Page 112 of Bring Me Your Midnight

“I’m glad to hear it.”

I motion him over, and Landon sits down on the couch beside me. I lightly take his hand, and he looks down at it with a confused expression.

“Landon, I can’t marry you.” Once the words are out of my mouth, the heaviness I’ve been carrying begins to ease. I take a deep breath.

He studies me as if trying to discern how serious I am. “Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to worry that you will fear me our whole marriage. I don’t want you to have to try to love me.”

“I value honesty; that’s why I said those things. But this marriage has never been about love. It has always been about duty, and that comes first. It must come first.”

I look down, because he’s voicing something I used to believe about myself, that duty mattered more than anything else. I was wrong. “But it doesn’t come first. Not for me.”

Landon shakes his head, pulling his hand from mine. “Tana, I will treat you well. I will do right by you and our families. I will swim with you and teach you to ride and help you build a life onthe mainland. You and I have been walking the same path our entire lives, carrying the same expectation. We understand each other. This is a foundation we can build a fulfilling life upon.”

“I know you would treat me well. That has never been a question,” I say. “You think you understand me because of the role I’m meant to play, but I’m more than that. I want to be more than that.”

He exhales, heavy and loud. “What more is there?”

The memory surges in my mind, images of powerful magic and intense glances and fragile touches, a love so strong it broke every restraint I’d ever put on myself. “So much more.”

Landon stands and begins to pace. “There are things in life that are bigger than the individual. Bigger than you and bigger than me. This is one of those things. Don’t ruin everything our families have worked to build.”

“It doesn’t have to be ruined. Your father is the most powerful person on the mainland. You could find another suitable match, someone from one of our coven’s original families. I’m the most obvious choice, but I’m not the only one.” I stand and gently touch his hand. “You could choose who to spend your life with, Landon. Someone who believes in the same things you do.”

He looks at me then. “I thought you were that person.”

My gaze falls to the floor. “I did, too.”

We’re both quiet for a moment, standing in the truth that I am unable to do the one thing I was meant for. Then Landon speaks. “My father will never agree to this. I cannot force you into a marriage, nor would I want to, but you must know what this will do to our alliance.”

I look out the window at the waves hitting the shore in the distance. “What if you put the blame on me? Told your father you’ve discovered something that would make me an unsuitable wife? You can control the narrative, and I will not contradict you. This alliance can still happen.”

“You would risk your reputation for this?”

“I already am,” I say. “I will be extraordinarily disliked before the day is out. Nothing you come up with will hurt as much as that.”

“I don’t understand,” Landon says, looking out at all the witches waiting for my Covenant to begin. “But I won’t press you any further. I want this alliance, and I will ensure my father believes that you are not the appropriate wife to forge it with.”

I nod. “You may speak of me however you need to.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to leave before your Covenant.” He walks to the door, pauses, and looks back at me. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Take care of yourself, Landon.”

He nods once, exiting the room without another word. A moment later, Ivy enters.

“He looks like he’s leaving,” she says, her eyes following Landon.

“He is.”

She rushes over to me, and her voice shakes when she speaks. “What did you do?”

“Something my parents will be very unhappy about.”

Ivy stares at me, her eyes wide and hurt and scared. “Are you sure about this?”

I take her hands in mine. “I wish I were as selfless as you are, Ivy. I wish I believed in this life as much as you do. But there’s something out there I believe in more, and I know it isn’t right, but I can’t ignore it. I wish I could.”