know, it worked for us. Mother was less in my face when Franklin was happy, and I wanted him happy. I wanted to matter to someone. I had never known that. I’m not like you; I didn’t grow up with love. And there were a lot of times I didn’t hate what he did. I didn’t hate him.”

“But you see now, right? He was doin’ it all to his own ends. That’s not love or caring.”

I shook my head and whispered, “No, I don’t know.” I growled at the black sky, at the stars hiding behind clouds as if they couldn’t face me any more than I could myself. “I want to know it, but I don’t. My mind is too warped and dirty from him.” I gripped my head as if I could rip it off. “I can’t validate anything when his voice never leaves me alone.”

“Did you love him? Do you love him?”

Did I? I could tell myself no, but was it a lie? If I hated him as much as I wanted to, then why did I keep his number in my phone? Why did I think of him at random times? Why did it still hurt when I remembered his smiles?

“Tate?”

I choked on a laugh and shrugged. “Think I know? I don’t even know how to be a grown-up without Franklin telling me what to do.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“He was going to marry me,” I blurted. Wren widened his eyes, speechless as I expected. “I overheard him and Mother talking a few months ago. After I turned eighteen, they were going to dissolve their marriage. They said that. As if it were a business deal and I was the new one. He told her I would say yes, that he could make me say yes.” Had I not heard them, I might have said yes. “Mother didn’t even care,” I whispered. “She was more concerned over the money she would make off me.”

Wren stepped closer but didn’t reach for me. His dark eyes glittered like black glass in the night. “Be honest with yourself for a moment. It’s only me that will hear it. Not him, no one else. Do you love him?”

I swallowed hard and wiped at the wet tracks dripping off my jaw. Honestly … “I don’t know if I love him, but I know I don’t want to.”

Wren gritted his jaw, lips thinning into an angry line. He nodded once. “You need to tell Sam. I don’t care if he never bruised you or whatever. You have to tell someone. You have to get justice for yourself.”

I stomped away. “Don’t tell me what I have to do! Don’t tell me I deserve anything. I’m tainted, Wren, ugly, scarred.” I spun about to glare at him with all my self-loathing blasting out of my pores. “I deserved what he did for liking—”

Wren charged me, startling me into silence.

“Don’t say that! Don’t you dare fuckin’ say that!” He gripped my upper arms and shook me so hard my head snapped back. “No one deserves to be used and abused, and it was fuckin’ abuse, Tate. I don’t care how you try to spin it. Your mother and that sack of shit abused you. Hell, even your grandmother probably abused you too.”

I shivered under the heat of his rage. “I …” I had no idea how to respond. He believed his words, but did I?

“Tate.” He released one of my arms to push my hair away from my temple, then brought those strong fingers to the back of my neck and massaged the tension there. “I know I can’t change your mind about how you see all this, only you can, but just listen, okay?”

I nodded, eyes dancing between his warm brown ones, begging for a lifeline, begging for him to make sense for me because I couldn’t.

“You didn’t like it. You coped. He manipulated your need for a family, for affection, and you found a way to live through it. You, who never had the support of anyone, were strong enough to keep yourself afloat until you could find a way to change your path. Right? I mean, you called Sam. You put a plan in place for you . Does that sound like somethin’ someone who liked their situation would do?”

Maybe not.

Wren smiled, a bit watery with his swimming, red-rimmed eyes, but still a smile that immediately made my own want to shine back at him.

“You’re so fuckin’ strong. The strongest person I know. You come down here, kept tugging and pulling at me until you got me out of my own shell. You laughed and had fun with me even though you were carrying around all this inside. Even though you were hurting this bad.” He brushed my cheek, then my lips, with the backs of his fingers. “You still smiled. You still gave as much as you could. It’s okay to not be okay, you know. But give yourself credit because you’re trying. You didn’t give up.”

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me. If I thought I was all cried out, I was wrong. I shook and bawled against his shoulder.

Through my sniffling and sobbing and wet coughs, I heard Wren doing the same.