Page 86 of Broken Obsession

Up until he’d experienced what it was like to be inside Eden.

“Experiments?” Eden’s grip on his shoulder tightened.

“Zar can see the branches, the possibilities,” Ares tried explaining. “I can see the pockets and the overlaps. The cracks.”

“I’m not following. Dumb it down for me.”

“Reality is a concept,” he said. “Time is a concept. They tangle and bleed. There’s nothing linear about space. Everything happens all at once, layered and folded together. When you die, you go to one of those other places. When you make a life-altering choice, you create a new branch of reality parallel to the first. Everything is potential and possibility.”

“And…you can see that?” It was hard to tell if Eden believed him, but at least he was trying to.

Ares didn’t talk about this.

Ever.

It was no one's business.

No one could understand.

But Zar had called earlier, and his passing comment still lingered in Ares’ mind.

“There’s a reality where you lose him. Play smart, little brother.”

Ares couldn’t lose him.

He refused.

If he was Creation, as Zar said, he would simply create a new reality wherein Eden couldn’t leave.

But he’d already decided on that anyway, and if he already planned on trapping him, then why did all the secrecy matter? Why not share with him the things he claimed to want to know? If the outcome was the same no matter how freaked out by Ares’ past Eden became, why not tell him?

“Not by choice. Zar is stronger than I am. All he loses is himself, but I…I struggle with staying present inthisreality,” Ares admitted. “Sometimes, I can’t tell what’s real. I can’t tell if I’m dead again or still alive. I need things I can fixate on, likeart.” He motioned to the drawing, taking in the perfect still life and the shadow that marred it. “Art pulls your focus. It provides an outlet. But I can’t go around with my head in a sketchbook or hunched over a lump of clay forever, so I turned to gaming for those times in between. Vanity is the best one.”

There were so many storylines and side quests. New banners released monthly, along with mini games and events. There’d been days Ares had played for eight or nine hours straight, forgetting to eat, only stopping because the blissful tendrils of exhaustion had finally called out to him.

“I know I exist,” he continued. “I’m solid. I have a heartbeat. But what about the rest of it? How can one properly discern whether or not the reality they find themselves in is the real one?” He shook his head. “If I stop to think on it, if I let myself slip, it all starts to bleed.”

“Bleed how?” Eden asked. “Do you mean the shadows come then?”

“Sometimes.” He didn’t always see Mother and Father. “It’s hard to explain to someone who’s never experienced it. It’s like…Have you ever had a dream that felt real? So real, you go through most of it without realizing, but then all of a sudden, something happens that makes you aware it’s just a dream, and everything feels wrong all at once?”

Eden pursed his lips, considering, and then ended up nodding. “Yeah, okay. I think I can see what you mean now. You’re saying that’s what every day is like for you?”

“Something feels off,” Ares confirmed. “Wrong. Like the color of the wallpaper isn’t right, or the first letter of my best friend's name is something different. Little things. Big things. It varies. It’s exhausting.”

“It sounds like enough to drive a person slowly insane.”

Ares chuckled darkly. “You have no idea.”

“But I’ve only seen you…fracture a couple of times. It doesn’t seem to affect you as much as you claim.”

“It doesn’t happen as often when I’m around you,” Ares said. “You make everything feel real to me. There was never another version of you in any of the cracks I’ve fallen through before. That means you exist, just as I do. If you’re here, this must be reality.”

“Zar said it’d been a while since you had a break,” Eden seemed to recall suddenly. “What about that? Why were you able to stave it off?”

“I told you. Vanity.” Ares risked linking his pinky finger with Eden’s free hand, grinning when the Starling didn’t pull away. “Ransom. In our past life, the Starling kept Creation vigilant. It seems like you’re my touchstone in all possible realities. I love you in every iteration.”

Eden gasped and retreated, breaking their connection, and Ares couldn’t help but frown.