Page 54 of Broken Breath (Rogue Riders Duet #1)

“Okaaay,” he says slowly. “Anyway. They like you for you, Alaina. I do too. You’re pretty cool, you know.”

“It’s your job to like me.” I huff a bitter laugh. “And with them, it’s not the same. I’m lying to them every day. These friendships aren’t real.”

Dane sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face. “What are you lying about then? Besides, you know, the obvious. The dick and the name. You’re not pretending to be someone else. You’re just… you.”

I open my mouth to argue, but he cuts me off.

“I haven’t even heard one of them call you Allen . It’s always Crews, or that stupid Petit shit.” He mutters the nickname like he’s disgusted by it, making my lips twitch. “Like they instinctively know you’re not really an Allen. ”

“I…” I start, but the argument dies in my throat.

He’s right, isn’t he?

“All I’m saying is…” Dane continues, “… you don’t lie to them because you want to. You’re not out there trying to trick anyone. You’re just keeping yourself hidden. That’s different.”

I stare at the ceiling again, considering his perspective.

“I’m sure they’d understand,” he adds, gentler now. “If you explained it, why you’re doing this, who you really are, they’d forgive you.”

I let out a dry scoff. “That’s some Olympic-level wishful thinking.”

“Haven’t you already noticed how Raine’s been screwing with all of them? Finn’s fiancée, Payne’s reputation…”

“Luc’s temper,” I finish for him.

“What? ”

“Luc has a temper.”

Dane gives me a look. “Yeah, I know that, but what does…”

“Raine tries to bait him, push him until he snaps and throws a punch. He obviously wants him to get kicked off the circuit.”

He whistles low. “Jesus. What a fucking dickhead, but it just proves what I’m saying. They will understand why you’re doing this.”

“Dane…” I murmur, not sure what to even say.

“I mean it.” His tone brooks no argument. “You’re fit, you have a life again, you’ve got friends .”

The truth of it makes me shift uncomfortably.

“Okay, maybe I didn’t realize how bad the pain’s been for you,” Dane relents. “That’s on me. I should’ve noticed sooner, and I’m sorry.” He clears his throat, and when I glance sideways, his face is shadowed. “But I’ve been doing some reading, made a few calls too.”

My brow twitches. “Calls?”

“There’s stuff we could try, Al. Real options. Pain therapy, or…” he hesitates, like he knows I won’t like it, “… another surgery.”

I sit up straighter, my pulse thumping in my ears.

“I know, I know,” he says quickly, raising his hands like he’s waving off my reaction.

“But it’s common with hip surgeries. The pain can remain bad for a lot of people after the first one.

Happens all the time. It’s hard to get it right, especially with the damage you had.

There are so many stories online, people hurting like hell after the first surgery. ”

I stare at him in disbelief. “There are?”

It’s not my fault?

“Yeah. But there are just as many stories where the second surgery helped. Where the pain got better, maybe not perfect, but manageable, and some even say they feel like before.”

I stare at my hands, picking at the edge of my nail.

“Alaina,” Dane says softly, “I know you don’t want to die.”

“I…” I start, but choke on the rest.

“I know,” he says again, not missing a beat. “I know you wanted to. At first, for a long while, and that’s okay, I get it. It was hell, and nobody’s blaming you for wanting to be done with it.” I inhale through my nose, but the air in the bus feels too thin. “But you’re not there anymore.”

Hunching my shoulders, I fold in on myself, and this time, Luc isn’t here to keep me together.

“There are options now. Solutions ,” Dane presses. “I know I made you a promise before that I won’t be keeping, but I’m making a new one now.”

I glance over, frowning. “What promise?”

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “If you really try, if you give life a real fighting chance, like you gave this whole revenge thing. Another surgery. Therapy. Talking to your friends, all of it.”

He inhales, then carries on like he’s afraid to lose my attention.

“Give it three years. Three years of trying everything, and if it doesn’t work, if after three years, nothing helps, and the pain’s still killing you?

” He looks me dead in the eye. “I’ll help you.

I’ll fly you to Switzerland myself, where it’s legal.

I’ll make sure it’s as easy and painless as possible, and I’ll let you go. ”

The tears burn behind my eyes before I can stop them. “Dane…”

“I mean it,” he says softly, but it feels like iron between us. “That’s my promise, but only if we’ve tried everything. ”

“I’m tired of trying,” I whisper, voice cracking. “I’m just… I’m tired, Dane.”

“You haven’t tried, not really.”

Rage overtakes me so quickly, I can’t stop it from bubbling over. “That’s not fair, I’ve done fucking every?—”

“It is ,” he cuts in. “You haven’t tried to live .

You’ve just been running on hate and vengeance.

Surviving , not living. It’s all been about revenge, about Raine.

That’s not the same thing, and even that’s changed.

” He looks at me, something like hope softening his voice.

“It’s race three, Alaina. Three. Raine’s here, right in front of you, but you haven’t talked about him much.

You haven’t even looked for him, to my knowledge. ”

I stiffen. “That’s not true.”

“You used to talk about him constantly. For seven years , it was all about him, and now?” Dane shrugs.

“Now you’ve got a life outside of him. He barely registers.

” I bite the inside of my cheek, wanting to deny it, but he just keeps talking.

“And you like it, letting people in. I can see it. You’re letting yourself have something outside of revenge. ”

I shake my head, but I can’t argue with him, because the words are stuck in my throat. It feels too big, too much.

“All I’m asking is… let yourself keep liking it. Really try . Not just for me, for you.”

I look away from him and lock my gaze on the ceiling above my bunk, tracing every shadow, every line, as if I focus hard enough, I can keep the pressure from cracking me open.

“Can you give me that promise, Speedbump?” His tone is even, but his hope behind the words is obvious.

God, it hurts to breathe. I want to say yes, I want to give him that.

“I…” My voice breaks. “I can’t.”

Not yet, something inside me screams, and Dane seems to know because he doesn’t push. He leans back like he knows I’m hanging on by threads, and any more talk will send me falling. “The offer stands.”

The quiet between us settles again, but the space between us feels softer than it’s been in weeks.

Not quite as suffocating.

Not quite as sharp.

“Okay,” I whisper.

It’s barely a sound, but it’s all I can give him.

Give myself.