Page 23 of Brutal Alpha Beast (Roseville Alphas #2)

I’ve told Ellis that I’ve gone to the coven, and I told the coven that I’m helping Ellis out all day.

I don’t usually like to lie to either of them anymore, but time alone, by a remote lake, far from the pack and my coven sisters, is the exact thing I’ve been craving. Telling them both that would cause more worry than it’s worth.

As I settle down by the water and glide my fingertips across the smooth, cool lake, I feel a few moments of respite from all the negativity that’s been piling up. The change of scenery has helped my thoughts settle, although not enough.

I try to think of something good. Something so real and joyful that it can’t be corrupted.

Namely, sex with Ellis.

The most recent time was unbelievable. The way he looked in my eyes still gives me chills, and as I recount how we made love, I feel all the same warm sensations trickling through my body.

I smile, gazing up at the sun.

Then, as has been the pattern after these past few days, a dark, cold feeling spreads through my chest.

He doesn’t want you, an internal voice hisses . He’s using you for sex. For your magic.

How could he want you after all that you’ve done?

I take a deep breath.

No matter how positively I try to think, this feeling, the one that the strange energy has transformed into, worms its way back into my body.

At first, I thought the strange energy was just due to the fact that I’m with child, something I still haven’t told Ellis anything about. I thought maybe it was because my body is still getting used to the new, magical life form growing inside me.

But then, as the days have been stretching on, with no progress on the vines, all my worst fears have slowly become true.

I struggle with dark thoughts and strange, dark, evil feelings on a daily basis. With no idea where they come from.

They turn me against everything. They tell me to harm my pack members and the coven. They haven’t yet told me to hurt Ellis, but they convince me that he hates me.

I’m barely coping with it all.

Maybe I am the latest target of Willow’s curse. Maybe my heart does need to be destroyed?

And what’s worse is that Ellis has been defending me this whole time. Anytime anyone even hints about the fact that I might be dangerous, or says anything to suggest that I may be any less than stable, Ellis is the first to defend me.

But what if he finds out that they’re right? Will he defend me then?

I can’t bear telling him.

Everything is finally going well for us. He’s standing up for me the way that I wished he did all those years ago.

The pack accepts me for who I am. I don’t want to ruin things, not yet. Not until I have to.

I’m about to dip my feet into the water when I hear a noise.

Quickly, I turn my head. My instincts spike. I hear footsteps in the distance, voices, people chattering. They sound like shifters from our pack. What are they doing here?

They’re following you. They don’t trust you , the dark voice says.

Is this what Violet went through?

Before the shifters can reach me, I quickly get up and run away.

Where can I go to be alone and feel safe?

I don’t even need to think about the answer before my legs take me there. I’m running, as though I’m being chased, haunted by voices, and the echoing laughter of my pack mates.

My head is a mess, but luckily, my body knows where to go.

Not long before, I’m at mine and Ellis’ secret spot, cooling my rapid breathing as I lean against the wall of the shed.

At least it’s silent again.

I focus on the melodic chirping of the birds, the subtle drift of the breeze.

You’re fine, I tell myself, as long as you’re isolating by yourself, you’ll be okay.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

I jump at the sound of his voice.

I turn to see Ellis, golden beneath the rays of the sun. I feel like a kid, as though I’m being caught out for misbehaving. As though I’ve done something wrong.

“Hi,” I say nervously. “I was just on my way back from the coven.”

My heart beats rapidly, and my mouth is dry. I expect him to be angry. Why wouldn’t he be?

It’s obvious I was lying when I told him that I’d be in the coven the whole day.

After all the lies, I’m bracing myself for him to tell me that he never wants to see me again. Maybe it’s better this way. I’m supposed to be isolating until I get a hold on the situation anyway.

“I know you didn’t go to the coven,” he says.

I freeze as an unsettling sensation creeps down my spine.

“Why would you think that?”

The dark waves of energy within me are spinning out of control.

He knows.

And why can’t I just admit it to him? I’ve never felt this connected to anyone. I feel like he understands me, and yet I can’t bear to tell him the truth.

“Danielle,” he says. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” I repeat, although my voice sounds high-pitched and unconvincing.

“Lie to me,” he says gently.

I’m bracing myself for anger, but he doesn’t look angry. His auburn eyes are seeing right through the weak defenses I’m trying to put up.

I look away, ashamed. The silence stretches between us, and I hate that I’m the one who’s making this difficult.

“I’m not.”

I can’t tell if my inability to come clean is because of the strange dark energy inside of me, or if it’s just because of me.

Maybe I’m not strong enough to be with him in the way I want to.

That makes me even sadder, and I can’t help the despair that spreads across my face as I look back at him.

“I just can’t explain it yet,” I say, the sympathy in his eyes making me feel even worse. “I want to, but...”

“You don’t have to,” Ellis murmurs, taking a slow step toward me as his eyes scan mine. “I know what’s going on. You’re trying to isolate yourself, aren’t you? Because of that energy and because everyone thinks that it’s related to the curse.”

I don’t speak.

While our pack has been defending me, and the concern about the curse affecting me has been coming more from our allied packs than internally, I know that shifters in our pack must be concerned.

I know that during council meetings, Ellis must be having to defend me. I feel guilty. I feel like how I felt in the past—like I’m requiring too much just to exist.

“How do you know that?” I ask. I’m dying to touch his hard-edged face, and to fall into his arms. But I keep my guard up.

“Because I see you, Danielle. I know that you’ve been trying to distance yourself because you’ve been struggling. I know that it’s related to the energy and the curse, but it doesn’t matter. That doesn’t change anything for me. I’m here for you. You can let me in.”

For a second, I feel some respite. A break from the negative thoughts.

“Are you actually?” I ask him. “Because if you’re not. If this is too much, you can tell me.”

Ellis stares at me for a moment, and then he steps forward again. He pulls me into his arms.

It’s like he’s claiming he is as he does this. He doesn’t take me like I’m fragile, or possibly on the verge of destroying a whole valley.

He holds me like I’m his, soothing me with his hard body, as he strokes my back.

“I’m not the same guy I was all those years ago. You can trust me.”

Hearing him say that and mean it feels so unbelievably good.

He’s changed. He’s the man I’ve always wanted him to be.

He leans back just enough to look at me. “I’m not afraid of you, Danielle.”

“You should be,” I whisper. “I’m afraid of me.”

He brushes a tear from my cheek with his thumb.

“As long as you don’t isolate yourself,” he says. “You have nothing to be afraid of.”

***

“I’m going to the coven,” I say.

Ellis pops his head around the door. “Are you actually going to the coven, or are you really going to isolate yourself at our old special spot?”

I smile. Ever since he called me out for isolating, Ellis has been trying to make me laugh more than usual to distract me from my thoughts.

Just him being here is helpful, but today, I’ve been feeling awful. I’ve decided that what I need is Monroe.

Monroe knows more about me than anyone, namely, that I’m pregnant, although it seems like she doesn’t even care, which I still can’t understand. What could I have done that’s so bad to make her dismiss me like that?

I should tell Ellis about the pregnancy, but every time I go to, something stops me. And then my thoughts take an even darker turn as the guilt hits me like a tidal wave.

I need my sister. I haven’t spoken to her since that phone call, and I wonder whether she feels as though I’ve abandoned her.

I can’t bear the thought.

Once I arrive at the coven, I’m pointed in the direction of Monroe, who’s apparently by herself in the forest.

Even my coven sisters look concerned. I suppose this looming threat has everyone shaken—we all know that something’s coming, but it’s definitely taking its time to arrive.

I barely have the energy to research anymore.

“Monroe?” I call. “Girl, where the hell are you?”

Usually, it’s easier to find her due to our witchy twin bond, but it’s feeling a little more difficult today.

Eventually, I see her. She’s kneeling on the floor, chanting the words to a spell I can’t make out.

“There you are!” I say.

She stops. I’ve missed my sister, everything about her.

I’ve been so selfish these past few weeks—she’s the only family I have left.

“Are you casting?” I ask her. “Did your magic come through? Why didn’t you tell me?”

She gets up, turns slowly, and faces me. I recognize that pouty look. She’s definitely pissed off.

“No,” she says. “I’m trying to cast. But obviously, it’s not working.”

Okay. One hundred percent pissed off.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so absent,” I say, dropping my arms to my sides. I came here to hang with her like we normally do, so I might as well get this out of the way. “A lot has been going on, as I told you. The pregnancy, and then I’ve been having these dark feelings, these thoughts-“

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she interrupts. “You wanna come sit?”

I’m taken aback. I was fully prepared for a fight.

“Oh,” I mumble. “Well, yeah, sure. Okay.”

I cast a spell, wave my fingers through the air to create a blanket, and she frowns at it on the floor.

“You didn’t have to do that. The forest floor would have been fine.”

“I thought it’d be more comfortable?” I question.

I know Monroe can feel insecure about the magic thing, and I realize that me creating this after she mentioned she can’t cast could come across as insensitive.

But usually, she wouldn’t care this much.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask her. “Tell me what I can do.”

“Let’s talk about you,” she sighs. “You’re not feeling good, right?”

I shake my head. “But I want to talk about you. I don’t want to be selfish. Tell me,” I say, taking her hands. “What have you been doing?”

“Everyone’s been worried, the vibes aren’t great. Life is the same as you left it here.”

“And Penelope?” I ask.

She looks off into the distance. “Penelope is the same.”

We go on to talk about our coven sisters, but the whole time, Monroe finds it hard to focus. I can tell that something is wrong.

After a little while, she cuts our conversation short.

“I’m tired,” she says, frustrated. “You should go.”

“Look, I am sorry about abandoning you,” I tell her. “I won’t do it again. I’ll be here every day.”

“That sounds good. But now I want you to go.”

I go to touch her, but she pushes me away. “ Now , Danielle.”

Seeing her like this makes my heart ache.

I get up, and feeling even more confused and dark than I did before I came, I begin to walk away.

Have I been that absent? It’s hard to know when things have been so hectic.

As I walk further, it dawns on me that maybe something dark, an energy similar to the one I’ve been feeling, has been growing inside Monroe, too.

It felt as though the darkness within her was even stronger.

Am I being selfish? Is she like this because of the way I’ve been treating her, rather than some old curse?

Then I freeze.

But it would make sense if it’s the curse, because we’re twins. If I’m affected by something this strongly, then she usually is too.

Oh my God.

What if Monroe is the one being affected, and I’m only feeling second-hand darkness as a reflection of hers?

That would make sense. That adds up to why hers seems so much stronger.

I have to go back.

“Monroe!”

I go to turn, but suddenly, there’s a thrashing knock to my head. It feels like I’ve been whacked.

I see Monroe’s face.

“Monroe,” I murmur quietly, before my vision goes black and I’m out cold.